GF too tired to have sex after holidays makes me wonder

markfromeurope

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So I'm with my new GF since about 4 and half months right now, all roses and doves during that time, we spend this year holidays together.

Until recently she was really hot after me (honeymoon period) and phucked me wild on daily basis during holidays but since about a week after holidays its 180 degrees around - she is 'too tired' to have sex - she declined it 2 times in row already (I declined it first once - I just wanted to go to bed after a date to have rest, as I work a lot) however recently she is genuinely stressed out with her work (it really feels like she is too focused on her work and has limited interest in me and dates with me - afte holidays she thinks about work a lot).

The thing is I start to feel the need to hit Tinder again - its my old bipolarsomethingme telling me I should be in the focus of her interest - I think I might be addicted to this initial chemistry of the relationships, but I'm not really interested in keeping relationship for sake of keeping them alive. Not after my phucked up break up with my ex that left me with suicidal thoughts few years ago.

I want raw, wild sex that leaves me mindphucked - the thing is she is a good, smart, good looking woman and I'm not getting younger. I feel internal incongruence - 50% of me want to spin plates, 50% of me tells me I should remain with one decent woman to have an offspring (I would like to have a child in the next several years) and weeks like this one is the price to pay for that to happen

Should I stay or should I go? Should I go for low radar plate spinning? Should I finally grow up (sic)?

Thoughts?
 

Julian

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Tough call bro. Keep your options open but if you are exclusive with her i would do some reconnaissance to see if she is fukking other guys an thats why shes tired.

Usually its a sign of low interest OR she thinks she know has you 100% and can act any type of way now. U need to set the precedent that sex is expected as part of your relationship

At the same time u sound like a beta becaise u said u withheld sex first so in her mind shes letting u know subliminally that she can play that game too.

Rule of thumb NEVER withhold sex from her. Makes u look weak and she WILL find d1ck elsewhere believe that homie
 

lamath

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Mmmm non sex after holiday this is a bad signs. She met a Chad o that holiday?

No sex for.much longer i would not gi e it a second tought NEXT
 

SoSuave666

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Men doubt relationships because their instinct tells them to. Mateguarding is a biological phenomenon. If your gut is telling you to eject, it’s for a reason.

It also sounds like you spent too much time together on holiday. You’ve known each other 4 months and you’re spending vacations with each other? None of that bonding leaves a lasting impression on her. Women are always interested in the NEXT thing you can provide for them, not what you already have. Set the bar too high and your relationship will fail quickly.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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Tough call bro. Keep your options open but if you are exclusive with her i would do some reconnaissance to see if she is fukking other guys an thats why shes tired.

Usually its a sign of low interest OR she thinks she know has you 100% and can act any type of way now. U need to set the precedent that sex is expected as part of your relationship

At the same time u sound like a beta becaise u said u withheld sex first so in her mind shes letting u know subliminally that she can play that game too.

Rule of thumb NEVER withhold sex from her. Makes u look weak and she WILL find d1ck elsewhere believe that homie
I disagree here. Withholding sex has a lot of power. If you want something long term it's a good filter. If you withhold does she get upset or try to cheat? Or does she work to rekindle attraction by buying some sexy panties and setting up a fun night? Great way to see a woman's true character. Also keeps things balanced so she doesn't start taking you for granted.

OP you're kind of acting like a woman. She should be bringing up kids and stuff, you should be enjoying life. If she turns down sex then focus on yourself and being unconditionally charming. If you don't think she deserves it then disengage so you don't end up resenting her. If she loses interest and leaves that's on her. If she lets things stagnate but doesn't break up then when you feel she isn't feeding the relationship stop feeding it yourself. If things don't change then walk.

I can relate to wanting hot freaky sex, but going for that when in a relationship is a cop out. It's a way of distracting yourself from your own insecurities and accountability in a relationship. Be patient, do your own thing, let some distance manifest and see it she closes it. If she doesn't then obviously she's lost interest. Let the distance naturally break you apart if it comes to that. Takes two to tango.

If you can be naturally charming and playful regardless of the outcome you're doing it right. Women find it hard to leave a man that naturally radiates that kind of confidence in himself.
 

markfromeurope

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Answers:
- we did have sex once after holidays and it was ok
- nah, no CHAD on holidays, actually it was holidays with close friends (she took some of hers and I took mine), before this rip we were together for 2 weeks on another trip and it was great as well
- she said she does not want to have sex because she is too stressed with her boss in the work recently (everytime she doesn't want to have sex, she mentions him, she acts genuinelly stressed out, she despises this guy - no, he doesn't hit on her, I asked about it)
- she said if I really want to, we can proceed - I obviously refused (I'm not doing 'marital' sex in 4,5 months relationship...)
- I did signalized too high interest earlier, it was my mistake (she even gave me talk about it before this trip when I lost my frame once)

The thing is its 8 days w/o sex and we won't have opportunity to hit the sheets at least for the next 5 days which will make 2 weeks sexless...

Moreover before second holidays trip she tried to give me that "your IL is higher than mine" talk (yet we were phucking like bunnies there)

Moreover she does go to the parties w/o me (ex. this week) I wanted to check what would be her reaction for me cutting the business trip time and going back to the city for Saturday night - she wasn't really interested in this idea ("It will be troublesome for you mark")

I think it might have been too much of interest from me + I really gave her my best game in this initial period but now when holidays are over and things went back to normal everyday duties she is partially disenchanted as there's nothing that exciting in the menu.

I think I should make a step back now and see if she wants to initiate the meeting that will end in sex (I've proposed quick lunch before my business trip this week that definitely won't end in sex so i plan to cancel it).

My intuition tells me she takes me for granted now as well and I would like to (and probably should) use Tinder again (no available side-plate around me really), however, the thing is I am afraid to use Tinder as someone I know might notice my profile online and let her know (she has a lot if aquaintaces in my target age) and I know some Tinder users at my work as well.

What do you think guys?
 

AttackFormation

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OP i would not recommend having kids with this woman unless you want to raise them in a broken home. If the relationship is already going south and youre thinking of using tinder, when its still the honeymoon period, just think what that forecasts for the challenges of the future. Not a good sign.

Her story with her boss doesnt seem 100%. She cant have sex but she can go out to party and whatever else it was? We didnt get enough to make a conclusion but id keep an eye on that kind of incongruence.
 

SoSuave666

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Way too much interest from you way too soon. And this isn’t a pull back thing either, you genuinely internally got way too attached way too quickly. Pulling back now is just disingenuous behavior and she knows it.
 

markfromeurope

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I would seriously think about nexting her, seems like her IL is getting lower and she is trying to control the sex frequency
Well it was first week of such behavior - It was all well before.

I get the feeling she is testing my reactions regarding her behaviour as well. I think I will lower my signals of IL as well and prepared to soft-next in case IT will repeat itself (going to cancel our next meeting during work as well )
 

AJ84

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Well it was first week of such behavior - It was all well before.

I get the feeling she is testing my reactions regarding her behaviour as well. I think I will lower my signals of IL as well and prepared to soft-next in case IT will repeat itself (going to cancel our next meeting during work as well )
“she said if I really want to, we can proceed”

Female perspective: if a girl says that to you it’s never a good sign.

If she’s really into the guy and the sex she would welcome it! A sexy distraction to her stressful job.

That comment, paired with her not wanting to meet to with you when you suggested cutting your trip short, tells me that she is not that interested. Girls who have high interest don’t sh*t test by declining sex and meet ups. Every girl with half a brain knows doing that would lead to him moving on.

I notice that some guys here rationalize this kind of behaviour from females as a test, when really it’s just that she’s not that interested and doesn’t have the consideration to end it, wasting his time while he tries to figure out where she is, time that could be spent meeting other girls.

One of my friends always makes an effort with guys she likes, cooking for them, being available for sex, taking an interest in who he is. But she also has the mindset of ‘if he doesn’t want to spend time with me, I’ll find someone else who will.’

Some of you may think yeah that’s typical female bytch behaviour but you know what? She has a point about not wasting time on guys who are not meeting her half way. It’s called having standards and seeing value in what you have to offer. So maybe you should have the same mindset. Your time and value is important and should not be wasted on some girl who isn’t that interested.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Mmmm non sex after holiday this is a bad signs. She met a Chad o that holiday?

No sex for.much longer i would not gi e it a second tought NEXT
+1

I second this. 4month not 4yrs. Furthermore, in the honey moon phase, she's already showing her true colors. That being her checked out.

Not in the mood means next.

Demonstrate don't explicate means - "heading out with the boys." it means #nextSet.

It means, hotter girls are turning 18 everyday.
Act as such. Dread game is the trump card to play.


This herein lies why i don't believe in monogamy and especially marriage. Bringing the state into the LTR is brain damage.

Its a man's willingness to walk combined with options thats puts a woman in check.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Guess you are right. I will cut the interest and return to Tinder pickup stating 'single' in my profile. I'm not waiting for a crash of the relationship riding shogun anymore.

Thanks for all the replies
Tinder is cuck on steroids.

Get off the cucked apps. Chat up baeeees irl.
 

dude99

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Answers:
- we did have sex once after holidays and it was ok
- nah, no CHAD on holidays, actually it was holidays with close friends (she took some of hers and I took mine), before this rip we were together for 2 weeks on another trip and it was great as well
- she said she does not want to have sex because she is too stressed with her boss in the work recently (everytime she doesn't want to have sex, she mentions him, she acts genuinelly stressed out, she despises this guy - no, he doesn't hit on her, I asked about it)
- she said if I really want to, we can proceed - I obviously refused (I'm not doing 'marital' sex in 4,5 months relationship...)
- I did signalized too high interest earlier, it was my mistake (she even gave me talk about it before this trip when I lost my frame once)

The thing is its 8 days w/o sex and we won't have opportunity to hit the sheets at least for the next 5 days which will make 2 weeks sexless...

Moreover before second holidays trip she tried to give me that "your IL is higher than mine" talk (yet we were phucking like bunnies there)

Moreover she does go to the parties w/o me (ex. this week) I wanted to check what would be her reaction for me cutting the business trip time and going back to the city for Saturday night - she wasn't really interested in this idea ("It will be troublesome for you mark")

I think it might have been too much of interest from me + I really gave her my best game in this initial period but now when holidays are over and things went back to normal everyday duties she is partially disenchanted as there's nothing that exciting in the menu.

I think I should make a step back now and see if she wants to initiate the meeting that will end in sex (I've proposed quick lunch before my business trip this week that definitely won't end in sex so i plan to cancel it).

My intuition tells me she takes me for granted now as well and I would like to (and probably should) use Tinder again (no available side-plate around me really), however, the thing is I am afraid to use Tinder as someone I know might notice my profile online and let her know (she has a lot if aquaintaces in my target age) and I know some Tinder users at my work as well.

What do you think guys?
You need to take a step back, she can smell your thirst. It is killing challenge and killing attraction. She is telling you her interest is less than yours, she is telling you she is losing interest, and this is 4 months in?

Sounds like she has already reached the stage where she has mentally checked out, and it is all but over. She will be giving you the LJBF talk soon.

You can do one of 2 things.

1. "Hey this has been fun but it isn't working for me anymore. You take care." Then go and date other women.

Or

2. Withdraw 90% of your attention and see how she either exits, or tried to draw you back in.

Your choice, but the first denial of sex is a test to see how you react to it as a man. A constant denial of sex is a woman who isn't interested in you."
 
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