Girl cancels with vague excuse...???

Ronin I

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OK so I've hung out with this girl three times -

see this thread for a little background -

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=27183

First we went out for drinks for about and hour and a half. (Thur)
The next time I went over to her house to watch that Mr. Perosnality show. (Mon)
The last time I took her out for dinner and drinks - I paid for dinner she paid for drinks. I then got her back to my house. (Thur)

I have kiss closed all three times but not much more than that. I know it's weak but she seems kind of nervous and uptight the last two times we've hung out. She told me she hasn;t had a boyfriend in 2 1/2 years and before that had a boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. So one boyfriend in the past 5 years. She says she has dated the past couple of years but from what I can gather not all that much. She is a school teacher (never goes out) most of her friends are married already and she's not much of a party girl (2 drinks is her limit). She seems to be an overall good girl. Exactly what I want in a LTR (at least it appears that way so far).

So we hang out Thur. night, we makeout a little bit, I massage/kiss her neck (she's loving it) admits that she NEVER had somebody massage her like that (this girl is 26 years old mind you - very sheltered and/or playing Miss innocent bigtime). So I'm walking her to her car, she says she had a great time, I say me too - we kiss goodbye and she says that if I need some inspiration while I'm studying (I have midterms today and tomorrow and told her I'd be studying all weekend) to call her.

So I call her yesterday and chat for a bit and then see if she wants to get together to watch that Mr. Personality show again tonight (as my study break because I have 3 midterms tomorrow) She agrees and even asks me if I want some sort of treat after my test tonight. I say surprise me and leave it at that.

Anyway I get out of my test early and get a message on my voicemail from her saying "Something's come up, I need to cancel tonight".

So I call her back to let her know I got her message. Tell her I hope everything's OK and that it actually works out for me well because I got out of my test so early I'd probably get some sleep and then get up and study all night.

She says that "everything's OK, I just need some time" and was just very vague about the whole thing. She was like "I'll call you." But then later said "Or you can call me when you're done with your tests."

So what the f*ck? I can understand cancelling if you have a legitimate reason but why be so damn vague about it. "I just need some time..." what the f*ck does that mean? Time for what? To do her lesson plans/report cards? Why be so goddamn vague?

Personally, when I cancel on somebody I usually give them a detailed legitimate reason so they know that I'm not f*cking around with them.

So what do you guys think?

This girl has shown high IL from the beginning and I think I've worked my DJ tactics pretty well. Maybe that is part of the problem -

Theories -
1) I have been too much of a DJ (mystery, not calling very much - once or twice a week tops and always to make plans, challenge - we have not hung out on a weekend yet only one Mon and two Thur's, etc) and she's not used to it. So am I getting a taste of my own medicine? Has she realized that she has made herself too available to me?

2) Just the opposite. Maybe watching this stupid f*cking TV show every week is too predictable, too boyfriend/girlfriendish, too much too soon?

3) Maybe she thinks that I'm making her my Mon and Thur girl and she doesnt particularly like that? I mean I have called and dictated when/where we meet each time (Im the man, Im taking the lead - none of this what do you want to do? crap). Mondays and Thursdays happen to be the nights I want to hang out with her right now. She did complain last Thur. how she wished it was a Fri or Sat so she didnt have to go home so early. I was thinking about giving in this week and hanging out with her on Sat if for no other reason than to see if I could finally f*ck close. But now I'm not so sure what's gonna happen.

Anyway I'm not stressing this too much because I have other girls waiting in the wings but I have to admit it does piss me off and confuse me sometimes when you think you have something totally under control and then it gets away from you.

We'll see what happens. Bottom line - she's punished. I won't call her until next Sunday at the earliest.
If she calls me before I'll probably feel her out and possibly set something up for Sat.

Suggestions? Feedback?
 

Ronin I

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one other thing...

I'm 99% sure I'm the only person she's dating right now.
Is it possible she finds herself getting attached to me already?

It's been 3 dates and we haven't done more than kiss yet?
 

Templeton

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Hey dude.

Maybe you are thinking a little too much about this chick and needlessly worrying and delving too deep. At the end of the day do you really care? Maybe you do - perhaps too much. None of us want to go down that route again until we know she is worth caring about do we?

Re what I told you about last Friday - Templeton on fire! :D
 

violator

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STOP OVERANALYZING!!! TRUST ME!!! When I was more of an an AFC, that was my biggest problem. Every single action and word from a girl was subject to utmost scrutiny and I realized that in the end it was not worth the effort.

Yes, I agree that her statements were a bit vague. Just last Friday, a girl who I believe had shown high IL canceled a date with me because according to her she was tired from working overtime. I am going to call her this week to set something up. I am not going to even try to determine whether it was BS or not. If she accepts a date this time, then fine. Otherwise, I will next her.

You should have the same attitude. Just call her again and set things up with her for next week. You will know then whether this girl is for real or not. Just because she cancels once is no cause to panic or to next. Once in a while women will do these things.

One of the benefits in having a bullpen of women, is that when one flakes on you, you have the option of calling someone else to take her place. And it also helps you avoid oneitis. So I would call her again to set something up. But in the meantime, keep your options open by meeting other girls.
 

PortugueseMeatball

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I agree 95% with what violator said. You're surely overanalysing -- after all, you should be concentrating on your exams! So she wants you to switch Mon. and Thu. dates to Fri./Sat.. Boo-hoo. You're busy -- and so is she, or at least so should she. Don't tell her that obviously -- this requires some tact, but most important, first and foremost, you should know what you want and act on it, of course.

Don't just next her right away; I'd keep her in the backburner. As violator said, it's good to have a pool of women; that way you have those who are further up in your preference list (for dates, not for LTRs) and those who are further back down. Disclaimer: don't let her know that you've such a pool, that's very un-classy. If she asks directly, avoid it (as in "What would you want to know that?" or "Where did you get that idea?" with a smile). Although you have several women, you make each and every one of them feel they're the only one (careful not to get mushy about it). Believe it, they will suspect when you've more than one...

Keep your cool, you're doing fine.
 

Ronin I

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Thanks for the replies guys.

I guess I am overanalyzing - but for the record it's not because I'm stressing this one girl - I'm not.

I'm just trying to refine my game as much as possible - and when things happen that I don't expect I generally like to try and figure them out. I like to have a sense of order in this f*cked up world we live in.

So I bounced back and called another girl - we were supposed to hang out tonight but she CANCELLED! Whatever.

So I called ANOTHER girl and we're supposed to hang out tomorrow night - let's hope she doesn't cancel.

Anyway I'm all about assembling a bullpen. It does feel nice when a broad does something to piss you off to just be able to shrug your shoulders and call another one.
 

1hepcat

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I don't think you're being too much of a challenge. Maybe you're being too boring and predictable. If you're calling her back "to let her know I got her message," after she cancels on you, that's not being a challenge at all. Maybe she's testing you. But when girls have a real reason they can't go, the reason is ALWAYS specific. I'd say wait 2 weeks, call her at some random time, and ask her to go out somewhere with you instead of just "hanging out".
 
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