I would really see a doctor about that oneitis though.ne0phyte said:see this is a damn complicated topic. there's clearly cases of it working out and cases of it not. what bothers me is how i'm stuck on this girl. i've asked about this before, and listened to your guys' advice about dating other girls to forget about her/not get dependent on her. guess what? even when i'm making out with someone else, i'm still thinking about her. i'm just drawn to her
just to satisfy my curiosity, if i decided to go for it, how would i go about this situation then? first of all, i'm not trying to steal someone that isn't showing some interest. for instance, at first i did all the planning, hangouts etc, but after listening to you guys, i made myself scarce, didn't always answer her phone calls to hangout. if she was just a friend, she wouldn't really care right? but then she started calling me to go study, to get ice cream with her, etc. she says she invites our other friends too, but it always ends up being me and her alone
Oneitis is an insidious thing. Are you obsessed with this girl, or just strongly attracted to her? If it is the former, you will **** things up before she ever gets the chance to.
when we talk, she's the one that brings up sexual topics. we were talking about weed in college, and she straight up asked if i had sex on E before, and how amazing that would be. when we are hanging out at night, she doesn't pick up her boyfriend's call (i see it on her phone), and sends it to voicemail repeatedly. she even told me how her current bf met when she was seeing someone else, and how they started "hanging out as friends" when both of them just knew it was a lie and were attracted to each other (is this a FZ sign, or her dropping a hint about us?). she also said she never cheated, that when she knew she wanted the new guy, she broke it off with the old
There are two things here that strike me as important. In a way, they conflict.
1. Suppose you hit fast forward and you were her boyfriend. Are you happy that your girlfriend is out talking to guys about boning on E, ignoring your phone calls and having late night study (read: drinking) sessions with dudes that want to stick their weiner in her? Because that is the type of girl she is.
Continue the visualization. She started hanging out "as friends" with her current boyfriend, then jumped ship to him when she got bored of the one she was with. She then started hanging out "as friends" with you, until she jumped ship to you when she got bored of the one she was with. What are you going to do when she mentions shes going to go out studying with her new pal Tommy?
2. The situation is a bit better for you, assuming she told the truth about not cheating. We'll get to that in a minute though. If she was telling the truth, it lends her a significantly greater amount of integrity than if she just started boning the new guy without showing her current boyfriend the respect to end the relationship first. It shows she has enough decency to spare someone she cared about the extra egg on the face, and that she values decency over impulse.
is physically escalating the only option i have if I decide to pursue her?
No, but it is probably the quickest.
If you are dead set on this thing, what I would do is give her a **** test. The next time the conversation goes "that way" I would say something about how its too bad that shes hooked up already, or you would be all over that. Watch her reaction:
1. If she physically escalates with you, or pulls a what he doesn't know... The good news is you can **** her, the bad news is that she will be useless to you as a girlfriend.
2. If she says that she is comitted to her boyfriend, or otherwise LJBF's you. You need to forget about her before the oneitis eats you up and go find a new target.
3. If she hints that she is unhappy with her relationship, and may be single soon, this is the scenario you want. Distance yourself until one day (probably shortly), she calls you about how shes butthurt that her and her boyfriend split up and wants to hang out. Make your move then.