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Help me to understand, what was my mistake? (if I made one)

Hank Moody

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I think it's a good move, what do you think of what EyeBRollin said?
@EyeBRollin is full of good advice. It's up to you. Can't go wrong either way. For the most part, yeah, I wouldn't put much effort into this one.

@mikedee where would you rate yourself in the looks department, scale of 1-10?

I ask because, I get the suspicion that some guys on here may be trying to spar outside their weight class, if you know what I mean.
 

Velasco

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First date = present yourself as a fun charming sexual guy. Find out where she lives.

Second date = set date close to her place (since you know you cant bring her back to your place anyway). Invite yourself to her place under plausible deniability of watching a movie+cuddles.
 

mikedee

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@EyeBRollin is full of good advice. It's up to you. Can't go wrong either way. For the most part, yeah, I wouldn't put much effort into this one.

@mikedee where would you rate yourself in the looks department, scale of 1-10?

I ask because, I get the suspicion that some guys on here may be trying to spar outside their weight class, if you know what I mean.
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, thanks guys. I will think about it, but like you said I'm not gonna put too much effort..

Physically? 8.5 or a 9 for some girls.
I'm 6.2, almost 200 lbs, athletic, people often say I should model or become an actor, I dress well, I'm in my mid 30s and I look like 25. But I don't think I look that good to be honest, it's just the feedback I get.

Why are you asking?
 

mikedee

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First date = present yourself as a fun charming sexual guy. Find out where she lives.

Second date = set date close to her place (since you know you cant bring her back to your place anyway). Invite yourself to her place under plausible deniability of watching a movie+cuddles.
That's what I used to do back home, I live in a different country now, I have some logistic problems. But yes that is the good sequence.
 

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Hank Moody

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I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, thanks guys. I will think about it, but like you said I'm not gonna put too much effort..

Physically? 8.5 or a 9 for some girls.
I'm 6.2, almost 200 lbs, athletic, people often say I should model or become an actor, I dress well, I'm in my mid 30s and I look like 25. But I don't think I look that good to be honest, it's just the feedback I get.

Why are you asking?
I wasn't doubting you. I do doubt some others on this forum, though.

A good-looking guy like you shouldn't have any problems with stuff like this. If you're a 9 to her, she should be trying to climb thru your bedroom window every night.
 

Baibars

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No, she already made up her mind about you. She might hit you up after Chad pumps and dumps her. But do you really want that? Its for your own well being to just move on.
if we would internalise this there would be far less problems. She made her mind about you so why keep trying with that girl? It’s not even a bad thing that she made up her mind. I had many job interviews last year and the majority of them didn’t hire me. That’s just how it is. You don’t care about a particular option and move on to the next.
 

SirBigBell

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A girl on Tinder has many options, resulting in her having a short attention span. You can appear interesting for one or two dates, but then she gets attention from a better option and she starts to contemplate upgrading.
I always advise dudes to hit that coochie at the earliest opportunity. If you cant host her and she cant host you, then book a damn hotel or ask a friend to give you a base for a few hours or something! That was the biggest mistake you made. You dithered on plating up that steak.
 

manfrombelow

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At the end of the second date, I told her I would have like to invite her at my place but unfortunately I could not because I live in a university dorm and it's close for non resident due to COVID (she knew that I lived in a dorm already and was fine with that) so I suggested to go to her place, she hesitated and refused, I think she wasn't ready after only 2 dates (they are more conservative in this country), I didn't react, all good, see you. 3rd she had to go home earlier because her mother was coming early in the morning to spend the day with her (her mother lives in another city). All good. 4th date, the date was ok but I could feel that interest was dropping a bit but it was still a good date, less novelty a more comfort, we still kissed at the end of the date. The week after we didn't met because she was getting ready to go in a big festival for a week in another city. I texted her the day before the departure and she only answered the next day, which was very unusual, during the week she had been distant too, I thought she was just busy at work (she always said she was busy at work, but still could find time to text me) Anyway. Every time we dated we kissed (hot make outs). After date 4, I deleted my tinder account but didn't told her, she probably noticed it.

I didn't text her last week while she at the festival. she got back on Sunday I think and I texted her on Monday (yesterday) to ask her if she was back (So you're back), she saw the message and silence. At that point I know it was dead. I texted her an hour ago, telling her that finally 2 virgos can't be in a relationship (kind of callback humor to restart a dialog, we had that conversation many times, it was a running gag between us, we are both Virgo) just to see what she would respond, I had to intention to win her back really, I was just curious. She said that the kind of relationship we could have is not what she wanted right now in her life. I didn't understand, I thought that maybe she wanted to have fun but she rejected me on the second date and we were already on day 4, so I said I'm not sure to understand, what kind of relationship do you want: serious or sex (not in these words). She said serious, I said I thought we were on that path and she said that she thinks it's impossible for us right now to have a relationship, I asked why? No reply.. Please don't say you got needy bla bla, I know I shouldn't have texted her today and everything but I did and it was not out of neediness or desperation, I knew that I had lost the girl the week before. I'm fine with that, not a nice feeling but I'm ok.
She is the type of girl who post stories 24/7, she is really active on instagram (she doesn't have a lot of followers though), I never followed her, not sure if it's an important detail but...

Where/When did I fvck up? am I missing something? I'm a bit confused to be honest. It's ok because she was not 100% my type after all, I was loosing interest too but I didn't show it (I think), i don't want it to happen again. Maybe she met a guy at the festival, or I don't know. what do you think?

thanks guys!
As a fellow man, I am more than glad to help you out, but please, at least make your post AS-SHORT-AS-POSSIBLE when you need input and insight from others to help you.

The following are your mistakes:

1. You did not have sex with her in the 2nd and 3rd date. I don't care what the reason was. You did not penetrate her, hence her Interest Level dropped at date 4.

2. You texted her between dates too much. And when she finally ignored your texts, you texted her again saying BS about how two virgos can't be in a relationship. This right here was needy, clingy, and butthurt behaviour.


I hope you now have learned, and accept, that a woman's interest level for a man is very short. So, whenever you're in date with a woman, you must always aim to the endgame that is SEX. The longer you wait for sex to happen between the two of you, the quicker she loses interest in you. Forget all about the "Serious Relationship" BS, that's not what you, or she wanted. You both wanted to fvck like animals, that's what you wanted. But you didn't give it (sex) to her. Hence she ghosted you.
 
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manfrombelow

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She just texted me that I look like a guy who doesn't want a serious relationship.

Hank, what would you do/say?
Typical gaslighting. She doesn't want a serious relationship WITH YOU, hence she "blamed" it on you.

Remember, everytime a chick throws out BS like "I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now" or "I'm not ready to date right now" you always add "WITH YOU" at the end of their sentences.

Which means, she is not ready to be in a relationship right now WITH YOU, and she is not ready to date right now WITH YOU.

Come on man. This is supposed to be common sense.
 

mikedee

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Typical gaslighting. She doesn't want a serious relationship WITH YOU, hence she "blamed" it on you.

Remember, everytime a chick throws out BS like "I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now" or "I'm not ready to date right now" you always add "WITH YOU" at the end of their sentences.

Which means, she is not ready to be in a relationship right now WITH YOU, and she is not ready to date right now WITH YOU.

Come on man. This is supposed to be common sense.
I should have tried harder to have sekc with her, that's my mistake I think. And/or she met another dude on Tinder. Although I agree with all of you, none of you took consideration of the cultural differences, you can say whatever you want, but here in Russia it doesnt work like in North America. The cultural differences are real. But yes I did a few mistakes.

Thanks guy! I just nexted her.
 

manfrombelow

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I should have tried harder to have sekc with her, that's my mistake I think. And/or she met another dude on Tinder. Although I agree with all of you, none of you took consideration of the cultural differences, you can say whatever you want, but here in Russia it doesnt work like in North America. The cultural differences are real. But yes I did a few mistakes.

Thanks guy! I just nexted her.
Tough love might not be what you want, but it's definitely what you NEED.

Black bold: Sorry pal, as long as she has a vagina and likes d!cks, she's a female. And female nature is the same everywhere, way above any differences in culture. I'm from a way more conservative and under-developed country in Asia, and trust me, all women are fvcking THE SAME if you know which button to press aka The Game.

Red bold: Sorry pal, under your circumstance, it's you who were nexted by her the moment she chose to ignore your texts, not vice versa. Stop being butthurt, and stop any effort to mental wank yourself.
 

mikedee

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Tough love might not be what you want, but it's definitely what you NEED.

Black bold: Sorry pal, as long as she has a vagina and likes d!cks, she's a female. And female nature is the same everywhere, way above any differences in culture. I'm from a way more conservative and under-developed country in Asia, and trust me, all women are fvcking THE SAME if you know which button to press aka The Game.

Red bold: Sorry pal, under your circumstance, it's you who were nexted by her the moment she chose to ignore your texts, not vice versa. Stop being butthurt, and stop any effort to mental wank yourself.
disappointed yes, but not butthurt. If you've never lived abroad (different culture) then you can't understand, female nature may be the same, but women aren't all the same, sorry.
I nexted her = I moved on
Thanks for your help, I'll try not to do the same mistakes next time.
 

manfrombelow

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If you've never lived abroad (different culture) then you can't understand, female nature may be the same, but women aren't all the same, sorry.
That was quick of you to automatically assume I've never lived abroad.

And yes, they are.

Best of lucks in your future endeavor, pal.
 

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RangerMIke

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No need to ghost her, I voluntarily killed any chances for her to get back to me in my text today, It's all good. It's past already. Just want to know what happened.
You didn't do anything wrong. She just lost interest... why she lost interest isn't really important there is a VERY good chance that this has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with her, or some stupid chick BS going on in her life.

Just keep being the best man you can... invited chicks into your life, and the ones that REALLY like you will make things easy. @Hank Moody is right... just move on and for God's sake, stop obsessing over some stupid chick who can't figure out what she wants... you are better than that and you deserve to be treated better.

Don't get ticked off or disappointed about this, this is what chicks do... the hotter and younger she is, the more this happens.
 

bat soup

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I started to date a girl from tinder 1.5 month ago. We had 4 dates (1 date per week on Friday or Saturday), until date #4 she was really interested, she used to text me everyday and double text, send pictures, videos. At the end of the second date, I told her I would have like to invite her at my place but unfortunately I could not because I live in a university dorm and it's close for non resident due to COVID (she knew that I lived in a dorm already and was fine with that) so I suggested to go to her place, she hesitated and refused, I think she wasn't ready after only 2 dates (they are more conservative in this country), I didn't react, all good, see you. 3rd she had to go home earlier because her mother was coming early in the morning to spend the day with her (her mother lives in another city). All good. 4th date, the date was ok but I could feel that interest was dropping a bit but it was still a good date, less novelty a more comfort, we still kissed at the end of the date. The week after we didn't met because she was getting ready to go in a big festival for a week in another city. I texted her the day before the departure and she only answered the next day, which was very unusual, during the week she had been distant too, I thought she was just busy at work (she always said she was busy at work, but still could find time to text me) Anyway. Every time we dated we kissed (hot make outs). After date 4, I deleted my tinder account but didn't told her, she probably noticed it.

I didn't text her last week while she at the festival. she got back on Sunday I think and I texted her on Monday (yesterday) to ask her if she was back (So you're back), she saw the message and silence. At that point I know it was dead. I texted her an hour ago, telling her that finally 2 virgos can't be in a relationship (kind of callback humor to restart a dialog, we had that conversation many times, it was a running gag between us, we are both Virgo) just to see what she would respond, I had to intention to win her back really, I was just curious. She said that the kind of relationship we could have is not what she wanted right now in her life. I didn't understand, I thought that maybe she wanted to have fun but she rejected me on the second date and we were already on day 4, so I said I'm not sure to understand, what kind of relationship do you want: serious or sex (not in these words). She said serious, I said I thought we were on that path and she said that she thinks it's impossible for us right now to have a relationship, I asked why? No reply.. Please don't say you got needy bla bla, I know I shouldn't have texted her today and everything but I did and it was not out of neediness or desperation, I knew that I had lost the girl the week before. I'm fine with that, not a nice feeling but I'm ok.
She is the type of girl who post stories 24/7, she is really active on instagram (she doesn't have a lot of followers though), I never followed her, not sure if it's an important detail but...

Where/When did I fvck up? am I missing something? I'm a bit confused to be honest. It's ok because she was not 100% my type after all, I was loosing interest too but I didn't show it (I think), i don't want it to happen again. Maybe she met a guy at the festival, or I don't know. what do you think?

thanks guys!
I think her behaviour was showing low interest from at least the 3rd date already.

2nd date... didn't want to go home with you
3rd due... had to leave early (bs excuses)

Then she made excuses to avoid seeing you for a week and ended up ignoring you completely.

You did ok. But I think your mistake was to give her too much importance. Her behaviour didn't warrant it. Talking about a relationship was also a mistake, but by then it was a lost cause anyway.

What I suspect is that she's seeing a whole bunch of guys at the same time from Tinder and giving excuses to whoever she doesn't feel like seeing.
 

deBrito

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Russia it doesnt work like in North America. The cultural differences are real. But yes I did a few mistakes.

Thanks guy! I just nexted her.
All woman are the same, stop with this Russia bla bla excuse, the gal went with you 1 time, 2 times, 3 times, 4 times and you did not fvckd her.

The same happened to me brother, with a nice chick also, I went out with her a lot of times, not one I fingered her coochie, why? Because I was a pvssy, and by date Z when I wanted to fvck her she was already onto something else, and I'm not in the US of A, still, the woman reacted the same as if she was anywhere else.
 

DonJuanjr

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I guess the best way to treat this is with the mindset of women have the attention span of a goldfish and you HAVE to shoot your shot on the second date.
 

dude99

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I started to date a girl from tinder 1.5 month ago. We had 4 dates (1 date per week on Friday or Saturday), until date #4 she was really interested, she used to text me everyday and double text, send pictures, videos. At the end of the second date, I told her I would have like to invite her at my place but unfortunately I could not because I live in a university dorm and it's close for non resident due to COVID (she knew that I lived in a dorm already and was fine with that) so I suggested to go to her place, she hesitated and refused, I think she wasn't ready after only 2 dates (they are more conservative in this country), I didn't react, all good, see you. 3rd she had to go home earlier because her mother was coming early in the morning to spend the day with her (her mother lives in another city). All good. 4th date, the date was ok but I could feel that interest was dropping a bit but it was still a good date, less novelty a more comfort, we still kissed at the end of the date. The week after we didn't met because she was getting ready to go in a big festival for a week in another city. I texted her the day before the departure and she only answered the next day, which was very unusual, during the week she had been distant too, I thought she was just busy at work (she always said she was busy at work, but still could find time to text me) Anyway. Every time we dated we kissed (hot make outs). After date 4, I deleted my tinder account but didn't told her, she probably noticed it.

I didn't text her last week while she at the festival. she got back on Sunday I think and I texted her on Monday (yesterday) to ask her if she was back (So you're back), she saw the message and silence. At that point I know it was dead. I texted her an hour ago, telling her that finally 2 virgos can't be in a relationship (kind of callback humor to restart a dialog, we had that conversation many times, it was a running gag between us, we are both Virgo) just to see what she would respond, I had to intention to win her back really, I was just curious. She said that the kind of relationship we could have is not what she wanted right now in her life. I didn't understand, I thought that maybe she wanted to have fun but she rejected me on the second date and we were already on day 4, so I said I'm not sure to understand, what kind of relationship do you want: serious or sex (not in these words). She said serious, I said I thought we were on that path and she said that she thinks it's impossible for us right now to have a relationship, I asked why? No reply.. Please don't say you got needy bla bla, I know I shouldn't have texted her today and everything but I did and it was not out of neediness or desperation, I knew that I had lost the girl the week before. I'm fine with that, not a nice feeling but I'm ok.
She is the type of girl who post stories 24/7, she is really active on instagram (she doesn't have a lot of followers though), I never followed her, not sure if it's an important detail but...

Where/When did I fvck up? am I missing something? I'm a bit confused to be honest. It's ok because she was not 100% my type after all, I was loosing interest too but I didn't show it (I think), i don't want it to happen again. Maybe she met a guy at the festival, or I don't know. what do you think?

thanks guys!
Sorry to say but it sounds like She got a better option and is hoping you will get the hint and just go away so she doesnt have to be the bad person.

Best thing to do is to just next her and go date other women. She blew her chance. Time for you to move on
 
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