Hey guys,
I've mostly been away from the forums for about a half a year doing my own thing. I hope everything is going well. I'd like to chime back in with some wisdom I've gained since that time, as I feel I've learned a lot.
I am no doubt sure much of what I will say has been said many times before, but it bears repeating. As probably every one of you guys know -- through your being on this board in the first place -- we're not all born socially gifted. Everybody has certain talents, and at least with me, mine didn't initially lay in the area of social interaction at all. I started visiting this site around four YEARS ago (the second half of my senior year in high school), reading things here and there, and then checking out the forums. I was so shy, confused, and angry then; it's amazing to look back at it now.
Here are a few points I'd like to bring back from my time in the field:
Practice may not make perfect, but it DOES make PAINLESS.
For those of you who are newer here and unsure of what to do, you need to get out and PRACTICE. Many of the posters here will say it again and again, and you might be sick of it, but it is one thing to read the posts, but another one entirely to go out there and try it. Start slowly: work on some basic eye contact, smiling, some small talk, then maybe go into kino, and so on. Have a plan of how you will progress and a goal for each phase of this plan. With each one of these new phases, it might seem agonizing at first and you might feel stupid, but that simply means you're on the right track! Like a rich cheese or certain wines, learn to appreciate and even enjoy this feeling.
Truly, the purpose of practice in this area is to remove thought from the equation. Modern society today is very (some would say, overly) cerebral. This is fine in many areas which exist today and require a tremendous amount of thought, but sex and sexual attraction are definitely NOT in those areas. Thought will deflate and paralyze you here. Anyone who has found him or herself a stuttering mess while trying to talk to an attractive person of the opposite sex, or has suffered sexual anxiety can attest to this observation. Like I said, this will all initially be very hard, but before you know it, it will all come naturally to you. You will look girls deep in their eyes, put your arm around them, and smack them in the ass without even thinking about it. And they will like it, simply BECAUSE you did not hesitate and think about it!
Never stop improving
Hopefully this process of revision and practice will foster the concept of perpetual self-improvement in your head. The paradox is that perfection is impossible for anyone to attain, it is an IDEAL...but by constantly striving for this ideal, and always seeking to improve ourselves in some way (which oftentimes may not be related to the teachings of this site), we can taste the sublime fruits of perfection in our lifetime without having to be perfect. However, it is important to note that much neurosis has been caused by the siren's call of a perfectionist attitude. Realize that your ends are in being better than you were before, not in failing to measure up to some unattainable goal of perfection and you will do fine.
The "DJ" "rules" are here for a reason, follow them (at first)
A little while after I came here, I found the postings of Pook and other forum "legends" on this site, and read them. While I might have cognitively UNDERSTOOD them at that time, I definitely didn't ACTUALIZE them, meaning I didn't make them a part of me -- it was just impossible at that time. Only NOW, about 4 years later, I can truly say that everything is starting to come together in this respect.
TRUE, LASTING SELF-IMPROVMENT TAKES MUCH TIME AND EFFORT.
Though there are many schools of thought on this board and the fads of finding and laying women change over time, at the end of it all, the true secret to becoming a DJ is all about attaining self-actualization through rational thinking. Merriam-Webster defines self-actualization as “to realize fully one's potential”. So while banging 5 chicks a week, or dating a super-model who cooks and cleans and sucks your **** at the same time WOULD be nice, so many people will seemingly get misled into thinking that DJing is about women first and foremost, that they loose sight of the larger picture.
However, when you first come here, especially if you are coming from AFCdom, PLEASE make it about the women and follow the DJ rules. PLEASE become a tight-ass, PLEASE become a jerk. Then, PLEASE realize what you have become, tear it all down, and do it all again if necessary. Become a convert of the DJ rules, know every one of them in your head and adhere to them very strictly. As you grow, you will see that you can start beginning to "bend" some of these rules. Maybe just one at first -- soon, others may follow.
Before you know it, you will be disregarding many of them. Finally, you'll get to the point where you really don't remember, need, or care about any of the rules at all, and you will see the effect this new-found FREEDOM is having on you as a MAN. It has become more than simply about bagging chicks to you. Where once there were the painful fetters of apprehension, powerlessness and fear, and later the cold prison of structure, terminology and planning, there will now be an open plane.
I see that Mr. Fingers had an excellent post a little while ago detailing a similar revelation in his life, and his conclusion was straight on. The end result of your journey is about FREEDOM. Freedom from these rules, freedom from this board, and freedom from other people's opinions of you. With this freedom will come true confidence -- the kind that sticks around even through the down times, the kind that sees the cycles of these ups and downs as a big cosmic joke. You will become agreeable, happy, and internally driven. You will succeed where others have failed, and even in your failure you will realize success.
That being said, many of you will not agree with me. That's fine. Moreover, I don't date a super model, I don't bang five chicks a week...some may say I'm just jealous. That's fine if you think that way, but when I do get a girl, I manage to attain very high quality because of who I am becoming and as a result of that, the kind of women that attract me. For those of you who feel you are on the path to self-actualization, I feel you can empathize here.
I believe that the teachings of the greats on this board and elsewhere will become ingrained into you, not because you read them, but because you eventually discover them for yourself as they form inside of you. This will simply NOT happen if you do not get out there and FAIL, then get up and FAIL again, and keep doing this. Success in the traditional sense will come, and when it does it will be even sweeter because of these trials, this "failure" of your past. Then, sooner or later, you will realize that this failure is really a form of success in disguise, and the real failure is only in not doing anything at all.
From this experience, you will find that the path of the DJ is ultimately about discovering yourself through taking a part of your life which which you realize you need help -- namely, women -- and learning how to improve it through learning, practice and mental conditioning. From this experience, you discover that you can improve countless other aspects of your identity in the same manner, even though they may be unrelated to your original focus.
THIS is what I believe we mean when we say that there’s more to DJing than women. The principles of this site are a springboard to the practice of focused self-improvement. For me, this was my first parlay into actively improving my character, and I’m sure that’s the case for many others as well.
It's all about you
So, by the above reasoning, you realize that what once began as a quest to score with more chicks has turned into an expansive quest towards self-actualization. You no longer hang on day to day happenings because you have very high self-confidence and the big picture has been made clear to you: things will always work out for you in the end. You are no longer feeding the monsters of jealously and envy through hostile competition; you are no longer wishing you were someone that you are obviously not. You are stoic, confident, and truly happy. Living for you now is about making your life what you want it to be, and unconditional love of yourself though anything that may happen along the way.
I've mostly been away from the forums for about a half a year doing my own thing. I hope everything is going well. I'd like to chime back in with some wisdom I've gained since that time, as I feel I've learned a lot.
I am no doubt sure much of what I will say has been said many times before, but it bears repeating. As probably every one of you guys know -- through your being on this board in the first place -- we're not all born socially gifted. Everybody has certain talents, and at least with me, mine didn't initially lay in the area of social interaction at all. I started visiting this site around four YEARS ago (the second half of my senior year in high school), reading things here and there, and then checking out the forums. I was so shy, confused, and angry then; it's amazing to look back at it now.
Here are a few points I'd like to bring back from my time in the field:
Practice may not make perfect, but it DOES make PAINLESS.
For those of you who are newer here and unsure of what to do, you need to get out and PRACTICE. Many of the posters here will say it again and again, and you might be sick of it, but it is one thing to read the posts, but another one entirely to go out there and try it. Start slowly: work on some basic eye contact, smiling, some small talk, then maybe go into kino, and so on. Have a plan of how you will progress and a goal for each phase of this plan. With each one of these new phases, it might seem agonizing at first and you might feel stupid, but that simply means you're on the right track! Like a rich cheese or certain wines, learn to appreciate and even enjoy this feeling.
Truly, the purpose of practice in this area is to remove thought from the equation. Modern society today is very (some would say, overly) cerebral. This is fine in many areas which exist today and require a tremendous amount of thought, but sex and sexual attraction are definitely NOT in those areas. Thought will deflate and paralyze you here. Anyone who has found him or herself a stuttering mess while trying to talk to an attractive person of the opposite sex, or has suffered sexual anxiety can attest to this observation. Like I said, this will all initially be very hard, but before you know it, it will all come naturally to you. You will look girls deep in their eyes, put your arm around them, and smack them in the ass without even thinking about it. And they will like it, simply BECAUSE you did not hesitate and think about it!
Never stop improving
Hopefully this process of revision and practice will foster the concept of perpetual self-improvement in your head. The paradox is that perfection is impossible for anyone to attain, it is an IDEAL...but by constantly striving for this ideal, and always seeking to improve ourselves in some way (which oftentimes may not be related to the teachings of this site), we can taste the sublime fruits of perfection in our lifetime without having to be perfect. However, it is important to note that much neurosis has been caused by the siren's call of a perfectionist attitude. Realize that your ends are in being better than you were before, not in failing to measure up to some unattainable goal of perfection and you will do fine.
The "DJ" "rules" are here for a reason, follow them (at first)
A little while after I came here, I found the postings of Pook and other forum "legends" on this site, and read them. While I might have cognitively UNDERSTOOD them at that time, I definitely didn't ACTUALIZE them, meaning I didn't make them a part of me -- it was just impossible at that time. Only NOW, about 4 years later, I can truly say that everything is starting to come together in this respect.
TRUE, LASTING SELF-IMPROVMENT TAKES MUCH TIME AND EFFORT.
Though there are many schools of thought on this board and the fads of finding and laying women change over time, at the end of it all, the true secret to becoming a DJ is all about attaining self-actualization through rational thinking. Merriam-Webster defines self-actualization as “to realize fully one's potential”. So while banging 5 chicks a week, or dating a super-model who cooks and cleans and sucks your **** at the same time WOULD be nice, so many people will seemingly get misled into thinking that DJing is about women first and foremost, that they loose sight of the larger picture.
However, when you first come here, especially if you are coming from AFCdom, PLEASE make it about the women and follow the DJ rules. PLEASE become a tight-ass, PLEASE become a jerk. Then, PLEASE realize what you have become, tear it all down, and do it all again if necessary. Become a convert of the DJ rules, know every one of them in your head and adhere to them very strictly. As you grow, you will see that you can start beginning to "bend" some of these rules. Maybe just one at first -- soon, others may follow.
Before you know it, you will be disregarding many of them. Finally, you'll get to the point where you really don't remember, need, or care about any of the rules at all, and you will see the effect this new-found FREEDOM is having on you as a MAN. It has become more than simply about bagging chicks to you. Where once there were the painful fetters of apprehension, powerlessness and fear, and later the cold prison of structure, terminology and planning, there will now be an open plane.
I see that Mr. Fingers had an excellent post a little while ago detailing a similar revelation in his life, and his conclusion was straight on. The end result of your journey is about FREEDOM. Freedom from these rules, freedom from this board, and freedom from other people's opinions of you. With this freedom will come true confidence -- the kind that sticks around even through the down times, the kind that sees the cycles of these ups and downs as a big cosmic joke. You will become agreeable, happy, and internally driven. You will succeed where others have failed, and even in your failure you will realize success.
That being said, many of you will not agree with me. That's fine. Moreover, I don't date a super model, I don't bang five chicks a week...some may say I'm just jealous. That's fine if you think that way, but when I do get a girl, I manage to attain very high quality because of who I am becoming and as a result of that, the kind of women that attract me. For those of you who feel you are on the path to self-actualization, I feel you can empathize here.
I believe that the teachings of the greats on this board and elsewhere will become ingrained into you, not because you read them, but because you eventually discover them for yourself as they form inside of you. This will simply NOT happen if you do not get out there and FAIL, then get up and FAIL again, and keep doing this. Success in the traditional sense will come, and when it does it will be even sweeter because of these trials, this "failure" of your past. Then, sooner or later, you will realize that this failure is really a form of success in disguise, and the real failure is only in not doing anything at all.
From this experience, you will find that the path of the DJ is ultimately about discovering yourself through taking a part of your life which which you realize you need help -- namely, women -- and learning how to improve it through learning, practice and mental conditioning. From this experience, you discover that you can improve countless other aspects of your identity in the same manner, even though they may be unrelated to your original focus.
THIS is what I believe we mean when we say that there’s more to DJing than women. The principles of this site are a springboard to the practice of focused self-improvement. For me, this was my first parlay into actively improving my character, and I’m sure that’s the case for many others as well.
It's all about you
So, by the above reasoning, you realize that what once began as a quest to score with more chicks has turned into an expansive quest towards self-actualization. You no longer hang on day to day happenings because you have very high self-confidence and the big picture has been made clear to you: things will always work out for you in the end. You are no longer feeding the monsters of jealously and envy through hostile competition; you are no longer wishing you were someone that you are obviously not. You are stoic, confident, and truly happy. Living for you now is about making your life what you want it to be, and unconditional love of yourself though anything that may happen along the way.
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