Master Don Juan
- Apr 28, 2018
- Reaction score
OP - she is bread-crumbing you. And you are taking the bait every time. Your comment to her about "not being able to be sure she won't ghost you again" was just beyond cringe. Don't ever let a woman know she has this power over you mentally. You are engaged in the "push-pull" dynamic with her, but she is the one pulling the strings, not you. This is a completely untenable situation to continue in.Thanks for the replies everyone.I honestly don't really know what I want/wanted from her other than sex, she is in no way the kind of person I could see myself having a serious relationship with. And even then, the sex I had with her was not great because she would only hit on me and initiate it when drunk, no interest when sober and I've had far better sex with another girl recently who is head over heels for me and makes getting together effortless.
I had made the decision a few weekends ago after we had been making out all night on NYE to completely drop her because she ended up going cold and bailing on me, then ignoring my follow up text the next day. I had been no contact, moving on with my life, knew I was going to see her at a party two weekends ago but wasn't too phased as I hadn't been thinking about her too much and just wanted to have a good time with my friends.
So I had planned to tell her to leave it be and contact me when we sober up if she tried anything. At the party, she eventually followed me into the bathroom and tried to kiss me, I said something along the lines of "how can I be sure you're not just going to ghost me again" she apologized, reiterating that she was just afraid of getting hurt, then proceeded to give me head in the bathroom and took me back to her house where we banged, stayed the night and she dropped me off the next day. Things seemed fine.
I text her a few days later and she left me on read, bumped into her through friends on the weekend and she just gave me the cold shoulder. Seems exactly like the intermittent reward concept you were mentioning that's got me hooked. I can think of another girl I had a brief fling with (between the girl who goes hot/cold on me) who was far better looking and the sex was way way better, but I had only known her for a brief time so when she said that she didn't want to hook up anymore because it was "messing with her head" I really didn't care and moved on in days.
Although she is attractive and it's very easy for me to get together with her when we're drunk because she just throws herself at me, I don't really have a good time having drunk sex (whiskey **** more often than not), she won't see me sober and this cycle just messes with my head. I'm definitely going to shut her down if she cracks on again in the future
@Atom Smasher nailed it earlier -- this woman is like a drug to you. Hence why you keep wanting to swallow it and deal with all of the sh1t that results even when you know it is not going to end well for you every time. The best thing to do is cut this out cold turkey. It is good you already have other women around. I would suggest that until you are sure you can control yourself that you not even put yourself in a situation where you might give in again to her advances at the next random party or wherever. Don't kid yourself you can deal with it because right now your addiction is strong. Get yourself to a point where your body's cravings have been erased. Maybe that takes 6 months or a year. But don't put yourself around her. You need to move on.
Good luck, brother.