I did once date a guy who was later diagnosed with bi polar. I think, given mental illness in general, the odds of dating someone man or woman, with any mental illness is on the higher side (look at how prevalent depression is).OK so 12.1% of people had bpd or npd as at 2008 (id wager that number has drifted slightly north since then but it's not citable so we will leave it at that.)
So without including only "traits" (which is probably MORE than those with full blown disorders, its more like 1 in 9 than 1 in 7.
I also think these disorders are higher amongst those between 18-30 than say 50-90. I could research this but I'm fairly confident to make an assumption.
I admit my belief of the diagnosis rate was slightly off but not by as much that it's really worth arguing about? Hmm?
Again if you have dated 9 people, odds are you have dated one.
9 people isn't that many, we aren't talking about a needle in a haystack here.
I’m not trying to invalidate your experience with your ex. I know how challenging it is working with a BPD client in a clinical setting, I can’t even imagine the nightmare of having a relationship with one and I’m not saying your input on it is way off.
It’s frustrating because they way they learn how to cope with their feelings usually involves messing up someone else’s. A very toxic way of coping. Getting then to find other ways of coping is challenging because they attach their well-being to the response of other people and hence place other people accountable to their own unhappiness.
I’m just wary of attributes and behaviours being labeled BPD when it could just be the woman is self-centred or just not a nice person. People with BPD tend to display consistent toxic manipulative low impulse control behaviour that can become progressive in some relationships. An occasional hissy fit, act of selfishness, extreme sh*ttest etc is not necessarily BPD.
The reason why I’m stressing this is because you are so right about avoiding having a relationship with someone with BPD, but if she doesn’t have it and does something that is automatically assumed to be BPD based on what he thinks BPD is, he may drop her without given her a chance to correct the behaviour.
I’m talking about things like the examples I described above.