facebook date went wrong.. what happened/why?

[pete101]

ok so i met up with this HB from facebook today knowing full well she probably didn't think it was a date but it was my responsibility to turn it into 1.

my msgs to her were pretty obvious i was interested in her romantically so i duno how she could get it confused about our 'meeting'.. maybe she thought it moved too quick too soon.

anyway i f'd up cos i used my standard stuff i do on dates, negs, kino.. kino escalation.. allbeit i did notice her body language was very guarded with her arms crossed the whole time. she was giving nothing away.. 1 of these very serious types.. no matter what i said to make her laugh she was just so serious. it was pretty much a monologue of me talking.. then i get into kino escalation.. but she wasn't wearing perfume! so i couldn't finish it off where i kiss close after smelling her neck.. i smelled her neck couple times but i couldn't transition to kiss closing... kept pvssing out. taking 1 step back then forward with the kino escalation.

eventually she told me off! for touching her too much! saying that she isn't comfortable with someone touching so much after the 1st 'meeting' if i hadn't been such a pvssy at critical moment i could have at least tried to see if she moved away or accepted it.. but it just creeped her out my touching.

the walk back to the station was awkward.. i think i lost so much value almost apologising for touching her so much but also telling her she should know what my intentions were originally from the msgs.. when i suggested we meet up again she's like 'well im gona be pretty busy blah blah..' and i was like 'haha.. so that's a pretty much flat out no then' then she goes 'well actually no... im busy.. but..' then i go well 'it's not exactly a yes now is it haha'

i feel if i had gone for the kiss close i could have done it.. i felt her opening up at 1 point almost primed for the kiss but then i kept hesitating, the moment was gone and i had to revert back to more kino'ing her leg etc.. did she just think i was a pvssy for not going for it? then creeping her out for excessively touching?

it's over isn't it? she's going away for a week so i wouldn't really call her till she gets back.. i felt i lost soooo much value on the walk back. do i even need to make light of this whole incident IF i speak to her again?

 

[The Bat]

Maybe she was on her period?

How were her replies to you when you sent her those messages?

If I were you, I would have just bailed on her with some excuse like, "I need to use the restroom" and then walk out the other door since she was acting like such a b!tch and stand off-ish.

Don't worry about her bro. Consider it a lost cause BECAUSE you FELT that it was a lost cause. Trying for a second date when you FEEL that you won't get it will just make you act awkwardly and you won't be as witty on the spot.

 

[pete101]

she was very responsive.. thought i was very funny. complimented her here and there.. it was pretty obvious i thought.

she may just not be a 1st date kisser type of girl.. maybe i lost value cos i had numerous chances to go for it? but when i backed out and reverted to trying to touch her hand or leg again it just made me seem creepy.

is it really over? i feel agrieved that i was finally getting her open.. interest i thought was finally there.. and i didn't pull the trigger grrr.. then she had enough and told me off about how her other 'meetings' with guys they never were this touchy blah blah.. she needs to lighten up.. but i didn't exactly do a good job of making her feel comfortable. is it a lost cause?

i still feel i should and could have kiss closed her.. it's like she was there for the taking!! but by backing out and reverting to more kino she got creeped out.. im just the touchy creepy guy now then?

 

[Chris Gamble]

Next!

 

[pete101]

but should i have attempted kiss close??

this is what is confusing me.. i have been on a date before with a facebook chick and i was too pvssy to kiss close then even tho she kept kino'ing me.. i lost her in the summer.

this felt exactly like that although she was doing nothin or giving nothin away to indicate she was on me.. if u dont kiss close quick enough will she just think you're creepy touchy guy?

 

[Igetit!]

ok so i met up with this HB from facebook today knowing full well she probably didn't think it was a date but it was my responsibility to turn it into 1.

my msgs to her were pretty obvious i was interested in her romantically so i duno how she could get it confused about our 'meeting'.. maybe she thought it moved too quick too soon.

This part is a little weird. You see what I have in bold in your first paragraph? You say you full well knew that she probably wouldn't think it was a date,then in you very next paragraph,you say you don't know how she could get confused about your "meeting". Correct me if I'm wrong,but to me,this sounds almost like you tried to "trick" her into a date. It souinds like you gave her one impression about the two of you getting together,then once the two of you met up,you just expected her to know it was a date. If that's the case,then her behavior shouldn't come as a surprise to you. How would you feel if a fat,obese woman told you to meet her at a restaurant to discuss business plans and instead of talking about the plans,she spends the whole night flirting and trying to touch you in some way?

allbeit i did notice her body language was very guarded with her arms crossed the whole time. she was giving nothing away.. 1 of these very serious types.. no matter what i said to make her laugh she was just so serious. it was pretty much a monologue of me talking..

If her bodylanguage was closed and she was quiet from the moment she arrived at the meeting place,my guess is she probably felt deceived.

eventually she told me off! for touching her too much! saying that she isn't comfortable with someone touching so much after the 1st 'meeting'

You're surprised that a woman who has never seen you before,and who doesn't even know you was upset that a stranger was touching her?

it's over isn't it?

I'd say yeah,it's over. Imagine what she'd say to one of her girlfriends if they were to ask her how the "date" went.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Oh man, this is cringe-worthy. We've all been there before.

It sounds like your hesitation was actually a proper reading of the situation re: her lukewarm body language. You hesitated because you (correctly) sensed that she wasn't ready for the kiss. But, because you were so set on kissing her, you kept kino-ing and that's where you came off as a bit desperate. When a girl tells you she's not comfortable with you touching so much on a first date, she means it.

Then, instead of just shrugging it off when she called you on it, you made things 100x more awkward by still talking about and telling her that she should've "known your intentions." I'd say you should let this one go, but if you insist on calling her again, DON'T bring this stuff up. DON'T make her feel awkward AGAIN.

Just chill. You don't even NEED to kiss close on the first date. Your job is just to get her highly interested in you so that she'll WANT you to escalate next time. Kissing on the first date isn't some kind of waypoint that must always be followed; you will KNOW when it's an appropriate time to kiss her, because she will ENABLE it to happen through her body position/language. It will feel natural. I would say that you should definitely be kissing her by the second/ third date, but first dates are just to get to know her and qualify her.

Don't put too much stock in those "kiss gambits," either. Their purpose is just to make the first kiss seem spontaneous; they don't work if the girl is not at that point yet.

Always keep kino light until she begins to feel comfortable with you and returns your kino. Then, escalate...slowly.

 

[Tenzen]

where exactly did you take this girl on a date?

 

[pete101]

i think there's a misunderstanding.. i've had facebook 'dates' before.. and some of these girls are really ignorant not thinking it's a 'date' it's pretty obvious what the situation was.. but she may feel like it was just a 1st meeting with someone she hasn't met before so take it slow.. the thing is the last 3-4 girls i met with from facebook i did exact same thing. .and i kiss closed. no problem. it's like if they know it's a 'date' then they act like they're on a date.. if they think it's a '1st meeting' then it catches them by surprise it seems.

i still think she was receptive to the kiss close.. she however was receptive to me touching her so much with my hands.. i kept reverting to that to try to escalate.. and did it one too many times.

she only told me i was touching her too much when we were leaving.. i was quite shocked how she suddenly got up looking angry that she was late for her next meeting.. jeez..

all im saying is.. that if u dont go for the kiss close cos you're too scared she'll think you're a pvssy?

she must have been expecting it but i didn't follow through.. i wanted too much time. hesitation is always there, i just use the perfume excuse to lock lips early. but she wasn't wearing any.. :-s

come to think of it.. what u guys are saying seems really obvious now.. but i've never had this problem before with facebook girl... esp not recently since i perfected the kino escalation thing (assuming they're wearing perfume) if i had just followed through and kissed her i wonder why she would have reacted. i feel kinda sleazy now by keep trying to kino escalate when i hesitated.. i thought that would be the follow on.. hmm.. things could have been different if i just went for it. then at least i'd lose the creepy touchy guy thing.

 

[pete101]

would apologising help?

she's not a western girl.. she's eastern european and i think in her country they're not touchy feely people.. esp 1s from lithuania. i took her to a nice swanky romantic bar.

i feel embarrassed now i didnt realise the obvious sooner cos i've never encountered this problem! i never even thought about them needing to kino back.. she gave me a time constrain of 1/2 an hour and i took that as an excuse to speed things up.. i said something ****y about her being confident she only needed 30mins to impress me..

is this in any way salvagble? she gave me a get out clause excuse of 'im not sure if it's just your nationality and how people are being so touchy feely or maybe it's just you?' she was not pleased.. she just felt i came up with any reason to touch her.. almost like a perv.. it's true tho.. i taken this kino escalation thing way too seriously and by the book.. if i had done it once then kiss closed. end of story. i must have come across as tryna touch her up.

 

[Tenzen]

oo to a bar... a bar date.. see man i dunno about 1st dates to a social place like that. Take her to play pool or something competitive take her mind off of her btich shields. Kino doesn't really work on every girl at your first meeting. Thats what sucks about this date. Its through facebook so the initial face to face meeting is not there, the date almost becomes that, your kinoing a girl you just met within minutes is harder then you meeting her number closing then taking her on a date to kino her on the date.

 

[sodbuster]

Your mistake is thinking you HAVE to follow a recipe-go here, kino,kino escalate,kiss before leaving,etc. You need to learn to read her body language and adapt to it. She had totally closed body language and you tried kino? You should lean back talk and joke until she opens up. Then light kino and move on. It would depend on her responses as to how fast you moved.

everyone has the bar chick on the brain. If you would realize you aren't always in a bar[and the kino steps are slower outside(better chance a bar chick is out looking for some)]. When dealing with a normal woman,not drinking,not looking for some-move slower to improve her mood so she is looking for some.

 

[Halloween]

everyone has the bar chick on the brain. If you would realize you aren't always in a bar[and the kino steps are slower outside(better chance a bar chick is out looking for some)]. When dealing with a normal woman,not drinking,not looking for some-move slower to improve her mood so she is looking for some.

+1 sodbuster. (Disclaimer: I'm a recovering AFC, so forgive/dismiss me if I'm sounding too authoritative, dudes).

I'm just going to rant, because this seems as appropriate a place as any.

Many of the valuable lessons here on SS apply specifically to the bar/club scene and the girls therein.* I think there's a real danger that readers will go out and apply these principles broadly, across all of their social interactions... they risk coming off as people who ignore polite social cues to "stop behaving in this manner."

When I'm learning/reading, I make a real effort to remind myself of the context in which these hypothetical interactions are being framed. For instance, when Neil Strauss discusses his tactics to get a girl to bite his neck, I doubt he's picturing an interaction at his local library. PUA "Mystery" probably doesn't use his bj story when he's approaching distinguished women in ritzy dining rooms (but maybe I'm wrong).

I'm not saying the OP makes this mistake (looks like he's had success in the past) but I just wanted to get that out. A date is a... "date." It's not a promise to make out, nor is it a promise to participate in mutual escalation. Some girls might be apprehensive about meeting guys they met online and might need some warming up. I dunno.

* Incidentally, this is why I like Tyler Durden's stuff. It tends to be more broadly applicable than some of the other material I've run into.

 

[DonJuan11]

ok so i met up with this HB from facebook today knowing full well she probably didn't think it was a date but it was my responsibility to turn it into 1.

my msgs to her were pretty obvious i was interested in her romantically so i duno how she could get it confused about our 'meeting'.. maybe she thought it moved too quick too soon.

anyway i f'd up cos i used my standard stuff i do on dates, negs, kino.. kino escalation.. allbeit i did notice her body language was very guarded with her arms crossed the whole time. she was giving nothing away

Once you noticed this, you should have either changed tactics or ended things right away. You can't keep banging your head against the wall and expect a different result.

.. 1 of these very serious types.. no matter what i said to make her laugh she was just so serious. it was pretty much a monologue of me talking.. then i get into kino escalation.. but she wasn't wearing perfume!

Brutal dude The first date she should be doing 80% of the talking and you should be the one asking questions. No wonder she was pissed. And then you escalate into kino? If you are trying to get something from someone and they resist, you don't push harder hoping to get it, you change your technique or stop altogether, and try again another day. If talking about yourself wasn't making her knees weak, touching her on her body probably wouldn't either.

so i couldn't finish it off where i kiss close after smelling her neck.. i smelled her neck couple times but i couldn't transition to kiss closing... kept pvssing out. taking 1 step back then forward with the kino escalation.

eventually she told me off! for touching her too much!

I'm surprised it took her so long.

saying that she isn't comfortable with someone touching so much after the 1st 'meeting' if i hadn't been such a pvssy at critical moment i could have at least tried to see if she moved away or accepted it.. but it just creeped her out my touching.

Really, are you that surprised? Would James Bond talk about his work, his life, his fears on the first date? Or would compliment her hair, ask her where she is from? How she maintains her beauty?

the walk back to the station was awkward.. i think i lost so much value almost apologising for touching her so much but also telling her she should know what my intentions were originally from the msgs..

Translation: "You should have known from my messages I wanted to sleep with you and treat you like a prostitute!"

it's over isn't it? she's going away for a week so i wouldn't really call her till she gets back.. i felt i lost soooo much value on the walk back. do i even need to make light of this whole incident IF i speak to her again?

No, you apologize for your actions and behave if she gives you a second chance. You don't touch her much, you don't talk about yourself, and you ask her questions about herself.

 

[Bible_Belt]

DonJuan11 is right. As soon as a girl backs away from you, then the right thing to do is back away farther, immediately.

I would never go on a 30 minute date, unless she was coming to see me somewhere that I already happened to be anyway. She is telling you before you even met that she has very little interest in you. All of the seduction methods in the world will not do you any good if she's just not that into you. And you should not care that she isn't.

Women really are like fish in the sea. There are plenty who will make you happy, and who are more interested in you than this girl. When you realize that, then you start naturally acting like DonJuan11 and I are telling you to act. This behavior is what will draw women to you, more so than any seduction technique. Women can tell when you don't care that much about them because you can get other women. That is a powerful aphrodisiac to females.

 

[playaslaya]

You need to calm down if this ever happens again. I wouldve just kept the 'meeting' pretty simple if she was guarded, and just have said goodbye after the dinner. If she liked you she would text u or call u back. Otherwise, its not worth your time and energy.

 

[mcpwn]

i know some girls that are really prude tht just wont do anything even if i have great game and everything she'l llook at me all weird n ****, she even negs guys sometimes

 

[pete101]

No, you apologize for your actions and behave if she gives you a second chance. You don't touch her much, you don't talk about yourself, and you ask her questions about herself.

most of the time i asked questions about her.. but she only gives short replies it's like i'm running the date and convo.. but having said that it's always like this.

i just didn't see it from her perspective that it's only a 1st meeting with a stranger cos i've been on so many facebook dates and made out with girls at the end i was oblivious to how it looks in the real world.

the thing is.. i still think i could have kissed her.. the issue was my hesitation and kept trying and going to touch her.. say for instance i hesitated the 1st time.. then tried again a 2nd time THEN kissed her i dont think i'd have this tag of being a touchy creepy guy.. it's just cos she figured out i was using any excuse to touch her but does not know why.

do i need to apologise to her today? she's leaving the country for a week so i can't call her till end of next week and it's too soon to call in next couple days while she's still here.. i guess i could leave an apology facebook message.

 

[Mr Autobahn]

I never liked taking a girl to the bar... especially for a 1st date but that is me... How about a fun meet instead or a cup of coffee?

And everything you said about this date seems a little off to me. Like DonJuan11 said, it appears this girl felt like she was ambushed...

 

[Bible_Belt]

do i need to apologise to her today? she's leaving the country for a week so i can't call her till end of next week and it's too soon to call in next couple days while she's still here.. i guess i could leave an apology facebook message.

Or you could try removing "I'm sorry" from your vocabulary. Just stop apologizing. Unless you do something really bad like run over her dog, apologizing never gets you anywhere. It is nice guy behavior that repels women. Admit your mistakes when you make them, but try to never say "I'm sorry" or "I apologize."

Ignore her until after her trip. Then send her a very brief message in a couple of weeks that has nothing to do with dating, or your last date. Keep it light and fun. If you can't have fun exchanging emails, then you are not going to be fun in person.

The point of the date is to have a good time. I'd rather have fun than have to bully some reluctant chick into kissing me, which to me is no fun at all. There's a quote from The Book of Pook about first dates - "fun shall be the mission!" You were on a mission to make out, and it was no fun for either of you.