3 Costly Mistakes Men make in Dating that screws them up longterm

CornbreadFed

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1). Not Taking Advantage of Youthful Opportunities

As a man, you will only have four prime opportunities in your life to meet women: during high school, while working in the food/service industry when you’re young and surrounded by other young people, in college, and in the post-college MAA pool apartment "honeymoon" phase of your early career. A common trait I notice in men who struggle with dating is that they often overlook these opportunities, missing out on valuable experiences with women. It’s crucial not to ignore these periods because they provide the best chance to gain experience with attractive women with minimal investment.

Yes, it’s possible to meet women later in life, but it will require more effort and resources as you age. Maintaining a successful bachelor lifestyle past age 30(28 IMHO) demands a lot of things to go right, and most men won’t have the luck or circumstances to make it happen easily. For example, I was able to date many women at 29-30, but I’m 6’2”, genetically gifted, earn well over six figures, have job autonomy, live in a prime area of a top 5 U.S. metropolitan city, and have a wealth of experience and well-rounded knowledge. When I turned 30, I realized that maintaining this lifestyle was only going to get harder, and I started looking for an end game strategy. I’m glad I made a late 4th quarter comeback, but it was starting to get rough, NGL. I understand that there are plenty of older bachelors still going strong, but I think you are lying to others when you tell men that it is better now vs a young guy actually capitalizing on his youth. You will never be surrounded by hot young women within hands reach ever again in your life period. Your average 30 plus your old guy cannot afford to move to downtown Miami or whatever and sexually compete with rich men and aggressive jacked young guys for young tramps. He is either sexually starved, in a dead bedroom marriage, running a train through the low-quality women at the Applebee's Suburb Bar, or banging escorts/sugar babies as a passport bro in the Philippines/Columbia.

Last, And this applies to me too—guys who miss out on these opportunities often carry a sense of something missing or unfulfilled in their lives. Take, for example, the bitter blue-collar guy who skipped college and now obsesses over hating on people who went to college or have degrees. Or the older guy who missed out on partying in his youth and tries to make up for it later in life by overcompensating. There’s also the socially awkward guy who didn’t go out much in high school or college and now gives off a strange, uncomfortable vibe around others. Finally, there’s the bitter, pessimistic Black Pilled guy who had a rough time in high school or college and now carries that negativity with him. Not only will this screw up your dating life, but it will also negatively affect your life outside dating too.




2). Chasing After Women Who Aren’t Interested

When it comes to women, anything less than high interest is no interest. Women will pursue men they find attractive, either by making it extremely obvious or by giving them clear opportunities to make a move. Additionally, women will naturally behave in a feminine manner toward men they’re attracted to and act more assertively or even cutthroat toward those they aren’t, regardless of their political or ideological beliefs.

Another harsh truth is that you won’t be able to attract every woman, especially not like some sort of magical skeleton key. This is particularly true for brown men trying to date interracially. I’ll save you years of frustration and wasted effort: you’re not likely to end up with the high-status, "Taylor Swift type" blonde white girl that a Chad dates, the whitewashed Asian/minority girl who chases after nerdy white guys, the hopeless romantic chasing after bad boys and the tingles, and etc. It’s better to accept this reality early on.

Instead, focus on continuously improving yourself mentally, physically, and financially. Learn to recognize the types of women you naturally attract. Doing this will make your dating life significantly easier—trust me.

3). Never Learning to Be Comfortable with Yourself

Many guys mess up by thinking they have to be a "Chad," "hold frame," or become some idealized version of themselves to attract women. While it’s true that you can’t be clueless and still expect to exhibit masculinity, your unique value proposition will always be YOU. If you’re struggling to maintain long-term attraction with women or even to build that initial connection, it’s likely because you’re not comfortable with yourself and are coming across as inauthentic.


Bonus: Taking Toxic Content on the Internet Too Seriously

The internet is filled with men venting about failed relationships, bad dating experiences, and making excuses in general. I get it, but remember that everyone is the victim in their own story. You don’t really know what happened behind closed doors because you’re only hearing one side of the story. Also, don’t get caught up in clickbait headlines like "Hawk Taw Girl" or whatever, and mistake that for real life.

This ties back to point 2: learn how to filter for high-interest women, and most of these surface issues with women will magically disappear.
 
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Hamurabimbi

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Good. But I would argue that most work environments are conducive to meeting women. Whether a coworker/client/customer or even the barrista you see every morning when you get coffee as you head into the office.
As context: I’ve worked in healthcare. tech, financial services, legal, travel… If there are men & women around. There will be opportunities for hanky-panky.
 

holidayad_

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Another harsh truth is that you won’t be able to attract every woman, especially not like some sort of magical skeleton key. This is particularly true for brown men trying to date interracially. I’ll save you years of frustration and wasted effort: you’re not likely to end up with the high-status, "Taylor Swift type" blonde white girl that a Chad dates, the whitewashed Asian/minority girl who chases after nerdy white guys, the hopeless romantic chasing after bad boys and the tingles, and etc. It’s better to accept this reality early on.
Nailed it.

As Jagger/Richards wrote, "You lovely ladies in your leather and lace/A thousand lips I would love to taste". Even rock gods won't smash all the chicks they want(ed). That's life.
 

pipeman84

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For example, I was able to date many women at 29-30, but I’m 6’2”, genetically gifted, earn well over six figures, have job autonomy, live in a prime area of a top 5 U.S. metropolitan city, and have a wealth of experience and well-rounded knowledge. When I turned 30, I realized that maintaining this lifestyle was only going to get harder, and I started looking for an end game strategy.
That end game you talk about better be a 20yrs old virgin (although IIRC from your other posts it's not) otherwise you're just beta bucks for a woman who's already had her fun and has been alpha widowed. And if you want to play the beta bucks game, then you can be in your late 50s (Mel Gibson), mid 60s (Dennis Quaid) and so on.

Other than the first point, I agree with the rest of OP.
 

BillyPilgrim

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Nailed it.

As Jagger/Richards wrote, "You lovely ladies in your leather and lace/A thousand lips I would love to taste". Even rock gods won't smash all the chicks they want(ed). That's life.
Yes, but if "you can't rock me, somebody will"
 

SW15

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1). Not Taking Advantage of Youthful Opportunities

As a man, you will only have four prime opportunities in your life to meet women: during high school, while working in the food/service industry when you’re young and surrounded by other young people, in college, and in the post-college MAA pool apartment "honeymoon" phase of your early career. A common trait I notice in men who struggle with dating is that they often overlook these opportunities, missing out on valuable experiences with women. It’s crucial not to ignore these periods because they provide the best chance to gain experience with attractive women with minimal investment.

Yes, it’s possible to meet women later in life, but it will require more effort and resources as you age. Maintaining a successful bachelor lifestyle past age 30(28 IMHO) demands a lot of things to go right, and most men won’t have the luck or circumstances to make it happen easily.
This is so true. Most men don't have the ability to create a good bachelor lifestyle for themselves after age 30, even in a major metropolitan area. I've seen this happen.
 

Hamurabimbi

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This is so true. Most men don't have the ability to create a good bachelor lifestyle for themselves after age 30, even in a major metropolitan area. I've seen this happen.
30+ would seem prime bachelor time.
 

CornbreadFed

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TBH, if my relationship fails, I’m going the passport bro route because dating around gets old after some time. If I was that “guy” that could get easy layup sex and submissive attitudes from women then I would be on the bachelor train. However, I am not and I understand the cards in my hand.
 

Solomon

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30+ would seem prime bachelor time.
It should be usually as a man you start to make more money in your 30s than your 20s, you also have more experience if you kept yourself in shape you can still pass for a guy in your 20s depending on how you look etc

Yes in your 20s you gonna be surrounded by hotter women but if a guy is in OP's shows and has an active social circle than women shouldn't be an issue.
 

MatureDJ

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1). Not Taking Advantage of Youthful Opportunities

As a man, you will only have four prime opportunities in your life to meet women: during high school, while working in the food/service industry when you’re young and surrounded by other young people, in college, and in the post-college MAA pool apartment "honeymoon" phase of your early career.
Finally, there’s the bitter, pessimistic Black Pilled guy who had a rough time in high school or college and now carries that negativity with him. Not only will this screw up your dating life, but it will also negatively affect your life outside dating too.
I went to an all-boys high-school, and then studied engineering. :mad: :mad: I never worked in food/service, but I was a lifeguard where 12-year old teenyboppers seemed to be interested. :rolleyes: I have lots of bitterness. :mad:
 

SW15

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30+ would seem prime bachelor time.
For most men, it isn't.

I went to an all-boys high-school, and then studied engineering. :mad: :mad: I never worked in food/service, but I was a lifeguard where 12-year old teenyboppers seemed to be interested. :rolleyes: I have lots of bitterness. :mad:
The fact that you're discussing high school and college sexual experiences at nearly age 60 demonstrates that missing out on teen/early 20s sexual experience can have devastating long term effects.
 

Hamurabimbi

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TBH, if my relationship fails, I’m going the passport bro route because dating around gets old after some time. If I was that “guy” that could get easy layup sex and submissive attitudes from women then I would be on the bachelor train. However, I am not and I understand the cards in my hand.
When I got divorced. I, as a short, middle-aged guy, planned to passportbro in some 3rd world shvt hole. As things turned out, I managed to get prime teen-twenties p00n here in the US. But. Should things go south. I'd bounce to Columbia or Cambodia or Camaroon.
 

itouchyou

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Another harsh truth is that you won’t be able to attract every woman, especially not like some sort of magical skeleton key. This is particularly true for brown men trying to date interracially. I’ll save you years of frustration and wasted effort: you’re not likely to end up with the high-status, "Taylor Swift type" blonde white girl that a Chad dates, the whitewashed Asian/minority girl who chases after nerdy white guys, the hopeless romantic chasing after bad boys and the tingles, and etc. It’s better to accept this reality early on.
This is true but I want to add that skin color or race doesn't mean much; Chad is something that transcends race/skin color. I've seen Chad indian guys that got white women easily. I agree that most brown dudes won't get the blonde white girl though.
 

Gamisch

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1). Not Taking Advantage of Youthful Opportunities

As a man, you will only have four prime opportunities in your life to meet women: during high school, while working in the food/service industry when you’re young and surrounded by other young people, in college, and in the post-college MAA pool apartment "honeymoon" phase of your early career. A common trait I notice in men who struggle with dating is that they often overlook these opportunities, missing out on valuable experiences with women. It’s crucial not to ignore these periods because they provide the best chance to gain experience with attractive women with minimal investment.

Yes, it’s possible to meet women later in life, but it will require more effort and resources as you age. Maintaining a successful bachelor lifestyle past age 30(28 IMHO) demands a lot of things to go right, and most men won’t have the luck or circumstances to make it happen easily. For example, I was able to date many women at 29-30, but I’m 6’2”, genetically gifted, earn well over six figures, have job autonomy, live in a prime area of a top 5 U.S. metropolitan city, and have a wealth of experience and well-rounded knowledge. When I turned 30, I realized that maintaining this lifestyle was only going to get harder, and I started looking for an end game strategy. I’m glad I made a late 4th quarter comeback, but it was starting to get rough, NGL. I understand that there are plenty of older bachelors still going strong, but I think you are lying to others when you tell men that it is better now vs a young guy actually capitalizing on his youth. You will never be surrounded by hot young women within hands reach ever again in your life period. Your average 30 plus your old guy cannot afford to move to downtown Miami or whatever and sexually compete with rich men and aggressive jacked young guys for young tramps. He is either sexually starved, in a dead bedroom marriage, running a train through the low-quality women at the Applebee's Suburb Bar, or banging escorts/sugar babies as a passport bro in the Philippines/Columbia.

Last, And this applies to me too—guys who miss out on these opportunities often carry a sense of something missing or unfulfilled in their lives. Take, for example, the bitter blue-collar guy who skipped college and now obsesses over hating on people who went to college or have degrees. Or the older guy who missed out on partying in his youth and tries to make up for it later in life by overcompensating. There’s also the socially awkward guy who didn’t go out much in high school or college and now gives off a strange, uncomfortable vibe around others. Finally, there’s the bitter, pessimistic Black Pilled guy who had a rough time in high school or college and now carries that negativity with him. Not only will this screw up your dating life, but it will also negatively affect your life outside dating too.




2). Chasing After Women Who Aren’t Interested

When it comes to women, anything less than high interest is no interest. Women will pursue men they find attractive, either by making it extremely obvious or by giving them clear opportunities to make a move. Additionally, women will naturally behave in a feminine manner toward men they’re attracted to and act more assertively or even cutthroat toward those they aren’t, regardless of their political or ideological beliefs.

Another harsh truth is that you won’t be able to attract every woman, especially not like some sort of magical skeleton key. This is particularly true for brown men trying to date interracially. I’ll save you years of frustration and wasted effort: you’re not likely to end up with the high-status, "Taylor Swift type" blonde white girl that a Chad dates, the whitewashed Asian/minority girl who chases after nerdy white guys, the hopeless romantic chasing after bad boys and the tingles, and etc. It’s better to accept this reality early on.

Instead, focus on continuously improving yourself mentally, physically, and financially. Learn to recognize the types of women you naturally attract. Doing this will make your dating life significantly easier—trust me.

3). Never Learning to Be Comfortable with Yourself

Many guys mess up by thinking they have to be a "Chad," "hold frame," or become some idealized version of themselves to attract women. While it’s true that you can’t be clueless and still expect to exhibit masculinity, your unique value proposition will always be YOU. If you’re struggling to maintain long-term attraction with women or even to build that initial connection, it’s likely because you’re not comfortable with yourself and are coming across as inauthentic.


Bonus: Taking Toxic Content on the Internet Too Seriously

The internet is filled with men venting about failed relationships, bad dating experiences, and making excuses in general. I get it, but remember that everyone is the victim in their own story. You don’t really know what happened behind closed doors because you’re only hearing one side of the story. Also, don’t get caught up in clickbait headlines like "Hawk Taw Girl" or whatever, and mistake that for real life.

This ties back to point 2: learn how to filter for high-interest women, and most of these surface issues with women will magically disappear.
Agree with 2 and 3.

2 . Because women TEND to give mixed signals. A woman cab be interested today and lose interest tomorrow out of nowhere (seemingly, you cab ALWAYS trace it back!)

Sometimes you gotta let go at the right time and man...just recently tried to hang to a such a woman. It never ever works.

3. Is a deep one bro..I wished stuff like this was in the " hall of excellence " . Not double texting and shyte is important, but the ROOT of love /life is being comfortable with yourself. And this will only happen when you have a solid plan about who you wanna be and where you wanna go and follow that path religiously.

I oftentimes said that your aim shouldn't be to "just" attract women, but to attract LIFE..women are a part of a man's life...women are a reflection of who we are because women are more I'm tune with nature thus they can fecking help it when they float towards you..on.the other hand,if women avoid you oftentimes life in general avoids you and that includes men, bizz, experiences ect. Not just women.

Can't agree with 1 because we can't control outcomes and scenarios all the time. We all know that relationships have lifespans, even the man with the most sincere heart can lose a woman..that's just the nature of the game.
 

sangheilios

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@CornbreadFed

I totally agree with your comments about how men are in their dating market prime during their younger years. I think most guys are pretty unsuccessful in high school, so I don't put a whole lot of importance on that. It's the years AFTER high school and up to your mid to late 20s where you can do really well in the right set of circumstances. College is fairly easy, or at least it was when I was younger, because you have easy access to a huge abundance of women around your age that are single, in their physical primes AND interested in men. A guy that is 25-27 could realistically still pull women that are 21-23 without too much of a struggle for sure.

However, I think a lot of things change when you get to 30 or cross this barrier. Most women by the time they are 25-27 are generally in a serious relationship and even considering getting married, having kids, etc. It doesn't really take all that long before a man that is still single at 30+ is essentially left with little to no options he'd be interested in. Given the right set of circumstances, this is an incredibly easy path to be on for many men and should be taken into consideration. This could be due to having a poor social life, working in a male dominated field (military, trades, engineering, etc.) or perhaps even just outright neglecting dating life, which is something that you actually see with the red pill. There's a lot of stuff where men are told they aren't good enough until they have money, a high paying job, etc.....which results in them completely squandering their 20s.

A lot of the things I just wrote I heavily relate to. I had no social life in high school and was honestly a bit socially stunted. I tried to make friends and date when I was in college, but after some really bad experiences I completely wrote off that aspect of my life. I also had some very unusual freak events and circumstances happen to me when I was in my early to mid 20s that further isolated me. As I got into my late twenties I made some friends and had dating experiences, which ultimately lead to nothing. Then COVID hits and I tripled down on my entrepreneurship, wealth building, etc. I have virtually no social life now but honestly find most people around me as fake and annoying, so I really couldn't care less. IF a man wants a dating life and maybe a family, kids, etc. I think it's in his best interest to try to find something fairly young instead of remaining a bachelor as you start approaching 30.
 

Solomon

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Then COVID hits and I tripled down on my entrepreneurship, wealth building, etc. I have virtually no social life now but honestly find most people around me as fake and annoying, so I really couldn't care less. IF a man wants a dating life and maybe a family, kids, etc. I think it's in his best interest to try to find something fairly young instead of remaining a bachelor as you start approaching 30.
I totally agree with this and it resonates deeply. I always advocate for having a social circle however lately I've been thinking about it twice. A lot of people will only try to befriend to see what you can do for them and not for sincere relationship especially after college. I've seen this firsthand people who just wanted to rub shoulders cause of my success then those same people disappear when things get rough

The dating scene once a man hits 30 gets harder, and the dating scene in 2024 is utter trash. I think the best course of action is to be the best version and then figure out a way to "niche" date or get the heck outta the states. This place is toxic for meeting wifey material women.
 

itouchyou

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@CornbreadFed

I totally agree with your comments about how men are in their dating market prime during their younger years. I think most guys are pretty unsuccessful in high school, so I don't put a whole lot of importance on that. It's the years AFTER high school and up to your mid to late 20s where you can do really well in the right set of circumstances. College is fairly easy, or at least it was when I was younger, because you have easy access to a huge abundance of women around your age that are single, in their physical primes AND interested in men. A guy that is 25-27 could realistically still pull women that are 21-23 without too much of a struggle for sure.

However, I think a lot of things change when you get to 30 or cross this barrier. Most women by the time they are 25-27 are generally in a serious relationship and even considering getting married, having kids, etc. It doesn't really take all that long before a man that is still single at 30+ is essentially left with little to no options he'd be interested in. Given the right set of circumstances, this is an incredibly easy path to be on for many men and should be taken into consideration. This could be due to having a poor social life, working in a male dominated field (military, trades, engineering, etc.) or perhaps even just outright neglecting dating life, which is something that you actually see with the red pill. There's a lot of stuff where men are told they aren't good enough until they have money, a high paying job, etc.....which results in them completely squandering their 20s.

A lot of the things I just wrote I heavily relate to. I had no social life in high school and was honestly a bit socially stunted. I tried to make friends and date when I was in college, but after some really bad experiences I completely wrote off that aspect of my life. I also had some very unusual freak events and circumstances happen to me when I was in my early to mid 20s that further isolated me. As I got into my late twenties I made some friends and had dating experiences, which ultimately lead to nothing. Then COVID hits and I tripled down on my entrepreneurship, wealth building, etc. I have virtually no social life now but honestly find most people around me as fake and annoying, so I really couldn't care less. IF a man wants a dating life and maybe a family, kids, etc. I think it's in his best interest to try to find something fairly young instead of remaining a bachelor as you start approaching 30.
Location is important. One thing I knew a long time back but didn't really experience until recently is the effect of proximity when it comes to dating. NYC for example - no issue at all being in your 30s. The south though, good luck.
 

MatureDJ

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The fact that you're discussing high school and college sexual experiences at nearly age 60 demonstrates that missing out on teen/early 20s sexual experience can have devastating long term effects.
"You're orphaned by the teenaged loves you never had".

 

BaronOfHair

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@CornbreadFed
I have virtually no social life now but honestly find most people around me as fake and annoying, so I really couldn't care less
It does APPEAR much easier, at first glance anyway, to hide behind such a rationale("Almost everyone around me is fake and annoying... But me? I'm certifiably authentic and deep!!!"), rather than being honest enough to admit outright: "I'm having a tough time being sociable, and it hurts to not fit in"
 
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