Help needed from true DJ's

[chase123]

Puleez-Help needed from true DJ's

Prenote, been djing for a while, learned from mistakes in hs, got the looks and the attitude in college and was an athlete, now a professional, good looking (just telling the truth) and have women who always try to go out with me, always do but never interested in them.

Been attracted to this girl for over a year, but kept going out with other’s because she was she had a serious boyfriend who attended the same classes as I do. Unbelievable chemistry with this one, same likes, etc, she flirted forever but I wouldn’t mess with her cause she had a bf. They broke up and I still waited, then was at the same party and hooked up, all over each other. Went out, unbelievable time, when her ex found out he went nutz and was calling all the time. She got wishy washy, playing games, put my foot down and left her. She quit classes when I did this, totally disappeared and got back with her ex, but I ran into her a few times with my new gf and alone, was nice but distant. After 5 months, she show’d up a few weeks ago professing undying love, she was miserable with her bf, crying, couldn’t stand not seeing me, made a mistake etc…she knew she needed to earn my trust and would prove everything to me. Told her not to end it with him till she was sure, I was seeing someone as well. She kept after me, broke up w/her man, text messaging me millions a day, professing all these feelings, signed back up at class to see me, so I told her we’d try it.

Guess I made it too easy, cause three weeks later after a bunch of good dates (yeah, I spent too much time) staying the night, unbelievable chemistry, she all of a sudden got distant this week. Called crying saying I’m soo sorry, etc, I know you told me to take time and make sure what I wanted, but I’m soo confused. All of a sudden her reason for breaking up w/her ex was different, she’s not going back to him but he’s calling all the time, she doesn't know what she wants, her hearts with me but this is sooo fast, we need to take a step back, she got out of a year relationship and didn't want to rush into another one....... Her actions aren’t following her words. I turned it around immediately, like you are all about rushing, I was like, you know, you are totally right, I don’t want to rush into anything either, I told you this would happen, etc, turned the tables back on her. Then she got confused, well what are we?? What do you mean, you don’t’ have the feelings for me you said?? Etc. I just told her I didn’t want to rush anything, didn’t want to do the same things…….felt the same but didn't want to do the same bs we did before, I left it up to her. All of a sudden she didn’t want to end things, but wanted no strings. I agreed because I didn’t’ know what else to do, it came as a shock. Told her she could call me, etc. Then last night at class, I walk in say hi, go about my business with my friends, don't sweat her and as I’m leaving she’s running up and like, omg, you are sooo sexy sweaty, you’re turning me on.. I mean what’s up with this girl? She hasn't called, but is going back into the chase mode it seems like, still unsure. If I’m still interested (which I shouldn’t be but I think it’s oneitis, what should I do???) Just keep distancing myself from her? Let her call me?? I plan on finding a new few to keep messing with to take up my time, and I know I broke some rules, but is this salvageable??? DJ’s, help me out here.

 

[jdr120]

Seems to me that she is flaking out... It's good that you realize your mistakes (seeing her alot when you got back with her).. She preaches all these love feelings, so you just go along with it (I mean hey why not, you enjoy spending time with her..), until she realizes that the challange is gone... What you need to do is completely stop seeing/talking with her... OR control the pace of the relationship.. make her chase you... take it slow by only seeing her once a week (outside of class). See a few other girls as well, just for fun! You have to break the dreaded pattern of her bouncing back and forth between you and her ex... and if she goes back to her ex one more time.. then you should leave her alone... Just my thoughts...

 

[NewMan]

It sound like you were no longer a challenge.

It's sounds like you wanted her for so long (over a year?) that when she finally caved, you were like flies around sh#t.

You've got to be a challenge.

Is not that why she came up to you at the end of the class telling you you turned her on?

Why?

Becuase you were all over her?

Nope - because you told her you wanted to back off - that you should be casual...


Hey - your a challenge.

Don't hand it to her on a plate.

It's not easy to do - but see her once a week. Don;t be available for her.

Make her want it.

Make her work for it.

She'll appreciate it more.


By the way - for someone who says he's picky, you've not been very picky with this chick.

She's a mental case. Going back and forth like a yo yo.

Fvcking he ex, then you, then her ex and now wanting to fvck you again.

This chick will fvck around on you in a heartbeat. She's no class.

That's just a warning from my observations.

Your relationship will end and she'll be fvcking someone else a day later.


I'd say do what your doing (casual relationship) fvck her - but don't get involved.

Over and out.

 

[Alpha male Female Catcher]

Personally I like your attitude, I think you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Yeah you may have made some mistakes but hey we're only human even the best of us.

Sounds like the old story of we want what we can't have, we run from what chases after us and chase after what runs from us. From now on you need to do the running and let the other guy doing the chasing (by the sound of things she reacts well to this tactic).

You say "I plan on finding a new few to keep messing with to take up my time" yes very important to find some other girls that you are genuinely and I mean genuinely interested in on a par with her. Oneitus really is deadly (even if you eventually want an LTR).

"but is this salvageable" - does it matter? I think thats your oneitus speaking there. Still lets do something more challenging than a simple 'nexting' here (unless you are too at risk of being sucked in and unable to escape from the old oneitus black hole but you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders).

You say at the start that you are "good looking (just telling the truth) and have women who always try to go out with me" this is good as this is what you need. The push for an LTR needs to come from her (though she does sound somewhat on the flaky side so as to wether thats a good idea is another matter). The reason she will want (or might want) an LTR with you is because you've turned the tables on her and now she is competing with all the hot competition for you. In other words play the old jealousy card.

She needs to be struggling to convince you of the merits of an exclusive dating relationship not the other way around and you need to be finding this a 'tough ask' considering all the hot chicks you'd have to turn away to comply (and it needs to be genuinely true because women are such good body language/mind readers). Well that's my 2c anyway.

 

[chase123]

totally agree, but what about the calls to see each other? Since I told her to call me if she wanted to see me, shouldn't I let her respond to me and give her space?? I need to make myself less available no doubt.

And as far as confusing her, when she talks **** to me in class flirt back? or differ it up, like one day attention, next day none? this is a weird situation, just want to handle it right.

 

[Dirtheart]

I was in a very similar situation last year and that woman messed me around so badly it left me a right mess, and she sure as hell isn't with me any more.

I'm going to tell you what I think you should do and not what you want to hear. This girl has been a b1tch messing you around like that. She does not deserve your attention, your friendship or even politeness. If she tries flirting with you or calling you, brush her off, snub her, just make sure she knows you're not putting up with it.

I highly doubt she is the nice girl you want to believe she is. She's using you and her ex, and is definitely ego-tripping at your expense.

Be the jerk (although with good reason) and watch her come rushing back. Or just get her out of your life. Personally, after all the sh!t I put up with last year I'd do both and keep her tagging behind me while looking for someone else.

btw. I wrote a theory a few months back about this kind of situation:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?threadid=50345&highlight=theory+oneitis

 

[OpenMind]

This girl is an attention wh0re.... minimal contact with her on your terms should keep her in check but this one is definately not emotionally available and not LTR material.

Since it is obvious you have oneitis or will soon, I would highly recommend walking away from this one to avoid a potential disaster.. Women like this are very dangerous and can bring even a tough man down quickly...

 

[NewMan]

If she's flirting with you - flirt with her back - hell yes.

I've said this many times - but it is a mental game.

If you can flirt with her - tease her and C&F her - then you golden. But don't get emotionally involved and don't read into anything she does.

So basically go about your business.

This will be over if you act needy or desperate. What she wants to here from you - is for you to ask her out - or invite her to a party etc....

She wants to know she can own you.

Flirt her and fvck with her mind - but don't give her the power.

 

[OpenMind]

But don't get emotionally involved and don't read into anything she does.

Its too late for that.. he already is.. at this point he just needs to walk away.. let this be a learning experience for the next chick...

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Sounds like you are handling this just right.

But as OpenMind noted, you have to keep your feelings in check here because if you don't, you will start doing things wrong and you will get stomped on.

Keeping your cool is so important in this DJ game/life. It makes you do things right and it protects your heart. And the funny thing is, that this is what chicks really want from us anyway so it is one of the win-win situations.

 

[chase123]

Sounds like a plan, either way I'll be distancing myself and hardening up, I don't want to make seeing her in class a bad thing because that's been done before, just being cold and an ass and it made her miserable, but didn't accomplish anything but make class weird. Just gonna be indifferent, she talks smack, I'll do the same.....
but just not cater to her needs. New Man, when you say she wants me to ask her out etc....... don't do it am I right? I mean, she said what she wanted, so see how she likes it?? She won't be getting the attention/time she likes, and truth be told she is a really insecure person. She wanted space, wasn't sure anymore, so I'm letting her have it and I told her she could call me, her interest level will pick up and if it doesn't....... I'm definitely not gonna chase her. Any other thoughts??? And open mind, you've got great points, but I need some time to get my head clear and harden up so I can deal with this and not show emotion (i'm pretty good when it comes to a poker face and distancing myself), but the article you wrote is definitely right on the head, but we've been down that road before

 

[NewMan]

when you say she wants me to ask her out etc....... don't do it am I right? I mean, she said what she wanted, so see how she likes it?? She won't be getting the attention/time she likes, and truth be told she is a really insecure person.

My thoughts are don't ask her out. Don't spend the time with her - and any attention on her.

She thrives on attention.

I think it will drive her crazy.

Get out there and get on some dates - be busy. So busy that you hardly have time to talk to her.

That's going to drive her mad - since her self worth seems to be driven by the amount of attention she get's from guys.

 

[princelydeeds]

My advice is do not date this chick or treat her like a Queen in any way shape or form. Treat her like the B!tch she is. Never ever never take her anywhere public. Call her when you are horny. Sex her then don't call her for a week.

My advice only applies if you can handle the distance. It sounds to me like you are kind of into her so if you can't handle the sex and no commitment without getting attached, stay away from her. You have to be hard with this chick, and not just your penis.

This chick is a head case. She is the epitome of all that I hate in women. IMHo, she is only worth a nut. That nut would only come at my convenience. Flaunt other women in her face and you'll see just how much she gets turned on. This chick wants to compete over you, her thrill comes from the chase, not the catch. Never let her catch you and she'll chase you until the next tempting flavor comes along.

 

[bigstik]

If you need more reassurance on why you should not pursue a LTR with this girl, then just read my thread.

And this one too, my girl not over her ex.

Your story resembles mine alot. This girl actually wanted me , for like years. She'd see me out and just stare. Every now and then she'd say something, but I'd just treat it like a lame pick up line. She was with some other hot shot dude at the time, off and on. They were together for like a year. After they broke up, a couple months went by, and finally it happened. DUM DUM DUM DUM.

I gave her my number. Man. Oh man. What a connection and friendship, and great sex. But now I have dealt with all of her **** and baggage from her cheating egocentric ex. As well as her fear to get into anything that will leave her vulnerable.

But after taking her back (oh did she come crying back, after I let her go, multiple times), she just keeps letting me down. And now I am a mess.

If you don't believe me, just read the first thread I linked you to. And feel free to add comments, I need them like hell right now. I am going right out of my fvucking head right now.

Fvuking women and their fvuking baggage.

 

[chase123]

Dude, it sounds similar although we don't have all the same background. This woman stares a hole through me wherever we are, especially if I'm not paying her attention. And she's been cheated on by every serious boyfriend she had, and her dad doesn't show her attention. That's no excuse I know, just some background. Have class tonight so I'm just doing the same thing.

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by chase123

This woman stares a hole through me wherever we are, especially if I'm not paying her attention. And she's been cheated on by every serious boyfriend she had, and her dad doesn't show her attention.

This is the classic "Daddy-Failed-to-Show-the-Love-So-I'll-Get-it-With-You...and you and you and you". Unless a guy is madly chasing her, she's not happy. When she is happy with a guy. it's short lived because it doesn't satisfy the acceptance & love she didn't get from Daddy. She starts acting flakey, to inspire the BF to "chase".

Plus, if she's been cheated on, this only serves to reinforce the "He-Doesn't-Love-Me-I'm-Not-Worthy" mindset. This only makes her more flakey. Unless you are a psycology major and plan to do therapy with this girl, I'd suggest you not date her anymore.

Flakes are for breakfast cereal!

 

[OpenMind]

Chase, the most important thing you can do is be very honest with yourself about this situation. You know your current interest level in this woman and you need to just admit to yourself if you can handle playing around with this woman and be detached emotionally from her at the same time. Think about this one.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you think you are going to get hooked in more emotionally or already are hooked in. In the long run if you are hooked or think you will be, walking away now before things get worse will be your best option. If you want to play around and learn some things, do yourself a favor and save it for the next chick...

My personal opinion is that your are in over your head at this point and are much better off just cutting your losses and finding someone else with integrity as this chick has none... just my 2 cents..

 

[WorldTraveller]

Very simple. Your quote: "Her actions aren’t following her words."

Now... consider VERY carefully and seriously whether you want a person like this in your life or not. I certainly don't.

Yes... you're suffering a freaking oneitis case (just like me at this time, as a matter of fact)

Good luck!

 

[chase123]

I didn't even have to read your posts because I realized a lot of that last night. I was sitting there and got extremely pissed off, for the simple fact that I broke my rules and have been through this before. I know how it usually goes, I don't show attention she runs back for a little bit, and since I figured a sane person would never do the same things again, I bought it. However, I realized last night when I did get mad that this happened before, she hasn't called and it'll take her a day or two not hearing from me and talking to other guys, then she'll suddenly realize what she's done, be miserable, flirt harder in class, get her friends to talk to me about how miserable she is and made a mistake........and if I go about it again she'll get comfortable. Her ex was in the driver's seat after he cheated with her until she came around me again (who he's threatened of because I took her one time). "he's my best friend, i don't wanna hurt him, etc) everyone know's we've been dating but him. She went back w/him for a long time last time because I wouldn't put up w/her bs, then bam.......she can't live w/out me. when she gets what she wanted w/out resistance she doesn't know how she feels and gets comf. enough knowing how I feel to play around and not know. I really wanted to call her last night, extremely wanted to call and it just pissed me off....... f that. I know she'll come around and want to talk, go out and discuss, or offer sex, but not happening hopefully. I want to cuss her out and tell her to f off, but can't unless she calls me...it'd be pointless because she wouldn't care, but i do want to tell her off for some reason, and that's not like me, i never lose my temper. I don't know if it's very dj, but I don't know what else to do with this disrespect. There's no section in the DJ Bible about telling someone to f off nicely, and I've never dealt with this before. Any suggestions?

 

[WorldTraveller]

There's no section in the DJ Bible about telling someone to f off nicely, and I've never dealt with this before. Any suggestions?

When she calls tell her you're going to be real busy for like the next... 20 years?