dreamlover
New Member
- Joined
- May 29, 2004
- Messages
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I discovered this list yesterday but that already seems like a long time ago... The way I found it is interesting - I typed the following words into Google:"wuss wimp fear rejection mother". Third item on the list was the post titled "Be A Man", by Pook. I found this article very powerful and transformative - congratulations Pook, whoever you are!
I am very keen to do the bootcamp but I'm finding myself hugely resistant. I had a practice run today and noticed a few things when i attempt to initiate eye contact with strangers:
1) my face tightens up
2) my eyes open wide
3) I get REALLY tense
4) my stomach feels weird
5) my movements feel jerky
6) I perspire even though I'm cold
7) my neck becomes stiff
In a nutshell I feel like frankenstein's monster.
I find it particularly difficult to actively break into someones's flow and grab their attention just for the purpose of saying hello - as if I'm not "worth it" - a typical AFC attitude (or worse). The thought process goes something like "what do I have to offer that is worth interrupting their idle daydream?". I find the stiff neck thing particularly irritating because it hampers my ability to turn sideways and say hello, (for example at the traffic lights or in a cafe). Its not so bad when you are walking towards someone and smile head-on, but then you just keep walking don't you?
I am probably exaggerating the importance of these subjective feelings but they've been with me a long time (I am over 40) and I definitely want to ditch them... not before time eh ?
I think possibly I will have to just accept this robot-frankenstein feeling and do it anyway...
When I do meet a woman (as i did recently) I quickly fall into the classic AFC try-to-please-them behaviour which has proved so fruitless in the past... However I want to point out that some women will actively seek out and even (especially) have kids with wussy men... (I have a son, but she left - with him). It's just that they don't treat the wuss-husband with a great deal of respect and he ends up pretty unhappy ... and eventually they split up anyway. In retrospect I think those girls that reject the AFC man straight away are MUCH kinder than the ones who use his failed masculinity as a crutch for their own egos.
One other thing I wanted to say is that this hangup about engaging with strangers (whether m or f) seems a to be a very modern, very "western" cultural trait. I spent alot of time in southeast asia while growing up and I know that over there people automatically make eye contact and smile and greet strangers. It has no special meaning, but it is a genuine offer of friendship. For example, as you pass someone in the street you would naturally say hello, this could possibly develop into a conversation or not. The outcome doesn't matter, the point is that people acknowledge each other. Admittedly that was 25 years ago - and not in big cities - things may have changed now.
Does anyone know what friendlyness factor is these days in big Asian cities - whether people smile and say hello to strangers etc?
In Sydney, where I live, it feels very taboo to smile at a stranger - 90% of people just don't do it unless the situation culturally "allows" - eg when drunk, on new year's eve, at a party etc. Of the 10% who allow themselves to do it I would say at least half are senior citizens. Of the remaining %5 about half are trying to sell something or ask for something. Of the remaining 2.5% about half have some kind of mental problem...
I would like to be part of the other 1.25%... especially when the object of my attention is a gorgeous young woman ... but I am still pretty remedial ... wish me luck!
I am very keen to do the bootcamp but I'm finding myself hugely resistant. I had a practice run today and noticed a few things when i attempt to initiate eye contact with strangers:
1) my face tightens up
2) my eyes open wide
3) I get REALLY tense
4) my stomach feels weird
5) my movements feel jerky
6) I perspire even though I'm cold
7) my neck becomes stiff
In a nutshell I feel like frankenstein's monster.
I find it particularly difficult to actively break into someones's flow and grab their attention just for the purpose of saying hello - as if I'm not "worth it" - a typical AFC attitude (or worse). The thought process goes something like "what do I have to offer that is worth interrupting their idle daydream?". I find the stiff neck thing particularly irritating because it hampers my ability to turn sideways and say hello, (for example at the traffic lights or in a cafe). Its not so bad when you are walking towards someone and smile head-on, but then you just keep walking don't you?
I am probably exaggerating the importance of these subjective feelings but they've been with me a long time (I am over 40) and I definitely want to ditch them... not before time eh ?
I think possibly I will have to just accept this robot-frankenstein feeling and do it anyway...
When I do meet a woman (as i did recently) I quickly fall into the classic AFC try-to-please-them behaviour which has proved so fruitless in the past... However I want to point out that some women will actively seek out and even (especially) have kids with wussy men... (I have a son, but she left - with him). It's just that they don't treat the wuss-husband with a great deal of respect and he ends up pretty unhappy ... and eventually they split up anyway. In retrospect I think those girls that reject the AFC man straight away are MUCH kinder than the ones who use his failed masculinity as a crutch for their own egos.
One other thing I wanted to say is that this hangup about engaging with strangers (whether m or f) seems a to be a very modern, very "western" cultural trait. I spent alot of time in southeast asia while growing up and I know that over there people automatically make eye contact and smile and greet strangers. It has no special meaning, but it is a genuine offer of friendship. For example, as you pass someone in the street you would naturally say hello, this could possibly develop into a conversation or not. The outcome doesn't matter, the point is that people acknowledge each other. Admittedly that was 25 years ago - and not in big cities - things may have changed now.
Does anyone know what friendlyness factor is these days in big Asian cities - whether people smile and say hello to strangers etc?
In Sydney, where I live, it feels very taboo to smile at a stranger - 90% of people just don't do it unless the situation culturally "allows" - eg when drunk, on new year's eve, at a party etc. Of the 10% who allow themselves to do it I would say at least half are senior citizens. Of the remaining %5 about half are trying to sell something or ask for something. Of the remaining 2.5% about half have some kind of mental problem...
I would like to be part of the other 1.25%... especially when the object of my attention is a gorgeous young woman ... but I am still pretty remedial ... wish me luck!
