How hard is to take your wife on dates?

[Pandora]

I don't know man but if you had frame in the relationship, you took the time to vet her properly, you didn't rush to marriage, and you were always the leader, why wouldn't you keep frame? If you stop being attractive, a leader, bad with money, no ambition, that's on you, burden of performance remember?

My closest married guy friends:

1. Was an alpha, dated multiple women, got one pregnant at 32, had to get married, now fat, while his wife hot.

2. Had a motorcycle, was friends before lovers, got ger pregnant had to get married.

3. Married an undocumented chick who can't bear any children, but he wants, she's 32 now, typical beta ****.

4. Was with her since 18, she turned out to be a crazy batch since the beginning, he was a plow horse, she never helped him with anything, now has 2 daughters.

I guess they don't have any desire to date their wives, but again, they chose them as wives, still men's fault. And then they all tell me to get married cause is wonderful.

I hear ya man but you have to consider this. Even the super hero eventually becomes mundane. Your wife will have seen all of your weakness's and flaws over the course of 40 yrs. Everyone is human. You cant keep frame 24/7 over 40 yrs. Tom Brady etc etc

Also, the bad boy loses his novelty over 40 yrs. She knows you too well. You will also lose frame because you are a father. It is very difficult to be this super sexy bad boy when you are changing diapers.

Lastly, the women just gets bored. People change a lot over 40 yrs. Who the woman was at 23 is not the woman she will be at 43.
Im not saying you are wrong but I a saying it is harder than it sounds to keep frame as a married man. Just the fact you married her makes you lose points in her head. Uncertainty is sexy.

* i do agree that many men dont help their situations by getting fat etc*

 

[LTG71]

Married men spend their weekends going to Home Depot or Bed Bath and Beyond. They are dealing with the dogs and the wife. Compound the problem if they have children. There's now a mix of married men with children and married men without children among my local area friends.

It's never spoken of openly. It's also partly why I don't see a lot of my married man friends.

This made me laugh, thanks bro. Yes, this describes the life of a married man with a house and children. It’s never a dull moment. Spending weekends on house projects or raising kids, takes all of your time. From once the kids are born until they are teenagers, it’s a huge time sink. And finding a babysitter was a pain in the a$$. Now that my kids are teenagers, its gotten a lot easier. I have more free time now to spend with friends and take my wife places. The most comical conversation I have with unmarried, childless friends is what they would do differently. You have to live it to appreciate the amount of work it takes.

 

[SW15]

The most comical conversation I have with unmarried, childless friends is what they would do differently.

Why comical? What would they do different? I'm 39, never married, and childless. I believe my stress level would have been higher with children. If I had gotten married between 24-32, that marriage likely would be over or on its last legs.

From once the kids are born until they are teenagers, it’s a huge time sink. And finding a babysitter was a pain in the a$$. Now that my kids are teenagers, its gotten a lot easier.

My local area friends with kids all have young children under 3. I have some cousins and friends from college/previous cities who have older kids but not teens yet. I agree that kids are a big time sink.

 

[LTG71]

Why comical? What would they do different? I'm 39, never married, and childless. I believe my stress level would have been higher with children. If I had gotten married between 24-32, that marriage likely would be over or on its last legs.

Making comments without merit since they’ve never had to deal with the experience first hand is what I meant by comical. Things like, why cart them around on weekends for group sports, why go to school events, why celebrate their accomplishments, why stay up late to help them with homework, list goes on and on.

One dad-to-be was touting that they were going to use cloth diapers to save the environment. I told him when you are up at 3am, half asleep, wiping a$$, you won’t want to be scraping crap off a nasty diaper. You’ll want to get your business done as quickly and painlessly. Guess what, they used them once and said fuk this. I have three kids and easily went through 500 diapers a month. I recall there was a 220 pack at Costco and I had to buy two boxes or more each month. The only thing cloth diapers are good for is waxing my car. Me and this new dad have a different connection now, since we’ve had to face the same challenges. His wife thought they needed to take their kid to a psychologist because he started acting up. I laughed and said, “nah, he’s going through “terrible twos”, most kids become little azzholes at that age. All part of their development.”

i confirm and guarantee your stress levels and responsibilities go through the roof. And yes, it becomes a huge shift in your connections with friends. Your life and responsibilities shift and you tend to spend more time with people going through the same phase of life. My wife and I would take turns letting each other spend time with other friends to get a break and to maintain those connections.

 

[member160761]

When I was single in my late 20’s and early 30’s the landscape with my male friends and their new wives changed.

Its because you are deemed a wild card as a single unattached male, a potential wife-fracker.

You’re deemed an unacceptable risk, it’s never spoken of openly, but it’s true.

That's what even "men" in my (church) communities think about me. Granted, these are the weak males who are more emotional than their wives. I'd be also afraid my wife would cheat on me if I'd have no balls. Then these males want to "compete" with me about some bull****. For Christ's sake, don't be a *****, that's all your wives are asking for.

 

[BeExcellent]

Agree with @Barrister. It’s a great deal of work the whole kid thing. It can be exhausting and there are days where you wonder how on Earth you’ll get through it, and you just DO.

However. It depends squarely on who you marry. What your priorities are. What her priorities are. My priority has always been my man. So with my first husband we always made it a priority to be a couple first. We had sex just about daily (over 20 years), went out alone (found sitters and nannies as needed) and were always a couple first and parents second and business people 3rd.

Even though the marriage did not survive my first husband’s clinical depression over many years (resulting from his business failures early on), I still wanted to be a good wife. You can’t love someone who won’t love themselves etc., so that came to its logical end (and he is STILL clinically depressed)…..

With my fiancé it’s about us as a couple first, and family obligations second. We are lucky in that we have teens at home so they can hold down the fort while we go out. We do some things with them and more things without them. And now too they have friends and relationships of their own too, which is the natural evolution.

Being married is not understandable to those who have never married and being a parent is exponentially less understandable to those who have not been parents. As a previously married parent with a never married non parent that has been an interesting landscape to navigate successfully at times. If you have not had those heavy commitments and responsibilities in your life you simply do not have the frame of reference required to “get it.” You just don’t, period.

That’s OK. People need to recognize the limits of their understanding is all.

As to women worrying about their husbands going out with single men? It’s somewhat justified. What do single men often enjoy? Cruising for women. No wife wants her husband out on the sarge with single men anymore than any husband wants his wife out with single chicks cruising for men.

Think about other perspectives. Go have dinner with your married friends with their families if you want to maintain the friendship. Meet your buddy for burgers somewhere that the kids can play or amuse themselves. Otherwise let it go as a different life stages thing.

Marrieds have very different priorities than singles. It is what it is.

 

[Murk]

That's why I refuse to have kids before my business turns over £700,000-£800,000 in a calendar year. Nearly there.