Classic scenario? Never happened to me before

[trevjr]

I met a woman in a class who gave me her card and said to call if I wanted to carpool. 5 days later I called her up and asked her out that night. She said yes. We saw each other 3-4 times for 2 weeks, she invited me places and kissed me on the mouth when I tried to kiss her cheek(this is common practice for a large group of people who know each other and imitate European ways).
After 2 weeks she is almost completely unavailable for one reason or another and has broken every date but one. I thought it was odd when on our second date, actually the first one where we could talk, she revealed a lot of info about her abuse from her father and her ex-boyfriend of 8 years. She told me that finally gotten over the ex and had taken healing classes to get over the abuse from her father. Last week she tells me that she has been seeing the ex once a week as friends and has now stopped it because it was too damaging.
Now I am thinking that she is not as healed as she told me. Problem is that we really get along and have a lot in common. I would just forget about her but want to give her another chance in case it is just a bump in the road. We are both mid 40's so I assumed she would be more 'mature' about things.
Half of me says drop her and the other half says give her another chance but watch her carefully. Any thoughts?
Thanks.

 

[RKTek]

You were moved to her "Friend" zone immediately. She never ever had any romantic feelings for you. Well, maybe for a few minutes on that first date, but it quickly went away.

She tested you by bringing up her past, and wanting you to be her psychologist. The correct thing would have been to say "Hey, this is all well and good but I'd prefer to talk about something more upbeat." Talk about sports or the color of her car, or anythinug else. By tolerating her talking about her sad past, you failed the 'man' test.

Sorry. But learn from this. Never tolerate a woman trying to make you her emotional tampon and you never do it either.

Move on, she will never ever consider you sexually.

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by trevjr
We are both mid 40's so I assumed she would be more 'mature' about things.

You would think so, wouldn't you?

If it took her this long to get over the abuse from her father (and to me it seems she isn't quite over it yet if she's still talking about it) then just imagine how long it will take to get over the ex. The fact that she still sees him is a HUGE red flag. And don't buy the line that she "stopped" meeting him until you see rock-solid, visio-graphic evidence of such. My bet is he's still lingering in the background.

This woman is clearly damaged goods. Perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel for her, but I would say that at your age you shouldn't waste the time to find out.

 

[JJMcLure]

She has serious baggage, and she is bringing that sh1t up on a 2nd date. She isn't over it, that's why she brought it up and is still seeing her ex.

Like RK says, you shouldn't be a chick's psychiatrist aka emotional tampon.

You're better off without her. There's plenty of fun chicks out there who you will click with, go get them.

 

[trevjr]

Where can I read more about the 'friend zone' and the 'man test'?
These sound like terms I need to know. I had no idea that letting her tell me really, really personal information at the beginning was bad. It is interesting to me now because I wondered why she didn't ask me any questions about myself and when I was telling her about myself she had this look like she wasn't interested and then started another story about how someone had wronged her. You are right though, I did feel like her psychologist from the beginning.

 

[oskiano]

trev,

Go to www.beingaman.com and check it out. Neder's book is a decent place to start when discussing tests.

If you want to have a woman as a friend, that's great. But don't bother with trying to convert a friend to a gfriend. The return on investment (ROI) is infinitely lower than just moving on (NEXTing her).

How to tell if you are in the friend zone? Common sense dude.

Imagine a man (Serling here), he wants the girl...

She talks about other people.
She's busy.
She doesn't touch him.
She isn't naked.

He wants to be near her more.
He wants to prove something.
He wants...
He wants...

Get the picture hombre?

 

[TesuqueRed]

2 things are ringing loud and clear:

1) she's damaged goods (you don't want that...)

2) she's evading--not sure how many times this has happened from your post, but it sounds like it's a noticeable amount

The only thing I would ask is how many more times does she need to evade you before you get the hint? The "we get along together so well..." is clouding your mind (this one gets me good too, and still does upon occasion..)

I think there's something more behind her seeing her ex once a week--I think they're doing more, too, and that she will not and probably cannot break it off. It's damaged goods getting more damaged.

 

[Starman]

As the King of LJBF's on this forum, I have to agree with RKStarTrek,

I am a Doctoral Psych student .. and have a tendency to listen to girls problems on dates (its a bad habit of mine..and its hard to curb it)

but 9/10 times I get moved into the LJBF zones..the girl's best friend, with the ohh so compassionate heart, and insight...

sucks

 

[Digital Mastermind1]

Originally posted by RKTek
You were moved to her "Friend" zone immediately. She never ever had any romantic feelings for you. Well, maybe for a few minutes on that first date, but it quickly went away.

She tested you by bringing up her past, and wanting you to be her psychologist. The correct thing would have been to say "Hey, this is all well and good but I'd prefer to talk about something more upbeat." Talk about sports or the color of her car, or anythinug else. By tolerating her talking about her sad past, you failed the 'man' test.

Sorry. But learn from this. Never tolerate a woman trying to make you her emotional tampon and you never do it either.

Move on, she will never ever consider you sexually.

YEAH NEVER EVER EVER PUT UP WITH THIS KIND OF CRAP (WOMAN) . DONT BE A PU**Y AND DUMP THIS BIAT**.


i had this same problem 4 years ago im glad i dumped her .




LATEZ!!!! F LOVE , LOVE TO F....

 

[Digital Mastermind1]

anyways i was listening to black sabbath (iron man) nwhile writing my reply.


LATEZ!!!!!