Complicated Situation

[outsidecenter]

I'm a long time reader, first time poster. Have a complicated situation that you guys could possibly help me with.

I am an easy going guy that gets along with pretty much everyone and am a natural flirt when it comes to women. I am married and have been for a few years now. Anyway, being a flirt I have flirted with one of my wifes relatives and as time went by the flirting had gotten more blatant. She also is married so felt that there was no danger to worry about...yeah right!! Anyway, things have escalated in the past few months and there is an obvious physical attraction that has been acted upon a couple of times but we have not slept together or anything like that but have fulled around. The complication has come gradually as time has gone by... there are emotional bonds being formed as we talk occassionally and email every so often.

A couple of weeks ago, we had a huge family reunion and she was there... I could take my eyes off of her. I could help but be around her and she felt the exact same way as I found out after talking to her about everything. She was fighting just jumping into my arms, jumping my bones etc etc and got to a point that it was actually sad to be parting ways. I found myself constantly conscious of where she was the entire time and everything I remember of the reunion had to do with her.

This cant end well, I have a family as she does too. How do I stop things, I know better.. love my wife and daughter but am consumed by my wifes relative. What do you guys suggest? Walking away is easier said than done especially as I have come to find that not only do we think alike but everything about her is like a dream.. attitude/personality/appearance/mind..

Sorry for the length but any advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[NewMan]

Your life with your wife is boring then?

Perhaps if you spent as much time thinking and flirting with your wife this would not have happened.

You've got 2 choices as a man.

1) get divorced.

2) forget about the Hoe.

You know this will only end in tears - not to mention the potential for divorce - you losing half of everything you now have - plus paying half of everything you earn until your daughter is 18.... for what? this other chick?

Is it worth it?

I'll tell you it is not. It seems this way now, because it's new, it's exciting and it's wrong. But don't forget - that some other dude is probably in the same boat as you - tired of her sh#t and uninterested in her.

When it boils down it to - she's the same as every other Hoe out there.

If you really have to fvck around, then why don't you use your brain and fvck someone that not's part of the family - or not part of your work.

How would you feel if your wife fvcked your brother? Cousin?

your wreaking lot's of damage here - you should stop right now. No more emails - no more fooling around.

Use you brain.

 

[decades]

your situation has "ruin your life and plenty of others too" written all over it. walk away. NOW.

regards

mike

 

[princelydeeds]

Im typically the guy who says "GO for It." But, in this case even I say forget about this one. This situation is bound to blow up in ur face. This chick sounds like pure drama to me. I would stay as far away from her possible. Family, as temting as they can be, are purely off limits.

 

[WestCoaster]

She's just a wh-re, forget it

Yeah, throw your life away for another dumb, American wh-re. That'll do the trick, fork out all kinds of $$$ for alimony/child support, move to a one-bedroom apartment, all for just a dumb, American wh-re who can be found on any corner in America.

Like I said, it's like McDonald's in this country, there's one on every block.

Oh I'm sure that would make family reunions fun.

Get your rocks off with your wife or wh-ack off, but forget this dumb sl-t.

Why doesn't she just make some money off her attitude and get a pimp?

 

[GirlCrazy]

If you want to keep your marriage then come clean with your wife. Tell her everything and go from there.

 

[outsidecenter]

thanks everyone for your advice! I guess I just needed to hear it coming from someone outside of the situation. She is a wealthy girl that probably just wasnt getting the attention that she needed and was getting it in the wrong place.

As far as my wife is concerned, I have put time, energy, money, patience, love, kindness.. u name it and the result has been constantly the same... indifferent! I think what had initially got me was the attention she gave back to me. Thats how it started out, but then feelings started creeping into it... every time she came back from Vail to visit family.. emotions got stronger. Last couple of weeks our contact has been minimal cause I started to worry about this crap.

So I have been very confused to say the least. All that I need and am not getting is available for me.. but she knows that I won't give up what I have.. she has known that and agrees with it.. cause she apparently also has too much to lose. So I guess I ask myself..then WTF am I doing right? She is hard to ignore but at least I know what I need to do!

 

[Falcon Eye]

You're headed to the big "D" and I don't mean Dallas!

Read those words again. You're headed towards the big 'D" and I don't mean Dallas.

First of all what do you mean when you say, you've fooled around? Have you kissed this woman, played with her breasts, felt her wetness, gotten a blow job? How far have you gone?

This is a situation that you have allowed to develop over time. Flirting, emailing, allowing emotional bonds to develop. Exactly which head were you thinking with dude? Real men don't need to f u c k other men's wives. This isn't going to go over big with your wife and daughter and it may already be too late to stop it from coming out. What if the ho that's putting her family at risk has decided that you're the one for her, come hell or high water? This could happen because she's obviously not thinking of her or her families best interests. She'll make sure it comes out and you won't be able to stop her. How is she related to your wife by the way?

I think you know what to do here bud? Drop the ho and take care of your family, and hope like hell this woman doesn't keep pursuing you, or divorce your wife and f u c k the ho for a while. If the ho has decided that she wants you though it's going to blow up and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You family is at risk, your home is at risk, and your future lifestyle and income are at risk. For what? Some woman who's interested in screwing around on her husband. That's not even considering the possibility that he may decide to kill you. Yeah I can see she's a real gem. Just wait until the novelty wears off.

My guess is your riding a train that you cannot stop, and it's taking you down hill towards the big D I V O R C E.

 

[outsidecenter]

Falcon Eye,
I hear ya man!! I do know what to do and have prevented sleeping with her because I felt that although I had crossed the line, if things went wrong I wouldn't be able to recover. Its better now than never.. but I do not believe she will be letting any hats out of the bag.

Need to cut strings and haul azz!!

 

[WestCoaster]

Good move

Totally cut strings. Good move.

Have you tried marriage counseling? I hope so. And if that doesn't work, try something else.

Also, this woman's character isn't real high and if you hit it off with her, she'd be looking for the next relative/friend/stranger to boink. Let's face it: She's a typical American ho, period, case closed.

I actually respect prostitutes more than cheating housewives because the prostitutes are honest about what they're doing. Cheating housewives paint a picture of holiness when they're no better than the prostitute. Actually, they're worse because they're hypocritical liars.

Get rid of the wh-re, because that's what she is. In five years she'll be fat, ugly, watching soap operas anyway and you'll be looking for someone better.

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by GirlCrazy
If you want to keep your marriage then come clean with your wife. Tell her everything and go from there.

Oh man whatever you do don't tell your wife!!! NEVER admit to anything I don't care if she cathces you with your pants down don't admit to anything!!! keep acting like Nothing happened, you two did absolutely nothing!!!! Cut the other chick but don't tell your wife anything!!!! Women always want to believe that nothing happened so if you keep telling her nothing happened eventually she will start believing it!

 

[WaterTiger]

DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE!!!!

Read that sentence three more times.....

You think this is complicated??? You have NO idea what you've done! The "object of your affection" has a perfect way to ruin you life and marriage if you don't keep seeing her! Does the word BLACKMAIL send chills down your spine?What happens now is damage control!

Tell your wife NOTHING about this. Don't tell her you kissed, touched or whatever. What ever you admit to, she will think is 1,000 times worse.

Delete the e-mails, burn the letters, cut all ties and destroy ALL evidence! No calls, no meetings no contact with the slvt.

If she says anything act totally outraged and indignant. Call her a liar and refuse to speak with her. Tell your wife she's lying. And PRAY to ever God you've ever heard of that she doesn't have YOUR romantic e-mails.

 

[bp1974]

I think another important point here is that you say you've tried every which way to love your wife and all you get back is indifference. No wonder you found this new, attention-giving woman so irresistible.

You say you are not getting your needs met by your wife right now. It's up to you to do something about that if you want your future marriage and family life to be healthy and worthwhile. What is it that you want from her? Physical affection? Talk? Time alone together? Sex? Fun? Start thinking about these things. What do you enjoy receiving from and giving to a partner? You and she have 50/50 responsibility here to ensure you are both getting your sexual, intimacy and family needs met, otherwise why are you together?

It's always easier to have an affair than it is to start talking about the problems you're having in your current relationship. And an affair is never the best answer.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Call her a liar and refuse to speak with her.

That should make family gatherings interesting. He'll probably have to lie to the entire family about why he's not speaking to this woman.

Tell your wife she's lying.

Yep, alienating yourself with the wife's family is the first step towards marital bliss!

And PRAY to ever God you've ever heard of that she doesn't have YOUR romantic e-mails.

And when you're caught red handed in all your lies, by all means lie some more! Emails can be faked right?

One of my friends was in almost the exact same situation. A couple times being caught red handed and he ended up with an empty house full of broken china, weekend visitation for his daughter and a large monthly payment. Lets hope that outsidecenter's wife has a stronger sense of denial than my friend's wife, and that he's a better liar than my friend. He went almost a whole year before it all came crashing down.

And when you end up divorced with no money, just lie to yourself and tell yourself how great your life is!

 

[Slickster]

The reason why you are so infatuated with this woman is very simple. It is forbidden! It started out as safe flirting because you were both married right? The lure of the situation is the danger and the excitement which is missing from your married lives.

If the two of you were to come clean and admit everything you would most certainly destroy many peoples lives. You would both feel terrible about it and after all the dust settles you'd realize something you should've known all along.

She's just another woman.

Believe it man. She wouldn't seem so special if the danger and forbidden lust wasn't there.

You have a family man. Don't let them down. You'll regret it forever.

DON'T TELL YOUR WIFE! Your guilty conscience is something YOU must carry as a burden. Don't hurt her and your daughter just to clear things off your chest.



I suggest going on some sort of adventure with your wife in an attempt to rekindle your relationship. Do something that gets you both out of your comfort zone.

For example : Take a trip to a strange country. Don't go to a resort, don't book or plan it all in advance. Do it spontaneously. Get there and figure it out from there. I guarantee you'll come back and the bond between you and your wife will be stronger than ever.

 

[mystic03]

You need to make this excercise:

Jump ahead in time, lets say 6 months, asuming you took things to a next level: Mariage torn, families upset, maybe the kid will hate you or you wont get enough time with her..... see my point?

Maybe, and I say maybe you'll win something but in the other hand you will lose 3 things: your wife, your kid and the family you had.

I don't know how you can get out of it, but maybe you need to reinforce your marriage.


Good luck.

 

[mystic03]

...just forgot: DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE

SHE WILL TRANSLATE THIS AS "I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE"

 

[GirlCrazy]

Take a trip to a strange country. Don't go to a resort, don't book or plan it all in advance. Do it spontaneously. Get there and figure it out from there. I guarantee you'll come back and the bond between you and your wife will be stronger than ever.

I have a close female friend who's husband was cheating on her regularly. He took her on this fabulous spur-of-the-moment romantic vacation (cancoon I think), with the hopes of rekindling their romance. She had a great time. They made love on the beach and talked until dawn, yada yada. Then about a week after they returned home, she filed for divorce. She told me once the "high" of the vacation wore off, she saw right through his motivations for the trip and resented him even more.

There's not gonna be any quick fix. Marriage is like your credit score. It takes years to build and minutes to f*ck up. Cheating is just a symptom of a deeper problem. People sabotage their relationships for a number of reasons, and until you discover what your own personal demon is, you're doomed to keep repeating the same mistake.

 

[outsidecenter]

Just to give everyone a heads up.. Me and her talked for a while yesterday and agreed that this was not in either of our best interest. We both admitted that it was fun, but it has started getting into too dangerous an environment because we both want to maintain what we had going with our own families.

I told her that I am not trying to hurt her but that I was infatuated with her, caught up in the moment thinking that things are harmless and realizing that I was just looking for a spark in the wrong place and she just happened to be in the right place when that time came.

I am going to take your advice Slickster and take a weekend away, we always seem to connect when we are alone.. our child takes up too much of my wifes attention. She said it best last night that after spending the entire day with our child, the affection that she needs on a daily basis has been given her, not by me but from the kid so when I am done with work and am home.. its business as usual not needing someone to hold her, not needing a physical intimacy so to speak.. that is where the problem resides. So we decided that we will make a conscious effort to have a couple of dates a week without our child so that we can remind each other why we are together to begin with.

Back to the relative, things had gotten out of hand there were a couple of contributing factors that played in making things go the way they did lie in appearance because she looks like what I envision a woman looking like and I what a man should look like.. and our partners don't fit that model... but are attractive nonetheless. Anyway, the shock I got from the first few responses on here is what I needed to job my mind a little bit and show was on the line here so I spent some time to myself thinking and spent some time talking to my wife on how to make things better and the answers had been here all along. So the relative is out of the picture at least out of concern. We both agreed it will be hard initially to adjust having sampled but is what is needed so the buck has stopped.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I will not say what has happened because why ruin my entire life, hers and my kids, her kids and entire family for a mistake that is not to be repeated. I will have to bear the guilt, it be my burden and no one elses. So thanks everyone! Points well made and well taken.

I think I will be posting a little more and letting you in on my progress in rekindling the fire that is missing in my marriage right now. Thanks everyone!!

 

[WestCoaster]

Kudos

Takes a lot more guts in what you did than to keep doing it and let your marriage slip. You probably dodged the biggest bullet of your life. Even if you eventually hooked up with this woman, she does not sound high quality.

I hope it works out with your wife. If it doesn't, in no way, shape, or form would I gravitate back to the other woman.

I applaud you trying to keep your marriage alive. If it doesn't work out, you don't need a woman to make yourself better, you need to work on yourself ... a theory lost on 99 percent of males in this world.