Best Break Up Advice You Wish You Knew

[AureliusMaximus]

Hello brothers,

Feeling down and would like some support and thoughts.

Some Context

Recently a main I had been nested up with in a 7 months LTR dumped me because I fooled around with another chick at a party on a drunken night. (I'm a DJ so at most times I'm at parties and that night drinks/things mixed, it got wild). Felt guilty about it, so met up with her a few days after break up and tried to talk it out. She wanted me to reconcile with her again and fix things. I didnt want to lose her, so I agreed to reconcile. But for a week, I experienced real hell. She frequently blew up and showed me the true wrath of a woman. Picked fights about everything and focused on every possible transgression from past, present to even future. Disregarded any other commitment and things I have ever done. She stopped having sex with me and eventually, she dumped me again because I told her that she had been difficult to me over the week. Her voice and demeanor changed. She didn't seem like the person I met.

The Situation

We have since gone NC. It's been 2 weeks now that I last heard from her. Besides reconciling, I have made no attempts to break NC. I do not intend to break it.

I've been focusing on myself. I've been telling myself to accept that the relationship has ended. There is nothing down that street anymore.

The Pain

However I am still in pain because:

- This is someone I really opened up to. We had a great connection. She knows so many things about me than even my best friend.
- Sex was great. Before maining her, I hooked up with so many plates in a casual life-style but nothing felt as good in terms of sexual compatibility and returns.
- She is beautiful. Your aspirational blonde fitness influencer. We had quite a public relationship. The idea that she will monkey branch to someone else just hurts. And the gossip that will generate as well as the criticism of what I've done if she **** talks just makes me feel like crap.
- We had some very special memories together. Did a lot of crazy things like getting stranded in a National Park or sneaking into a country club, skinny dipping and ****.
- I still find myself missing her and thinking about her. I realize a lot of it maybe rose tinting what happened between us because ironically I have tried to dump her a few times because she can be controlling.
- Recently I took a new girl I met to dinner at a restaurant that just opened up in the city. Saw ex's best friend dining there. I'm sure she saw me and probably reported it to my ex. The idea that my moving on will just reinforce my ex's bad perception of me sucks.
- There hasn't been any great action in terms of plates yet and the idea that it requires so much effort for me to hook up whilst it is probably easy for my ex as a girl to move on or to **** another guy also pains me.

Current Effort

I am currently trying to move on. I've realized that I've been declining and neglecting areas of my life such as fitness, my career and even social circle since being with her. I became comfortable. She was a steady supply of attention, sex and love. Over the past 2 weeks I have been working hard to re-establish these neglected things. I started exercising, made an action plan. Got some career gigs coming up. I've also started going out and meet new girls. One I fingered but didn't **** because I wasn't in the mood yet. Another, I tried to close but was rejected. I am slowly trying to piece everything together but been feeling low.

Would really appreciate some advice on dealing with this. Many of you have probably been in this painful situation and learned a lot from it, what would be the advice you would give yourself and you wish you knew?

She dumped you long before she actually dumped you.
That you fvcked another chick was just a perfect exit strategy and excuse for her and doesn't matter that much.


Girls plan these things for weeks, months - heck even years to dump a guy /LTR, but in most of the cases not until she has an backup/new guy already fvcking her to fill your spot.

 

[soulforge]

She dumped you long before she actually dumped you.
That you fvcked another chick was just a perfect exit strategy and excuse for her and doesn't matter that much.


Girls plan these things for weeks, months - heck even years to dump a guy /LTR, but in most of the cases not until she has an backup/new guy already fvcking her to fill your spot.

Possibly.. But it's not always the case. Some of yo jump to extremes immediately.

Do chicks monkey branch? Hell yes.

However some break-ups are simply break-ups.

OP fvcked another girl, Ops girl found out, and the power balance shifted to Ops EX therefore she bounced.

I can't exactly blame her for bouncing, doesn't necessarily mean OPs EX was banging Tyrone and Chad on the side.

Some of you guys take the Red Pill to crazy extremes lol

If OP had not cheated, they might have still been together. Who knows!

 

[ThisIsSparta]

No. 1 breakup advice for me: Have options and be ready to walk away, ALLWAYS, AT ANY POINT!


@jamesfromhouston

I relate bro..... every pvssy gets old after you fvcked her for a couple of months, let alone years. No matter how good the pvssy is, there will allways be the greener grass on the other side after a while.

As long as she doesnt catch you in the act, cheating is doable. Even if she knows you did it, as long as she hasnt indisputable evidence, she will work her brain around it as if it never happened. Never confess anything she cant prove, allway deny anything happened. Of course you need to be of high value to her, but if you arent, there is no point in staying with her anyway after you cheated.

Getting back together with a chick never works out, unless she is a submissive type. You will have to make concessions to her, you will give up your frame, that results in her losing respect and attraction for you (stops having sex with you).

A lot of women only hop onto this "getting back together train" to have their egos brushed up before they dump you (again) with even less respect then they had the first time.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Embrace the pain, realign, recalibrate, and be patient.

 

[soulforge]

She dumped you long before she actually dumped you.
That you fvcked another chick was just a perfect exit strategy and excuse for her and doesn't matter that much.


Girls plan these things for weeks, months - heck even years to dump a guy /LTR, but in most of the cases not until she has an backup/new guy already fvcking her to fill your spot.

Possibly.. But it's not always the case. Some of yo jump to extremes immediately.

Do chicks monkey branch? Hell yes.

However some break-ups are simply break-ups.

OP fvcked another girl, Ops girl found out, and the power balance shifted to Ops EX therefore she bounced.

I can't exactly blame her for bouncing, doesn't necessarily mean OPs EX was banging Tyrone and Chad on the side.

Some of you guys take the Red Pill to crazy extremes lol

If OP had not cheated, they might have still been together. Who knows!

You have a couple of lessons to learn as I did.

1. Never leave you hobbies, work and specially gym on the side for a chick no matter how much attention or s3x she's giving you.

2. If you cheated, you should not have told her, if you're truly regretful, you forgive yourself first by not doing again, there are certain things that are better not to say. Learn it from the next time, it doesn't give you permission either.

3. You had reasons to cheat, why? Did you try to hide when/if she finds out? Never hide the badness, if you did it, there was a reason, you tell it how it is. If you were bored and horny, you tell her, "it didn't mean anything, I was bored and horny" It won't mean she will forgive you, but at least you were not a beta trying to hide his badness from mommy, and the mere act of saying without fear that will trigger something in her that you're not afraid of losing her.

4. You tried reconciliation, it looks to me you were supplicating for her love, she dumped you not because you cheated, because you became a fvcking puzzy, allowing her to disrespect you, being okay with not getting sex from her, doing everything to not lose her.

Cheating is the ultimate competition anxiety for a women. She will be mad, but if you played your cards right that will be increasing your value into her eyes cause other women want to have what she had.

This.. Power imbalance after the break up.

OP shouldn't have given à F and just brushed it off.

Chicks can accept cheating if they like you enough.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

There are some key insights in your last post man. Reread those for yourself and realize it was not simply you that was ****ing it up along the way. Jealousy, toxic friends and family, snooping, lack of trust. manipulation etc....it is what it is. Chalk it up to the game. It looks like you see the light at the end of tunnel.

Even if she's an influencer? Pfft! You're a DJ ffs.

Cut yourself some slack and focus on the new girls coming into your sphere of influence.

Dude.....my head be alternating between 2 visions. You are ultimately right. The past 2 weeks, I had moments, where I suddenly remember how I felt like emotionally when I was with her. A lot of dissatisfaction. She was extremely controlling, emotionally unstable and throwing tantrums all the time. A lot of it was her insecurities of dating me and my job. At times, I really experienced hell. I wanted out a few times. Then when I have glimpses of this RP awakening, my mind switches back to how "amazing" she was. She was a freak in bed. Maybe if I tried harder, things would be different. Maybe if I was a "good guy", we would not have broken up, I will change her treatment of me and I wouldn't be in this pain. Its weak ****. I know. But yes, light at the end of the tunnel.

I have been lining up my weeks with plates, new and old. As much as I have been out with them, my mind still compares them to my ex. I am still at that stage. Sucks bro.

did you cohabitate with her after dating for a few months? If so, why?

I did not cohabitate with her. My work makes me travel a lot and her new office job made her travel as well. A lot of times we only met on the weekends to have sex.

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

Get a slice of pizza and some video games, crank the boom box, put your feet up, and chill out. Realize that life is easier and cheaper if you keep what's important in perspective.

Don't let drama interfere with the best things in life.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

She dumped you long before she actually dumped you.
That you fvcked another chick was just a perfect exit strategy and excuse for her and doesn't matter that much.


Girls plan these things for weeks, months - heck even years to dump a guy /LTR, but in most of the cases not until she has an backup/new guy already fvcking her to fill your spot.

I been THINKING about this A LOT. I am so glad you brought it up. The biggest pain is how 'blindsided' I felt with this breakup. Sounds stupid because I cheated so I should expect it right? But knowing her personality I thought she would come back. It wasn't our first fight over something huge. Other **** has happened between us and she always came back. However I noticed over time that she was complaining a lot more and talking about a lot of unrelated things that she was unhappy with in our relationship. Trying to gauge where we are at. It felt like she was keeping tabs. Our sex was not as wild and hot because I got tired of her. I got bored of talking to her and hanging out sometimes. Not to mention over time, we fell into a routine and I became more betatized and lazier. Started to let myself go in other areas of my life. I wasn't really the guy she met. I wasn't happy as well. The end was in sight. Doesn't make it any less painful though.

If OP had not cheated, they might have still been together. Who knows!

My gut feeling tells me. She would have dumped me sooner or later. Because I am not really the sort of guy she wants to be with in a LTR. I may have been a good **** to her, good in bed. We started as plates. Having sex all the time but relationship wise, I don't think I tick her boxes. Worst yet, maybe she would have cheated on me later if she found someone better. I think one of the main reasons I cheated was boredom but ever since a painful breakup 2 years ago and I went RP, I always made sure I had plates and other girls around to keep me cool and sane. She made me get rid of many of those when we were together which can explain why I may feel like **** now.

I relate bro..... every pvssy gets old after you fvcked her for a couple of months, let alone years. No matter how good the pvssy is, there will allways be the greener grass on the other side after a while.

Getting back together with a chick never works out, unless she is a submissive type. You will have to make concessions to her, you will give up your frame, that results in her losing respect and attraction for you (stops having sex with you).

A lot of women only hop onto this "getting back together train" to have their egos brushed up before they dump you (again) with even less respect then they had the first time.

Bro this one connected with me deep. I don't think I was truly happy with the relationship. In many ways she was better than most of the girls I been meeting over the years. She was hot. She was freaky. She was submissive in bed and most times. She was obsessed with me which is a huge ego stroke. Other aspects, she can be extremely obsessive in the bad way. She can be super hot headed and emotionally unstable. She also found many ways to fight with me over many things trying to get concessions. So the grass did look greener on the other side. Maybe no relationship is worth it. Should have kept my ex as a plate.

You are right. When she first dumped me and I had no intention of getting back. She spoke to me with more respect. When we try to reconcile, I can feel all that decreasing. In hind sight, the reconciliation was just a way for her to get ready to cut me out for good. During the reconciliation, she started to scapegoat me even more. For example, I made a comment about how if we won't be together, I might get rid of the dog we bought to a friend because it would be painful. She then started a fight about me being some heartless animal hating man. Another time, I got upset because she wouldn't show me affection. I yelled and swore but nothing degrading. "WTF do you expect me to act if you are going to treat me like a *******." Then she walked off from me and later told me she thinks I am an abuser because according to her I verbally abused her. Everyday there was a new moniker she added. (When we were together, nothing ever came up about these things). In the end she dumped me a second time and this time for good. I was blocked everywhere.

Chicks can accept cheating if they like you enough.

I agree. Another girl I have cheated on in the past stayed with me for years. Its not impossible. If they think you might change even if it seems unlikely you will.

 

[obelisk]

The woman that you divorce is NEVER the woman that you marry. The same can be applied here. You're being too analytical in the hopes that if you had seen all the signs then you wouldn't have gotten hurt. Breakups always suck.

You have enormous social proof as a DJ and already have other plates new/old to spend time with. Just dust yourself off. You don't need to immediately replace her. It will fade as the next big thing pops up on your radar to pursue.

 

[soulforge]

Bro seems like you tolerated too much crap from her.

I only let a chick get away with a small amount of drama, if it becomes regular, she have to have the balls to dump her.

I understand how you feel. I recently Dumped a hot 24 year old, it's not easy, especially when it's very difficult to replace her.

However the more drama you tolerate, the less she respects you.

You have to cut them off the moment they cause too many problems in your life.

It's better to dump her azz and walk away with the power and the dignity.

She Dumped you TWICE bro.. No bich ever does that to me lol

 

[soulforge]

The woman that you divorce is NEVER the woman that you marry. The same can be applied here. You're being too analytical in the hopes that if you had seen all the signs then you wouldn't have gotten hurt. Breakups always suck.

You have enormous social proof as a DJ and already have other plates new/old to spend time with. Just dust yourself off. You don't need to immediately replace her. It will fade as the next big thing pops up on your radar to pursue.

Trying to replace a hot chick, with another hot chick immediately is a futile excercise, unless you're super chad and have the ability to pull that off.

It's best to be patient.. Another hot one will come along, but it can take some time.

You may have to bang some hb6s in the meantime, but eventually you will land another one, and you will be better prepared to deal with her.

 

[johnrambo]

She wanted me to reconcile with her again and fix things. I didnt want to lose her, so I agreed to reconcile. But for a week, I experienced real hell. She frequently blew up and showed me the true wrath of a woman. Picked fights about everything and focused on every possible transgression from past, present to even future. Disregarded any other commitment and things I have ever done. She stopped having sex with me and eventually, she dumped me again because I told her that she had been difficult to me over the week. Her voice and demeanor changed. She didn't seem like the person I met.

The whole reconciliation routine was a trap from the get-go, just to lure you in, then sucker punch you once your guard is down.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Possibly.. But it's not always the case.

Quite common thing to happen tho. But yeah, not always.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Probably was ***** whipped bro. I dont know. She confided a lot in me. Vice versa.

Women tend to 'confide' in you to both test your frame and to see if you're dumb enough to reciprocate in opening up to her.

Truth be told I think I was just bored and horny. I was sexually bored of my ex after being with her for months. Although she is a freak in bed...it gets so boring to repetitively **** the same girl. The alcohol pushed me over. Funny thing is I actually tried to break up with my ex a few times. She always begged me to stay. And now she dumps me and suddenly I "realized" how great she is. Funking funny man. My mind is so ****d.

We tend to remember the great things and forget the bad parts. She just turned the tables on you, made you the needy one. Don't step into the trap.

That you fvcked another chick was just a perfect exit strategy and excuse for her and doesn't matter that much.

You're right, this is not an impulsive decision on her part, but now she held the handle when the whip came down.

No. 1 breakup advice for me: Have options and be ready to walk away, ALLWAYS, AT ANY POINT!

If you cannot walk away, she knows she has you by the short and curlies.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

I would like to say thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts in this thread. As we all know, break ups are never easy. Even for the most hardened RP'ed dude. Our rational mind gets swallowed by an emotional one and suddenly we are vulnerable and in a lot of pain and darkness. It's not easy to look beyond the veil and it can feel very isolating at the beginning of break up. But thanks to all of you who stepped in and tried to shake me awake with your truths. I klnow feel like I am gaining back my footing again and have come to greater realizations. On the path to recovery thanks to all the wisdom, support and brotherhood from you all. So thank you to everyone who commented.

I will update this thread again in due time when I've gained more insights about the break up process or if there's anything else substantial but in the mean time, I leave it as it is!

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

You say cheating is competition anxiety but how could I have increased my value in her eyes? Don't most girls find cheating to be the worst crime they can suffer?

Worst than cheating is losing a top guy to another woman. Women can forgive cheating (it just depends on the situation), also they don't care the emotional aspect rather than the physical one, and if they get embarrassed like you sleeping with her friend or her cousin.

For men to cheat and be forgiven they have to be top tier men, and the woman has to love him deeply, but everyone is different, so not a guarantee

 

[CornbreadFed]

Worst than cheating is losing a top guy to another woman. Women can forgive cheating (it just depends on the situation), also they don't care the emotional aspect rather than the physical one, and if they get embarrassed like you sleeping with her friend or her cousin.

For men to cheat and be forgiven they have to be top tier men, and the woman has to love him deeply, but everyone is different, so not a guarantee.

They might forgive you, but they sure as hell will not forget. The minute you slip up, they will get revenge on you and sleep with another guy. You disagree about where to eat dinner, "Well you can just take that 304 you slept with there then"!

 

[soulforge]

They might forgive you, but they sure as hell will not forget. The minute you slip up, they will get revenge on you and sleep with another guy. You disagree about where to eat dinner, "Well you can just take that 304 you slept with there then"!

Facts.. If she caught you out cheating, you bet your azz you will from that point onwards live in fear, that she will do you dirty in return.. And chances are, she probably will at some point, unless you are the top tier guy.

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

Let's be honest, you cheat on someone, they don't forget. Girl or Guy, you sleep with one eye open from that point on. If that person doesn't have the balls or self-respect to leave you, you'll eventually wake up with a knife in your back, top-tier guy or not. After that point, she's going to do her best to make your life hell and use your stuff at every possibility. She will emasculate you at every opportunity and ensure that no one cares enough to piss on your grave when you're old. There is no free lunch. James, you are better off moving on and seeking mental help for that self-destructive problem. Probably something from your childhood. If I was that broad, I would tell you you're forgiven, accidentally crash your car, drain your bank account, and ensure you sleep with bubba in a maximum security prison for a false rape accusation... but I'm a nice guy. Has no one read Shakespeare?

 

[AureliusMaximus]

If you cannot walk away, she knows she has you by the short and curlies.

Or your balls in her feminine handbag!