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Could "kindness game" really work?

AttackFormation

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It's as if almost everyone on this forum thinks being kind is the same as being a pathetic pushover. I guess that's why so few go for LTR and even fewer succeed at it, most guys here don't fully comprehend how it works while they think they do.

They're not wrong, they do want kind men, but the fewest of us seem to be able to handle the balance of maintaining dignity while not being an assh0le in general.
No, the problem is that being kind is not something that will get your foot in the door with women, or turn them on afterward, and those are the 2 most important steps by far. After that it's easy.

Telling a man he needs to "be more kind" is like telling a Treblinka camp inmate that he needs to remember to redecorate his home. It's not relevant to his current life, and even if it was, it's a petty matter. Getting into contact with women, being attractive to women and then successfully escalating with women, that's relevant. Getting told to "be more kind" is like a smug mockery in comparison.
 
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BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Yes kindness is important. Kindness is displayed in your consideration for other people.

I agree with @BackInTheGame78 and others that kindness is utterly independent from niceness or weakness. No correlation there whatsoever. When I see unkind behavior it is an enormous turn off.

Example: A man I know is tall and handsome and has a unique style. He has long hair past his shoulders and dresses very urban LA. It’s a rock star sort of look not just anyone can pull off, but he does. As a result he gets noticed a lot by men and by women. I have seen him turn his nose up and snub people who complimented something...his hair, his hat, his shirt, whatever. That’s just rude, plain & simple.

I have told him in fact that I do not wish to be associated with rude people. If someone goes to the trouble to notice something and compliment you about something that is a kindness they have extended. Acknowledge that kindness with a thank you or a gesture. I have pointed this out to him a couple of times. He agrees he needs to be kinder to people who make the effort to compliment him about something. I will not keep hanging out with him if he can’t demonstrate courtesy and civility (kindness) toward others.

He’s too ass hole in other words. You can over do it. Then you just look like a jerk and nobody wants to hang with a jerk.
 

Lookatu

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Along the lines of what @BeExcellent said, kindness is how you treat others the same way you would treat a girl you're seeing. If you're treating the girl different or more special than the way you treat just anyone, then you really need to think whether she has earned this additional treatment or if you're just supplicating and seeking approval from them.

Same way in reverse. We are always advising guys to look to see how woman treats others to determine red flags. It would be a HUGE red flag for me if a woman I was seeing treated others like crap but treated me well.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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DEEZEDBRAH

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It's as if almost everyone on this forum thinks being kind is the same as being a pathetic pushover. I guess that's why so few go for LTR and even fewer succeed at it, most guys here don't fully comprehend how it works while they think they do.

They're not wrong, they do want kind men, but the fewest of us seem to be able to handle the balance of maintaining dignity while not being an assh0le in general.
I am a kind *******.
 

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Modern Man Advice

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According to this article, it does:


my opinion: Sorry, I'm not buying it. :rolleyes:
I mean do they want a kind man? Yes. But on the other hand, they don't know what they want so... I prefer to take the "balanced" approach. Bad boy vs nice guy.

There will be times where kindness can get to a woman, but kindness at the wrong times or all times will certainly secure your spot in her bag of friends and orbiters.

The key is to find those moments when to be kind, or funny, or co*ky, or serious, or deep, or what have you. Again, balance.

Modern Man Advice
 

captain55

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Do you want peoples opinions or real world experience? IME yes it can work if the girl finds you sexually attractive. Common ****ing sense dude. You can be handsome and attractive to her but if she tells her girlfriends your a selfish cheap mother****er well...
 

SW15

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No, "kindness game" will not work at all. At best, that person will be a beta in a minimal sex relationship. At worst, that person be an incel.

It is best to be an aloof guy with a good bod who has good sex skill.

A person does not need to be rude or an a-hole to get laid, but being a nice guy pushover is a bad idea. Better to be closer to a rude person than a pushover.
 

Bokanovsky

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He’s too ass hole in other words. You can over do it. Then you just look like a jerk and nobody wants to hang with a jerk.
No woman wants to hang out with an @sshole or jerk? Well, that explains why Hollywood stars, pro athletes, drug dealers, and other assorted scum have so much trouble getting dates!
 

Velasco

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Lookatu

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No, "kindness game" will not work at all. At best, that person will be a beta in a minimal sex relationship. At worst, that person be an incel.

It is best to be an aloof guy with a good bod who has good sex skill.

A person does not need to be rude or an a-hole to get laid, but being a nice guy pushover is a bad idea. Better to be closer to a rude person than a pushover.
I'm sensing we have people that view kindness and being nice guy the same or different by different posters. It's a subtle difference but I believe it's important to distinguish for the sake of this discussion.

You seem to view it the same? I'm just trying to understand you and your view point in the right context.
 

Serenity

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No, the problem is that being kind is not something that will get your foot in the door with women, or turn them on afterward, and those are the 2 most important steps by far. After that it's easy.

Telling a man he needs to "be more kind" is like telling a Treblinka camp inmate that he needs to remember to redecorate his home. It's not relevant to his current life, and even if it was, it's a petty matter. Getting into contact with women, being attractive to women and then successfully escalating with women, that's relevant. Getting told to "be more kind" is like a smug mockery in comparison.
I didn't say "be more kind". Many guys don't need more of it, they just have to stop having the false belief that kindness and assertiveness is somehow mutually exclusive and having both some kinda paradox.

The problem isn't kindness in men, it's that they lack the spine to demand others show kindness back, instead they're offering endless kindness while accepting disrespect. What ends up happening when someone compensates for this discrepancy is that they mistakenly think their kindness is the issue when in fact it is not, so instead of adding assertiveness on top they substitute their kindness with assh0lery. Granted they now can stand up for themselves and some women mistakenly believe a man like that is enough, but after a while they usually grow tired of dating an assh0le.

Then there are the guys who have deluded themselves into believing they're nice when in fact they're the most frustrating type of assh0le. That's the typical nice guy syndrome, thinking they're oh so generous and nice, but all they do is take, need and whine.
 

2Rocky

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Worked for Costner...

[to Molly]
I'm going to qualify for the U.S. Open and kick your boyfriend's ass. Whatever you think of me, you should know he hates old people, children, and dogs.
The kindness you radiate to your community comes back in spades. It is for lack of better words "Social Proof". You can be kind and not be a doormat.

For Example....I bought my daughter and I a sandwich meal at a chain restaurant after one of her games. I ordered the "Meal" and noticed we had been charged twice for it. The young man said "Oh yeah it just prints it like that" . I let him know that it was incorrect and he needed to recalculate the difference. He called his manager on the phone to get instruction on how to run it through the register. I patiently waited while he did it and when he corrected the bill and gave me the change, I gave it to him as a tip and told him "Hey you did really good there working through that. You kept your cool and corrected the mistake. Nice job. "

Now I could have been argumentative, but I was just firm in a polite manner and then praised him for the proper behavior. The next person to go into that sandwich shop will have a better experience because of it.

Remember your actions have a ripple effect and end up coming back to you. You reap what you sow...
 
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BMX

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LMAO no, no, no. It's 'kill or be killed' with equal parts hypergamy and hyperinflation right now. You all need to have long memory now more than ever.
 

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AttackFormation

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I didn't say "be more kind". Many guys don't need more of it, they just have to stop having the false belief that kindness and assertiveness is somehow mutually exclusive and having both some kinda paradox.

The problem isn't kindness in men, it's that they lack the spine to demand others show kindness back, instead they're offering endless kindness while accepting disrespect. What ends up happening when someone compensates for this discrepancy is that they mistakenly think their kindness is the issue when in fact it is not, so instead of adding assertiveness on top they substitute their kindness with assh0lery. Granted they now can stand up for themselves and some women mistakenly believe a man like that is enough, but after a while they usually grow tired of dating an assh0le.

Then there are the guys who have deluded themselves into believing they're nice when in fact they're the most frustrating type of assh0le. That's the typical nice guy syndrome, thinking they're oh so generous and nice, but all they do is take, need and whine.
Ok, let's make this simple. When was the last time a girl fvcked you because you were kind?
 

Bokanovsky

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Ok, let's make this simple. When was the last time a girl fvcked you because you were kind?
Exactly. If being kind resulted in men getting laid, we'd all be living in a hippy utopia. And you wouldn't need the bible to remind you to be kind to others.
 
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