Is the process of getting a single date usually very difficult for most men?

[cdub384]

It took me 26 years to get a first kiss that went nowhere afterwards.
Now 27 and would like to get at least one more by 28. Part of my process is at least speaking with other guys with success in this area.
I'm reading through a lot of the material on this site, but seeing the shear amount of material there is to go through makes everything seem very daunting.
Does this stuff ever get any easier with girls about my age and younger?

I'm starting from absolute rock bottom: the only time a woman would acknowledge my existence is if they work with me or they are in a position where they have to for whatever reason.

Are there small and big things that you've personally done that aren't commonly mentioned to make things easier?

 

[Striker_93]

Depends on how attractive you are.

If you're handsome, yes it's easy

 

[corrector]

I'm starting from absolute rock bottom: the only time a woman would acknowledge my existence is if they work with me or they are in a position where they have to for whatever reason.

This means he is not chad/chadlite so extremely difficult.

 

[behimo]

you have to stand out.

you can't do much with your face other than getting lean and skin care. some can use a beard to shape their face as well.

you can improve your body, you don't need a fitness influencer body but need exude masculinity(power and confidence).

you need to work on your appearance; dress style, jewelry, fragrances, shoes.

all of the above requires some money, some ppl here might say you can do it without money, but realistically you need some amount of money.

the positive is that, you're not in your prime yet. You can have the hot 20 yr old girls when you're in your thirties-fourties.

yes, you can still meet girls and date while you improve. use it to learn and keep improving, don't settle or ever think you've found the one.

invest in yourself. if you look for easy answers and remedies, you won't be satisfied in the long run.

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." - Carl Jung

 

[Chuck Taylor]

Don Juan Bible -

Don Juan Bible (classicalgasemissions.com)

 

[SW15]

In the real world, getting a date is at least somewhat difficult. You're going to have to go out of your home, go to events or places, talk to people, gauge interest levels, and then offer a date invitation if a conversation goes well.

Part of the appeal of swipe apps and social media DM'ing is that you can prospect at home while sitting in your underwear and not looking great.

In the past, some men could more easily obtain dates from swiping than they could in the real world. There have been cases where a man would get on a swipe app and get as many first dates in 2-3 weeks on the swipe app as he would in 3-4 months of real world approaching. Most of those swipe app dates would be worthless though, as they would usually be the "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions. Cases like that are becoming rarer now as the swipe algorithms and quality of women on the apps has gone downhill per reports from numerous men.

I have a notch count above that of most men and there have been times where I felt invisible to the opposite sex. There have been times where a lot of my approaches weren't creating anything.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Getting a first date is the easiest part. The hardest part is getting a second date.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Im with jake on this one. Is she shows up for a second date you are usually in the clear. You will bang her eventully if you dont mess it up.

 

[Robert28]

Im with jake on this one. Is she shows up for a second date you are usually in the clear. You will bang her eventully if you dont mess it up.

Years ago, yes. Today? Second dates mean nothing. Hell, 4th dates mean nothing. She could easily just be using you as “something to do” while she is in limbo with her ex and texts him behind your back, you have no idea. I’ve been ghosted after 5 dates and all I did wrong was show up 10 mins late.

 

[biggoal]

In the real world, getting a date is at least somewhat difficult. You're going to have to go out of your home, go to events or places, talk to people, gauge interest levels, and then offer a date invitation if a conversation goes well.

Part of the appeal of swipe apps and social media DM'ing is that you can prospect at home while sitting in your underwear and not looking great.

In the past, some men could more easily obtain dates from swiping than they could in the real world. There have been cases where a man would get on a swipe app and get as many first dates in 2-3 weeks on the swipe app as he would in 3-4 months of real world approaching. Most of those swipe app dates would be worthless though, as they would usually be the "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions. Cases like that are becoming rarer now as the swipe algorithms and quality of women on the apps has gone downhill per reports from numerous men.

I have a notch count above that of most men and there have been times where I felt invisible to the opposite sex. There have been times where a lot of my approaches weren't creating anything.

Why do you think the quality of women has gone downhill on OLD?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Years ago, yes. Today? Second dates mean nothing. Hell, 4th dates mean nothing. She could easily just be using you as “something to do” while she is in limbo with her ex and texts him behind your back, you have no idea. I’ve been ghosted after 5 dates and all I did wrong was show up 10 mins late.

I’ve been ghosted because I didn’t have a tattoo lol

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard.
Your posting was refreshing because it was honest and matter of fact.

Working your way with women is sort of like working your way through a new job. Before making it up the latter, we first need to grasp the fundamentals on the first floor.

The first rule is to work with what you've got. I'll give you an example:
Before hitting 30, I was able to coast on my looks.
Around age 30, two unexpected things occurred.

The first was that the pool of women my age were also approaching 30. This meant that they'd already seen many of their best friends get married. Many of them were probably unhappy that they were still single ...or they were bitter because of some serious relationship bombed and didn't end up as good as their friends. In other words.. my options for women around my age were not the mostly happy fun type girls of the past.

The other unexpected thing was that my hairline was stating to recede. Luckily, it hasn't continued at the same pace through the decades, but I do have a receding hairline.

As I mentioned above; the first rule is to work with what you got.
By age 30, I was no longer pulling 'em in like in my 20's. Former girlfriends had mentioned that they appreciated how I could "connect with them." And with this knowledge, I "worked with what I got" and kept accentuating my vocal style and expression. It didn't happen over night, but I managed to find that 'sweet spot.'

Fast forward to today. My age bio is incorrect, I'm actually 58. Although I can't pull them in as good as in my 20's, I now do better than most guys in my age group that are more 'with it.' And let you tell you that they don't like it! I'm not saying that I bring home super-models or anything, but I'm quite content with gals that would rank at a "7."

I mention the above to say that if I can reinvent myself then *any*of you reading this can as well.

If you're an artist, go to the park and do sketches (a lot of women are fascinated with the artist type) Enjoy writing? Go to poetry
readings,etc....

Although these aren't things that I subscribe to, if you're just getting your feet wet, then being a little trendy would probably help. Having a dress style that looks 'familiar' will likely feel more comfortable to them.

Also. Be realistic. If you have a little weight, then don't wait around or expect a college cheer leader to be knocking down your door. I'm not saying that it's impossible, but to start off, shoot for a gal that is more similar to yourself. In fact, for the sake of getting some experience, drop your standards. Once you have experience in "working with with you got" then you can (just like my work analogy above) continue to work your way up the latter with women.

 

[Snag87]

Getting a first date is the easiest part. The hardest part is getting a second date.

Agreed. If you can't get a first date, you're in serious trouble.

 

[DonJuanjr]

@cdub384 you have to gain some sexual confidence. I agree with @Black Widow Void that you should drop your standards.

 

[derby1]

I actually dont think getting women out is that easy anymore, I would say 80% of the women that show me high interest and we communicate over a few days to arrange a date, they end up ghosting, because really they had a boyfriend all along.

 

[Snag87]

I actually dont think getting women out is that easy anymore, I would say 80% of the women that show me high interest and we communicate over a few days to arrange a date, they end up ghosting, because really they had a boyfriend all along.

I wouldn't say getting women out is easy. I would say it's the easiest aspect in regards to sex/relationships.

Most first dates result in no sex and no second date. If you can't get women out on a first date, that's indicative of low SMV

 

[biggoal]

I wouldn't say getting women out is easy. I would say it's the easiest aspect in regards to sex/relationships.

Most first dates result in no sex and no second date. If you can't get women out on a first date, that's indicative of low SMV

Im seeing a lot of posts on here and other places about ever since covid came women are ghosting more often, not agreeing to dates right away etc. Both in person and old.

 

[behimo]

I wouldn't say getting women out is easy. I would say it's the easiest aspect in regards to sex/relationships.

Most first dates result in no sex and no second date. If you can't get women out on a first date, that's indicative of low SMV

My experience is first time we meet up, it's sex.
I think the problem is most guys think they need to date to get sex or they want a connection before getting to sex.

You just need to build up your filter for level of interest and time wasters.

 

[Snag87]

Im seeing a lot of posts on here and other places about ever since covid came women are ghosting more often, not agreeing to dates right away etc. Both in person and old.

I'm not disputing that. I reiterate: I'm not saying getting a woman to go on a date with you is easy. I'm saying it's the easiest aspect.

 

[biggoal]

I'm not disputing that. I reiterate: I'm not saying getting a woman to go on a date with you is easy. I'm saying it's the easiest aspect.

I agree with that. Getting a second, third date etc. Is the harder part i see most complaining about. Getting the first date is easier than the second. Usually old for most people there is only one date.