Have you ever met this woman?

RKTek

Master Don Juan
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#1
Have you ever met this woman?


Dana is an extremely pretty 23-year old young lady. A delight on the surface, she has an uncanny knack of presenting herself extremely well to the target audience she wants to impress. She has a corresponding almost magical ability to make people feel verrrry good. She can WOW you! You'll be panting and there just isn't anything you wouldn't do to please her. She will continue to reward your good behavior as long as she needs you. After all, it is very hard work to be "on" so much of the time.

If she's accomplished her mission and you are no longer useful, she spends less and less energy being perfectly charming and engaging. In most cases Dana has no real desire to be disrespectful, but as she "relaxes," becoming more "herself," she becomes quiet or mildly disrespectful.

The problem is that the only person Dana cares about is Dana. You are no more than the object who provides her with whatever it is she wants and needs: love, admiration, money, encouragement, support, etc. While she pretends to care, and indeed wants to care, the reality is that she doesn't care. Her world starts and stops with herself. Most buy in to her charm and don't notice. She relies on her beauty and her charm. She feels good about herself as long as she "has it over" anybody she considers "the competition."

Most men vie for her attention.

Other than a childhood best friend with virtually non-existent self esteem, there are no real friends. There are acquaintances and those who share her environment as well as the many men who surrounded her - all of whom she refers to as "friends".

She explains this deficit by rationalizing that her peers disappoint her in one way or another. This one uses drugs, that one you can't trust, the other one is jealous of her, etc. There is virtually no recognition that the reason people who are not related to her or have no sexual interest in her do not like her given how she treats them!

Dana believes she has the prettiest face, the nicest hair, and the best figure - which she flaunts with her form-fitting, sexy, and hip wardrobe. She is always well-dressed, even when lounging around. "Studied cool" describes her style. While giving the impression of having thrown together any old top and pair of jeans, the trained eye can discern the hours and hours spent trying the outfits on, making up to appear not made up, etc.

Part of the price Dana pays to manipulate others is the exhaustion required to be "on" much of the time. When caught with her vigilant guard down, she is not nice: often impatient, short, arrogant and condescending, reflecting her near chronic bad mood. Boyfriends who try too hard and all the not-too-important people in her life who will put up with it are the unwitting victims. This is subtle. For example, one day she walked into her compulsively clean mother's house and saw a leaf on the sparkling floor by her feet. Instead of picking it up, she asked, "What's that?" Her mother, almost on cue, dropped what she was doing to pick up the leaf by her daughter's feet.

Even though beautiful and seemingly charming, Dana is a compulsive liar who needs to mislead to maintain her unblemished facade. This young woman really wants to do the right thing. While she derives a measure of immediate satisfaction from her cruelty, when forced to face her behavior, she is not happy she mistreats others. After all, a misbehavior is not in keeping with her perfect image of herself! When reality occasionally hits her and she is confronted with her condescending acts, she becomes upset with herself, often in tears. For a short time. Soon all is forgotten. Time heals or she takes solace in blaming others. When she presents her selectively-presented view, it sounds compelling. Until one realizes nothing ever seems to be her issue. Someone or something else is to blame - or the entire topic is dropped. No matter how much she has vowed to correct these behaviors, she does not.

She actually cannot because she chooses not to face the truth about herself. She cannot face that her nature is in fact dark and very imperfect. She cannot face that she is no more special, no more unique, no more perfect than anybody else. Unthinkable! What can she possibly fall back on if she were to simply enjoy her many assets as well as accept and work around the impact of her many deficits?

She believes special rules apply to her, and she is not willing to give these up without a struggle. She's secretly glad others haven't figured out how to be as special as she is. Giving up her specialness in unthinkable. It does not feel good.

If deception and pretense have provided a lifetime of comforts and esteem supplies, why mess things up? Isn't it more satisfying to concern herself with gratification in the moment? Why work when you can instead do just enough to get by? Better to spend that energy cultivating one's external assets and targets. These yield immediate rewards.

After all, the only thing she compromises is herSelf, her integrity, her relationships. All the things she has never known or understood, but thinks she knows well.

With all these issues, the narcisstic woman (or man for that matter) cannot be trusted. They are not trustworthy - unless they are expending energy pretending to be trustworthy. So, at best, their trustworthyness is inconsistent. Like the male abuser, her moods are unpredictable. When frustrated, the energy demands of being "on" are too great. Her frustration slips away from her - and spills onto anybody unfortunate enough to be in the way.

To feel whole, a woman like Dana needs to be the center of attention, be the prettiest, the most fortunate, the most talented, the bestest. She cultivates others who will be manipulated by her to admire her, adore her, inflate her, love her, and overlook her pretense, lies and half-truths.

If she is questioned, she distances. This simple yet effective technique invariably affects the codependents in her life. On cue, they lay low and let the issue drop or chase her, thinking they must have done something wrong/ worrying that she won't want to be with them. Should an admirer truly believe in her specialness and try too hard to win her, they are treated with contempt instead of charity. These people represent that which she despises: only the weak and common permit themselves to be demeaned.

The bottom line is that this very beautiful, very charming (and extremely manipulative) young woman has absolutely no concern for others apart from those who are in a position to provide her with narcissistic supplies.

Does anybody know a Dana? Even worse, have any men out there fallen in love with a Diana? (May God help you...)

from: http://www.drirene.com/female_nar.htm
 

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#3
I was briefly involved with a woman like this. It was the WORST experience of my life. She is the consummate liar and manipulator, constantly changing her story to suit her needs.

When you said things like: Other than a childhood best friend with virtually non-existent self esteem, there are no real friends. There are acquaintances and those who share her environment as well as the many men who surrounded her - all of whom she refers to as "friends".

and she chooses not to face the truth about herself.

and The bottom line is that this very beautiful, very charming (and extremely manipulative) young woman has absolutely no concern for others apart from those who are in a position to provide her with narcissistic supplies. it struck me dead on that this describes the woman I'm thinking of EXACTLY.

Your feelings were only important to her if they somehow served her feelings. Because of this monster I lost someone who I had been friends with for over ten years. For a while I thought of her as the absolute incarnation of evil on this planet.

Thank god it ended after only six months. I hate to say this in a serious way, but I think if I had been around her much longer I would have been driven to murder; I hated her THAT much.

I'm going go read that like you gave, and maybe comment again after that.
 

Reto

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#5
Yes

i know her cousin, Simone. It was not the worst experience of my life. It was the best. Now I know which way to run when I meet someone like her !!!

Learn and live...
 

drZaius09

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#7
This sounds like every single woman I've ever been involved in a relationshi.... scratch that, every single woman I've ever met in my entire miserable existence on this hell-planet.

RK, I believe we've been through this before. Yes, we all know that women are cruel, inconsiderate, selfish, and manipulative. If you ever find one who doesn't fit these categories, I envy your good fortune.
 
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#8
I too would say that this describes the average woman, or at least the average college sorority slut (vast majority) where I live. They act this way because they CAN. And why can they? Because the vast majority of guys out there are AFC's that will kiss their ass all the time. A lot of guys get jealous, or hurt, or whiney, but none of this will make them feel any better. All you can do is just accept it, and learn to deal with them accordingly. Not a big deal once you've realized the way things are and what makes them tick, at least for me. Unfortunate but true.
 

Ashlee Angel

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#9
When I first started reading this I thought the woman Dana was tight. Then I began to read more and to find out Dana is just like me. Good Post
 

gt95ab

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#13
I definitely know this woman, unfortunately for me, she's the kind I can't help but feel like an AFC around. That's how I identify her, if she makes me feel/act like an AFC, I walk the other way.

The ethical DJ - gt95ab
 
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#15
Oh my god! I thought that I was the only one to encounter such a b1tch! This describes exactly a girl that I know (and from whom I am now recovering)!

Can I copy this post and e-mail it to my Dana? It might make her think about her behaviour! or it might just p1ss her off knowing that we know her game!
 
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#16
I was engaged to "Dana" and I thank God I didn't marry her. Underneath her innocent act was a selfish, self-centered girl whose only goal was to placate her enormous ego. Unfortunately when her breasts sag and her face begins to wrinkle she'll realize that she's an empty soul without the ability to love or be loved. The destiny of these Dana's is to suffer in emotional hell. They reap what they sow.:p
 
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#17
Holy Sh1t! That was a perfect description of my ex, we will call her *****. In fact, this part:

Even though beautiful and seemingly charming, Dana is a compulsive liar who needs to mislead to maintain her unblemished facade. This young woman really wants to do the right thing. While she derives a measure of immediate satisfaction from her cruelty, when forced to face her behavior, she is not happy she mistreats others. After all, a misbehavior is not in keeping with her perfect image of herself! When reality occasionally hits her and she is confronted with her condescending acts, she becomes upset with herself, often in tears. For a short time. Soon all is forgotten. Time heals or she takes solace in blaming others. When she presents her selectively-presented view, it sounds compelling. Until one realizes nothing ever seems to be her issue. Someone or something else is to blame - or the entire topic is dropped. No matter how much she has vowed to correct these behaviors, she does not.
is an exact description of her behaviours, one that I had not seen posted anywhere else. She would literally have a breakdown aplogizing for the way she treated someone (including me), and then it was forgotten the next day. I thank God I am no longer with her, my life is so much more stable and less confusing. Although, even though I do cringe to admit it, I still miss her at times. Beneath it all, she could have been a wonderful person. The scary part for me is that we were so much alike, thought the same way, acted the same way, same sense of humor and fun, same emotional states, etc.

Problem with a woman like this is; there is absolutely nothing you nor anyone else can do to change them or even help them change, no matter how much you may care or love her. They are so convinced of their superiority and general "rightness" that they will be like this until the day they die. I feel sorry for any future AFC husband of hers.

Damn that brought back some painful memories.
 

CLOONEY

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#18
Zossima wrapped it up perfecty. And YES, this is exactly what nearly every pretty girl is like, as I have found out, being good looking isnt a charm, it is a curse. So I dont know why so many guys on this site wish they were good looking.
 
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#19
Originally posted by shyguy208


Can I copy this post and e-mail it to my Dana? It might make her think about her behaviour! or it might just p1ss her off knowing that we know her game!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DO IT !!!! DON'T LOWER YOURSELF LIKE THAT!!!!


This kind of girl doesn't want to be cured, and at the very best she will become EXTREMELY resentful of you if you happen to show her true colors!

Please, learn and be quiet. Remember, "Challenge", "Mystery"?... Your best response is being nice to her, but LEARN from these experiences so you don't fall into them again. But don't let them know that YOU know, that's imperative! You have to play sucker to catch a sucker.

I've been there and it's not worth it. It drains life out of you, whatever you do.
 

trowit

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#20
Ouch

"If she is questioned, she distances. This simple yet effective technique invariably affects the codependents in her life. On cue, they lay low and let the issue drop or chase her, thinking they must have done something wrong/ worrying that she won't want to be with them. Should an admirer truly believe in her specialness and try too hard to win her, they are treated with contempt instead of charity. These people represent that which she despises: only the weak and common permit themselves to be demeaned."

This post rings so close to home it scares me. I have been weak and common been demeaned, manipulated, used, etc, etc, etc.

How can we spot the Dana's coming?
 
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