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Completely f*cked up with hot girl

sceneparade

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Its very simple. She gave you signs to move the interaction along and you repeatedly failed to do so. In her eyes you are afraid and unmanly and you completely turned her off.

Didn't ask for her number, didn't ask her out, just kept up playing switchfoot with her.
Yes, 100% agreed. I am one and done.

What do you suggest I do? (per my other response above)
 

Visionist

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To a generation weaned on mobile devices it can feel surprisingly challenging inviting a girl out in person. I'm guilty of getting a girl's number and then inviting her out a few days later more times than I can count.

When I first started directly inviting girls out I would trip over my words and make mistakes due to nerves. Naturally it never went anywhere. The only way to Git Gud is to do it again and again and again, and that means a target rich environment, which means living in a big city.

OP if her interest has dropped just withdraw your attention or you'll start to get sucked into her frame. Smile casually, say good morning etc, but leave it at that. Nothing you can do to rekindle lost interest at this stage. If you were already dating her this might rekindle her interest.
 

Tilex

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Damn, how often do you shop for groceries?
LOL

Listen, I'm all for grocery store pickup but going back that many times and not sealing the deal is overkill.
Attraction has an expiration date.

Not sure where her attraction level is for you at the moment, but don't be surprised if she tells you she has a boyfriend.
If a customer comes into the store very often and very frequently, he or she will be placed into the "regulars" category.
Believe it or not there are a lot of regulars just like you that go into stores and have conversations with employees.
It's quite common in retail stores.
 
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sceneparade

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Damn, how often do you shop for groceries?
LOL

Listen, I'm all for grocery store pickup but going back that many times and not sealing the deal is overkill.
Attraction has an expiration date.

Not sure where her attraction level is for you at the moment, but don't be surprised if she tells you she has a boyfriend.
If a customer comes into the store very often and very frequently, he or she will be placed into the "regulars" category.
Believe it or not there are a lot of regulars just like you that go into stores and have conversations with employees.
It's quite common in retail stores.
To a generation weaned on mobile devices it can feel surprisingly challenging inviting a girl out in person. I'm guilty of getting a girl's number and then inviting her out a few days later more times than I can count.

When I first started directly inviting girls out I would trip over my words and make mistakes due to nerves. Naturally it never went anywhere. The only way to Git Gud is to do it again and again and again, and that means a target rich environment, which means living in a big city.

OP if her interest has dropped just withdraw your attention or you'll start to get sucked into her frame. Smile casually, say good morning etc, but leave it at that. Nothing you can do to rekindle lost interest at this stage. If you were already dating her this might rekindle her interest.
I refuse to get sucked into her frame. But, if she has stopped saying hello, good morning, to me, should I not mirror them? My first thoughts were to respond again when/if she re-initiates - but I could be wrong. I thought it would show that I was still the pursuer.
 

stormrider

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Plausible deniability.

Suggest an activity that has nothing to do with sex or dating.

Do you like to watch movies? Cool. Yeah we should definitely do that sometimes. Watch for reaction. And number close casually.

This is how sex incidentally happens.

I know because women have done it to me hundreds of times.

It's happened to me so many times that I started to think it was universal female language for "let's get together and have sex."

A female poster just recently invited me to an AA meeting with her on this very forums. But we all know what the real intention is ;)

Just throw her a bait. Throw out 1 thousand baits.

Women aren't dumb. They know what plausible deniability is. They know it is a subtle bait. And they will be glad you are giving them an opportunity to sexually escalate things forward without putting them on the spot.

You don't gotta be a raging bull going direct on every chick and yell "RAAA RAAA I'm a man. Blow me or blow me out. I'm gonna ostrasize myself from society, blow myself out from chicks at their work place, and get kicked out by bouncers and security." That's the misguided kamikazi PUA style. It comes from growing up as a wimp and overcompensating hardcore.

Only true wimps think anything that has to do with women can improve their masculine merits.

A real masculine man laughs at the notion that women can be used as any measuring stick for masculinity.

Real life game is a lot more chill, laid back, and based on sub-communications.

It's all in the subtleties. Plausible deniability is on the same level as asking a woman out. They get the hint. They are not stupid, especially when it comes to romance and seduction. They know what every little hint means.

Despite the common belief around here, you don't get extra masculinity points for being super direct, especially if she is working and it catches her off guard, or if she is in front of her co-workers/bosses where her job could be on the line. You'd just end up looking inexperienced and socially miscalibrated. Like you've been living under a rock and got all your game advice from internet PUA nerds.
 
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stringpuller

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Fck no. You gotta feel the situation first. Before you ask her out there should be some flirting back and forth, some light fun. As far as you know, you might have misinterpreted her looking at you, she might have been looking at the can of beans behind you the first time, and at the can of beer behind you the 2nd time. Ask her out about some product, 'hey where is yogurt' 2nd isle, 'oh I can't find it I've been there, could you show it to me', ok let's go, oh here it is, 'what about the sausage', 3rd isle, show it to me. 'You seem to know where all the stuff is around here, when do you get off work, let's grab a drink'.
If in fact she seems receptive up to that point.
Op go with this. Dont ask her out right away. You can frequent this place so just
Say Hi how are you? Let the convo unfold. Stay in the moment so you actually listen to her.
 

Lynx nkaf

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Plausible deniability.

Suggest an activity that has nothing to do with sex or dating.

Do you like to watch movies? Cool. Yeah we should definitely do that sometimes. Watch for reaction. And number close casually.

This is how sex incidentally happens.

I know because women have done it to me hundreds of times.

It's happened to me so many times that I started to think it was universal female language for "let's get together and have sex."

A female poster just recently invited me to an AA meeting with her on this very forums. But we all know what the real intention is ;)

Just throw her a bait. Throw out 1 thousand baits.

Women aren't dumb. They know what plausible deniability is. They know it is a subtle bait. And they will be glad you are giving them an opportunity to sexually escalate things forward without putting them on the spot.

You don't gotta be a raging bull going direct on every chick and yell "RAAA RAAA I'm a man. Blow me or blow me out. I'm gonna ostrasize myself from society, blow myself out from chicks at their work place, and get kicked out by bouncers and security." That's the misguided kamikazi PUA style. It comes from growing up as a wimp and overcompensating hardcore.

Only true wimps think anything that has to do with women can improve their masculine merits.

A real masculine man laughs at the notion that women can be used as any measuring stick for masculinity.

Real life game is a lot more chill, laid back, and based on sub-communications.

It's all in the subtleties. Plausible deniability is on the same level as asking a woman out. They get the hint. They are not stupid, especially when it comes to romance and seduction. They know what every little hint means.

Despite the common belief around here, you don't get extra masculinity points for being super direct, especially if she is working and it catches her off guard, or if she is in front of her co-workers/bosses where her job could be on the line. You'd just end up looking inexperienced and socially miscalibrated. Like you've been living under a rock and got all your game advice from internet PUA nerds.
Whatever makes you go. I'll amplify and agree. There's so much light there and you'd experience so much calm.




At the meetings I mean.;)

Made my day man. Thanks.
 

sceneparade

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Op go with this. Dont ask her out right away. You can frequent this place so just
Say Hi how are you? Let the convo unfold. Stay in the moment so you actually listen to her.
Problem is: I don't think she is receptive at the moment - based on her body language/vibes. Yesterday there was just a 'hi', and today ignorance. She was next to me and didn't speak. I am not getting any vibes, unlike Monday. I think she will be quite cold with closed answers. I think I blew it, even when she gave a rare second chance.

BUT, if she did re-initiate, how do I progress/escalate the interaction? (Kino etc). What should I say/talk about? She spoke about vegetarianism, eating fish - nonsense, really.
 

stringpuller

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Problem is: I don't think she is receptive at the moment - based on her body language/vibes. Yesterday there was just a 'hi', and today ignorance. She was next to me and didn't speak. I am not getting any vibes, unlike Monday. I think she will be quite cold with closed answers. I think I blew it, even when she gave a rare second chance.

BUT, if she did re-initiate, how do I progress/escalate the interaction? (Kino etc). What should I say/talk about? She spoke about vegetarianism, eating fish - nonsense, really.
Sounds like you need practice joking around or light convos. You will get better at it if you practice. Talk to strangers too not just targets.
 

samspade

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Problem is: I don't think she is receptive at the moment - based on her body language/vibes. Yesterday there was just a 'hi', and today ignorance. She was next to me and didn't speak. I am not getting any vibes, unlike Monday. I think she will be quite cold with closed answers. I think I blew it, even when she gave a rare second chance.
This could be because you're inside your own head right now. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just as when you're feeling confident, it seems like girls are proactively flirting when in fact they are usually reacting to your vibe.

That's not to say she can't have a bad day or be too busy, but it's up to you to make the advance and it's up to her to accept or reject. Whatever the vibe, just roll with it. Remember, you're cool no matter what she says. Eventually you'll be the guy who can lift anyone's spirits, so it won't matter.
 
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Last week I went to the supermarket, and whilst lining up, a young worker made eye contact and smiled at me - but I didn't respond/initiate.

On my second visit, again I was in the line, when I was checking out a hot girl and noticed out the corner of my eye the same worker looking round and checking me out. A few seconds later she turned round towards me and asked her friend - who happened to be behind me - how she was getting on (i.e. stacking the shelf). It seemed odd.

By the third visit, I spoke to her and asked her for something, to which she pointed behind me to where the item was. As I turned round, she was smiling, in a way where her face had lighten up but she was trying to hide her smile by suppressing it.

The next day, as she saw me she made eye contact and said hello, so I said hello back.

Then the following day - and here may have been one way where I went wrong - I was walking towards her and made eye contact, when she looked back and held eye contact, probably for around five seconds. As I got closer to her I turned away and went to pay for my groceries. She immediately came to the staff's self-service checkout terminal, but immediately - and to me, deliberately - turned her back to me.

On my next visit, I walked past her and she walked past me, but made eye contact and immediately looked away and straight ahead - in my opinion ignoring me on purpose. At this point I didn't let it bother me and carried on as usual.

The next day, I was at the self-checkout when I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, she was staring at me. I looked and - again- she made and held eye contact. We maintained it for - again - five seconds, before I smiled and looked away to scan my groceries.

So, I came in the following day and I went to pick up a sandwich for my lunch. She was there re-stocking them, when she pointed to the sandwiches I liked. At this point she initiated conversation and asked me if I was a vegetarian. We got into a conversation where she told me she only ate fish and blah blah blah. This was my opportunity to ask her out, but didn't. I think this was another mistake.

Then, Yesterday and today she said hello, but seemed more distant - didn't really engage. I was making the effort. So I pulled back and made a bee-line for leaving.

As she has pulled back, my next move is to give her space and not chase. Is this the right move? It may have been the reason why she initiated the conversation - because I was indifferent and acted like she wasn't there. Or she could be testing me. Any advice on my next moves would be great - and opinions on where I went wrong.

If I, as a guy, with little training, can notice your desperation through text alone. You have bigger fish to fry son.

Look. if you work 40 hrs per week how much does 1 minute matter in the grand scheme of things? if you had 1million dollars how much would a $3 coffee bother you?

your treating this interaction and this chick like she matters. She doesnt.

What you should do is go directly to her and make your desire known. if it works great. if it doesnt move on to the next.

I have this buddy whose an accountant and recently started dated this girl. hes super nerdy and inexperienced. hes treating this ***** like shes a wife. its so sad

Cheers
 

sceneparade

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This could be because you're inside your own head right now. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just as when you're feeling confident, it seems like girls are proactively flirting when in fact they are usually reacting to your vibe.

That's not to say she can't have a bad day or be too busy, but it's up to you to make the advance and it's up to her to accept or reject. Whatever the vibe, just roll with it. Remember, you're cool no matter what she says. Eventually you'll be the guy who can lift anyone's spirits, so it won't matter.
I'll make the advance and gauge her interest. If she just responds with 'hi', 'good thanks', 'my week's okay', basically one word answers, then I will know for sure and move on.

However, after reading other guys standards on here, I am wondering why do I care with this woman? She is probably what most - if not all - members would say is low standards. For example, I don't think she is my type. She is golden brown skin and has has a massive arse - and I don't mean curvaceous either. In addition, when she first spoke to me (the time when she tried to hide a smile), she sort of put me off a bit. She had a ghetto twang on her voice and every sentence was like... like... like... and has an aggressive contemptuous tone - if that makes sense to others? Like a rude girl high and mighty, superior tone. And it aggravated me then. I just chose to ignore it. Having said that, she has a cute face. Would you guys pursue a below 5 woman? I know most on here will say next her.
 
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samspade

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I'll make the advance and gauge her interest. If she just responds with 'hi', 'good thanks', 'my week's okay', basically one word answers, then I will know for sure and move on.

However, after reading other guys standards on here, I am wondering why do I care with this woman? She is probably what most - if not all - members would say is low standards. For example, I don't think she is my type. She is golden brown skin and has has a massive arse - and I don't mean curvaceous either. In addition, when she first spoke to me (the time when she tried to hide a smile), she sort of put me off a bit. She had a ghetto twang on her voice and every sentence was like... like... like... and has an aggressive contemptuous tone - if that makes sense to others? Like a rude girl high and mighty, superior tone. And it aggravated me then. I just chose to ignore it. Having said that, she has a cute face. Would you guys pursue a below 5 woman? I know most on here will say next her.
Are YOU attracted to her? That's all that matters. The standards of other men are their own. And making value judgments is not the same as having standards. I can meet a girl with a bunch of tattoos (not my thing) but if she gives me a boner and doesn't put me off with her personality, then I'm comfortable pursuing her.

It's okay, this is a byproduct of seeking advice here. You'll get lots of opinions and it's easy to lose what it is you want when you consider all the ideas offered.

What I recommend is you enjoy all of this, whatever path you choose. Want to ask her out? Have fun. Don't want to? Have fun. You want to be offering positivity and enjoying the learning process. She may be in need of a lift in spirits, like you asking her out. Or she may just be a bytch or not interested. The more you do this stuff, the more experience in your brain so you can calibrate automatically without all of this conscious thinking.
 

sceneparade

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Are YOU attracted to her? That's all that matters. The standards of other men are their own. And making value judgments is not the same as having standards. I can meet a girl with a bunch of tattoos (not my thing) but if she gives me a boner and doesn't put me off with her personality, then I'm comfortable pursuing her.

It's okay, this is a byproduct of seeking advice here. You'll get lots of opinions and it's easy to lose what it is you want when you consider all the ideas offered.

What I recommend is you enjoy all of this, whatever path you choose. Want to ask her out? Have fun. Don't want to? Have fun. You want to be offering positivity and enjoying the learning process. She may be in need of a lift in spirits, like you asking her out. Or she may just be a bytch or not interested. The more you do this stuff, the more experience in your brain so you can calibrate automatically without all of this conscious thinking.
Say I practice on other girls at her work place. (There's a couple of cute girls there). The thought I have is it could get round the shop and I could come across as a player or whatever. I am leaning towards moving on from said girl above. However, what about the 'don't **** on your own doorstep' thing. Not sure I want a rep.
 

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stringpuller

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Say I practice on other girls at her work place. (There's a couple of cute girls there). The thought I have is it could get round the shop and I could come across as a player or whatever. I am leaning towards moving on from said girl above. However, what about the 'don't **** on your own doorstep' thing. Not sure I want a rep.
Bro your getting into creepy stalkerish vibe territory.
 

bat soup

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Say I practice on other girls at her work place. (There's a couple of cute girls there). The thought I have is it could get round the shop and I could come across as a player or whatever. I am leaning towards moving on from said girl above. However, what about the 'don't **** on your own doorstep' thing. Not sure I want a rep.
Noooo. You're just going get rejected by a bunch of ugly girls and make yourself look like a creep. Ask her out if you like her and stop creeping around where she works and acting weird.
 

In2theGame

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Yup that's a solid direct approach. Have you ever used this technique on cashiers/waitresses or would you call that socially uncalibrated?
I have but sometimes it's easier in certain situations. If a girl is behind the counter and there's people waiting to be served, you wont be able to really talk to her much. If she's not behind a desk or table, you can call her to the side quickly and express your interest.
 

In2theGame

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Well as we were chatting, I just said what was on my mind. Being next to me I could smell her perfume, which smelt great - so I told her so. Hence, 'aww thank you. people always say that and blah blah.

I agree that 'aww thank you' isn't a great sign. But up to that point she showed me interest and initiated the chatting. Maybe it was attention seeking behaviour on her part? Or maybe playing games?

I have recently seen her, and unlike Monday, she didn't say hi or good morning etc. So I didn't acknowledge her either. I just shopped and that was it.

I have accepted that I am one and done. I think I ****ed up when chatting and telling her her perfume smelt great. But in honesty, in that interaction, whilst I was chatting and she was responding, it was more an effort on my part and she was just responding. Contrast that to the day before, and as stated above, she pointed to my lunch (therefore remembering what I eat) and started talking to ME by asking if I was a vegetarian. And up to that point, she showed interest in me with the eye contact and smiling. So I am convinced it was in that interaction. I probably wasn't direct and assertive enough. I should have asked her out then.

Any suggestions on what I should do next? Because the irony is that, when I was aloof and indifferent to her, she chased me, so to speak (eye contact, trying to hide a smile). when I ****ed up the first time (when she was making eye contact), I accepted I messed up and moved on - by being indifferent and aloof again, giving the impression I didn't know she was there (in a genuine way, not intentional).
If she showed some interest at the start then this is when you should have escalated. Too late for that now though. The problem is you waited too long to get the ball rolling. Many Men have made this mistake, myself included. Right now if you really want to hook up with this chick, it's all or nothing. Ask for her number or ask her out. let her disqualify herself by telling you she a) Has a boyfriend b) Not interested c) Rejecting you. Then you can move on to someone else.
 
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samspade

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Say I practice on other girls at her work place. (There's a couple of cute girls there). The thought I have is it could get round the shop and I could come across as a player or whatever. I am leaning towards moving on from said girl above. However, what about the 'don't **** on your own doorstep' thing. Not sure I want a rep.


Seriously, go after what you want. Don't overthink this. If you're worried about not being able to have lunch there any more, well, she probably won't work there forever and I'm sure you have options. And that would be IF you dated, then broke up and it was awkward. Which can't happen if you don't ASK HER OUT.
 
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