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  1. BeExcellent

    Is sex overrated ?

    Input from the old lady: I concur with @Howiestern and @Fruitbat on this one although all the points are valid. My marriage relationship never got stale in 20 years and we were at it almost daily, often twice a day. Once in a while thrice. The beauty of an LTR where desire resides is that...
  2. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    Never a desire to cheat. That doesn’t mean I never felt desire for someone. I simply did not and do not respond to the desire out of character and out of respect (for him, for the relationship, for myself). Some people are just magnetic. I know I am. And magnetic men know they are too...
  3. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    Agree with the above. Marriage is about commitment and that decision to commit. In the traditional vows each spouse vows to “forsake all others” meaning you are committing NOT to indulge in intimate contact with others. This decision to commit is what creates the sanctity of the marriage as...
  4. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    I got out of high school in 1987, graduated college in 1991. Many of the couples I know who married during those years remain married and they are joyful couples. High school sweethearts; college sweethearts, and I know some who married later on too. I know young couples and yes of course...
  5. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    Well because *I'm* an amazing catch too, but that's bragging so I won't belabor that, lol. That's fine. At 39 you have your reasons for doing what you do. But, respectfully, I'm not involved with you, and my fiance is not you either. He is pleased with his choice or he would not have made...
  6. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    Correct. He is 45. The relationship he is nostalgic about was from college, he was 19-21 at that time. Essentially, he has realized that he cannot get the "perfect" ideal woman. There are trade offs. I mean I'd take George Clooney in a perfect world too, but that is not objective reality...
  7. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    Again @Thewolfquest I appreciate your candor. True that men and women do both cheat. However not ALL men and not ALL women cheat. I do not, and believe me I have every opportunity all the time. So much so that I’m over it. I am on a business trip at the moment. I got approached by a man at...
  8. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    Here’s my take EBR. We don’t know why the beans got spilled. Guilt and threat are the two most likely motivators. Maybe he brought home an STD. We don’t know. If he reveals it on his own (well before she finds out unequivocally from someone else, like his jilted affair partner) he saves...
  9. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    Not necessarily true @BackInTheGame78. I know plenty of couples who married quickly. Some people make a decision and get on with it. The OP is going to totally lose his marriage by continuing to behave as he has. He is where he is by being selfish and neglecting her and taking liberty...
  10. BeExcellent

    Not sure I have ever dated a quality woman

    Truly he should, lol. And then the chicks will emerge from the woodwork to court him. I know a pediatrician in NYC who married a drummer. She outearns him I'm sure but she devotedly attends his shows and they have a grand time.
  11. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    I appreciate your candor and honesty. In a perfect world what is it you want with her and for your life? Not what you think you need to do now, but what do you want? Have you asked her straight up what it would take for you guys to sort things out? Have you asked her straight up what she...
  12. BeExcellent

    Not sure I have ever dated a quality woman

    Advice from the old lady: Quality women are not on the market long. If one becomes unattached and is attractive/fit? She is going to be pounced on by men. One of the comments that truly resonates with me in this thread was from @Kotaix who stated that he looks for women who still have joy in...
  13. BeExcellent

    Why older women get furious at men their age dating younger

    If you can pull much younger women, good for you. As a chick in my 50s I do not care who men date. I'm all for whatever makes you happy. My guy is also younger in his mid 40s so there's that. People who take care of themselves and maintain themselves are going to have choices and options. I...
  14. BeExcellent

    Marriage...

    Advice from the old lady: My take will differ from many of the guys… This is a quality woman who you wifed up. You broke the trust by having an affair. This is what happens when you break the trust. You punished her for her loyalty and threw away your marriage. If she was a virgin when you...
  15. BeExcellent

    What women are experiencing online with Pump and Dump Chads

    Honestly it’s both. I’m with @catsmeow on this one. My fiancé is more attractive to me now after he’s committed. And remains every bit the sexy devil that he was to begin with, every bit the masculine man. Here’s what you perpetually single theorists Do. Not. Understand: Mutual commitment...
  16. BeExcellent

    What women are experiencing online with Pump and Dump Chads

    Refreshing is a word I have often heard from guys. To answer your question @catsmeow it is like this…and it is somewhat paradoxical. I do in time allow that vulnerability. But not at the beginning. Lions must stalk their prey. If the prey is throwing itself at the lion and the lion is...
  17. BeExcellent

    What women are experiencing online with Pump and Dump Chads

    Wanted to add about the aloofness thing. Yes true. But that’s part of my appeal too. Because I’m keeping my own options open also I can never be fully possessed. This draws men in just as it draws women in ;)
  18. BeExcellent

    What women are experiencing online with Pump and Dump Chads

    Largely agree Pan. Really the decision process happens naturally without much effort. It’s an alchemy of experience and intuition and probably some subconscious pattern recognition. The key is mature to a place where as a woman you fully own and are accountable for the choices you make. And...
  19. BeExcellent

    What women are experiencing online with Pump and Dump Chads

    To @Pan87 ‘s question regarding sex: If as a woman you are seeing a desirable man who obtains sex at will from various interests easily you have to consider this carefully. If you utterly refuse sexual contact you might come off as austere and prudish. You might do well progressing...
  20. BeExcellent

    What women are experiencing online with Pump and Dump Chads

    Sure. It’s rewarding bad behavior to date a liar. Often if the liar is talented he can get away with it…for a time. But eventually the gig is up. Poof. A girl worth having will evaporate if she discovers she’s being lied to. I’ve been lied to. Those men lost the pleasure of my company...
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