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Help me to understand, what was my mistake? (if I made one)

mikedee

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I started to date a girl from tinder 1.5 month ago. We had 4 dates (1 date per week on Friday or Saturday), until date #4 she was really interested, she used to text me everyday and double text, send pictures, videos. At the end of the second date, I told her I would have like to invite her at my place but unfortunately I could not because I live in a university dorm and it's close for non resident due to COVID (she knew that I lived in a dorm already and was fine with that) so I suggested to go to her place, she hesitated and refused, I think she wasn't ready after only 2 dates (they are more conservative in this country), I didn't react, all good, see you. 3rd she had to go home earlier because her mother was coming early in the morning to spend the day with her (her mother lives in another city). All good. 4th date, the date was ok but I could feel that interest was dropping a bit but it was still a good date, less novelty a more comfort, we still kissed at the end of the date. The week after we didn't met because she was getting ready to go in a big festival for a week in another city. I texted her the day before the departure and she only answered the next day, which was very unusual, during the week she had been distant too, I thought she was just busy at work (she always said she was busy at work, but still could find time to text me) Anyway. Every time we dated we kissed (hot make outs). After date 4, I deleted my tinder account but didn't told her, she probably noticed it.

I didn't text her last week while she at the festival. she got back on Sunday I think and I texted her on Monday (yesterday) to ask her if she was back (So you're back), she saw the message and silence. At that point I know it was dead. I texted her an hour ago, telling her that finally 2 virgos can't be in a relationship (kind of callback humor to restart a dialog, we had that conversation many times, it was a running gag between us, we are both Virgo) just to see what she would respond, I had to intention to win her back really, I was just curious. She said that the kind of relationship we could have is not what she wanted right now in her life. I didn't understand, I thought that maybe she wanted to have fun but she rejected me on the second date and we were already on day 4, so I said I'm not sure to understand, what kind of relationship do you want: serious or sex (not in these words). She said serious, I said I thought we were on that path and she said that she thinks it's impossible for us right now to have a relationship, I asked why? No reply.. Please don't say you got needy bla bla, I know I shouldn't have texted her today and everything but I did and it was not out of neediness or desperation, I knew that I had lost the girl the week before. I'm fine with that, not a nice feeling but I'm ok.
She is the type of girl who post stories 24/7, she is really active on instagram (she doesn't have a lot of followers though), I never followed her, not sure if it's an important detail but...

Where/When did I fvck up? am I missing something? I'm a bit confused to be honest. It's ok because she was not 100% my type after all, I was loosing interest too but I didn't show it (I think), i don't want it to happen again. Maybe she met a guy at the festival, or I don't know. what do you think?

thanks guys!
 

Hank Moody

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TLDR me @ mikedee.

I don't have the patience to read these ultra long posts.
 

2Rocky

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Foreign country
Conservative girl
4 dates over 4 weeks
hot makeouts each time
Last date was cold and distant after she returned from festival.

No return text since.
 

mikedee

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TLDR me @ mikedee.

I don't have the patience to read these ultra long posts.
A girl from Tinder, we met 4 times during a month, hot make outs after every date, was really into me, texted me and double texted me every day, try to go to her place at the end of the second date because can't invite her in the dorm where I live (she knew about the dorm and was ok with that), she hesitates and refuses, i dont react. Date 3 leave earlier for legit reason, date 4 leave earlier because she's tired. After the 4th started to become distant. She leaves for week in a festival, silence since. I knew I lost the girl and I didnt really care, texted her to see whats up, said she doesnt want sex relationship, told her that I thought we were going serious, she replied that its impossible to have a relationship with me.
 

Hank Moody

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A girl from Tinder, we met 4 times during a month, hot make outs after every date, was really into me, texted me and double texted me every day, try to go to her place at the end of the second date because can't invite her in the dorm where I live (she knew about the dorm and was ok with that), she hesitates and refuses, i dont react. Date 3 leave earlier for legit reason, date 4 leave earlier because she's tired. After the 4th started to become distant. She leaves for week in a festival, silence since. I knew I lost the girl and I didnt really care, texted her to see whats up, said she doesnt want sex relationship, told her that I thought we were going serious, she replied that its impossible to have a relationship with me.

Ghost her. Do not reach out to her, unless and until you hear from her first.

No text. No phone call. No DM. No email.

When she 'starts to become distant', you back off. Wait until you hear from her.
 

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mikedee

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Ghost her. Do not reach out to her, unless and until you hear from her first.

No text. No phone call. No DM. No email.
No need to ghost her, I voluntarily killed any chances for her to get back to me in my text today, It's all good. It's past already. Just want to know what happened.
 

2Rocky

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In my USA based experience, if you engage in second and third base, you need to bring her to completion or else there is not sufficient endorphins ( Oxytocin) for her to feel a connection of the physical act to the sensation to you.
 

mikedee

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Ghost her. Do not reach out to her, unless and until you hear from her first.

No text. No phone call. No DM. No email.

When she 'starts to become distant', you back off. Wait until you hear from her.
Yes, I shouldn't have texted her the day before she left. But I don't think it's THE mistake. I've probably made a few??
 

Hank Moody

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No need to ghost her, I voluntarily killed any chances for her to get back to me in my text today, It's all good. It's past already. Just want to know what happened.
She isn't all that interested, it sounds like.
 

mikedee

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In my USA based experience, if you engage in second and third base, you need to bring her to completion or else there is not sufficient endorphins ( Oxytocin) for her to feel a connection of the physical act to the sensation to you.
I tried on the second date, didn't work. Third date I couldn't because of her mother coming the next morning (legit), date 4 it was dead already. At home, I would close on the first date or second, max 3rd date. Here it takes forever, you can't keep the attraction that long, there has to be physical contact/intimacy
 
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mikedee

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She isn't all that interested, it sounds like.

A highly interested chick will never leave you confused as to what's going on / what happened with her.
She was high interested in the beginning, I'm sure of this It was almost turning me off, but her interest decreased as her trip was approaching. After date 4, she started to be distant.
 

Hank Moody

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She was high interested in the beginning, I'm sure of this It was almost turning me off, but her interest decreased as her trip was approaching. After date 4, she started to be distant.
She, maybe, didn't feel any physical chemistry with you after the makeout sessions.
 

EyeBRollin

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There are a lot of mistakes it’s hard to explain them all. Read up a bit on phone usage as told by Doc Love or anti-dump in the DJ Bible.

Summary of mistakes:

1). Frequency of dates is too much. Every week has to be her idea, based off her initiation.

2) Too much idle texting chit chat. The phone is for setting dates.

3) Asking her out for the next date while on a date

4) Making excuses about not bringing her your dorm. Doesn’t matter what the issue is, don’t make excuses. Men make shvt happen.


She just texted me that I look like a guy who doesn't want a serious relationship.
Translation: “I liked you but you turned me off. I don’t want a serious relationship with you.”
 

Hank Moody

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She just texted me that I look like a guy who doesn't want a serious relationship.

Hank, what would you do/say?
Text her back, "look like?"

She's toying with you. Toy with her back.

The worst thing you could do is to try to come up with a rational explanation to give her. Do not do that.

Just text back, "look like?"

Wait for her response. And Mike.....no double texting. Wait for her to respond.
 

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mikedee

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There are a lot of mistakes it’s hard to explain them all. Read up a bit on phone usage as told by Doc Love or anti-dump in the DJ Bible.

Summary of mistakes:

1). Frequency of dates is too much. Every week has to be her idea, based off her initiation.

2) Too much idle texting chit chat. The phone is for setting dates.

3) Asking her out for the next date while on a date

4) Making excuses about not bringing her your dorm. Doesn’t matter what the issue is, don’t make excuses. Men make shvt happen.




Translation: “I liked you but you turned me off. I don’t want a serious relationship with you.”
Yes.. except no.3 I didn't do that. The translation is pretty accurate. Thanks bro
 

EyeBRollin

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Text her back, "look like?"

She's toying with you. Toy with her back.

The worst thing you could do is to try to come up with a rational explanation to give her. Do not do that.

Just text back, "look like?"

Wait for her response. And Mike.....no double texting. Wait for her to respond.
No. Just stop. This one is done. Delete her number and move on.
 

mikedee

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No. Just stop. This one is done. Delete her number and move on.
You think so? I think Hank's strategy is not bad, I mean I have nothing to loose at this point and I don't really care to be honest. I understand your point of view, but I feel she's still open for a dialog or testing?? maybe I'm wrong
 

mikedee

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Text her back, "look like?"

She's toying with you. Toy with her back.

The worst thing you could do is to try to come up with a rational explanation to give her. Do not do that.

Just text back, "look like?"

Wait for her response. And Mike.....no double texting. Wait for her to respond.
I think it's a good move, what do you think of what EyeBRollin said?
 

EyeBRollin

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You think so? I think Hank's strategy is not bad, I mean I have nothing to loose at this point and I don't really care to be honest. I understand your point of view, but I feel she's still open for a dialog or testing?? maybe I'm wrong
No, she already made up her mind about you. She might hit you up after Chad pumps and dumps her. But do you really want that? Its for your own well being to just move on.
 
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