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Girl you’ve been seeing ex calls her out of the blue

catsmeow

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Men are told not to ask “what are we” though. Makes us look weak and needy. And I’m not about to be exclusive with anyone I’ve only been out with 4-5 times. One of the girls, we even had the “what are we” talk and we were both on the same page. Then not two weeks later she pulls the “my ex called me yesterday” crap.
Oh no, I do not suggest you pull the "what are we" talk, heavens NO!!

If you feel you are not ready to be exclusive, then don't react to her manipulative games and don't ask to be exclusive, or otherwise ask "what are we?" or "where do you envision this going?" or the like.

Simply stay true to your own core, your own values and if she is into you, she will comply, 100% TRUTH.

It all boils down to whether or not she values you and your relationship (up to that point) and she is truly into you.

Again no women is going to leave a man she is truly into (assuming you are treating her well and with respect) because you are not yet ready to be exclusive after only a few weeks, and I speak from experience when saying that.
 
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catsmeow

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@Robert28, I post on another forum that caters to women and there are lots of women there who preach if a man does not ask to be exclusive within some arbitrary time period according to her expectations, immediate dump.

She will claim they are "not on the same page," or they want "different things" but I call BS on that too.

Such woman is NOT into him, period. Her interest is not where it should be, nor does she value him or their relationship up to that point.

I think once a man learns this sad fact, he will much better off and will find better relationships with better quality women who ARE into him and value him.
 
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catsmeow

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Robert, I have to run, but in closing, I am not the be-all-and-end all about this stuff, I just post based on my own observations and experience, as a woman.

But the bottom line is, every woman is different and will have their own reasons, but generally speaking, I do think it's a game, a shyt test to elicit a jealous reaction and/or as a manipulation of sorts to get YOU to acquiesce/comply with what they want.
 

mrskinnypantz

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@Robert28, I post on another forum that caters to women and there are lots of women there who preach if a man does not ask to be exclusive within some arbitrary time period according to her expectations, immediate dump.

She will claim they are "not on the same page," or they want "different things" but I call BS on that too.

Such woman is NOT into him, period. Her interest is not where it should be, nor does she value him or their relationship up to that point.

I think once a man learns this sad fact, he will much better off and will find better relationships with better quality women who ARE into him and value him.
It’s prideful , they want the man to be the one who asks and if we don’t “all we want is sex”
 

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derby1

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"Anyone who can put up with your Bull Sh*t deserves a drink with me" (****y smile)
 

SargeMaximus

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As another angle I’ve noticed this happens a lot and always assumed exes get interested again once their ex is clearly moving on.
 

Romanemp22

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Sometimes it can be a sh1t test to see how will you react on it. I always don't give a f because as soon as she mention that it means she's not ltr material so I'm gonna keep using her as much as I can.
 

stringpuller

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Im with the Ignore crowd. Just a slight nuisance if even. You got more important things to think about.
If you regularly are with attractive women this kind of **** is on the regular.
If she is a looker every guy in the venue will want her. The lessers will. The equal couples will look at each other and say. Nice piece. Iron sharpens Iron
 

2Rocky

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If she tells you about it she is either trying to use some dread ....or....signaling to you that she is being monogamous.

I remember being told an ex called my SO. She specifically told me she told him "I'm seeing someone else and it's really good." . We might have been about 6 months in. I noted it but didn't respond , but took it as a good sign. Five years later that was borne out....

I remember when I was dating my ex wife in college, her ex came to her dorm room while I was there . And I opened the door... He got wide eyed. I talked with him and introduced myself. Never saw him again.

We all have exes and people from our past we have outgrown.
 

Robert28

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If she tells you about it she is either trying to use some dread ....or....signaling to you that she is being monogamous.

I remember being told an ex called my SO. She specifically told me she told him "I'm seeing someone else and it's really good." . We might have been about 6 months in. I noted it but didn't respond , but took it as a good sign. Five years later that was borne out....

I remember when I was dating my ex wife in college, her ex came to her dorm room while I was there . And I opened the door... He got wide eyed. I talked with him and introduced myself. Never saw him again.

We all have exes and people from our past we have outgrown.
But these examples are happening very early, like within a month or less. It would be different if we were actually in a relationship but we have just been dating every time it’s happened.
 

2Rocky

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What you want to date girls that don't have options? Comes with the territory man.

They are coyotes on the fringes....be a wolf MAN!


 

Robert28

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What you want to date girls that don't have options? Comes with the territory man.

They are coyotes on the fringes....be a wolf MAN!


It’s not that. I just don’t want to waste my time on someone who’s hung up on an ex and using me as a placeholder. I could be out with someone else that was ready to move on with someone else, not waste my time with someone who’s looking to go on a few dates to make her ex jealous and drop the “oh me and my ex are going to work things out” bomb on me.
 

2Rocky

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That's on you man...be irreplaceable, or have other options. Those are your choices. both with women and career....
 

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Robert28

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That's on you man...be irreplaceable, or have other options. Those are your choices. both with women and career....
A guy with other options isn’t going to keep seeing a girl that pulls that though. Look, she has no clue if you’re irreplaceable or not, she’s only known you for a few dates, she’s known her ex for months or years.
 

Modern Man Advice

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LOL, I am a woman and calling 100% BS on that!

This is why you need more women on this forum, to give it to you straight from the "horse's mouth." :D

As a woman who has played games in the past, employed various shyt tests, I will tell you honestly that you do not want a woman like this.
A "quality" woman with high interest, a woman secure within herself, does not do things like that. Even assuming it's true, why tell you? To elicit a reaction, that is the ONLY reason.

Since I have grown up and away from all those games, I have had ex's contact me when I am in a new RL and I have no need or desire to mention this to my boyfriend. None whatsoever. I handle it.

Same when men approach and/or hit on me, I have no interest or desire to tell my boyfriend, there is no reason for it, other than to elicit a jealous response.

Best to not give her one and change the subject. Just my opinion from a woman who's BTDT but grown out and away from all that contrived silly BS.
@Robert28 this ^^

I would ignore it, and act if she hadn't mentioned it in the first place. But keep in mind this is a red flag as far as her thought process and behavior.

Modern Man Advice
 

2Rocky

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A guy with other options isn’t going to keep seeing a girl that pulls that though. Look, she has no clue if you’re irreplaceable or not, she’s only known you for a few dates, she’s known her ex for months or years.
You should change your handle to "Yeah But..."
 

Robert28

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@Robert28 this ^^

I would ignore it, and act if she hadn't mentioned it in the first place. But keep in mind this is a red flag as far as her thought process and behavior.

Modern Man Advice
I was just wondering if guys usually kept seeing the girl or if it would be smarter to just be like “nope, fvck this, I’m getting out NOW before it goes further because I know she’s going back to him eventually.”
 

Alvafe

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just gonna put what I think

a interested woman will not pull this sh!t on you if is true, because that could put a bad mood on the whole thing, and if is true she would "forget" him, and wouldn't put the whole thing on a bad term.

understand, woman will manipulate and push for reactions, hence why we say to ignore her if she don't behave.

want a example of woman manipulation? she post a photo of flowers on her FB KNOWING her BF at time would see it and would be pissed just to see what he would do, that is something I saw happen, she ven confessed later she did it on purpose even when her BF at time called her she said it was not her intention

what I would do on this case of the OP? I would take a piss, and ask for details, and check her reations, but know this I would be skipping her pretty soon anyway
 
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