Hard to "play it cool" when actually looking for a GF

[Le Parisien]

First of all, greetings from Paris...
Hope some people still remember me, haven't checked this site for a while...

Now that I'm not in the States anymore, the actual concrete "tips" from this site are not that really useful for me anymore (due to cultural differences) but I still have a question that is pretty much "universal".

Now for the first time in 6 years I meet girls under "normal" social circumstances (basically my classes and the friends of my classmates) thanks to a career orientation change...
There are many interesting girls that I won't mind take as my GF. The problem is that most of them are taken.

It's not a problem per se, thanks to the school's location (or isolation), they are all pretty much long distance relationships, and I tend to believe that long-distance relationships don't last.

The problem is that if I pursue girls that are taken or try to hit on multiple girls, it's very bad for my reputation (yup, France is NOT the USA), I will pass for a sleazy player, which I'm not.

The scheme is like (how non-available girls think):
1) If you have a GF and you "fool around" (European standards, does NOT mean kissing or grinding) a little bit with other girls who have a BFs, you are a cool dude.
2) If you have a GF and you don't fool around, then you are a good guy.
3) If you are single and you fool around in a clumsy way, you are a desperate loser looking for any opportunity to touch a girl, like going out of your way to say hi or to dance with a girl.
4) If you are single and fool around in a "cool" way, you are a player and you are also very threatening because you are blatantly "asking" for something that the girl is NOT ready to give (dumping the boyfriend)
5) you are single and you don't do ****: you are a shy or antisocial loser.

I started the year in the 4 case, but when many girls showed reluctance after showing appreciation (basically they want me as a very good friend and maybe also a good backup plan, but nothing more for now) I got pissed and turned to mode 5.

My question is: how should I handle this?
They accept the guys who are taken much more easily than the single ones, which is very understandable since they are not "threatening", at least in theory.
The funny (and understandable) thing is that the more beautiful the GF, the "safer" the guy is supposed to be.

As a result, we see couples of "already committed" people getting more and more chemistry together.
What a vicious circle: the more you have the easier it is for you to have more.

I know that what I just described is a very common thing, but I really don't know how to handle it in a good way. I simply try to broaden my social "horizons" and try to meet more girls so some of them might be single.
But it pisses me off everytime the girls who are taken come back and show me "affection" only to pull away when I start actually pimping them.

The guys who are taken have it much easier: if they get an "upgrade" it's cool, if not they still have the old one, there's no pressure.
I can't actually pretend to "play it cool" since I'm actually looking for a GF.

But anyway, I think it's better to be in cases 4 and 5 than in the 3th one.
Any thoughts guys?

 

[smoke city]

so stop pretending and really play it cool. Don't look for a girlfriend. Just meet as many women as possible and keep meeting them until one is cool enough to keep around.
Don't tell me that there is a shortage of available women (who don't know each other) in f---ing PARIS.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Smoke has it right on. Never 'LOOK' for a relationship.

Honestly bro, ask yourself this. Of all the relationships you've every been in....how many times can you say to yourself that you were "Actually looking to get into a relationship"

Relationships evolve and always happen when you least expect it. But, by all means...go out, have fun, date tons of women...Enjoy their company...Nothing ever happens to the guy that sits home and doesn nothing about it.

 

[diplomatic_lie]

They're both spot on. Relationships, or anything related to emotions, can't be "found". It's not a business decision where you say "I'm going to do this and this". You can "find" one night stands, but not serious relationships.


Anyway tell me, are French chicks as good as the hype says? I've met 10 French chicks, and only 1 was actually hot, and she was only half-French. The 9 were ugly or had bad teeth.

 

[Le Parisien]

Thanks guys, you just put into words what I was kinda feeling vaguely: I can NOT "look for" a relationship.
I will keep meeting girls until someday the good one comes along...

diplomatic_lie:
Just like for every population/nation/country in this world, there are hot French chicks.
I think it's not only physical, it also involves the girl's attitude, clothing, makeup...

Compared to what I used to see in the middle of Pennsylvania, French chicks dress much classier and don't use agressive make-up (only hookers do around here ...)
In terms of purely physical beauty, it's comparable, the only difference is that there are (quite naturally) few blond chicks and you rarely get to see fat chicks.
So if blond hair is a must for you, French chicks are probably not that attractive.

 

[duke007]

I don't intend to generalise here because all women are different....but a French chick I met was whacked.

She pointed at a group of normally dressed girls (for AUS standards: shortish denim skirts, sleeveless tops) and said, "In France, we would call them slvts"

And she despises any guy talking to her in a club

she sounds like the type of girl who would believe in your five categories. She seemed very narrow thinking and not laid-back in this way.

If girls like her are the norm in France I feel sorry for you, my friend

 

[Maverick001]

Le Parisien,

All of the replies to your query from the other sosuavers are spot on.

Don't even think about getting into a relationship until you've been seeing a girl for at least 3 months. Do a search in the forum for Anti-Dump's posts on this subject.

Date multiple women at once and let them prove their worth so that you can choose who's the best one to have your exclusive attention.

Ditto on available single women in Paris. This is a problem?!

Cheers,
Mav