GF of 1 yr dumped me... but we work together. How to proceed?

[DeanMean13]

Hey guys, new member but long time visitor, my friend introduced me to this site.

The situation:

GF dumped me a few days ago, but we work together twice a week. I'm wondering how I should conduct myself when I see her, because complete NC is not realistic as interacting and conversing with her is going to be unavoidable at work. We also work with a lot of clients, so her and I will also have to interact with clients together.

First off, I know it's dumb to date where you work. We started off friends for a year or two and it kinda blossomed into something more over time. Whatever, lesson learned.

Anyways, I am not interested in giving up my shift or finding a new job, because I'm not going to let anyone push me out of a job and source of income. My work schedule and school schedule (I am in university) align perfectly, and I feel like dropping my job for the sake of healing and moving on will create more problems than it solves, and I want to focus on my full-course load at school... not finding a new job.

Her and I had a passionate relationship with a lot of physical chemistry is many ways, but our different personalities and life philosophies ultimately couldn't be reconciled and she kind of blind sighted me with ending it... just started a trivial fight as justification for ending it but at the end of day there was a buildup and it was going to happen eventually.

She's really fed up with me at this point to the point she shared some things I told her in confidence with a co-worker who we both disliked but she randomly vented to about me. The co-worker ended up speaking to the boss and she was understanding for the most part, but she just kind of gave me a friendly warning. So now I have angry ex-grilfriend at work with some co-workers who don't like me, and despite me trying to offer a sincere apology, it fell flat.

I'll reiterate that i don't want to leave this job. Fvck her and my co-workers if they got a problem with me, I am popular among clients and I'm not going drastically change my life because a few women are upset with me. I asked how she feels about working along with me and she said "i honestly don't care." in a way that makes it seem like she does lol.. but whatever.

So I want to know how to behave around the ex when I am with her at work. I assume it's a safe bet to go full NC outside of work, unless it directly involves work. But in-person do I act the same way when her and I were friends before we dated? Do I just keep interactions and conversations with her to a minimum and be very brief and superficial when communication with her?

I bet over time if I'm not begging for her, or trying to give her attention outside of work and or more than needed attention at work, she will probably come around with the "hey... i've been thinking about things, maybe we should go for coffee?" I probably would just tell her i'm swamped with school and don't have time.

My intention is to heal ultimately, and I know going it's going to be a lot hard and a lot longer process by seeing her weekly, but I'm willing to suck it up so I can put my income and schooling first. The healing will happen over time eventually.

Couple posters I have interest in hearing from: @Howiestern @Atom Smasher @guru1000 @Glassguy @fastlife @Roober

Any advice would be great.

TL;DR -- GF of 1 year dumped me. We work together. She says she doesn't care if she sees me at work. I ain't leaving my job because my work and school schedule work together perfectly, and I ain't letting an upset girl inadvertently dictate my life decisions. Conversations and interactions with her will be unavoidable. NC outside of work obviously. But at work do I act like I did before we dated, or do I act more brief and superficial than normal with my communication? How should I conduct myself?

 

[MountainSlide]

Hey guys, new member but long time visitor, my friend introduced me to this site.

The situation:

GF dumped me a few days ago, but we work together twice a week. I'm wondering how I should conduct myself when I see her, because complete NC is not realistic as interacting and conversing with her is going to be unavoidable at work. We also work with a lot of clients, so her and I will also have to interact with clients together.

First off, I know it's dumb to date where you work. We started off friends for a year or two and it kinda blossomed into something more over time. Whatever, lesson learned.

Anyways, I am not interested in giving up my shift or finding a new job, because I'm not going to let anyone push me out of a job and source of income. My work schedule and school schedule (I am in university) align perfectly, and I feel like dropping my job for the sake of healing and moving on will create more problems than it solves, and I want to focus on my full-course load at school... not finding a new job.

Her and I had a passionate relationship with a lot of physical chemistry is many ways, but our different personalities and life philosophies ultimately couldn't be reconciled and she kind of blind sighted me with ending it... just started a trivial fight as justification for ending it but at the end of day there was a buildup and it was going to happen eventually.

She's really fed up with me at this point to the point she shared some things I told her in confidence with a co-worker who we both disliked but she randomly vented to about me. The co-worker ended up speaking to the boss and she was understanding for the most part, but she just kind of gave me a friendly warning. So now I have angry ex-grilfriend at work with some co-workers who don't like me, and despite me trying to offer a sincere apology, it fell flat.

I'll reiterate that i don't want to leave this job. Fvck her and my co-workers if they got a problem with me, I am popular among clients and I'm not going drastically change my life because a few women are upset with me. I asked how she feels about working along with me and she said "i honestly don't care." in a way that makes it seem like she does lol.. but whatever.

So I want to know how to behave around the ex when I am with her at work. I assume it's a safe bet to go full NC outside of work, unless it directly involves work. But in-person do I act the same way when her and I were friends before we dated? Do I just keep interactions and conversations with her to a minimum and be very brief and superficial when communication with her?

I bet over time if I'm not begging for her, or trying to give her attention outside of work and or more than needed attention at work, she will probably come around with the "hey... i've been thinking about things, maybe we should go for coffee?" I probably would just tell her i'm swamped with school and don't have time.

My intention is to heal ultimately, and I know going it's going to be a lot hard and a lot longer process by seeing her weekly, but I'm willing to suck it up so I can put my income and schooling first. The healing will happen over time eventually.

Couple posters I have interest in hearing from: @Howiestern @Atom Smasher @guru1000 @Glassguy @fastlife @Roober

Any advice would be great.

TL;DR -- GF of 1 year dumped me. We work together. She says she doesn't care if she sees me at work. I ain't leaving my job because my work and school schedule work together perfectly, and I ain't letting an upset girl inadvertently dictate my life decisions. Conversations and interactions with her will be unavoidable. NC outside of work obviously. But at work do I act like I did before we dated, or do I act more brief and superficial than normal with my communication? How should I conduct myself?

Hey. Sorry I didn’t read your full post because it was too long and boring. When you work with someone but need NC to heal from the breakup, the rule is to only have contact with her when the topic is work related. The no contact rules are in the no contact thread, and working with your ex is covered in there.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard.

Your self-determination (wanting to move on, maintaining your work/school responsibilities etc..) puts you in a good place, however, be prepared.

Sounds like you're dealing with a scorned woman. And these types hate it when you appear successful and unfazed by their actions. Consider yourself lucky that she did the breaking off. Had you initiated, it would be much worse.

One piece of advice I can offer is to remain calm, cool and un-reactionary.
The next piece of advice, you'll probably not like, but the outcome will be worth it.
Find some way to do a good deed for her. Sounds crazy, right?
Don't ask her if she needs help (she'll probably scoff at you or not trust your intentions), Do something and then leave her alone. She will probably not instantly revert to niceness, but it's difficult to remain angry at someone that has been kind (with no motive). Well, you do have a motive, but she'll not know this.

Also, this is the time that you'll want to be on your 'best work behavior' around co-workers. Judging by your posting, some of them are probably waiting for a reason to dislike you. Don't give them one. Instead, disarm your ex... by being a little nicer to them (but don't over do it).

Eventually, most of us learn about dating a co-worker the hard way. I already had my moment.
Best of luck with yours.

 

[Focal core]

I didnt need to read all as i stop at this point.

Her and I had a passionate relationship with a lot of physical chemistry is many ways, but our different personalities and life philosophies ultimately couldn't be reconciled and she kind of blind sighted me with ending it...

Just sit back and relax, you guys basically just having fun with each other to fill some voids , theres no such thing as physical chemistry, at the same time having different personalities and life philosophy whatever, it wont work for long run, get yourself together continue bussines as usual.. Dont be dumb.. Girls like to have fun too till something better comes along.

Next time get real chemistry, thats emotional connection.

 

[lamath]

Imo dont validate her or give her special attention. No personal talk ever.

She most likely will try to engage you and try to get a reaction from you, maybe not right now but soon enough, even if they dump you most women feel the need to know that you are still there for them if they ever change their mind.
DONT FEED THAT NEED FOR SECURITY EVER ! its never good and you dont want her to feel secure about dumping you

Treat her like a fat women, be cordial but no more.

 

[DeanMean13]

Thanks for the input so far guys, except MountainSlide.

 

[MountainSlide]

Thanks for the input so far guys, except MountainSlide.

Haha f* you. It’s okay. I’m an @ss. Hope things work out for you brother.

 

[xplt]

Thanks for the input so far guys, except MountainSlide.

He said everything you need to know.

 

[Serenity]

Be professional. Your interactions with her should from now on only revolve around getting the job done, don't show any hostility. As for the other co-workers, don't speak about your ex at all. The relationship didn't work out, what's done is done and you should treat it like it's not relevant going forward.

She might go around talking about you, reacting to it would be a bad idea. If anyone else asks about claims your ex has made about you then answer with as few words as possible and add that you'd rather leave all of that in the past.

Basically behave as if you have forgotten the relationship and resist the temptation to join discussions about it, just move on with doing what you're supposed to be doing, your job.

 

[jaymbrs]

Well I was going to offer some advice but since you're only looking for advice from certain people, I'll refrain.

 

[samspade]

You have the right idea. Be professional and courteous but avoid friendly small talk.

In a way, you're lucky for being dumped. She probably has moved on emotionally and won't be a pain in the a$$ or super emo. So all that's left is for you to keep yourself in check.

 

[MountainSlide]

This is why you don't date co-workers. How many times does this need to be said?

I thinks it’s okay to have casual sex with them as long as everyone is on the same page. Catching feelings though can lead to serious problems. There was this one girl that started at my work. She was pretty good looking. I took her out and we went and smashed in the back of her Benz. It was pretty fantastic. Then at work we started finding places to go smash. I didn’t tell anyone about it until after she’d been fired for poor work performance. But we all had a good laugh.

 

[DeanMean13]

Get her fired.

Lol nah, I'm not going to act butthurt and vindictive, no point giving her that much real estate in my head.

 

[DeanMean13]

It isn't vindictiveness. It's self-defense. If you want to keep the job, if you don't arrange her departure, she'll arrange yours. Update your resume'. Women aren't like us.

Gotcha, but my job is safe.

I've been there longer than the new boss and the boss is on my side. I provide value in various capacities that my other co-workers can't and I'm also very popular among clients. The only way I would get fired is to go out of my way to intentionally stir the pot with co-workers, and I'm okay with putting my ego aside and remaining professional until things blow over.

My boss is also a woman and has had her own tiff a few weeks ago with my ex lol.

I'm not worried.

 

[DeanMean13]

I guess you don't need to worry about her sleeping with your boss, then?

No, other way around if anything lol

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hey guys, new member but long time visitor, my friend introduced me to this site.

The situation:

GF dumped me a few days ago, but we work together twice a week. I'm wondering how I should conduct myself when I see her, because complete NC is not realistic as interacting and conversing with her is going to be unavoidable at work. We also work with a lot of clients, so her and I will also have to interact with clients together.

First off, I know it's dumb to date where you work. We started off friends for a year or two and it kinda blossomed into something more over time. Whatever, lesson learned.

Anyways, I am not interested in giving up my shift or finding a new job, because I'm not going to let anyone push me out of a job and source of income. My work schedule and school schedule (I am in university) align perfectly, and I feel like dropping my job for the sake of healing and moving on will create more problems than it solves, and I want to focus on my full-course load at school... not finding a new job.

Her and I had a passionate relationship with a lot of physical chemistry is many ways, but our different personalities and life philosophies ultimately couldn't be reconciled and she kind of blind sighted me with ending it... just started a trivial fight as justification for ending it but at the end of day there was a buildup and it was going to happen eventually.

She's really fed up with me at this point to the point she shared some things I told her in confidence with a co-worker who we both disliked but she randomly vented to about me. The co-worker ended up speaking to the boss and she was understanding for the most part, but she just kind of gave me a friendly warning. So now I have angry ex-grilfriend at work with some co-workers who don't like me, and despite me trying to offer a sincere apology, it fell flat.

I'll reiterate that i don't want to leave this job. Fvck her and my co-workers if they got a problem with me, I am popular among clients and I'm not going drastically change my life because a few women are upset with me. I asked how she feels about working along with me and she said "i honestly don't care." in a way that makes it seem like she does lol.. but whatever.

So I want to know how to behave around the ex when I am with her at work. I assume it's a safe bet to go full NC outside of work, unless it directly involves work. But in-person do I act the same way when her and I were friends before we dated? Do I just keep interactions and conversations with her to a minimum and be very brief and superficial when communication with her?

I bet over time if I'm not begging for her, or trying to give her attention outside of work and or more than needed attention at work, she will probably come around with the "hey... i've been thinking about things, maybe we should go for coffee?" I probably would just tell her i'm swamped with school and don't have time.

My intention is to heal ultimately, and I know going it's going to be a lot hard and a lot longer process by seeing her weekly, but I'm willing to suck it up so I can put my income and schooling first. The healing will happen over time eventually.

Couple posters I have interest in hearing from: @Howiestern @Atom Smasher @guru1000 @Glassguy @fastlife @Roober

Any advice would be great.

TL;DR -- GF of 1 year dumped me. We work together. She says she doesn't care if she sees me at work. I ain't leaving my job because my work and school schedule work together perfectly, and I ain't letting an upset girl inadvertently dictate my life decisions. Conversations and interactions with her will be unavoidable. NC outside of work obviously. But at work do I act like I did before we dated, or do I act more brief and superficial than normal with my communication? How should I conduct myself?

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