Fed up with casual sex

[Austin Allegro]

Since becoming a DJ, the number of ONS and STRs have increased dramatically.

But does anyone feel jaded about all this?

It really doesn't seem to be what I want.

When I've had ONS, I've often had a few drinks, am a bit nervous and so have had erection problems. I either can't get it up, or I get a 'semi' and come in about five seconds. This has NEVER happened to me in an LTR.

It's not just the physical downside either. Sometimes ONSs are physically satisfying, but emotionally I get fed up because:

a. I don't care much for her, and
b. It's often not fair on her as the women seem to develop emotional ties quite quickly (see my thread on 'hell hath no fury like a DJ scorned')

What I'd really like is an LTR with someone I love and respect, but this just doesn't seem to be happening.

I suppose what I'm asking is do any other readers feel this way, or am I just being a total AFC wuss who should just enjoy what he can get?

 

[Genghis Juan]

I can relate. I am ready for another LTR at this point as well. However, finding a quality girl that is worthy of such an endeavor is very difficult to find at this point. It seems to me, that only about 5 to 15 percent of the female population is qualified. The rest of the scrap just keeps turning up for me.

In my opinion, flings and ONS's lose their luster after awhile.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Yep, out of the three LTRs I've had in my life, only one was a real 'keeper' and even she annoyed the hell out of me a lot of the time!

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by Austin Allegro
Yep, out of the three LTRs I've had in my life, only one was a real 'keeper' and even she annoyed the hell out of me a lot of the time!

Some people fall "in love" with the idea of being "in love." It isn't easy finding soemone who is "perfect" for you. My take on the situation is you have to find peace. I "love" all the women Im with. I get all my needs met by several women. Some of the women I date are fun, sum are loving, sum are romantic and sum are super freaky etc. By combining all their talents I seem to be happy. This may not be what your looking for but it works for me.

 

[NewMan]

I'm enjoying my STR's and ONS's right now....

It means I don't have to deal with any chick Sh#t.... there's no have to's - there 's no BS to deal with...... I can see them when I want and do what I want.

 

[Hot Ice]

I can relate to all of you.

Austin Allegro:
Yes, I've been missing the feeling of deeper emotional bond. I wonder if I even can ever get it. Maybe not.
Heh, I've had erection problems too with ONS. And with a girl I've been lil longer I can nearly decide when I get a good boner for me to come in...
You are not "AFC wuss" if you don't think you are.

Genghis Juan:
Girls you are not interested are fun for a while but the fun of getting the same booty every time that you don't even give a damn about starts to get boring. So either you are going to change the girl or you gonna find someone you actually are interested in. I wonder where would be that woman I would be even slightly interested in.. heh

princelydeeds:
I feel this way too. It feels like you are too complicated for a single girl. Having too many thigns to satisfy while one girl never fulfills you completely. I should get a harem or something.

NewMan:
I enjoy ONS and fvck buddy relationships too. Since all you have to do is to keep your sausage hard and move your hips.





We all have to accept that there isn't a perfect girl for you. After dropping all the afc BS, I have felt that I'll never be able to fall in love completely, not even near of it. We all die alone. You can share some bits of your adventure, but you'll never get someone you purely love forever. That's just fantasy crap. This is real world. Nothing is permanent and we all die while everything vanishes to dust, while some thigns born replacing the dead.
It can be really depressing when it really hits to you, but also really beautiful.
I'd higly suggest you start studying (and I said studying, not checking out) Zen-Buddhism, if the reality someday really hits you that NOBODY is never ever going to understand you and we are all here alone after all. And the thing that everything ends. Soon.

It helps that you know who really is behind your face so you don't die without knowing and loving even one person along the way.

Hehe, the way I see the world these days, I think it's impossible for me to "fall in love" as we know it. I feel love to everything I see. I feel love to every partner I have. But I think I can't raise anybody over that love I feel towards the world and life in it's all joy and sorrow.
You have no idea how great I feel about everything...

A happy sigh comes out of Hot Ice.


lol. got off the track little.
Study Zen if you want to know how I feel. (remember, it takes time.)

Cheers!
- Hot Ice

 

[Hypoxia II]

I can relate.

I would like an LTR but all i ever get is ONS's. I dont like ONS's because i would never have an LTR with a girl who gives it up that easy. its a catch 22 i guess. Damn, I'm speaking in code now.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Hot ice, good post. I have been feeling this way myself - that once you see beyond the AFC veil it's very hard to believe in 'love'. I've tried explaining this to women and AFCs and they all say 'no, no, there is 'someone' 'out there' for you to be your 'soulmate'! How can you talk this way!

It's effectively a form of secular blasphemy to say these things.

So I always reply I haven't had an LTR for seven years, but I am still here, I haven't gone mad or dropped dead and am enjoying life.

Trust the scandinavians to confront the darkest fears of the mind!

The great thing is when you confront your worst fear, it loses its power over you.

I am going to re-read your post while drinking some vodka and listening to 'Finlandia'.

 

[Hot Ice]

LOL at vodka and Finlandia. How they are going to help you reading it? heh.

Facing your fears and overcoming them is really important to do if you want to do anything useful in your life.
Also seeking the truth and opening your eyes.

I don't need to be loved. I love myself and the World, and the World loves me back. That's enough.

I will always be a lonely wolf. That might sound scary, but after you get over that fear it's all good...


duh. gotta go.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Hot Ice - isn't that an oxymoron? An 18 year old young man giving counsel to us 30/40 year olds - it is a scary world!

Austin, obviously our natures were made for complementary companionship - male/female. Sex is not 'companionship' - I know this is elementary but nonetheless true!

We live at a time where hors 'give it up' readily and without affection - this is an unnatural state for a female. Her nature was not created to be emotionally unattached to her sexual mate.

For men, if it is given we'll take it but we always seek more and that 'something else' from a woman. That something else is 'loyalty' - a woman who will be a 'help meet' to a man - one who will make us stronger as a man if together and weaker if apart!

Men seek comfort and consolation from a woman, after struggling at work and in the world - hors don't provide these two important and desirable traits of a comforter and a consoler!

 

[FratAndDiddy]

Austin, i think you are maturing.
your thoughts and needs are more mature now. nothing wrong with that. we all sooner-or-later decide to go after someone compatible with us as opposed to ONS and FB women. you are now seeing past much of the BS they have to offer and you are eliminating these bimbos. it definately thins the playing field.

doent sound as if you got erection problem. you are just bored with the ONS because you already know how the night is going to end. the same ole crap of how to get rid of them after you got your "ya-ya's" out because, i know, they like to hang around.

However, my caution to you is to keep them eyes open and always think with a clear head. sometimes our minds will let us THINK we have a decent compatible woman on our hands. sometimes women are slick enough to play this game with ya to satisfy HER needs.

i think women by nature seek security, not love. they can play this game alot slicker than us, especially the ones with several kids looking for a security step dad to help her with her daily crap of raising them.

i compare it to a job. we keep doing the "daily grind 8-5 crap" to survive and to hopefully better ourselves thru a better job offer or a better postion thru the current company. in other words, keep trying until you see her. i think you will know it in their eyes thru your experience. but, there is some real slick ones out there so "buyer beware."

 

[gentleman193]

I still need more casual sex.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Frat, good to hear some advice from someone a bit older, thanks.