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Dissolving My Marriage

Slowhandluke

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Wholeheartedly agree! So why get married? I suppose if a couple wants kids, it's better for the them, gives them a sense of security. But with the current divorce statistics, that security may be short-lived anyway.

In any event, M&M did get married, he did sign that piece of paper. And if he chooses to leave, he's breaking vows which I'm not judging him for, again people grow apart and shyt happens; only suggesting he take responsibility and own HIS role.

the vows are to love and to repect.. in sickness and in health... etc.. etc... there is nothing that says to have an official paper that says they are married. committed relationship should not be about the "paper"...

that is a good question - why get married. a lot of people don't do that now a days..
 

Slowhandluke

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We get what @Money & Muscle is trying to do.. it is just highly unlikely to result in the desired outcome. The probable outcome is rapid dissolution of the marriage on his wife’s end, followed by him getting bent over by the court. Then his relationship with his daughter will also be ruined on top of that. And for what exactly? “Financial freedom.” He’s going to be made an example of in the courts because his reasoning and mindset behind this is poorly thought out.
irreconcilable differences.. women use this all the time... what more is there?
 

BackInTheGame78

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If the past 8 years is an indicator - she won't leave but I won't be happy.
So if I choose to leave in the future, because I gave up on an argumentative wife, I am at her mercy if she wants to take me for half my stuff and future earnings.

I have no way of knowing how she will act in the future. Mind you, in CA, my wife could sleep with a different dude every night forever - and still take me for half my money indefinitely because I chose to leave. I am 100% at her mercy... how can any man me the kind of husband and father he needs to be under such pretenses?



Maybe, or maybe I'm saving myself from a lifetime of indentured servitude. Again, i have no say in what happens now or in 2 years - the difference is that now I'd only have to suffer 4 years of alimony versus 40.

I'm taking the bird in hand and hoping my wife will choose to be with me anyways. If she doesn't, well that sucks, but I accept that outcome.
People choose to be happy in life.

And the grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's greener where you choose to water it.

When was the last time you chose to water your grass regularly? Right now it's looking pretty parched from where I am looking at it by the picture you have painted for us.
 

Slowhandluke

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Your daughter assuredly would never think like that because she is a kid. Kids don't think that way.
true... she will not understand until later. but if he still in her life, it will be fine. I also have a kid... my kid understands why I got divorced
.. not completely, but good enough... and he is not scarred from it. besides, if both of them love the daughter, that all she really cares. kids are simple that way.
 

Money & Muscle

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to show his commitment he did put her in his will. basically, she will get everything if he dies before her. it works for the both of them. no marriage, no fuss..
This is also my plan. All money and assets transferred to wife upon death, with infidelity clause.

I'm also planning to put one of my houses in my wife's name, to include the 100k in equity. No infidelity clause, this will be her safety net upon separation, but also her responsibility to maintain.
 

Money & Muscle

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The probable outcome is rapid dissolution of the marriage on his wife’s end, followed by him getting bent over by the court. Then his relationship with his daughter will also be ruined on top of that. And for what exactly? “Financial freedom.” He’s going to be made an example of in the courts because his reasoning and mindset behind this is poorly thought out.
Except all of this can happen with or without my actions, and I have no control over it.
 

Money & Muscle

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When was the last time you chose to water your grass regularly? Right now it's looking pretty parched from where I am looking at it by the picture you have painted for us.
You have always held this opinion, without regard to my rebuttals.

I've been watering the grass, but this grass is seemingly hydrophobic.
 

BillyPilgrim

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Slowhandluke

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This is also my plan. All money and assets transferred to wife upon death, with infidelity clause.

I'm also planning to put one of my houses in my wife's name, to include the 100k in equity. No infidelity clause, this will be her safety net upon separation, but also her responsibility to maintain.
that sounds reasonable to me (infidelity going both ways i assume)... now it depends on the wife and how intelligent she is or if she is blinded by emotions... she either loves you or she doesn't. this is almost like a shiet test... he'll, this is a shiet test... the mother of all shiet test...

to be honest, this is such a radical idea, I think for most women it might take 1 year for them to wrap their mind arround this.

fun times. but society has made us come to this point. we are only reacting...
 

EyeBRollin

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Except all of this can happen with or without my actions, and I have no control over it.
There are risks to being human. You do have control over the commitment you made to your wife. Unless she’s cheating or abusive, you wont really have a leg to stand on in the court of public opinion for walking out.
 
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Modern Man Advice

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You might be a tad too late for not to be liable. In an ideal scenario, you would have gotten married but signed a prenup before getting married. That is the ONLY way to 100% make sure you cover your assets during divorce.

In my opinion, you're only chance is for her to be cool level level-headed, and mature enough to know your assets are your assets and not hers and agree to to divorce without alimony.

Good luck mate.
 

Money & Muscle

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you wont really have a leg to stand on in the court of public opinion for walking out
I think I've made it pretty clear that I give no fvcks about what people think of me. Hence my posting history of wanting absolutely ridiculous things, and defending my position of them.


You do have control over the commitment you made to your wife
And I'm keeping that commitment. I won't be sleeping around, or abusive, or anything. I'll be acting exactly the same as I am now.
Nowhere in the commitment I made did it say "I owe this person half my things forever", it was "to have and to hold". I'm still keeping that commitment... unless my wife decides she doesn't want my commitment without my money.
^ this last part will be telling either way.
 

Money & Muscle

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You might be a tad too late for not to be liable. In an ideal scenario, you would have gotten married but signed a prenup before getting married. That is the ONLY way to 100% make sure you cover your assets during divorce.

In my opinion, you're only chance is for her to be cool level level-headed, and mature enough to know your assets are your assets and not hers and agree to to divorce without alimony.

Good luck mate.
Lawyer said worst case scenario is I could pay 1900 CS and 2900 SS for 4 years, then 1900 CS for the remainder until child turns 18.

If I wait any longer, that can easily turn to $4800/mo for life.
 

EyeBRollin

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I think I've made it pretty clear that I give no fvcks about what people think of me. Hence my posting history of wanting absolutely ridiculous things, and defending my position of them.
It’s mostly your daughter and the court.

And I'm keeping that commitment. I won't be sleeping around, or abusive, or anything. I'll be acting exactly the same as I am now.
Nowhere in the commitment I made did it say "I owe this person half my things forever", it was "to have and to hold". I'm still keeping that commitment... unless my wife decides she doesn't want my commitment without my money.
^ this last part will be telling either way.
Mind boggling why you even got married. These are not only your things. It is not only your money. Marriage is not me me me. Just get the full divorce.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Lawyer said worst case scenario is I could pay 1900 CS and 2900 SS for 4 years, then 1900 CS for the remainder until child turns 18.

If I wait any longer, that can easily turn to $4800/mo for life.
No the worst thing that could happen is that your daughter wants nothing to do with you.

And you are heading down that pathway because I am pretty sure your wife will not even have to really spin it very hard to tell her the truth about what happened.


Karma has a twisted sense of humor like that...you'll save all your money, but it will take something far more valuable that no amount of money could replace.

And in the end the only person you'll have to blame is yourself. So have at it.
 

Money & Muscle

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It's easy to tell someone else to risk half their stuff and money forever. It's much harder to do so yourself.

Everyone agrees that marriage is a bad bet for men, but then they give me grief for wanting out of it. Ridiculous.
 

Divorced w 3

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I still have no doubt this is an episode from the twilight zone. There is absolutely no way this isn’t an episode. It’s incredibly well written.
 

Canadian_Man

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I don't have the full story here, but I have read your last few threads OP (e.g., wanting to get your wife to do a threesome, wanting to get her to "open up more" sexually, etc.)

What's the backstory here?

This is what I'm aware of off hand:
- she was the first woman you slept with in your early 20's
- you've been married for 8-9 years, have a daughter not much younger than that
- the past year or so you've been trying to "fix the marriage"
- she's combative
- you're wealth/career has advanced significantly since the time you got married
- she's a stay at home mother
- you're in California (matters for divorce courts)

What I'm missing is when did you start to "get your head straight", as I think you put it?
1, 2, 3 years ago?
How did that come to be?
How did you realize you were "unhappy" and went down the RP pathway?

You may had realized it sooner, but I mean when did it start to occupy a lot of your thought, and a lot of negative + conscious emotions around it (rather than reactive-in-the-moment annoyed about the situation but not having a big picture sense that you do now)

Reason I ask is it sounds like this is a relatively recent (1-3 years) "crisis" for you, and in that time you've done a lot of thinking, a lot of reading/videos/etc. (RP or otherwise), etc.

The context is different, but when I was in my early 20's I went through a phase where the way I thought about things, approached life, etc., rapidly changed, and in that change there were many poor decisions I made in attempt to remedy/relieve/improve my situation.

I was in a survival mode, which isn't great for long-term decision making.

While the experience + growth that stemmed from it has overall improved my general state of mind years later, the poor decisions of the time are something I'm still paying for to some degree 5-10 years after the fact.

Another symptom of this time for me was I became much more selfish for a while, after having been much more passive in life before.
But, I didn't strike a good balance right away, it was too much, which in itself caused new problems. Too much "taking".

It sounds like you might be going through something similar, but in your case, the context is marriage/finances/RP

In any case, I think:
- you have unintentionally poisoned your mind a bit (e.g., become fixated on a perceived problem, which effects your thoughts/emotions/etc., and have potentially made your own situation worse since then as a result),
- are thinking too much in the "extremes" (which I was guilty of in my period of turmoil),
- might be in a more selfish state than your usual,
- you are trying to make up for now-perceived bad decisions of your past
- you are feeling the pressure of California's 10-year-deadline for your marriage-financial coupling (i.e., a bit of "survival mode"), and,
- I suspect you are not going to make great decisions at the moment.

But, you're mind is already made up, as evident in this thread.
And yes, you're the one who has to live with the consequences of it.

One digression, some of the stuff you've posted about marriage in this thread reads as a rationalization.
Comes across as something deeper is happening than you've admitted, perhaps even to yourself.

Food for thought. No specific suggestions in this post.
 
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