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Dating boring in early 30s, is this normal?

Who Dares Win

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I think it's the matter of positive and negative experience to a significant degree.

I've noticed that my IL in women took hit after several break ups inititated by them - its like my brain's reward circuit starts to signal me that's not a good idea for me to go after them with the same (high) IL as I did before which is an issue because if you are not highly interested in them, you won't really pick them up or game them properly (because you don't want to wake up with hot iron in your hand again so to speak)

I plan to:
- train a lot in 2020 (to raise my endorphine and testosterone levels)
- pay for play if I will hit really dry phase of dating (hopefully not)

You need to feel that what you are doing (work/self-development) pays in this area as well - you just need to. Sex is what you need to be happy, otherwise you will go monk mode and pray to birds and praise Mother Nature whole weeks when other guys will score and score more women :p

What I mean is you need to keep your happiness level in check - otherwise you will erase yourself from this competition (because that's what life is).
I believe that line and that way to think is what screws a lot of guys, puts pressure on them and makes them do stuff they wouldnt do otherwise.

To decide our actions according to what others are doing or worse yet the fear of missing out something that probably is not even happening is a very dangerous counselor.
 

markfromeurope

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I believe that line and that way to think is what screws a lot of guys, puts pressure on them and makes them do stuff they wouldnt do otherwise.

To decide our actions according to what others are doing or worse yet the fear of missing out something that probably is not even happening is a very dangerous counselor.
You certainly doesn't sound like somebody that put "Who Dares Win" nickname when registering on these forums for the first time mate! ;)

I believe that there are lows and highs and its our job to raise ourselves from every fall. With every means necessary if we have to.
 

Who Dares Win

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You certainly doesn't sound like somebody that put "Who Dares Win" nickname when registering on these forums for the first time mate! ;)

I believe that there are lows and highs and its our job to raise ourselves from every fall. With every means necessary if we have to.
Bro you dare and take risks when it worth it not when the shared thinking shames you into doing it.

When I was a kid I was poor and physically weak and I decided that was not me and that wasnt gonna be my life, now I own my house and have a decent MMA record while my salary is more than enough to live safely and comfortable.

I do things because thats what I want wheter thouse around me supports me or try to stop me, I dont take risks to do something cause "its what real men do" or other bullsh1t like that.

Since you are european just like me you know how uncommon is for a man in his hid 30s to own his house and get a salary as high as your upper management boomer.

I dont know how old you are, but trust me there is no reason to live in a FOMO view when it comes of meeting women out there, most of the men are either in dry spells or committed to overweight headache machines past their 30s.

Go after what you want, do what you want and think logically and cold as many are already doing, its no coincident MGTOW is getting epidemic.
 

AttackFormation

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I dont know how old you are, but trust me there is no reason to live in a FOMO view when it comes of meeting women out there, most of the men are either in dry spells or committed to overweight headache machines past their 30s.
Even though I am younger, I at least think I remember when it was more common on the internet to see men shaming each other for "not getting laid". If you weren't out there in the clubs competing then you weren't a real man, and such. I do not really see that shaming anymore.
 

LARaiders85

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my brain's reward circuit starts to signal me that's not a good idea for me to go after them with the same (high) IL as I did before which is an issue because if you are not highly interested in them, you won't really pick them up or game them properly (because you don't want to wake up with hot iron in your hand again so to speak)
Exactly what I was talking about in the OP. The motivation to perform at a high level is gone, therefore the success rate is lower.
 

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Who Dares Win

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Even though I am younger, I at least think I remember when it was more common on the internet to see men shaming each other for "not getting laid". If you weren't out there in the clubs competing then you weren't a real man, and such. I do not really see that shaming anymore.
Oh you should have seen the 90s, guys in the middle of dry spells turning into young spielbergs to fabricate stories about their love affairs, I was a kid back then but I remember how ridicolous it was.

A guy failed to get a girl it was shame and fault on him, we still see some of it anytime a short fat guy is single and someone blames him telling its just a matter of effort and confidence or even measuring a man's worth according to the feedbacks he gets from women.

I recall when I was a teenager, skinny and weak and my father was mocking me cause I had no girlfriend while my classmate who failed the class had (he was 2 years older twice the height and size and a soccer player), the dumb fvck never suggested me to do some sport or eat better only to "make a move".
 

corrector

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I never really enjoyed it to begin with, but at least you had some nerves and adrenaline kicking in. It was sort of sporting.

Now its like a job interview, and I feel like I can't be bothered to raise the energy level on these dates. I don't invest in the outcome and I prioritize family and friends, which is both a cause and effect of mediocre dates(I was hungover as **** for my last date lol).

The pool of women are getting older and more careerist, much less feminine and flirty so that might be part of it too.
Sounds like you are catching up to me loud mouth.
 

markfromeurope

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Since you are european just like me you know how uncommon is for a man in his hid 30s to own his house and get a salary as high as your upper management boomer.

I dont know how old you are, but trust me there is no reason to live in a FOMO view when it comes of meeting women out there, most of the men are either in dry spells or committed to overweight headache machines past their 30s.

Go after what you want, do what you want and think logically and cold as many are already doing, its no coincident MGTOW is getting epidemic.
Sure that most of them are in dry spells or comitted to overweight women!

I'm 34, recently bought my own apartment in the big city, mid-management (manager) salary level, going to earn even more this year. Yes, salary like that is quite uncommon. I'm pretty restless and never content with myself - I think this helps you to move on with everything that you need to proceed with.

btw.I do understand where you come from - I fight depressive thoughts about current dating pool all the time but dating is actually what can upgrade your mood and happiness level as well.
 

Dash Riprock

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I never really enjoyed it to begin with, but at least you had some nerves and adrenaline kicking in. It was sort of sporting.

Now its like a job interview, and I feel like I can't be bothered to raise the energy level on these dates. I don't invest in the outcome and I prioritize family and friends, which is both a cause and effect of mediocre dates(I was hungover as **** for my last date lol).
The pool of women are getting older and more careerist, much less feminine and flirty so that might be part of it too.
My take:

If I date too much over a short period of time, I get bored. Most women don't have interesting lives or much to talk about. I make sure I go to a place I like where the food and drinks are good and maybe I'll know people. A place with TVs too so if the date ends early or bombs, I can hang and watch sports. Or, if it's an activity, I'll plan something I want to do like a good hike or snowshoe on a favorite trail. Basically, I see her as a tag-along.

95% of the women I "date" these days are for ONS, s*ex, and hook-ups. Occasionally we'll meet up a second or third time, but that's about it. I'm kind of in a gray area right now where I can effectively pull chicks way younger than me (15-20 years+) and almost all are down for f*ucking that night, but there's where it ends. Still, banging a hot 25 yo for the night is a good investment of my time. Women "my age" are mostly not attractive to me, have too many responsibilities and very little free time, and are not conducive with my lifestyle.

I'm mainly focused on my business and health these days. I get the occasional lay and am not looking for a LTR or gf. Door is open a bit if someone spectacular comes around, but it's not my focal point. Just really focused on me, which I like.
 

JayAce

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Same, or at least the good side she presented to me. I met some better women after but the idealism is impossible to get back regardless.
this is the hardest part to overcome imo. the idealism. who they were with the mask on. even when you know deep down it was all a facade you still don’t want to believe it because while her mask was on you experienced true bliss (or so it felt like at the time). even after being red pill for years now I still have a rare moment where I wish it wasn’t like this. where I wish just once a moment or stretch in time is 100% genuine with a woman. then I just snap out of it and get on with whatever I was doing.
 

Epic Days

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In my experience, most women have a complete inability to engage in dialogue without some form of hidden agenda to control and manipulate for their own benefit. Even females in my family, lol.
This is so true that it won’t be believed by many. There is always something underneath. Something she is trying to get an upper hand in.

That solipsism rears it’s ugly head. Lol. Trying to make you a mark. Haha
 

EyeBRollin

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I’m 30. Dating has never been more fun. It helps that I also look young (25ish). Last year I banged women as young as 23 and as old as 40.

My advice: if you want something serious just go younger. Pump and dump on women 27+. They start to become miserable around that age, but they also seem to be more horny and ruthless about it.

My main plate right now is really pushing for LTR and I think ima go with it. 24, easy going, cooks for me often, and puts out sex on demand.
 

markfromeurope

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this is the hardest part to overcome imo. the idealism. who they were with the mask on. even when you know deep down it was all a facade you still don’t want to believe it because while her mask was on you experienced true bliss (or so it felt like at the time). even after being red pill for years now I still have a rare moment where I wish it wasn’t like this. where I wish just once a moment or stretch in time is 100% genuine with a woman. then I just snap out of it and get on with whatever I was doing.
My thoughts exactly... sometimes I think "NAWALT?...o_O" then I try to put my hand into the pot of boiling water and BETA-MARK resists:
"No, mark, plz I beg you I won't think it's NAWALT again!" says puzzybetamark
"But you did! :<"
"No, it was last time I beg you, not the hand, not again!:eek:" says puzzybetamark
"BUT YOU DID BETA-MARK!"
"Noooo, plzh :eek:"
... and the hand goes straight into boiling water PSHhPSHhhhhh!!!

Because it's still phuckin better than putting head into boiling water - because that's what happens when you think it's NAWALT.
 

LARaiders85

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My thoughts exactly... sometimes I think "NAWALT?...o_O" then I try to put my hand into the pot of boiling water and BETA-MARK resists:
"No, mark, plz I beg you I won't think it's NAWALT again!" says puzzybetamark
"But you did! :<"
"No, it was last time I beg you, not the hand, not again!:eek:" says puzzybetamark
"BUT YOU DID BETA-MARK!"
"Noooo, plzh :eek:"
... and the hand goes straight into boiling water PSHhPSHhhhhh!!!

Because it's still phuckin better than putting head into boiling water - because that's what happens when you think it's NAWALT.
NAWALT is real but the problem is the odds of getting the exception to the rule is rare, in my experience 5% of the women I've dated qualified and one upgraded me for the better deal (which was OK since we weren't serious ) and the other caught me when I wasn't ready for a relationship.
 

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Rictor1

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Most women don't have interesting lives or much to talk about.
This is true. I don't want it to be true, but it's true. My last date went like this:

Her: "So...what kind of work have you done? What do you do?"
Me: "I am a medical professional; I used to work in addiction medicine where I got people off of heroin and other drugs. Prior to that, I worked as a social worker in Early Intervention working with children diagnosed with autism."
Her: "Oh that's great. I work in finance."
Me: "Cool. What's that like?"
Her: "Um...it's okay. Not much to say. What kind of music do you like?"

This somehow led to the story I had about how I met Lana Del Rey in 2014, and I showed her pictures. Sometimes people around us would interject and ask a question or make a comment and I would find myself more interested in talking to THEM rather than answering my date's interview questions. Ironically, the less interested I am, the more fun I am (because I don't feel emotionally invested at that point).

this is the hardest part to overcome imo. the idealism. who they were with the mask on. even when you know deep down it was all a facade you still don’t want to believe it because while her mask was on you experienced true bliss (or so it felt like at the time). even after being red pill for years now I still have a rare moment where I wish it wasn’t like this. where I wish just once a moment or stretch in time is 100% genuine with a woman. then I just snap out of it and get on with whatever I was doing.
Wow. YES. True bliss is what it felt like. That idealism is what drove me to seek out answers to my case of One-itis, leading me to this site with some very eye-opening posts, especially by Stormrider. Timing is everything though. If I found this site just a little bit earlier, I would have saved myself a lot of grief. Especially one post along the lines of, "if someone is already on your wavelength, the only way you can blow yourself out is by overcompensating and being needy." That's exactly what I did. Timing wasn't right. But at least the mask is off now. I'm glad I never made any grand gestures or did anything direct. I just need to remain cautious when I start slipping into that NAWALT mindset. I still believe in having a good connection with someone, but I'm no longer naive enough to believe that some magical woman is somehow completely independently exempt from the kind of behavior the rest of her gender has been displaying since the beginning of time.
 

markfromeurope

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NAWALT is real but the problem is the odds of getting the exception to the rule is rare, in my experience 5% of the women I've dated qualified and one upgraded me for the better deal (which was OK since we weren't serious ) and the other caught me when I wasn't ready for a relationship.
No they are not real.

You get NAWALT feeling out of following combined factors:
- yours high IL in woman
- hers high IL in you
- her social behaviour and looks is something you really like
- yours looks and social behaviour is something she really likes
- she thinks your SMV is much higher than it is which means you peacock and game well OR you underappreciate yourself

All of the above sums up and you get typical NAWALT feeling around woman
 

LARaiders85

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No they are not real.

You get NAWALT feeling out of following combined factors:
- yours high IL in woman
- hers high IL in you
- her social behaviour and looks is something you really like
- yours looks and social behaviour is something she really likes
- she thinks your SMV is much higher than it is which means you peacock and game well OR you underappreciate yourself

All of the above sums up and you get typical NAWALT feeling around woman
Sure, I don't think anyone thinks NAWALT means a woman who isn't attracted to you still wants to date you. What I mean is that her attraction to you has some staying power(pair bonding) and she will treat you relatively well(classy). I think your version of NAWALT might be full blown unicorn assumption haha.
 

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The pool of women are getting older and more careerist, much less feminine and flirty so that might be part of it too.
LARAIDERS85, man, you're such a nice guy that at times I need to seriously push myself to pressure you, just so you can surpass ur own self imposed limitations.

How all those women react to you is a direct reflection of you.

ALL women will react EXTREMELY nice, cute, polite, even flirty with a man they consider HIGH value.

You just need to add more value to urself and you already have started, you have refrained from raising up BPD stories which only reinforces ur victim mentality.

I've noticed it.

Kinda proud of you.

Put more emphasis on urself, less on women, it will do wonders for you.
 

Solomon

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The problem with dating in your 30s is if your dating women in that age group you realized most of them are jaded and ran through among other issues the biggest one is though they lose that feminine energy that girls have in their 20s

The women who are younger are airheads but fun

Dating loses its excitement once you have done it enough (usually by your teens or early 20s) you get burned out, and all

I purposely take breaks just to focus on self-improvement as far as i'm concerned modern dating is nothing more than just your turn
 
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