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Experienced Players Only: The fine line between reaching out too much and being too distant ..

cola

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What’s you guys strategy for navigating this line? I really prefer girls to reach out to me in a 2:1 ratio, I am not a proponent of only text to set up dates. To me that’s never worked, and you miss an opportunity to build a lot of rapport.

But once in a while you meet a girl who matches you in the category of aloof, and you can’t really say it’s low interest because the dates do have an upward trend
(1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base etc etc)

Very possibly she’s a female spinning plates just like your a guy spinning plates which may bother some of you but is absolutely fine to me.

But even at this stage of the game I still get thrown off by girls who are just as aloof as I am. (You’ll see this a lot in prettier girls or girls with really active social lives)
Thoughts?
This is how I know aloofness works cause it gets me thinking about them when their suppose to be thinking about me ..I don’t like it when the tables are turned or even :D
 

sangheilios

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I'm not an expert but I think a means of going about this is to be busy with life and not in a place where you are constantly checking your phone and texting all the damn time.

For instance, I have a full time job that is relatively autonomous plus some other side things going on and while my phone is on me at all times it is only used for work and rarely for personal reasons. I go to the gym about 4 days per week, lifting/conditioning routine plus yoga afterwards, and my phone stays in the locker my entire time there until I'm done, meaning no calling or texting while I'm working out. I believe people spend too much time on their phones and that it is healthy to detach from it.

I think more men have issues with texting too much and I now believe that it is better to mainly use it as a means to set up a date and for not much else.
 

cola

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I think more men have issues with texting too much and I now believe that it is better to mainly use it as a means to set up a date and for not much else.
i disagree. if you are out at a bar or lounge and meet a girl and exchange numbers after 15 minutes of talking, then a few days later you immediately text her and ask her on a date with zero rapport building you will either get a flat out no or get flaked on 95% of the time.
There has to be some filler conversation between the dates. Women need this for their own validation.

Now after you’ve f*cked .. then theres no need to text more than to arrange dates/meetups. But until then..
You gotta shoot out a few “Gm beautiful”s & “tell me about your day”’s..
 

sangheilios

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i disagree. if you are out at a bar or lounge and meet a girl and exchange numbers after 15 minutes of talking, then a few days later you immediately text her and ask her on a date with zero rapport building you will either get a flat out no or get flaked on 95% of the time.
There has to be some filler conversation between the dates. Women need this for their own validation.
Context is important, if it's some girl off of the internet or a very brief interaction I agree. If this is a high interest woman you really don't need to build much rapport. If it's someone you got a number from off of the internet or a very brief interaction it makes sense to text a bit back and forth.

I personally believe that men are far more likely to have issues with over texting, as it may make them come across as needy/clingy, overeager, etc. Undertexting/communicating is definitely a real thing but it isn't as prevalent of an issue. From my perspective, if a woman doesn't seem all that keen on going out then she probably wasn't interested in the first place, disregarding any weird texts or messaging her a dozen times unanswered.
 

HaleyBaron

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I have two circles of people I run into: normal people and nerds. Nerds absolutely fit the category you are referring to, but I think in general, all women are effectively shy save for the very aggressive ones that **** test you at every step. Even with normal girls, I realized that a lot of them are acting more shy than aloof, and that may be you misinterpreting it. I had a similar deal and ended up getting a lot more out of it being the leader. I regulate it by only leading the girls I really want to bang. I leave the others alone.
 

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Bible_Belt

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You gotta shoot out a few “Gm beautiful”s & “tell me about your day”’s..
I respect your success with girls, but fwiw I have never, nor would ever, text like that. I am not against texting, but would use it to build my own rapport, as in try to see if the girl is worth any effort from me.
 
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What’s you guys strategy for navigating this line? I really prefer girls to reach out to me in a 2:1 ratio, I am not a proponent of only text to set up dates. To me that’s never worked, and you miss an opportunity to build a lot of rapport.

But once in a while you meet a girl who matches you in the category of aloof, and you can’t really say it’s low interest because the dates do have an upward trend
(1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base etc etc)

Very possibly she’s a female spinning plates just like your a guy spinning plates which may bother some of you but is absolutely fine to me.

But even at this stage of the game I still get thrown off by girls who are just as aloof as I am. (You’ll see this a lot in prettier girls or girls with really active social lives)
Thoughts?
This is how I know aloofness works cause it gets me thinking about them when their suppose to be thinking about me ..I don’t like it when the tables are turned or even :D
NO…If a woman has ANY “aloofness “ as you call it ,then the interest level is waay to low.
 

Bokanovsky

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What’s you guys strategy for navigating this line? I really prefer girls to reach out to me in a 2:1 ratio, I am not a proponent of only text to set up dates. To me that’s never worked, and you miss an opportunity to build a lot of rapport.

But once in a while you meet a girl who matches you in the category of aloof, and you can’t really say it’s low interest because the dates do have an upward trend
(1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base etc etc)

Very possibly she’s a female spinning plates just like your a guy spinning plates which may bother some of you but is absolutely fine to me.

But even at this stage of the game I still get thrown off by girls who are just as aloof as I am. (You’ll see this a lot in prettier girls or girls with really active social lives)
Thoughts?
This is how I know aloofness works cause it gets me thinking about them when their suppose to be thinking about me ..I don’t like it when the tables are turned or even :D
The strategy is to never be too focused on any one girl (especially if you're not sleeping with her yet). That way, you won't care too much about her level of "aloofness".
 

LARaiders85

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Very complimentary and flattering in person, aloof via text. Fire with fire

Often they are avoidant attachment and view even normal human communication as needy.
 
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Georgepithyou

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Have you tried calling them instead of texting, with texts it's very hard to know how they really feel. If a girl sounds bored on the phone you would know
 

Glassguy

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I believe too much USELESS texting kills mystery and vibe. I'm not against some texting outside of setting up dates, but a highly interested woman will ask me questions and do her part to keep the conversation going over text.

Thats the difference IMO. Am I throwing out useless texts just to text her? Thats not good.

Or am I initiating the initial communication and then just reponding back to her as SHE uses questions and useless text to keep communicating with me? That's a good situation to be in.

As with anything else, evaluating a woman's interest level is easy to do by her accepting an offer to meet up for a drink AND by her initiating the majority of the texting.

I don't see a problem with an occasional Good Morning.....have a good day text. I would not send a Hey Beautiful text. Just my opinion.
 

Black Widow Void

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I don't always agree with you, but this spot on ... and should be in some "hall of excellence" category. I hope that newbies and lurkers take note of the below


I believe too much USELESS texting kills mystery and vibe. I'm not against some texting outside of setting up dates, but a highly interested woman will ask me questions and do her part to keep the conversation going over text.

Thats the difference IMO. Am I throwing out useless texts just to text her? Thats not good.

Or am I initiating the initial communication and then just reponding back to her as SHE uses questions and useless text to keep communicating with me? That's a good situation to be in.

As with anything else, evaluating a woman's interest level is easy to do by her accepting an offer to meet up for a drink AND by her initiating the majority of the texting.

I don't see a problem with an occasional Good Morning.....have a good day text. I would not send a Hey Beautiful text. Just my opinion.
 

TheProspect

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NO…If a woman has ANY “aloofness “ as you call it ,then the interest level is waay to low.
Not necessarily.

Not every women is going to be high interest right out of the gate. Some women gain interest more gradually, and this can take a few interactions beyond the initial meeting/date. In my experience, this slower build of interest is also a pretty accurate indicator of a woman's emotional maturity -- the ability not to invest heavily in a guy she just met right at the outset.

As an example, my current girlfriend also came off as aloof as @cola mentioned here before as I started dating her:

But once in a while you meet a girl who matches you in the category of aloof, and you can’t really say it’s low interest because the dates do have an upward trend
(1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base etc etc)
Although I'd say it was due to her reserved personality than it was aloofness. Which is important to note because despite what some may preach here, not every interested girl is going to blow up your phone just because she's a female with high interest, some girls are just able to practice more restraint than others.

The important part as @cola mentioned is escalation. Is she letting you get a little further each time? I'd also add that receptivity goes hand-in-hand with escalation. Is she receptive to your leadership and advances?
 

In2theGame

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Aloof is playing games. When I started meeting a lot of girls, i would think/do similar and play a game of "aloof" and sometimes the girls would play the same thing. It's basically all about who reaches out first and not appearing "Thirsty" but when I was at my absolute best is when i truly didnt give a fvck if the girl reached out to me or not because I would be with other girls who weren't aloof. They simply showed me high interest and didnt play that game. My game was cut-throat. You were either down or not down. Period.

If there is a girl you like and want to bang/meetup with, You let her know your desire/intentions on that and if she plays wishy/washy, you put her on back of the line. if she reaches out to you in the future then great. If not, thats fine too. I used to immediate delete girls numbers who were wishy/washy like that and aloof. Then when they texted me a few days later or weeks later, I would answer with "Who's this?". That let them know that for every time she thinks she's "playing it cool" Im busy getting my c0ck sucked with another beautiful girl.

I have been in the middle of getting BJ's or fvcking and have received a text from girls with "Hey". I get back to them when Im good and ready and put them on the spot to either meet up or don't waste my time. Women can sense that and it straightens them out.
 

Pan87

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Women who are interested do 90% of the pursuing (and they actually love pursuing a man they are interested in).

Aloof women are an immediate Next for me. Once you've experienced a beautiful woman with high interest pursuing you, it's hard to settle for anything less than that. Women actually hate being pursued anyway, and it turns them off (despite what Hollywood portrays in their movies). Never pursue a woman. It puts her on a pedestal and you're demonstrating that she is more valuable than you.

When a woman complains that you're not putting in enough effort then you know you've got her.
 

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SoSuave666

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I had a whole reply to your basic question of aloofness but I’d rather just give this advice: don’t ever text a girl you haven’t been ****ing for more than 2 years “good morning beautiful.” I don’t know if I’ve ever texted that in my life.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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This is why this conversation is for advanced players: Communication is rare amongst the newbies... It takes time to learn and understand how to best communicate, most of us spend years floundering in relationships because no communication, plate spinning is no different... It's like the guy asking "You want to have sex at my place?" at the club over "Hey, you want a ride?"

Communication, however, is only the first step; it is simply a tool that we use to create structure. Rather than setting a new time and date, communicate with her and establish a schedule... This way, rather than you setting a time and date, shes letting you know if she can make it or not.
 

Glassguy

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I don't always agree with you, but this spot on ... and should be in some "hall of excellence" category. I hope that newbies and lurkers take note of the below
Difference of opinions are and should be welcomed here. What works best for me through my trials and experiences may not work as well for someone else, and your guidance may suit them better. Most of this stuff is personality based and how things come across is based on the person's personality. My personality is aggressive on initial contact, I get right to the point of getting a chick out for drinks, then I become a little aloof and IDGAF attitude to a certain extent. I continue to show interest but I force a woman to start investing through her actions early and often or it doesnt work for me. And sometimes I slow play a woman based on our previous history of knowing each other and earlier communication. So its all personality and situational based.

When it comes to how someone structures their communication with women, I am a firm believer that certain structures will work better for everyone compared to other methods. Such as what to text, how often to text, etc.

You certainly provide good information on the forum as well.
 

2Rocky

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Reward her reaching out first. Don't be at her beck and call, but be open to when you will be in touch again.

"Morning babe, I'm meeting clients all day today. You can tell me about your day tonight as I'm driving back from the city. I'll let you know when I'm on the road.."

"hey I'm gonna be in the backcountry this week. Friday afternoon I should hit reception again. "

"Thanks for the good morning text and pic. Can't wait to see you like that in person this weekend."
 

Glassguy

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Reward her reaching out first. Don't be at her beck and call, but be open to when you will be in touch again.

"Morning babe, I'm meeting clients all day today. You can tell me about your day tonight as I'm driving back from the city. I'll let you know when I'm on the road.."

"hey I'm gonna be in the backcountry this week. Friday afternoon I should hit reception again. "

"Thanks for the good morning text and pic. Can't wait to see you like that in person this weekend."
Great examples on how to reward a woman's good behavior (pursuing) instead of showering a woman with compliments that they never did anything to deserve (chasing).

Your examples also-

Lead the woman
Clear communication while also building anticipation on when she will hear from you again
Maintains mystery/interest

Excellent post. Men who have issues communicating with women should read this multiple times.
 
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