BDP Ex-Wife is Getting Married on Saturday (Beta Sympathy Thread)

[expos]

Yep, that's right, just under two years after our divorce was finalized she's tying the knot with her fat, ugly beta-orbiter (sorry, had to say it) co-worker who got with her shortly after we were separated and living in the same house. He was pretty much her second choice branch-swing, so she essentially settled.

She made a point of rubbing it in my face that she was "seeing someone" as well in our last face-to-face discussion when I opened up how much I did really care about her. She said it to hurt me. That's how bad she was.

I'm sort of disgusted by her now, and I don't think I've ever hated and loved an individual in my entire life.

Although I'm glad I'm not married to her anymore and we didn't have kids, and I've just passed the one year mark with my new girlfriend, there is always that pain and loss associated with someone you loved VERY much, shared a home with, and shared the same last name. I worked so hard for us, and all I got was very little love and abuse in return. Read every BPD thread. They are interchangeable.

I was Facebook friends with her mom and her brother (who both loved me) for a couple months after the divorce and it was pretty devastating to see the new guy standing in holiday photos with the family while the ink was still pretty wet on the divorce papers. I stood in that place for many years.

I no longer carry that daily heavy heart I had for many months. I went strictly no-contact, de-friended most our mutual friends, lifted weights, started running more, moved 2 hours away to the most beautiful town in our state from the town we lived in, doubled my salary, and started dating a woman far superior to her in terms of looks, everything, etc. The ex-wife even saw us together one night, while we were holding hands. So I got revenge, and she got a pretty good look at my new girl. It was some sort of visual proof that I made a major upgrade to my life.

I saw a recent photo of her tagged by one our mutual friends and she's gained at least 35lbs of fat. I shared it with Bradd80 and his words were "ouch". So, I imagine things aren't going so great, but I try not to care.

What's the line? "Wherever you go, there you are". I try to remember it when I feel myself drifting. I know that she never will change, it doesn't matter who she's with.

I guess I don't know to make of this post. I guess this is the last checkpoint of beta suffering. In retrospect, I imagine I would have done some pretty awful beta things and chased after her if I wouldn't have found this board. The folks here have kept me real - and I have swallowed the red pill multiple times after reading some disastrous stories about how bad some women are. I will continue to also give advice to those who suffer at the hands of these psychotic, selfish b!tches. If she's treating you bad, WALK and don't look back.

So thank you - and give a little sympathy today as I deal with some beta-like thoughts on what will be a very strange weekend for me. My girlfriend will be by my side, of course, telling me how great I am.

Thanks,
Expos

 

[expos]

Carry on, keep improving, and eventually she will fade into obscurity. If she has gained 35 lbs BEFORE the wedding, I imagine she will pack on another 50 in the first year! HAHA, LMAO

Everyone says you should walk away and forget them,....and that IS true,.............yet..............somehow there is a distinct satisfaction that comes from seeing your ex spiral into failure, while your star rises.............call me shallow..........

Hey Mauser, love your posts.

Not shallow at all. It's complete normal to get back at something that wronged you. Of course, it's better to work on yourself (which I did) and not go looking to harm the other person.

As for her getting fat whlle we were dating, losing weight for her affair partner, and subsequently gaining it all back AFTER she saw me with my new girl...well...that's just one of her many problems. She's his problem now. I give the marriage 3-5 years.

I think what it boils down to missing and loving the person I married, unfortunately that isn't the person I divorced. You know how it is with BPD...

 

[TheSlasher]

Yep, that's right, just under two years after our divorce was finalized she's tying the knot with her fat, ugly beta-orbiter (sorry, had to say it) co-worker who got with her shortly after we were separated and living in the same house. He was pretty much her second choice branch-swing, so she essentially settled.

She made a point of rubbing it in my face that she was "seeing someone" as well in our last face-to-face discussion when I opened up how much I did really care about her. She said it to hurt me. That's how bad she was.

I'm sort of disgusted by her now, and I don't think I've ever hated and loved an individual in my entire life.

Although I'm glad I'm not married to her anymore and we didn't have kids, and I've just passed the one year mark with my new girlfriend, there is always that pain and loss associated with someone you loved VERY much, shared a home with, and shared the same last name. I worked so hard for us, and all I got was very little love and abuse in return. Read every BPD thread. They are interchangeable.

I was Facebook friends with her mom and her brother (who both loved me) for a couple months after the divorce and it was pretty devastating to see the new guy standing in holiday photos with the family while the ink was still pretty wet on the divorce papers. I stood in that place for many years.

I no longer carry that daily heavy heart I had for many months. I went strictly no-contact, de-friended most our mutual friends, lifted weights, started running more, moved 2 hours away to the most beautiful town in our state from the town we lived in, doubled my salary, and started dating a woman far superior to her in terms of looks, everything, etc. The ex-wife even saw us together one night, while we were holding hands. So I got revenge, and she got a pretty good look at my new girl. It was some sort of visual proof that I made a major upgrade to my life.

I saw a recent photo of her tagged by one our mutual friends and she's gained at least 35lbs of fat. I shared it with Bradd80 and his words were "ouch". So, I imagine things aren't going so great, but I try not to care.

What's the line? "Wherever you go, there you are". I try to remember it when I feel myself drifting. I know that she never will change, it doesn't matter who she's with.

I guess I don't know to make of this post. I guess this is the last checkpoint of beta suffering. In retrospect, I imagine I would have done some pretty awful beta things and chased after her if I wouldn't have found this board. The folks here have kept me real - and I have swallowed the red pill multiple times after reading some disastrous stories about how bad some women are. I will continue to also give advice to those who suffer at the hands of these psychotic, selfish b!tches. If she's treating you bad, WALK and don't look back.

So thank you - and give a little sympathy today as I deal with some beta-like thoughts on what will be a very strange weekend for me. My girlfriend will be by my side, of course, telling me how great I am.

Thanks,
Expos

This is actually a very human post. The feeling is really sympathetic and the description of the experience is sincere, and as I've said, human. What I realized here (a reinforcement of belief and knowledge) is that it's not really what we objectively have -- such as you having a girl of a far superior quality compared to her right now -- but what we feel is really an internal interpretation of outside stimuli. It's like having all that you've dreamed of but still pining for a girl you've lost that is of inferior quality if you use your brain to judge things.

This may sound like we don't have control in our emotions and that no "thing" can make us happy, but if we look on the flipside, this actually gives us hope. Hope that no matter the circumstances, we can still find strength and happiness somewhere in ourselves. Because if we still feel bad despite having an "objectively" better life, then can't we also have the hope that we can be happy despite having it "objectively" not-so-good right now?

 

[Atom Smasher]

This is why a man should NEVER get involved with a BPD woman (addressed to the general readership, not you, expos).

They are incredibly dangerous because they have a way of sucking you into their emotional vortex and literally take ownership of a big part of you. This phenomenon transcends all reason and all attempts to understand. You find yourself trapped only after it's too late, unless you see the warning signs early and run like hell.

expos, on the bright side I'll bet after Saturday you're going to feel a huge relief and sense of closure, with a newfound ability to move on. It might be immediate or it might take a day or two, but I'll bet you end up feeling a sense of freedom.

 

[expos]

This is actually a very human post. The feeling is really sympathetic and the description of the experience is sincere, and as I've said, human. What I realized here (a reinforcement of belief and knowledge) is that it's not really what we objectively have -- such as you having a girl of a far superior quality compared to her right now -- but what we feel is really an internal interpretation of outside stimuli. It's like having all that you've dreamed of but still pining for a girl you've lost that is of inferior quality if you use your brain to judge things.

So much truth here. I liken it to an old car I had, a 1990 VW Jetta. People loved that car, I did too. Very cool Euro-Style and trendy looking. That stupid car failed me every month. It was always something. I bought a Jeep after that which was so much more reliable and fun, etc, but I'd see 90's era Jetta's drive past me and feel something - and forget all the terrible times I had with it.

 

[logicallefty]

Expos, she made an effort to let you know she was "seeing someone". That tells me that she is not 100% over you even though she is with the new chump. Otherwise she would not care about you what so ever. I am glad she got to see you with your new girl.

 

[apprenticedj]

Expos the car analogy is perfect, never thought of that!

 

[expos]

Expos, she made an effort to let you know she was "seeing someone". That tells me that she is not 100% over you even though she is with the new chump.

It's no use to reflect on all the crap she did. She was so arrogant and grandiose when she did told me. She's scum.

She probably hit rock bottom after she saw my new girl. I'm talking 35 pounds in the span of 3 months. Not good. It's probably a pretty lousy feeling when you find out your ex-husband is nailing someone much hotter than you are. Oh well, she shouldn't have filed for divorce if she didn't want this to happen! :rockon:

 

[logicallefty]

Oh well, she shouldn't have filed for divorce if she didn't want this to happen! :rockon:

Darn straight!! :rockon:

 

[The_411]

Be thankful as it means she's someone else's problem. I wouldn't wish my nutzo ex on any guy. Just remember she'll paint a rosy picture and it will look like things are great from the outside but it's all a facade and that guy will eventually go through what you went through but he'll get taken to the cleaners and waste time on a succubus.

 

[Atom Smasher]

So much truth here. I liken it to an old car I had, a 1990 VW Jetta. People loved that car, I did too. Very cool Euro-Style and trendy looking. That stupid car failed me every month. It was always something. I bought a Jeep after that which was so much more reliable and fun, etc, but I'd see 90's era Jetta's drive past me and feel something - and forget all the terrible times I had with it.

Obviously the Jetta had BPD.

 

[expos]

Obviously the Jetta had BPD.

That or Bi-Polar. All I know is that it was untreatable.

 

[Cremasta]

Yep, that's right, just under two years after our divorce was finalized she's tying the knot with her fat, ugly beta-orbiter (sorry, had to say it) co-worker who got with her shortly after we were separated and living in the same house.

Seems to me that you owe him BIG time for taking her off your hands and closing the door on you ever getting back with her.
You should send a wedding present addressed only to him with the single word "Thanks!"

Someone wrote on here years ago that the best revenge is living well - top of the class for you.

 

[jimmy18]

This is fantastic news expos!

Make no mistake, in your relationship with her you were essentially a "leaf in the wind" due to decades of societal disney fairytale programming indoctrinated into you from birth.

Now your eyes have been open.

Stay the course – no contact!

 

[soulforge]

hey Expos... glad to hear your doing well & have landed yourself a new chick..

just be glad she is out of your life for good... she was a terrible partner to you.. so cutting her out of your life for ever, is the only way forward.

you might remember me.. we had many private conversations regarding my ex.. she was also abusive (possible BDP) but defo in the cluster b catiogary!!

you & some others gave me some sound advice EXPOS i am glad i listened to you... i rememer you sent me a pic of yourself, and how much wieght you had lost over your ex

in my case... the ex came begging back for me... she tried for months to hoover me back in, but i gave her nothing... not a scrap!!!

no contact all the way... she has probably moved on now... but who cares.. in the end, it was me who ended up dumping her!!!

i do like yourself, still occasionaly think about her, and think of some of the good times... but it does not hurt as bad as it used to.. in time these memories will completley fade & we will be free men again!

 

[expos]

Did well this weekend.

Went to the movies to my favorite theater with my woman, went the bar with her friends afterwards. 10 mile run on cold rainy Saturday morning, and the lady had breakfast waiting when I came back. Following by tailgating Saturday night. Sunday morning I humped the crap out of my woman, ran 6.5 miles, and spent a pleasant fall afternoon walking through my town with my girl drinking coffee.

A great weekend, no depressive thoughts, I felt very much alive. Resisted the urge to stalk FB and look her up. Proud of myself!