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Friend Zone Jeopardy

redskinsfan92

Master Don Juan
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Unexpected and interesting
 

dude99

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There is a girl in my social circle that caught my interest. One of those girls that seems to get it in how a man just is, or maybe just how I am.
Known for seven or so months, unavailable for 5 of them. Over the last few weeks, she ends up with me, one on one, pretty much every time we see each other and its not my doing. I have been asked if we had a thing going.

So, one night, I decide that i may actually want to start something with her. I asked her out and I got shot down. She told me that although she feels strongly connected to me, that she couldn't get involved with me because she though that my situation was too complicated..bla, bla, bla (what is complicated isn't really relevant here) and added that all connections don't need to be romantic. I simply said OK, that's life and maybe we shouldn't hang out so much since other women will think that we are a couple. I then changed the subject. Obviously, I'm freindzoned, but honestly not looking to get out since its not ever worth trying.


There are limited places to hang out right now and my group frequents the one place with a large, open outdoor space that stays open later than 8. So a couple of nights ago (just a few days after my shoot down), I go there and sit with a couple of my buds to watch a game and had no idea that she was there until she popped up next to me. I just said hi, kept it short and she went back to the girls. Later she comes and sits at the table right next to me. I needed to leave and she happened to be in the bathroom, so I said "tell her I said see you later" and left. I get a text: "Seriously? You got a drink a few minutes before I sat down" with a frown emoji. I didn't reply, but that's not uncommon. So the next night, at the same place, my friends had just left and I'm sitting and finishing my beer, when she appears with a fresh beer for me and asks "can we talk about last night", sits down and tells me that me leaving without saying goodbye was weird and then not replying to her text from last night "all day" had caused her a lot of anxiety. She found out that I left because she was told that I said "see you later", just as I would for any friend. I told her that I had to get to a store before it closed (true). I thought that was the end of it, but she brought it up twice more over the next ten minutes, right down to checking how close the time I said the store closed to the time of her text regarding my exit. It was like she thought that i was lying. WTF should she even care?

So here i am now with a pretty large social circle of people and I need to shut her down without coming across as a d**k and in a way that she can't spin it that I was. I just want some separation and it appears that, by accident, I found out that she isn't going to take it well. The last thing I want people to think is that I'm butthurt from her shooting me down and am sure that whatever occurs is going to become girly gossip.

Any insight or ideas?

I know, long read. I trimmed it the best that i could
She doesnt want to date you but still expects you to chase and validate her. You did the right thing by backing off. You did what most guys don't do. You didnt chase. Bravo.

She has entitlement issues. That is her problem. Not yours. Remember you owe her nothing. If she brings up you bouncing without saying good bye again or when the store closes and your timing again i'd just reply with " what are you my mother? Stop acting weird."

Watch her back track. You dont owe her anything. Not even an explanation. You needed to leave and where and why is none of her business.

keep doing your thing. Ignore her texts ignore her phone calls, delete her on all social media, go date other women. If she shows up at places you are, you politely say hello and leave it at that.

She doesnt want to date. Good enough. You moved on.Chicks who dont want to date shouldn't expect boyfriend treatment from.a guy she rejects.

And they should learn how to be mature when the guy rejects their 'friendzone offer too.' He didnt get what he wanted. Why should she?
 

dude99

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Update:
This could get long (again), so I'm going to try and summarize.
I have not been initiating any contact, but she has been. My answers again were friendly, closed and short, but she wanted to meet to give me something, so I figured that I would just get that out of the way. Two days ago we set something up, but I cancelled. Last night we did get together at the place that we normally see each other. I had said that I would be there if time allows and got there about a half hour before close. She had sent me a few texts in the mean time, letting me know that she was getting ready, when she would get there and it was a couple hours before I arrived. She definitely had taken some time to primp. It was a small group and I went to pay my tab, was told she had already covered it. Hmm..

I ended up at her place and she gave me a nice bottle of whiskey as a gift and poured me a glass.
We talked as we used to, but there was certainly a different tone.
She commented that I hadn't noticed that she had curled her hair and she never does that.
She soon began hitting me with qualifying questions, but I kept my cool and think that I deflected pretty well. I'm not going to cover all of those. I turned a number of them back on her as well.
The conversation shifted to relationships and she began qualifying herself without any prodding from me.
As a"friend", I told her generally what I had going on recently, dating wise.
Referencing a pretty old conversation, she asked why I had been on dating sites before I was officially divorced and how could anyone be sure that you wouldn't do that to them in a relationship. Yeah, "anyone" being her. I get it with the last guy cheating.
Somewhere in there, she topped off my drink.
Then the questions regarding me not being around so much started.
I just told her that I had other things to do. On top of that I thought it best that we cool it a bit, and that I had almost declined coming over to her place. I also said that she was nice enough to buy me the whiskey and I didn't want to be rude.
She asked if me blowing hot and cold was part of cooling it. I said that the cool part was, but what's the big deal anyway?

Then, out it comes: She complimented me for being honest, said that it sort of bothered her that I was dating other women and she had found herself missing me.

Me "But we are friends"
Her "More than regular friends"
Me "Friends are friends"
Her "Maybe we are more than friends"
Me "I don't know, you were pretty clear with saying that all connections don't need to be romantic"
Her, after a flustered pause "maybe that was a bit harsh"
Me "Whatever. Your words"

I stood up, took my last swig of whiskey and said that I had to get going. As she walked me to the door, she told me about an outdoor, unplugged, live music, house party where people just show up and play. Her friend (girl) was going to be playing. It is this weekend and she asked me to go with her. As I stepped out the door, I told her to text me the times and I'll check if I'm free, but we should be cooling it.
She replied "Your words not mine" with a very sexy, head ****ed to the side smile. You know the look.

There was a whole lot of other ground covered that I could never detail here and its still a bit early to think that this has turned around. I'm going to play this out.
She wants what she can't have. Things became real when you started seeing other women. She realized she is not a priority.

Make her chase. Everything is on your terms. She has entered your frame. Keep it that way.

She f_cked things up. It is 100% up to her to fix things. Keep seeing other women. Make her chase.
 

Clamslammer

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I actually like what you did. You asked her out, she rejected you and said she only wants to be friends and you said no amd that you shouldn't hang out much since girls will think you are an item thus showing her you have options. She got confused because you didnt chase her thus became attracted to you.

You are in the drivers seat now buddy and you can get some if you play it right. Keep going on about your life and being indifferent but cordial around her. Eventually she will likely come around to ask you to hang out or she will reach out to you and ask what you are doing. If she does this invite her back to your place...do not go on a date with her just invite her to your place for drinks and food she either comes over or doesnt. You are not going to go out of your way to go out on an actual date with her because she lost option when she rejected you initially.

Whatever you do don't reach out to her first she has to come to you.
 

redskinsfan92

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I actually like what you did. You asked her out, she rejected you and said she only wants to be friends and you said no amd that you shouldn't hang out much since girls will think you are an item thus showing her you have options. She got confused because you didnt chase her thus became attracted to you.

You are in the drivers seat now buddy and you can get some if you play it right. Keep going on about your life and being indifferent but cordial around her. Eventually she will likely come around to ask you to hang out or she will reach out to you and ask what you are doing. If she does this invite her back to your place...do not go on a date with her just invite her to your place for drinks and food she either comes over or doesnt. You are not going to go out of your way to go out on an actual date with her because she lost option when she rejected you initially.

Whatever you do don't reach out to her first she has to come to you.
Going to agree. No need for a date. You already know each other. If she wants more, she needs to come over and f
 

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TheFinalLine

Master Don Juan
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Update:
This could get long (again), so I'm going to try and summarize.
I have not been initiating any contact, but she has been. My answers again were friendly, closed and short, but she wanted to meet to give me something, so I figured that I would just get that out of the way. Two days ago we set something up, but I cancelled. Last night we did get together at the place that we normally see each other. I had said that I would be there if time allows and got there about a half hour before close. She had sent me a few texts in the mean time, letting me know that she was getting ready, when she would get there and it was a couple hours before I arrived. She definitely had taken some time to primp. It was a small group and I went to pay my tab, was told she had already covered it. Hmm..

I ended up at her place and she gave me a nice bottle of whiskey as a gift and poured me a glass.
We talked as we used to, but there was certainly a different tone.
She commented that I hadn't noticed that she had curled her hair and she never does that.
She soon began hitting me with qualifying questions, but I kept my cool and think that I deflected pretty well. I'm not going to cover all of those. I turned a number of them back on her as well.
The conversation shifted to relationships and she began qualifying herself without any prodding from me.
As a"friend", I told her generally what I had going on recently, dating wise.
Referencing a pretty old conversation, she asked why I had been on dating sites before I was officially divorced and how could anyone be sure that you wouldn't do that to them in a relationship. Yeah, "anyone" being her. I get it with the last guy cheating.
Somewhere in there, she topped off my drink.
Then the questions regarding me not being around so much started.
I just told her that I had other things to do. On top of that I thought it best that we cool it a bit, and that I had almost declined coming over to her place. I also said that she was nice enough to buy me the whiskey and I didn't want to be rude.
She asked if me blowing hot and cold was part of cooling it. I said that the cool part was, but what's the big deal anyway?

Then, out it comes: She complimented me for being honest, said that it sort of bothered her that I was dating other women and she had found herself missing me.

Me "But we are friends"
Her "More than regular friends"
Me "Friends are friends"
Her "Maybe we are more than friends"
Me "I don't know, you were pretty clear with saying that all connections don't need to be romantic"
Her, after a flustered pause "maybe that was a bit harsh"
Me "Whatever. Your words"

I stood up, took my last swig of whiskey and said that I had to get going. As she walked me to the door, she told me about an outdoor, unplugged, live music, house party where people just show up and play. Her friend (girl) was going to be playing. It is this weekend and she asked me to go with her. As I stepped out the door, I told her to text me the times and I'll check if I'm free, but we should be cooling it.
She replied "Your words not mine" with a very sexy, head ****ed to the side smile. You know the look.

There was a whole lot of other ground covered that I could never detail here and its still a bit early to think that this has turned around. I'm going to play this out.
Holy shyt. Maybe she should have stripped and spread her legs for you to get the hint. You lead. Not fukking her can end this really quick.

You talk all that stuff AFTER. I am amazed sometimes. All this goofy crap on here. LMAO
 

gettinit

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You talk all that stuff AFTER. I am amazed sometimes. All this goofy crap on here. LMAO
In a perfect world, sure, that would be the case, but not every interaction goes like a page from a PUA book. Its always good to share and learn. That's why I share "goofy crap" on here.
Yes, fukking her could end this pretty quick, but she does, after all, have to be a willing participant.
 

TheFinalLine

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In a perfect world, sure, that would be the case, but not every interaction goes like a page from a PUA book. Its always good to share and learn. That's why I share "goofy crap" on here.
Yes, fukking her could end this pretty quick, but she does, after all, have to be a willing participant.
I’ve never had to use pickup stuff. Or at least I don’t think so. Maybe I do to some extent. In a bit forward at times. I just didn’t see the point of beating around the bush.

her entire conversation was manipulative. Based on what you wrote. “More than friends” is fukking. But you didn’t get control of the conversation. Hard for me to put into words. If you are in her apartment. There’s fukking going to happen.

I guess I should ask the right question. What exactly were you there for? Practice game? Show your masculinity? Was it about one upping her? I guess I don’t see YOUR “intent”. I can see hers clearly even though it was manipulative.

why were you so channeled that you didn’t see the panoramic view?
 

gettinit

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As far as the original intent, I was only there to get what she wanted to give me. Basically, get it out of the way and continue to distance myself. I didn't expect her tell me that she missed me or back pedal on her earlier statements. On top of that, it was late and I was beat. Not a good time to try and make moves. I'm not in any hurry. If she misses me now and this is worth my time, she will still miss me and act accordingly. A flat rejection is not a situation where I think its a good idea to to be a pushover and give her an express pass into my world again. Its her turn to rebuild a bridge if she wants to be more than friends. If she doesn't make the effort, I'll just stay on the route that I'm on. I'm not desperate. If its just games, I should know, soon enough. I actually had to decline her invite as I did already have something going on. Oh well.
 

TheFinalLine

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1. Invited you to her place.
2. Dolled herself up.
3.Casually talked about “more than friends”
4. Bought you a present.
I thought you guys believed in never believing what comes out of a woman’s mouth but believing her actions. Did I miss any other submissive cues?
 

TheFinalLine

Master Don Juan
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As far as the original intent, I was only there to get what she wanted to give me. Basically, get it out of the way and continue to distance myself. I didn't expect her tell me that she missed me or back pedal on her earlier statements. On top of that, it was late and I was beat. Not a good time to try and make moves. I'm not in any hurry. If she misses me now and this is worth my time, she will still miss me and act accordingly. A flat rejection is not a situation where I think its a good idea to to be a pushover and give her an express pass into my world again. Its her turn to rebuild a bridge if she wants to be more than friends. If she doesn't make the effort, I'll just stay on the route that I'm on. I'm not desperate. If its just games, I should know, soon enough. I actually had to decline her invite as I did already have something going on. Oh well.
Very well.
 
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