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Do you Pay for First Dates?

Do you pay for first dates

  • No way Jose

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • She has to pay for it all

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • All my Dates are free

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    27

Bokanovsky

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Strawman, lol. I don't need a man's money, and you're just gonna have to trust me on that!!! :lol:
It's not about money, it's about power, I get it. Women love being "courted", "taken out on dates", and otherwise being put on a pedestal.
 

catsmeow

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It's not about money, it's about power, I get it. Women love being "courted", "taken out on dates", and otherwise being put on a pedestal.
Speaking for only myself of course, I actually DO NOT want to be put on a pedestal. Why? Because the only place to go from there is DOWN. Or backwards. It also reflects a fantasy mindset on his part, we just met and I have not yet earned being on the pedestal (nor has HE), so I don't trust it.

100% truth. For me.
 

Bokanovsky

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Look, men and women are still operating under caveman-cavewoman DNA. Evolution is a long process. This means women at their core still want strong, well-bred, assertive men as they have the best chance for survival and dominance when competing for resources.
I'm sorry but this is not a very good analogy. Modern day courtship customs evolved in the 20th century and have nothing to do with "caveman-cavewoman DNA". Your caveman ancestors' reproduction stretegies would be classified as sexual assault in contemporary society. That's what being strong and "assertive" meant in those days.

You should research where the concept of taking women on dates came from. It's only about 100 years old. From the dawn of civilization until the 20th century, people mostly met through arrangements made by their parents. Dating is a very modern concept and is essentially a side effect of urbanization and the breakdown of traditional small communities. "Dating" is just as unnatural to humans as living in megacities.
 
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Bokanovsky

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Speaking for only myself of course, I actually DO NOT want to be put on a pedestal. Why? Because the only place to go from there is DOWN. Or backwards. It also reflects a fantasy mindset on his part, we just met and I have not yet earned being on the pedestal (nor has HE), so I don't trust it.

100% truth. For me.
What women say they want and what they actually want are two completely different things. 100% truth. For all of you.
 

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DonJuanjr

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What women say they want and what they actually want are two completely different things. 100% truth. For all of you.
I think this depends on what role you're in. If you're the lover, she'll be more open and honest than if you're the provider. I had one female tell me "Sometimes I just want to be told NO!" That's definitely in line with what djs preach on here.
 

Velasco

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solution as I've noticed is to a lot of problems, is to make more money. if you have money, then you don't worry about who pays or if she insists. Ego thing not allowing her to pay if she wants to pay. showing her you are not comfortable with your own masculinity. or you following these fake alpha male rules.
 

catsmeow

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What women say they want and what they actually want are two completely different things. 100% truth. For all of you.
Yeah I used to play that game, so I get where you're coming from. But I am much more "in touch" with myself now than in younger years (20s), more evolved. I am pretty self-aware now.

But hey not gonna argue with your experiences @Bokanovsky, not my style.

I simply state MY truth, take or leave. No problem either way.

And my truth is, being placed on a "pedestal" is actually a turn OFF for me. It's simp, for lack of a better word and I am not attracted to simps.
 

catsmeow

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I don't think you seen my post, so I'll ask it again. If he would have accepted, how would it make you feel?
Shoot sorry I meant to reply to that.

Okay so honestly, back then, it may have bothered me because (and not proud to admit) I was quite entitled back then. I was raised to be entitled by my dad, a victim of the environment I guess you could say. Where I am from, men treated women and courted. Men paid.

But now that I am older and bit more evolved, I honestly don't think it would bother me, I still would have gone home with him because our chemistry and connection was that strong. And that is what I prioritize now.

But back to my earlier post, I still prefer a man lead, whether that involves paying for first dates, well it's not always so black and white, but it is nice when he does for reasons already stated, later on (if we continue dating) it becomes more reciprocal.
 

DonJuanjr

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Okay so honestly, back then, it may have bothered me
Thanks for being honest. I figured you would say this. You are now the second female on this site to admit to offering to pay, but if the man accepts, it would bother you. Which proves it is a shjt test @SargeMaximus
 

catsmeow

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Thanks for being honest. I figured you would say this. You are now the second female on this site to admit to offering to pay, but if the man accepts, it would bother you. Which proves it is a shjt test @SargeMaximus
Well as I said on a different thread (perhaps you missed?), both genders give shyt tests, sometimes they are intentionally given, sometimes not. I have had many shyt tests given to me by men, believe me.

In the case with my ex, when I offered to pay, I wasn't intentionally shyt testing, I didn't say to myself "I am gonna offer to pay and if he accepts, he's history"!! It wasn't something I consciously thought about, to me it was simply a gracious thing to do - to offer.

However, after the fact, I may have thought about it and it may have bothered me a little, again being honest.

But nevertheless, I was so attracted to him, it wouldn't have affected my continuing to date him.

Attraction and chemistry trumps everything and any woman who dumps a man because he accepted her offer to pay is a woman not all that into him in the first place.

I dunno, why don't we all just start being real with each other and toss out these antiquated shyt tests. Men dumping women if they don't offer to pay and women dumping men when they accept her offer to pay.

Enough already.
 

Stuffnu

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First off, a coffee date is a horrible Idea, How do you escalate an opportunity in a Starbucks? No first date deserves a dinner! The one thing I’ve noticed in this forum is dating is starting to be considered a chore - not a fun activity (good or bad).

If you mutually don’t drink, then find something fun to do. Mini-putt is inexpensive and you can do a little side bet (wink wink).

If you drink and she doesn’t. Be warned - you‘re not compatible. Ideally get them in a venue where a refreshment can be enjoyed. It will dissolve those nervous butterflies for both parties. Pay the first round - perhaps two in cash or debit. If the vibe is going good, tell her to grab the next round or order some munchies. Lead and Don’t ask!!! Her response will give you all the feedback you need. She’ll be running to the bar or server if she’s interested in you. if not - you’ll get some BS excuse. It’s getting late, I didn’t bring my purse, blah blah.
if you’re budget conscious, vet better, lower the number of dates. or to be frank get a better paying job.
 

DonJuanjr

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Well as I said on a different thread (perhaps you missed?), both genders give shyt tests, sometimes they are intentionally given, sometimes not. I have had many shyt tests given to me by men, believe me.

In the case with my ex, when I offered to pay, I wasn't intentionally shyt testing, I didn't say to myself "I am gonna offer to pay and if he accepts, he's history"!! It wasn't something I consciously thought about, to me it was simply a gracious thing to do - to offer.

However, after the fact, I may have thought about it and it may have bothered me a little, again being honest.

But nevertheless, I was so attracted to him, it wouldn't have affected my continuing to date him.

Attraction and chemistry trumps everything and any woman who dumps a man because he accepted her offer to pay is a woman not all that into him in the first place.

I dunno, why don't we all just start being real with each other and toss out these antiquated shyt tests. Men dumping women if they don't offer to pay and women dumping men when they accept her offer to pay.

Enough already.
Me asking this wasn't about this topic. I don't care about the results after the fact. I was just showing from an earlier topic that females unconsciously offer to pay as a shjt test. That's all.
 

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catsmeow

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Me asking this wasn't about this topic. I don't care about the results after the fact. I was just showing from an earlier topic that females unconsciously offer to pay as a shjt test. That's all.
Okay that's fair. Same with men dumping women for not offering to pay (as per the OP). Goes both ways, however this is a men's site so y'all continue patting each other on the back and I will politely leave.

I only planned on visiting anyway, I've said my piece.

Ciao.
 

SargeMaximus

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Thanks for being honest. I figured you would say this. You are now the second female on this site to admit to offering to pay, but if the man accepts, it would bother you. Which proves it is a shjt test @SargeMaximus
No it doesn’t because I am still having regular sex with my fwb who pays for stuff all the time

The test is a beta/provider test. More than likely if a woman is looking for a provider she will be more attracted when he offers to pay despite her offering to pay. And vice versa
 

DonJuanjr

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No it doesn’t because I am still having regular sex with my fwb who pays for stuff all the time

The test is a beta/provider test. More than likely if a woman is looking for a provider she will be more attracted when he offers to pay despite her offering to pay. And vice versa
Remember, I was referring to first dates with a new person. Of course a FWB isn't testing you. You have already established a connection of some sort. Also, I never said it was a major shjt test. One that would result in automatic rejection. Just a shjt test.

I would think a beta/provider test is still a shjt test.
 
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