I'd like to quote something by KontrollerX from some time ago:
KontrollerX said:
Avoid chicks that vomit out some sob story immediately when you first are getting to know them as it is a false sympathy trap they are putting out to manipulate your emotions to draw you closer to them and under their control. They are usually fvcked up in any number of ways mentally.
From:
So my GF tell me this morning that
It isn't just a red flag that she opens up so fast on you with all sorts of intimate details, complaints about other people and facts on how much her life sucks. What's more disturbing is that she opens up this much over IM and not in your face. This means that indeed, you're dealing with a definate low self-esteem kind of person who doesn't feel secure enough to just talk to you.
Do you know why that is?
She isn't quite healthy most likely. Her self-esteem issues and the resultant bad treatment she gets from other people, are probably the focus of her life; it's most likely all she thinks and talks about. She probably likes you and is afraid to freak you out if she talks about this sort of stuff in your face, because healthy people don't do that. (She's right, isn't she? It already freaks you out over IM.)
So, she needs to "soften" you up to her first. That way, her real-life persona wont scare you away. She hopes her online persona will gain your trust with her openness and her offering of emotional intimacy. Causing you to be much more receptive towards her face-to-face. Then she can proceed to talk about these things to you in person. But beware: This emotional intimacy, either over IM or face-to-face, is
false and meaningless. It's not a true sharing of self, it's wearing a victim mentality on your sleeve.
I wouldn't be surprised that, if you asked her why she's so open to you online and not face-to-face, she will tell you
"I'm better over e-mail and IM, than over the phone and face-to-face". Which means she's very insecure and knows she's not entirely with the regular, healthy program as outlined above.
You must be careful not to fall into this trap, because you'll be dealing with all her drama. You also musn't fall for this trap, which is usually the result of the sympathy trap: The
Capn'-save-a-ho attitude.
This means that if you allow yourself to being sucked into her sympathy trap and you start becoming sympathetic to her, you may develop feelings for her. Because of her issues, you may end up listening instead of making a move, because you feel you're otherwise "disrespecting" her. Which only leads to one thing: LBJF. In which case you've become the emotional tampon she can vent her frustrations at and no-longer a sex-stud she can throw herself at for much-needed emotional and physical fulfilment.
Hence the so-called "sympathy trap". It's not a thing she probably does conciously. It's probably a learned habit she doesn't even realize. If so, this also indicates something about her emotional health and stability, aside from the fact of the unconcious act itself. Healthy people don't employ these tactics. Healthy people have friends and non-romantic confidants for that. She probably hasn't got a lot of friends she can turn to? Maybe her friends are women with issues too, whom she merely shares woes with but none of them know how to deal with their issues.
And if she has friends, I wouldn't be surprised if they are mostly male: Others who were sucked into her trap and are now orbiting her as Capn'-save-a-ho's, hoping to score her p*ssy by listening to her, but to her they're "just a friend". Otherwise she woulnd't seek out some guy she barely knows to spill her issues at to get his attention.
Girls like these end up with issues and whining about how guys flake on and use them for a reason; they have poor coping skills and a victim mentality. All due to the low self-esteem. So, be careful. You got it right: drama queen.
Make a move. Gauge the interest level that way. Secure her physical intimacy. (That is, if you are interested in her.) Get rid of her RIGHT AWAY if she rejects you.
If you secure her physical intimacy:
- Keep on the lookout for her issues and her drama.
- Keep your feelings OUT. Don't invest them into her until she has consistently shown good, healthy, mature behaviour for at least ONE YEAR (the #1 advice with ANY woman). (Remember: Even if she behaves good for a while, bad attitude maybe hidden. Drama-girls are often great ACTRESSES. They've had ages to refine that skill, because they HAD to fake themselves alot to be acceptable to healthy people.)
- Until that time, spin her as a PLATE ONLY (the #2 advice with ANY woman).
- DON'T get sucked into her drama AT ALL COSTS! That means dumping her right away if things become unworkable FOR YOU.
- DON'T try to help her. You can only offer suggestions for her to work on, things she can do (like seeking therapy). No one can help a person if they don't want to be helped. Remember that.
Maybe this last bit is jumping the gun a bit, in fact my whole post may be, in which case please consider it a fore-warning for future reference.
Anyway, to answer your question: Is she just crazy?
Probably not crazy, but her issues are probably somewhat overwhelming to her, it's become her life. Otherwise she wouldn't start about them so easily and quickly. She probably needs therapy.
She is someone to be careful of, so please heed the advice above and follow your gut feelings. You feel irked about the whole thing, and that is a good feeling to follow!
