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Help on my cousin's case

manfrombelow

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Sounds like a bit of jealousy coming through if I'm honest, this is your family, where I come from people who insult their own family are liable to insult anybody and not to be trusted.
If people give me reasons to insult them, I will - no matter if they're family or strangers.

Do you know that I stopped all contact with my toxic father, and limited my interaction to the minimum with my almost-as-toxic mother? I think it's even worse than some verbal insults.

But, in this particular case, if you think I'm jealous with a dude that's stuck in a much more sh!tty state of life than I am, and also someone who I'm trying to help as man-to-man, while it's not my duty or obligation to help him, just because of my vulgar language, then it's your problem, buddy - not mine.

If there's already a toilet in your head, you'll see sh!t everywhere.
 
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manfrombelow

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I tried to have some beer with the dude and showed him the thread, to the latest comments.

He understood. The guy's not stupid. He's numb, weak, and depressed - but he's not stupid.

So he said he'll try to hit the gym, take some classes that teach some essential office skills, eat healthy, decrease the amount of cigarettes he takes daily... all to crawl back up again, to "give his relationship one last chance" because he still feels like he kind of "owes" his gf a lot for not being to live up to her expectation (WTF?).

I then told him I respect his choice, and also remind him that, if he really wants to make this choice, then make sure he'll withstand all the nagging and verbal disrespect from his gf from time to time, cause that's the price to pay.

And I told him that all the self-development he's gonna do from now, he should do it for the sake of himself, not his gf or anyone else.

So I guess this thread served its purpose. The dude made a conscious choice of his own. And even though I still personally think it's a BS and sh!tty choice, lol, I think all we can do now, is to wait and see how things will turn out. This could be a very interesting case-study.

And of course I also reminded him that if he needs someone to listen to his stuff, he can reach me anytime.

Thank you all again gentlemen.
 
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CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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If people give me reasons to insult them, I will - no matter if they're family or strangers.

Do you know that I stopped all contact with my toxic father, and limited my interaction to the minimum with my almost-as-toxic mother? I think it's even worse than some verbal insults.

But, in this particular case, if you think I'm jealous with a dude that's stuck in a much more sh!tty state of life than I am, and also someone who I'm trying to help as man-to-man, while it's not my duty or obligation to help him, just because of my vulgar language, then it's your problem, buddy - not mine.

If there's already a toilet in your head, you'll see sh!t everywhere.
Well if we're purely speaking man-to-man, as you claim we are, the observation shouldn't cause you to get all defensive, it should cause you to look critically at the situation... People who don't have family have a real tough time getting through life; this whole idea a man can be independent in life and he fruitful, it only extends so far, you need a butcher to carve the meat, a farmer to farm it, a cook to make a recipe... You need a builder to build your home, an electrician to wire it. The only reason we have access to all this is because we pay, but because we pay, we have this expectation that we are entitled to these things and that just isn't the case.

If you have relationships to leverage, you can pay less, get deals, barter even...

One of my buddies holds an endless grudge against me because he was raised by a broke single mother, I was raised by 2 parents who cared enough to prioritize me, but you can't have those priorities straight when all your trying to do is survive like his mom did. My buddy, he makes good money today, but he's got such a huge ego that all he wants to do is just default to what he knows and all he knows is survival, so he ends up talking negatively about every single person in his life, attempting to paint himself as something he just isn't and everyone can see through the illusion, people talk to each other, soon, not only was he alone, but he was hated... Life is hard enough trying to be independent, but when all the people who know you, begin to attempt to impede you, slow you down, stop you, attack you, your just plain fuuucked. Independence does not work if your surrounded by enemies, people who want to overcharge you, give you bad deals, do anything they can to hurt you, a whole network of these people WILL impede you, people are cunning and devious.
 

twelveightyone

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I think the bottom line is that this change must come from him. It seems that he is pretty far off from where he needs to be. "Drastic change requires drastic measures"

I have many friends in this same situation and they are stuck. Some things I can suggest to help:

- hitting the gym often
- figuring out a plan so that he isn't dependent on her
- eventually breaking it off with the woman once he is able to be on his own. find a new/better one after he finds himself
- counseling
 

manfrombelow

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BIG UPDATE:

So, after a big verbal fight, the poor dude broke up with his gf. He came to me right afterwards, we had some talk, some beer, I let him slept over, I worked out plans for him to move stuff from her apartment the following days, and I told him that righ now he's at rock bottom, but at least he won't have to bear such a mental burden anymore.

And I told him that, neither him or his gf are "bad" because of this. It's just that at this moment in time, they are not suitable for co-habitation. He doesn't have what she needs, and because of that she can't give him what he needs. The longer they stay, the more damage they'll do to one another.

So now he's being settle in his parent's house, which of course is also his home. Let's wish him all the best.
 

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BackInTheGame78

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I tried to have some beer with the dude and showed him the thread, to the latest comments.

He understood. The guy's not stupid. He's numb, weak, and depressed - but he's not stupid.

So he said he'll try to hit the gym, take some classes that teach some essential office skills, eat healthy, decrease the amount of cigarettes he takes daily... all to crawl back up again, to "give his relationship one last chance" because he still feels like he kind of "owes" his gf a lot for not being to live up to her expectation (WTF?).

I then told him I respect his choice, and also remind him that, if he really wants to make this choice, then make sure he'll withstand all the nagging and verbal disrespect from his gf from time to time, cause that's the price to pay.

And I told him that all the self-development he's gonna do from now, he should do it for the sake of himself, not his gf or anyone else.

So I guess this thread served its purpose. The dude made a conscious choice of his own. And even though I still personally think it's a BS and sh!tty choice, lol, I think all we can do now, is to wait and see how things will turn out. This could be a very interesting case-study.

And of course I also reminded him that if he needs someone to listen to his stuff, he can reach me anytime.

Thank you all again gentlemen.
We all pretty much know the way this will play out. He will give up his balls for this girl and put up with disrespect and she will eventually dump him when she loses enough of it for him.
 
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