Cope with the shame

[Roober]

I've found that as someone becomes happier with themselves, there is often very little desire or need to alter your mind with any substances. For example, I used to drink a lot and now I barely finish a beer socially. If life seems boring and mundane with some sort of altered state, then it is time to take a look inside. It's time to start fighting the battles on the inside...

Therapy is good to get it out if you cant seem to find it yourself. It could be many things, family history, loss of purpose, discontent with career, so many things to consider here.

When I hear about men losing their way, it is usually 1 of 2 things...
1. A man has lost or reached his purpose and has yet to find a new one.
2. A man has some childhood demons to deal with, usually some form of abuse such as physical, psychological, or emotional. Remember, even neglect is abuse.

 

[BeTheChange]

This is how it starts...

You need therapy / anger management NOW. Don't let the situation get any worse.

This is an internal problem that isn't going to be solved by reading a few posts on a forum. The alcohol simply lowered your inhibitions but is not the fundamental issue.

Your appraisal that your wife was being "selfish and lazy" is likely a massive exxageration and reflects more on your mindset than hers.

If you want to get a good understanding of your anger and take the first steps to tackling your issues I strongly suggest reading "Overcoming anger and irritability". However I'd use this as a complement rather than a substitute for therapy.

 

[marvinlfloresq]

So, never been in this place before.

I was extremely drunk and my wife refused to come out and meet my friends.

There was no reason to do that. It’s just laziness and embarrasses me in front of our group.

So as a result I shout loudly, I throw various objects about,
I very minorly slap her and worst of all, I slam the glass door and smash the glass door.

She wasn’t hurt. The very minor event wasn’t like serious blows but I’ve never done this and I immediately begged for forgiveness.

A **** ton of online advice says the alcohol is not the issue and I’m just an abusive *******.

She forgave me already but I almost want to kill my self as I feel like vermin. Just need to share this.

Do your worst. I was, for aboit
1 min, what I hated most - an abusive husband.

I hate myself to the core and doubt I can forgive myself for a while.

Oh wow.

Your marriage is 1st.
Then family
Then friends.

Hey, she's her own person. She probably does not like them, the place, or whatever. Just take the L. Now, put those feelings to good use. Hit the gym. Get a hobby. Its a life lesson, you lost control. Worse, you were drinking.

Aside from all this stuff, you are a husband.
Learn from this & make something positive. Start realizing whats important in life, you only get 1 shot.

 

[marvinlfloresq]

Switch from alcohol to weed.

Lol, i dont promote drugs, i had my share. But this may be a sensible advice, i agree. My neighbor used to smoke weed with his wife. Sex is good.

 

[smokeforfun]

Switch from alcohol to weed.

this

 

[smokeforfun]

Thing is if you drifted and lost control as someone else said you won’t find answer here. The answer is inside you. Get into therapy. I had a similar situation, did not go into therapy but I read alot and it took me almost 4 times more to get my **** sorted out. But I’m younger and I don’t have a wife.
I’ve read somewhere you say you was abused when you was child. This should be the starting point.

Also , do not get into pills ! At any cost ! In super depressed moments they might do the trick and be helpful, but otherwise don’t touch them. Will **** up you perception of life and reality.
Look this is my plan :
- GYM, work hard until I feel like passing out
- diet
- work/school
- i got myself a portable vaporizer. anytime i feel a hint of anxiety or negative thoughts i take 2-3 smokes of some medicinal grade weed and that’s it, I am slower in thinking but it helps me alot because usually i think fast and over complicate things.
And I’m sure God/Universe/Nature/Life will give me everything I need, so I don’t worry about tomorrow.

 

[Soflobro#3]

Give yourself fvcking break. First off don't show how guilty you feel to her. If you want to apologize then just say it, but keep it short and drop it after, all that matters is you don't do it again.