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4 months into the breakup, I managed to re-establish contact with my ex and got her to agree to sit in a "therapy" session with me

Lookatu

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All this re-attraction talk. Just move on, her loss...
There are billions more females in this world that would like to be in your company.
Non-abundance, oneitis, bp, etc.. are pieces of what I see in this entire thread.

And the reason why many of us says once attractions is lost, it's lost or never the same is because we all witnessed it countless times to know.
 

daproest1

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Since I hv the knowledge, the experience, the capabilities and lastly, efficiency.

I can predict with a high percentage of accuracy of what you're life will turn out.

If I can know your mindset, I will know ur past, ur present and will be able to know ur future.

That's why Spaz disagrees.

So far, which part of what I told you has been wrong?
idk cuz I never Actively tried to Re-establish contract after u (And others) told me to stop
 

daproest1

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6 years since you broke up? I suggest calling her from a number that you're not blocked on and engaging her in a nice chat, with the goal of getting her out to coffee. Start with small goals and treat it all like it's a girl you're meeting for the first time.

If she's with a new guy now, then act cool and try again in 4 months. Most relationships only last 1-6 months these days.
Lol no. We were together 6 years. She was begging me to marry her and sh*t. Been about a year and a half since we split and almost a year since we last spoke.
 

daproest1

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But you feel you are settling. You still pine for your ex GF. You think there is someone hotter out there who will care like your current woman does.

How will you handle being out somewhere and having more beautiful women tell you your 6 is unattractive (when deep down you believe this yourself)...are you being fair or kind to this woman who gives so much to you?

Give all that some thought.
Goddammit old lady, yes Of course I’m being fair and kind to this woman
Yes I am settling. I was seeing 6 girls at once (they all knew) and when I had an injury, she was the only one that cared. So I cut the rest off. She’s the last of a dying breed. Cooks. Cleans. HAPPILY. WITHOUT me asking her to. And isn’t so self absorbed like almost all of the beautiful women I’ve had. I just don’t know how long I can deal with the mediocrity of her looks. She knows. Told her since day one. She just needs a little exercise, and better eating habits. If nothing changes by the time a year goes by, i gotta go. I know I’ll resent her for it and it’ll manifest in my behavior which wouldn’t be fair to her. She’s a great girl.

as far as the ex, I saw her while I was on my motorcycle (new, didn’t have one while we were together) a few weeks back. I was at a light. She was in the car behind me. Honked and honked and honked. I had shades on, no helmet, so without moving my head I looked in the mirror. She kept reaching over to the drivers side and honking the horn like a 4 year old. When I finally tilted my head towards my mirror she stopped. And waved Nervously. My natural reaction was just to turn my glance back up toward the road. No reaction. Later checked my phone, and yeah I’m still blocked. So I’m not sure wtf all that was about.
 

daproest1

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Since I hv the knowledge, the experience, the capabilities and lastly, efficiency.

I can predict with a high percentage of accuracy of what you're life will turn out.

If I can know your mindset, I will know ur past, ur present and will be able to know ur future.

That's why Spaz disagrees.

So far, which part of what I told you has been wrong?
Eeehhhhh.... not sure cuz your advice was just to improve myself and give up on her. So.... I’m not sure what advice has been “wrong” per se.
 

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daproest1

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That's a shame. Girls with Daddy Issues are much more fun. You can fulfill the role of "Daddy" and it's a power trip unlike any other (if you can handle the drama and volatility).

I think the reason that my ex-back situation has been successful (so far) is that she has painted me as dangerous and abusive. She has likely promised all her friends, family and therapist that she will NEVER go back to me. That has the effect of painting me as "forbidden", which actually makes it a sexy situation for her.
Yeah my ex had daddy issues. Batsh*t, mountains out of molehills, Traumatic childhood, etc. This current one was the one I was referring to. She’s mentally and emotionally stable. Which would be great if she talked a little more and looked better, but meh. Whatever. I’m 32 going on 33. Honestly I’m kind of tired of this whole thing. “Spinning plates” Was cool when I was younger, pre-ex gf, but exhausting when I forced myself to do it after her. It helped, the best candidate won, my current mediocre gf, but still. I’m like very close to just giving up on women all together. Western women just aren’t worth it anymore. My parents should’ve just kept my a$$ in my Country when I was a baby. We have nothing over There, I wouldn’t have been successful in a communist country, but at least there’s a sense of community. At least people stick together over there and relationships last.
 

daproest1

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That's just an excuse for going after her and get further humiliated. You have zero self-respect. Not to mention the fact that you cheated on her repeatedly. Why enter a monogamous relationship if you're going to cheat anyway? You want to prevent her from sleeping with other men, but you're not willing to do so yourself. That's the epitome of a low value man.

You have some other construction sites to work on. Forget her and women in general for now. Find your deeper masculinity and self-respect.
He actually has a better chance at reconciliation BECAUSE he cheated. Women are backwards af. Be loyal, do your best, and you’ll never see or talk to her again once she leaves. Be the worst, break her heart a million times, and she’ll give u a second chance. I’ve never done the latter. But I’ve done the former. And the saying is true. No good deed goes unpunished.
 

mrgoodstuff

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He actually has a better chance at reconciliation BECAUSE he cheated. Women are backwards af. Be loyal, do your best, and you’ll never see or talk to her again once she leaves. Be the worst, break her heart a million times, and she’ll give u a second chance. I’ve never done the latter. But I’ve done the former. And the saying is true. No good deed goes unpunished.
True
 

BeExcellent

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No need to curse at me. I get that she’s a great gal and happily does for you. That’s good. She was loyal when others were not. Also a great quality. No doubt she’s a wonderful person.

But even so I note that you continue to nit pick (she needs to exercise, she needs to eat better, etc), or in a year you’ll leave her (your words not mine).

This indicates 2 things it’s important to point out. You continue to think you can do better and you do not accept her as she is. Despite the fact that she has accepted you as you are. This means you are using her.

A mature man would accept this woman as she is for the traits she brings you, settle in with her and focus on building a meaningful relationship with her without feeling like she is somehow “less than” or unworthy of you...

Or let her go.

An immature man does as you are doing, which is keep her around as a convenient safety net & safe harbor while keeping your eye open for someone else you think is hotter. You are going to devastate this woman when you reward her loyalty with cheating or deception when you come across a hotter woman who appeals to you.

I know men who do this. It never ends well because the man knows he’s hurting a good person (but won’t let her go), and the woman’s self esteem gets pummeled because she knows she is tolerating bad behavior and she comes to know she isn’t his first choice. It’s insidious and hurtful to all involved.

Not saying any of that to tick you off...just pointing out where this goes. You end up hurting a good person because you were willing to take advantage of their kindness and love, while not reciprocating in a real way.
 

lamath

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No need to curse at me. I get that she’s a great gal and happily does for you. That’s good. She was loyal when others were not. Also a great quality. No doubt she’s a wonderful person.

But even so I note that you continue to nit pick (she needs to exercise, she needs to eat better, etc), or in a year you’ll leave her (your words not mine).

This indicates 2 things it’s important to point out. You continue to think you can do better and you do not accept her as she is. Despite the fact that she has accepted you as you are. This means you are using her.

A mature man would accept this woman as she is for the traits she brings you, settle in with her and focus on building a meaningful relationship with her without feeling like she is somehow “less than” or unworthy of you...

Or let her go.

An immature man does as you are doing, which is keep her around as a convenient safety net & safe harbor while keeping your eye open for someone else you think is hotter. You are going to devastate this woman when you reward her loyalty with cheating or deception when you come across a hotter woman who appeals to you.

I know men who do this. It never ends well because the man knows he’s hurting a good person (but won’t let her go), and the woman’s self esteem gets pummeled because she knows she is tolerating bad behavior and she comes to know she isn’t his first choice. It’s insidious and hurtful to all involved.

Not saying any of that to tick you off...just pointing out where this goes. You end up hurting a good person because you were willing to take advantage of their kindness and love, while not reciprocating in a real way.
Just had to let go of a great women for something similar after about 6month.

I knew that on the long run she was not for me, i did stay with her a bit too long because i knew she had great qualities.
The more we kept going the more i made her insecure with my aloofness.
I was not good to her, so i think that a clean break up was best.

Sometime even great women wont do it.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Just had to let go of a great women for something similar after about 6month.

I knew that on the long run she was not for me, i did stay with her a bit too long because i knew she had great qualities.
The more we kept going the more i made her insecure with my aloofness.
I was not good to her, so i think that a clean break up was best.

Sometime even great women wont do it.
How was her sex? I'm not sure bomb azz sex + great woman == replace
 

Pan87

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What are you talking about? It doesn't have anything to do with a defeatist mindset nor a beta mindset as you mentioned before. It's called not wasting time with a person that doesn't find you attractive anymore. Why put time and energy in such a person? Wouldn't you rater go out and meet new people without going through those struggles?

I don't know you, but from what you wrote here and the "fact" that you are a sex addict, it seems like you can't let things just go. You need to go after them obsessively and rebuild what you've lost or destroyed. That's extremely unhealthy for your self respect and value.
I've been banging and dating plenty of new women since my break-up, and I've lost none of my self respect and value. If anything, it's actually increased.

What most guys can't handle is balancing "moving on" with also trying to get their ex girlfriend back. I've made intermittent attempts to re-engage my ex in dialogue these past 4.5 months, while simultaneously banging new women/making new friends/living my life.

I don't understand why most guys insist that it's so bad for your mental health (beta) if you're trying to get your ex back, like you said Hyena, I interpreted it as "It's bad for your mental health, it will make you cry and you need to cut off all contact and move on because otherwise you will be devastated and your heart will break into a million pieces" - this seems like a Beta mindset to me.

I'm pretty-much convinced that women enjoy being pursued, so long as the guy isn't gay about it (flowers, poetry etc is all a very bad idea because it places the ball in her court (beta). Instead, you need to engage her in dialogue and make her FEEL something i.e. "tingles").

When you're in a nightclub, do you just stand there and wait for women to approach? No. Women are wired to get turned on by the guy making the first move. This is included in the "getting your ex back" process. You don't generate attraction by going No Contact. Attraction can be lost and rediscovered purely by the creative sh!t that comes out of your mouth when you talk to her.
 
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Pan87

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@Pan87 .... any progress so far with your ex?
Meeting her for a coffee on Saturday, unless she bails. I'm pretty confident that once I get her out alone in person then re-attraction will be quite easy. Attraction/Seduction is (apparently) what this forum is all about. I've been quite surprised by the defeatist mindsets on this thread so far. Too much soy and not enough protein.

Nice work with the motorcycle by the way ;) - I can imagine you like Arnold in Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Why don't you channel Arnold further and call her?
 
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mrgoodstuff

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Quite good, but she was a bit to clingy i felt a bit suffocated, this is probably why i lost attraction.

I still think it was for the best, but no obvious reason for dumping, she just felt like one more responsibility.
Did the rest of the stuff thats important to you flow more freely with her gone?
 
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