Broke off engagement

[Squid]

wow, my fiance and I just called off our wedding (supposed to be in October). I thought I was going to be OK with it but I am feeling pretty crappy right now. I am not sure what to do right now so I thought I would post this for the heck of it.

The worst thing is that she had all the qualities that I was looking for in a wife (guess what, she's European), but unfortunately (I was first divorced at 29) I had been holding back during the wedding preparations, I guess part of me was hesitating since I had been married before. She finally got sick of my constant procrastination and lack of enthusiasm. I am not sure if I have made a huge mistake or dodged a bullet. Regardless, I have made my bed and now I have to sleep in it.

 

[Omega]

I have a couple questions for you.

1) Was she the first one to suggest not geting married?

2) Where you nervous because you were looking to a similar experience in the past?


In a sense, I guess you could consider this another lesson learned in life. Your still young, you've found this board which means you've got alot of time on your plate still before you hvae to start facing reality. Remember that procrasination kills ALL relationships. You can't expect to get through a wedding in 1-2 months preperation, surely. A woman I know has a wedding next August, and she's already started planning. All the amazing locations are always booked up at least six months in advance.

Think this over, and realize what the biggest factor you did incorrectly was. Then, make sure you don't do it in future!

 

[Squid]

I'm 33 now, married at 25 and divorced at 29. I think my past failure has haunted me all along with this relationship in that I didn't want to be divorced twice, so I was second guessing everything.

We had the major things done i.e. hall, church, invitations, etc. However, with everything that I was doing I procrastinated and did at the last minute (still things I haven't done yet i.e. fitting for tux). She finally had a meltdown about me putting things off and suggested calling things off. I am sitting here understanding why she feels that way, and I don't understand why everything was such a chore for me to get done. I am not sure why I didn't show more enthusiasm, I feel pretty crappy right now.

You are right tho, I will have to use this as a learning experience. What sucks is that she really did have some fantastic qualities, but I think it is too late. She needed a guy to take charge, not put everything off like a 10 year old.

 

[JoeBlack]

You still have the opportunity to fix things if you really want to.

Go back and think about why you held of on organising on things.... Was it because deep down you did not see yourself being with this girl or was it just because you had cold feet and now see that was a mistake?

If you think it was a mistake, just meet up with her and tell her the truth and say that you are beyond it and she won't see any of that crap again. Persuade her things will be different if you REALLY do want to be with her.

If not, suck it up and move on....

 

[cave dweller]

cold feet

You just got a case of 'cold feet'. (your not ready yet)

Here's an idea....

Don't throw her away. (you still love her)
Just date her. ie. no marrage plans, no engagement--just date for a few months and see how it goes.

cave dweller

 

[Omega]

Hmm it doesn't sound that bad then. If she's lost total intrest your pretty screwed but otherwise, your 33. Be the man that you are, don't act like a woman, take control ALWAYS.

 

[dietzcoi]

C'mon, you haven't "lost" anything but the chance to screw up your life!

There are plenty of women out there to marry... it doesn't seem like this was "the one" or you would not have been draggging your feet.

I don't think you want to be married, so...............don't get married!

Snap out of it, whining is AFC (Unless you are whining AGAINST marriage )

Dietzcoi

 

[Squid]

Sorry if I'm coming across as whining, I am really just trying to figure out what it is I want. I haven't figured out if it was cold feet or if I really don't want to be married. There are so many pros and cons. It's the age old question on this board, I threw this out here to help me think I guess.

 

[Omega]

Originally posted by Squid
Sorry if I'm coming across as whining, I am really just trying to figure out what it is I want. I haven't figured out if it was cold feet or if I really don't want to be married. There are so many pros and cons. It's the age old question on this board, I threw this out here to help me think I guess.

Ask yourself: What do I want to do with my life?

Your the only one that can anwser that question.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good move

If you're unsure about things, you made the right move. I think there's nothing worse than being in a relationship when one of partners has low interest level. Trust me -- a reformed AFC -- I've been in those and it's painful. I'd rather be alone.

You made the right choice. The only thing I can say is take care of yourself as improve yourself mentally, physically, emotionally (spiritually, if you're into that), and so forth.

The questions to one's answers come from deep contemplation brought about through self-improvement, not by finding another woman or constantly having to take the advice of friends, parents, co-workers, etc.

Good luck.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Squid
Sorry if I'm coming across as whining, I am really just trying to figure out what it is I want. I haven't figured out if it was cold feet or if I really don't want to be married. There are so many pros and cons. It's the age old question on this board, I threw this out here to help me think I guess.

some of the girl bashing guys on here will be sad to see it's not just girls that can't make up their minds.... some guys have the same problem... guess it will be a good reality check for some of them

 

[Squid]

Re: Good move

Originally posted by WestCoaster
If you're unsure about things, you made the right move. I think there's nothing worse than being in a relationship when one of partners has low interest level. Trust me -- a reformed AFC -- I've been in those and it's painful. I'd rather be alone.

You made the right choice. The only thing I can say is take care of yourself as improve yourself mentally, physically, emotionally (spiritually, if you're into that), and so forth.

The questions to one's answers come from deep contemplation brought about through self-improvement, not by finding another woman or constantly having to take the advice of friends, parents, co-workers, etc.

Good luck.

Dude, you don't know how much I appreciated this post. We may not always see eye to eye, but I think that we're both here for the same reasons.

 

[Ricky]

There is some golden advice in this post no doubt.