Had a flake

Mauser96

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Plans were made to go to her place Saturday evening and spend the night. (we have already had sex numerous times over the years, dated for awhile 4 years ago, had sex a couple weeks ago.)
4:30 she cancels, says it has been a real rough week and she has to decline
I said "Sorry to hear that, what happened"
She said she would call
On the phone , she talks about work stress , feeling burned out , etc.
I basically said, "well get some rest, if you want to come to my place tomorrow, we can do that" and let it go.

Today, 10 am she texts and makes convo. Long story short, texts at 1:30 and says she is not going to make it.

Me : "ok"

Alright, so I am not overly flustered at the flake, could be a few things:
- low interest
-time of the month
- genuinely worn out. (we live 45 min apart)

Anyways, wanted your thoughts going forward.

My thoughts are:

-stop initiating any contact
-respond to any INITIAL contact from her 2-3 hours later, showing my own loss of interest. Response will be indifferent with no attempt to carry the conversation.
- never responding to a text after 7pm
- Not asking her out or to meetup. That HAS to be HER suggestion now.
- I won't drive to her place now...….she HAS to be the one to come here. She HAS to be the one to put the effort in.


Meanwhile, moving on and developing new prospects

Thoughts??
 
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Robert28

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I would avoid the waiting 2-3 hours to reply to a text thing. That works in the beginning stages when you’re establishing something with each other to build a model of you in her mind, but this girl knows you too well and for too long and she knows it’s a game you’re playing. You don’t WANT them to know you’re playing a game and when one knows you for that long it’s tough to change behaviors. I mean if you’ve always waited 2-3 hours to text back when things were going good then just follow your normal pattern. Waiting to text her back won’t raise her interest level at this stage.

I would, however, do the other stuff you mentioned.
 

Mauser96

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I would avoid the waiting 2-3 hours to reply to a text thing. That works in the beginning stages when you’re establishing something with each other to build a model of you in her mind, but this girl knows you too well and for too long and she knows it’s a game you’re playing. You don’t WANT them to know you’re playing a game and when one knows you for that long it’s tough to change behaviors. I mean if you’ve always waited 2-3 hours to text back when things were going good then just follow your normal pattern. Waiting to text her back won’t raise her interest level at this stage.

I would, however, do the other stuff you mentioned.
Thanks. I wouldn't wait 2-3 hours for every text, just the initial text when she reaches out. (edited my post to reflect this)

And actually, she really DOESN'T know me that well. We dated for a few weeks 4 years ago, then she moved and we just started up a bit again.
 

Glassguy

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I would just leave it in her hands and not reach out again.

If she does reach back out, there is no "date" and there will be no "meet up for drinks". It will be "I am free LATE Tuesday evening if you want to come over".

We dont throw perfectly good pvssy away but we arent going to make more than one offer to treat her like a lady after she acts like a flake.
 

jaymbrs

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I had this with a couple of exes and perhaps she reached the end of these sexual encounters with you. It happens. Best to move on.
 

stringpuller

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Plans were made to go to her place Saturday evening and spend the night. (we have already had sex numerous times over the years, dated for awhile 4 years ago, had sex a couple weeks ago.)
4:30 she cancels, says it has been a real rough week and she has to decline
I said "Sorry to hear that, what happened"
She said she would call
On the phone , she talks about work stress , feeling burned out , etc.
I basically said, "well get some rest, if you want to come to my place tomorrow, we can do that" and let it go.

Today, 10 am she texts and makes convo. Long story short, texts at 1:30 and says she is not going to make it.

Me : "ok"

Alright, so I am not overly flustered at the flake, could be a few things:
- low interest
-time of the month
- genuinely worn out. (we live 45 min apart)

Anyways, wanted your thoughts going forward.

My thoughts are:

-stop initiating any contact
-respond to any INITIAL contact from her 2-3 hours later, showing my own loss of interest. Response will be indifferent with no attempt to carry the conversation.
- never responding to a text after 7pm
- Not asking her out or to meetup. That HAS to be HER suggestion now.
- I won't drive to her place now...….she HAS to be the one to come here. She HAS to be the one to put the effort in.


Meanwhile, moving on and developing new prospects

Thoughts??
Sounds like you have a good plan. One thing i would have done differently but when this thing happens it usually means that you 2 are not sexually compatible anymore.
 

dude99

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Plans were made to go to her place Saturday evening and spend the night. (we have already had sex numerous times over the years, dated for awhile 4 years ago, had sex a couple weeks ago.)
4:30 she cancels, says it has been a real rough week and she has to decline
I said "Sorry to hear that, what happened"
She said she would call
On the phone , she talks about work stress , feeling burned out , etc.
I basically said, "well get some rest, if you want to come to my place tomorrow, we can do that" and let it go.

Today, 10 am she texts and makes convo. Long story short, texts at 1:30 and says she is not going to make it.

Me : "ok"

Alright, so I am not overly flustered at the flake, could be a few things:
- low interest
-time of the month
- genuinely worn out. (we live 45 min apart)

Anyways, wanted your thoughts going forward.

My thoughts are:

-stop initiating any contact
-respond to any INITIAL contact from her 2-3 hours later, showing my own loss of interest. Response will be indifferent with no attempt to carry the conversation.
- never responding to a text after 7pm
- Not asking her out or to meetup. That HAS to be HER suggestion now.
- I won't drive to her place now...….she HAS to be the one to come here. She HAS to be the one to put the effort in.


Meanwhile, moving on and developing new prospects

Thoughts??
Focus on the new prospect. Stop reaching out. Should she reach out show zero interest in hooking up/dating/ going out. Make your actions tell her you have friend zoned her. If she asks where she stands with you, tell her "we are just friends." I have done this to many and it triggers the chase switch in them when you tell them they can't have you. Always finish your conversations with " it was good to hear from you, but i have to go. Got to get ready for a date."
 

Frozen799

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Plans were made to go to her place Saturday evening and spend the night. (we have already had sex numerous times over the years, dated for awhile 4 years ago, had sex a couple weeks ago.)
4:30 she cancels, says it has been a real rough week and she has to decline
I said "Sorry to hear that, what happened"
She said she would call
On the phone , she talks about work stress , feeling burned out , etc.
I basically said, "well get some rest, if you want to come to my place tomorrow, we can do that" and let it go.

Today, 10 am she texts and makes convo. Long story short, texts at 1:30 and says she is not going to make it.

Me : "ok"

Alright, so I am not overly flustered at the flake, could be a few things:
- low interest
-time of the month
- genuinely worn out. (we live 45 min apart)

Anyways, wanted your thoughts going forward.

My thoughts are:

-stop initiating any contact
-respond to any INITIAL contact from her 2-3 hours later, showing my own loss of interest. Response will be indifferent with no attempt to carry the conversation.
- never responding to a text after 7pm
- Not asking her out or to meetup. That HAS to be HER suggestion now.
- I won't drive to her place now...….she HAS to be the one to come here. She HAS to be the one to put the effort in.


Meanwhile, moving on and developing new prospects

Thoughts??

I am not sure why you even think of what might be the reason for the flake, it can be the 3 reasons that you described or the other 50 which you don't know, it's a road to nowhere and no need to overthink it. Other than that, just leave her be, if she initiates a convo and suggests a meetup, the only meetup is at your place as you said already.
 

Mauser96

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Thanks for all the input guys - she has since been texting me. I respond, I do NOT initiate.

That is the way it will continue for the foreseeable future.

I will NOT suggest meeting up again, but will wait for her to suggest it. She is going to HAVE to suggest it, or it will not happen.

I am willing to bet ti was "that time of the month, but time will tell.

I will keep you all posted, that is how we learn.
 

Mauser96

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Fantastic input from everyone by the way
 

guru1000

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Mauser, always be Able to dismiss them.

Plans were made to go to her place Saturday evening and spend the night. (we have already had sex numerous times over the years, dated for awhile 4 years ago, had sex a couple weeks ago.)
4:30 she cancels, says it has been a real rough week and she has to decline
<== Here it should have ended.

No response required. She must work, otherwise your time and attention (T&A) is worthless.

What happens to the value and appreciation of anything absent ITS being earned? Your response following this quote absent her chasing further lowered your T&A value.

ALL women chase especially if they are in the wrong and Desire you.

You cannot negotiate desire via more communication. But she can negotiate her desire for you via less ... in your absence and in her mind.

Next time give her the gift of your immediate absence aka Silence and Distance.
 

Trump

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Plans were made to go to her place Saturday evening and spend the night. (we have already had sex numerous times over the years, dated for awhile 4 years ago, had sex a couple weeks ago.)
4:30 she cancels, says it has been a real rough week and she has to decline
Agree with guru. But I probably would have said something.

“Oh that’s too bad. I would have loved to see you tonight. Hope you feel better soon.”

I said "Sorry to hear that, what happened"
She said she would call
On the phone , she talks about work stress , feeling burned out , etc.
I basically said, "well get some rest, if you want to come to my place tomorrow, we can do that" and let it go.
Come on bro.

1) You don’t want to be her girlfriend listening to her problems
2) You don’t want to invite her over after she declines for you to come over.
3) You just told her “There is no blonde hot young girl having sex with me anytime Saturday night, or anytime all of Sunday. Want to hang out with me?”

Today, 10 am she texts and makes convo. Long story short, texts at 1:30 and says she is not going to make it.

My thoughts are:

-stop initiating any contact
No. Unless you want nothing to do with her.

-respond to any INITIAL contact from her 2-3 hours later, showing my own loss of interest. Response will be indifferent with no attempt to carry the conversation.
No. Unless you are in high school and want to play games in hope of raising her interest level.

- never responding to a text after 7pm
No. Unless you are in high school and want to play games in hope of raising her interest level.

- Not asking her out or to meetup. That HAS to be HER suggestion now.



No. Unless you are in high school and want to play games in hope of raising her interest level.

- I won't drive to her place now...….she HAS to be the one to come here. She HAS to be the one to put the effort in.
If that’s what you want.


Damn, you guys take these girls so seriously, it’s either all or nothing. Unless they do something drastic, just keep them as an option and move on.

Remember men, mindset of abundance. You got to be so good this girl has to be jumping at the chance to meet up with you, bad week or not.
 

escaleraroyal

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wow the responses are so bad.

Where is the empathy ....what has this world come to.
 

Mauser96

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Mauser, always be Able to dismiss them.


<== Here it should have ended.

No response required. She must work, otherwise your time and attention (T&A) is worthless.

What happens to the value and appreciation of anything absent ITS being earned? Your response following this quote absent her chasing further lowered your T&A value.

ALL women chase especially if they are in the wrong and Desire you.

You cannot negotiate desire via more communication. But she can negotiate her desire for you via less ... in your absence and in her mind.

Next time give her the gift of your immediate absence aka Silence and Distance.
Thanks for your input.

I will keep you guys posted. She texted Monday, and I responded, couple texts back and forth about a local teen's death.

I have no intention of reaching out, it will be interesting to see if she does.
 

guru1000

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Thanks for your input.

I will keep you guys posted. She texted Monday, and I responded, couple texts back and forth about a local teen's death.

I have no intention of reaching out, it will be interesting to see if she does.
Here's how I operate. Two recent examples:

1) 25 yo trust fund baby. She has "unlimited" cash flow and loves to take impromptu vacations to anywhere and nowhere on the fly. However, here, she makes an error, that is, taking an impromptu flight for three days spanning a night we already had plans. And so she asks for a raincheck. Naturally, I don't respond. And so she chases with three different texts and two phone calls over the next few weeks. No response from me follows:

' https://beta.photobucket.com/u/guru1000/a/648c204c-42bc-4560-99b6-abc56e2aab3b/p/c57f0278-72aa-4579-b8d5-8d1f014edc9b

'https://beta.photobucket.com/u/guru1000/p/2ef8e345-185a-4ccd-9a38-919e407cc59a

2) 27 yo international and known fashion retailer and professional model. She is away in London on business. Busy girl. And so lately she had been de-prioritizing our communications via delayed response times. And so ...

'https://beta.photobucket.com/u/guru1000/a/648c204c-42bc-4560-99b6-abc56e2aab3b/p/17879a68-eedc-49ab-b66f-0f396b1bf6a0
No responses from me either.

I posted another 25+ examples of women chasing me in the last year. You can search them by clicking right through photobucket. But one huge commonality here: ALL women chase (given the correct incentive to).

The question that follows is: When, if ever, do I respond. The answer is yes I do respond, whenever I have time and should I desire to. Sometimes I will respond in a few weeks, other times in a few months or even six months.

What happens following my response is the bender: When I do respond, they will meet me anywhere, at anytime, at any place (no matter how ridiculous my offer, e.g. 2 am). They become thirsty (with appreciation) like Bernese mountain dogs in a desert (in the kindest sense). This is how I forge happy troopers in my army.

I like their "transgressions" as it allows me the ability to forge their unwavering loyalty and creates appreciation and admiration in them for me that they have not likely experienced before. In fact, I encourage them to try to "irritate" me for their own benefit.

What happened here in your initial post was a great opportunity (for them). The type of opportunity I yearn for with all my happy troopers. I can only hope you get the benefit of more such treatments such as this from these great women, so you can gift them with the biggest blessing of all: your absence.
 
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stringpuller

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Here's how I operate. Two recent examples:

1) 25 yo trust fund baby. She has "unlimited" cash flow and loves to take impromptu vacations to anywhere and nowhere on the fly. However, here, she makes an error, that is, taking an impromptu flight for three days spanning a night we already had plans. And so she asks for a raincheck. Naturally, I don't respond. And so she chases with three different texts and two phone calls over the next few weeks. No response from me follows:

' https://beta.photobucket.com/u/guru1000/a/648c204c-42bc-4560-99b6-abc56e2aab3b/p/c57f0278-72aa-4579-b8d5-8d1f014edc9b

'https://beta.photobucket.com/u/guru1000/p/2ef8e345-185a-4ccd-9a38-919e407cc59a

2) 27 yo international and known fashion retailer and professional model. She is away in London on business. Busy girl. And so lately she had been de-prioritizing our communications via delayed response times. And so ...

'https://beta.photobucket.com/u/guru1000/a/648c204c-42bc-4560-99b6-abc56e2aab3b/p/17879a68-eedc-49ab-b66f-0f396b1bf6a0
No responses from me either.

I posted another 25+ examples of women chasing me in the last year. You can search them by clicking right through photobucket. But one huge commonality here: ALL women chase (given the correct incentive to).

The question that follows is: When, if ever, do I respond. The answer is yes I do respond, whenever I have time and should I desire to. Sometimes I will respond in a few weeks, other times in a few months or even six months.

What happens following my response is the bender: When I do respond, they will meet me anywhere, at anytime, at any place (no matter how ridiculous my offer, e.g. 2 am). They become thirsty (with appreciation) like Bernese mountain dogs in a desert (in the kindest sense). This is how I forge happy troopers in my army.

I like their "transgressions" as it allows me the ability to forge their unwavering loyalty and creates appreciation and admiration in them for me that they have not likely experienced before. In fact, I encourage them to try to "irritate" me for their own benefit.

What happened here in your initial post was a great opportunity (for them). The type of opportunity I yearn for with all my happy troopers. I can only hope you get the benefit of more such treatments such as this from these great women, so you can gift them with the biggest blessing of all: your absence.
Quality women who are mentally healthy will follow suit to this play a few times. But not very long. Some not at all. Maybe a few months until they start to sense the cold plays. They will move on to something else eventually.

If you flat out drop them then mean it OP. Or just be so into your life you forget you even had the date with them.
Because if a woman has plans with you and then fills in the time with something else. She forgot you. Its that simple.

Passive aggressive ignoring her when your blown off and you go full ignore without saying anything the like. They will sniff that out quick as unstable. My experience is that if her behavior at your stage of interaction requires a full on ignore. Its most certainly a next anyhow.
Its better to say something. Something dismissing but leaves an opportunity when she is willing to respect the time.
Because a full out ignore then a reconnect shows weakness.

Being pizzed off in the back of your mind playing the anger game will fail.
Mentally healthy ladies can sniff out passive aggressive behavior like a hound dog.

And they are usually the better looking ladies because they deal with reactionary dudes due to their beauty most of their lives.
So from a young age they adopt this nature.

The psychos and the less then stellar women will chase tail like a dog. But the idea that ALL will react and chase the same way is just not a truth. Yes the feminine base tendencies are similar but the chase part isn't one of them. Across age groups will also vary.

Each individual girl will let you know through lifestyle and personality how much you should see them and what their over exposure threshold is.
Good sex keeps them around for years. If its there then they will not want to go months or even several weeks without seeing you.

OP if a girl is a no show or a flake and you go no contact. Burn in your mind that as soon as you reply even if she initiates first your reentering some of her frame. How you do that is key. Women are naturally highly manipulative. Even a reconnect from her can simply be an opportunity for her to spin the frame on you. Women that do this to you should have to go as far as knocking at your door to see you. No dates, no plans, no opportunity for her at this stage to take the balance back.
Letting them do this is the crux of the AFC. Our masculine energy remains healthy when we are able to read these signs and not let ourselves be manipulated. This type of manipulation is not healthy.

LTRs and live ins are going to be naturally a bit different. But same game.
 

guru1000

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Quality women who are mentally healthy will follow suit to this play a few times. But not very long.
Quality women would not be in that position to begin with, that you would desire to withdraw yourself.

For YOU, as we know how you like to operate:

No more trying to pass their shlt tests;
No more texts withholds or odd communication games;
No more scouring Sosuave looking for the most effective strategy to win her over;
No more “game” period.

No need to to warn her (as she already knows what disrespectful behavior entails). Just complete removal of yourself, your time, your attention. She loses you. Period.

Your post in entirely based in fear (of losing her).
All your game posts are based in fear (in not winning her).
Your entire “strategy” is fear-based.

I’m giving you permission to surrender your fear. More importantly, to surrender your strategy. No strategy is needed in true authenticity. Once you internalize this, you still stop seeking to learn and seek to educate.
 

stringpuller

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Quality women would not be in that position to begin with, that you would desire to withdraw yourself.

For YOU, as we know how you like to operate:

No more trying to pass their shlt tests;
No more texts withholds or odd communication games;
No more scouring Sosuave looking for the most effective strategy to win her over;
No more “game” period.

No need to to warn her (as she already knows what disrespectful behavior entails). Just complete removal of yourself, your time, your attention. She loses you. Period.

Your post in entirely based in fear (of losing her).
All your game posts are based in fear (in not winning her).
Your entire “strategy” is fear-based.

I’m giving you permission to surrender your fear. More importantly, to surrender your strategy. No strategy is needed in true authenticity. Once you internalize this, you still stop seeking to learn and seek to educate.
No need to to warn her (as she already knows what disrespectful behavior entails). Just complete removal of yourself, your time, your attention. She loses you. Period.
Again your reading skills suk. I didnt say the word warn her. Your missing the point because of your AFC butthurt mindset. What you describe is butthurt passive aggressive bs. Not being able to take the fact her desire wasn't enough for her to comply. Hurt ego. Instead of

"hey cool vacation. I'm jealous. Your a busy girl. Ill have to decline that rain check it seems we are not a good fit. Take care"

Whats so not natural about that Guru? Go silent in hopes she comes crawling back because you cant face you weren't desirable enough? Haha? Whos in fear here bud?
You talk a good game but your words and what you try to teach are contrary.
Guru your missing some very vital information in this equation. When you don't reply at all. And then contact in any form in the future is OVERTLY telling her you want her desire. She WILL pick up on the silence as your way of trying manipulate the desire.
Desire must be genuine or its not true desire and she must believe it is natural and you can lead her to that outcome COVERTLY. Its natural game GURU not antics.
Quality women would not be in that position to begin with, that you would desire to withdraw yourself
This makes 0 sense. Reread what i wrote. Desire cannot be negotiated. Im referring to passive aggressive types such as yourself. Which is a mental condition. Quality Mentally healthy women DO run into ppl like yourself. Thats a fact. And I'm quite certain they catch on to the girly pouty behavior you exhibit. WHICH is fear. You talk yourself in circles.
The fact that your example missed your date due to the vacation put your value very low. Which is low desire. And then to go dark in that pouty way without being butthurt says so much. That's not true indifference or strength.

No more scouring Sosuave looking for the most effective strategy to win her over;
No more “game” period.
I have a good job and its laid back and i have the blessing of being able to do what i want. I post to help with knowledge. You should do more listening rather then talking. It would help you immensely.

So again your wrong. And i assure you i dont need your permission to do anything. Its enough to keep separating your opinions from actual facts based on natural game and science.
 

stringpuller

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I’m giving you permission to surrender your fear. More importantly, to surrender your strategy. No strategy is needed in true authenticity. Once you internalize this, you still stop seeking to learn and seek to educate.
Again your reading skills suk. I didnt say the word warn her. Your missing the point because of your AFC butthurt mindset. What you describe is butthurt passive aggressive bs. Not being able to take the fact her desire wasn't enough for her to comply. Hurt ego. Instead of

"hey cool vacation. I'm jealous. Your a busy girl. Ill have to decline that rain check it seems we are not a good fit. Take care"

Whats so not natural about that Guru? Go silent in hopes she comes crawling back because you cant face you weren't desirable enough? Haha? Whos in fear here bud?
You talk a good game but your words and what you try to teach are contrary.
 
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