Just chill

[Glassguy]

A lot of you guys get way too worked up to get a date with a chick, if a chick responds back to your text, she answers the phone, etc.

Just chill.

Women that havent earned your trust, commitment and loyalty owe you nothing and you owe them nothing in return. The main reason guys get so salty when a chick flakes, cancels or reschedules is because:
1.) They have no other options
2.) They were way too invested over what? A date?

Having no other options is obvious. I just dont understand why some dudes get so invested so quickly. Then to be let down when a woman pulls female behavior.

What are you really out? One evening of you life? Spending a little extra time getting ready for the date? You should still go grab that drink you invited her to and see what happens. At least she only potentially wasted a few hours of your time and you didnt date this chick for months or YEARS before she started her crap.
Not to mention that women have a 6th sense when it comes to noticing guys who get so interested and invested so quickly. If a chick would act like that with me before I met her, I would be weirded out too.

Set the date. If something happens, remain calm. Just say "OK". Leave it at that. Even if you have no other female options on standby you should have something else that you like doing. Shooting pool, joining up with some friends that are out, anything.
I often think isolation is man's worst friend. If you get flaked on, go out. Find new friends, hit up chicks in person.

One final thought, since we are talking about being chill- remember that you inviting her for a drink shows your intent. You dont have to keep stating it through texting. Be indifferent in your texts. Yes you'd like to hang out with her, but its ok if you dont. That is the approach you should be taking. Its mysterious and challenging in a world full of beta simps who are begging for her attention. Thats how you should be and you should not be investing in some random chick that you dont even know as you would a life long friend that is in need of help.

Think about that.

Happy hunting

 

[Romanemp22]

Very good read, totally agree with it. Life is far too short to worry about if a girl is gonna flake or not. Stay on your purpose lane boyz.

 

[Glassguy]

The best example I can give on this:

Financial investments vs Buying a Lottery ticket:

I dont normally play the lotto, however I bought tickets last week and this week. Total of $100 worth of tickets because Powerball and Megamillions were both over 500 million dollars.

I also invest money. I understand its a slow growth and happens over time. I dont call my financial consultant every day and ask how we did, nor do I look at the stock exchange daily. It takes time.

Even though I had plans in my head on how to spend my money if I hit 800 million on my lotto ticket, like everyone else that bought them, could you imagine the level of insanity a person has to truly get p!ssed off and go on a rant when they didnt win?

However if an investment tanked and costs me thousands upon thousands of dollars over the course of a month, I would certainly call my financial guy and talk to him about it. Its a large and lengthy investment process and I was certainly invested.

The odds are not in our favor as men in terms of dating. Chicks can and will flake or cancel. They can and will leave you on read. You will not be compatible with everyone you go out with, heck if you are somewhat compatible beyond great sex with 10% of them you are doing great.

Stop treating these chicks like a retirement package and start treating them like a lotto ticket. If you dont win, throw the damn thing away and move on.

 

[TheProspect]

A lot of guys lack self-awareness and don't even notice when (or why) they get worked up.

You already summarized what it boils down to: premature emotional investment. Outcome dependence.

A man must look within,
"How am I reacting to this situation? What am I feeling? Why do I feel this way? What beliefs of myself or others do I hold?"

In most cases, answering these questions will point to an insecurity, or an implicit expectation that's perceived as being violated.

As you mentioned, the ideal thing to be able to do in that case is to:

Just chill.

In other words, do the opposite of emotionally investing in the situation. Detach.

Take a moment to mentally step back from the situation. Practice self-awareness.

Determine if the outcome dependence stems from an insecurity or from unrealistic expectations, then handle it however you need to.

The key to truly being able to "just chill", is outcome independence. Learning how to be an emotionally healthy man, who at their core is truly indifferent to the whims of a woman he barely knows.

 

[Glassguy]

A lot of guys lack self-awareness and don't even notice when (or why) they get worked up.

You already summarized what it boils down to: premature emotional investment. Outcome dependence.

A man must look within,
"How am I reacting to this situation? What am I feeling? Why do I feel this way? What beliefs of myself or others do I hold?"

In most cases, answering these questions will point to an insecurity, or an implicit expectation that's perceived as being violated.

As you mentioned, the ideal thing to be able to do in that case is to:



In other words, do the opposite of emotionally investing in the situation. Detach.

Take a moment to mentally step back from the situation. Practice self-awareness.

Determine if the outcome dependence stems from an insecurity or from unrealistic expectations, then handle it however you need to.

The key to truly being able to "just chill", is outcome independence. Learning how to be an emotionally healthy man, who at their core is truly indifferent to the whims of a woman he barely knows.

Which can also define what many men ask is a strong frame. Good stuff.

 

[Lookatu]

The lottery ticket is a good analogy and a way to think about things.

Another way is to just treat it like a job interview. You don't get all bothered if you send out 50 resumes and only 5 contact you, right?
Also you don't really get all that bent out of shape when 3 of those say they already filled the position, right?
Even if you make it through the inititial resume submission, phone interview and get to the in-person interview and do not get hired, you're maybe disappointed for a shortwhile, but you move onto other opportunities and keep going.

This is the way to think about it because they don't owe you anything and you don't owe them anything in the beginning.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Absolutely !

An OG poster like to refer to prospects as penny stocks & another as beer. A few of my favorites. The truth is never take a broad serious, period. Especially in early stages of getting to know them/screening process. Just fvcking chill, relax & ride the wave.

When you're young & naive and have been spoon fed the Disney fairy tale America dream of a white picket fence lol. The transitioning out of this is quite a process for these kids. Only time and experience can really fix it.

 

[Roober]

I've tried helping guys numerous times with this concept. The best thing I've found is just to keep yourself busy with other things (work, hobbies, etc). One guy had little going on in his life,so this was challenging. Another just couldn't clear his mind. While "just chill" is glaringly obvious to the informed, I've found that many men just can't grasp the concept.

What are your recommendations @Glassguy for a dude who can't seem to get over that dependence on the attention from their prospective women?

 

[samspade]

What are your recommendations @Glassguy for a dude who can't seem to get over that dependence on the attention from their prospective women?

I know you're not asking me, but I was thinking about this...when I was in my 20s, I had a harder time relaxing because I felt like I had something to prove - to others, myself, to women, whatever. I was more afraid of dry spells and looking like an "incel."

Now of course I know that that's horse shyt, women come and go, and when I'm working on myself and my goals they just hum along in the background. So I don't know if it comes with experience, but the key is, as always, to teach a guy the abundance mindset even if he doesn't think he has that yet.

 

[Barrister]

I know you're not asking me, but I was thinking about this...when I was in my 20s, I had a harder time relaxing because I felt like I had something to prove - to others, myself, to women, whatever. I was more afraid of dry spells and looking like an "incel."

Now of course I know that that's horse shyt, women come and go, and when I'm working on myself and my goals they just hum along in the background. So I don't know if it comes with experience, but the key is, as always, to teach a guy the abundance mindset even if he doesn't think he has that yet.

This is something that I need to be better with. Part of it is probably being fresh out of a LTR, but if I don’t go out on the weekends I feel incredibly isolated and like I’m not doing everything I should be. I want to get back to a spot where I can stay in on a weekend night and do nothing and have it feel completely alright.

 

[samspade]

This is something that I need to be better with. Part of it is probably being fresh out of a LTR, but if I don’t go out on the weekends I feel incredibly isolated and like I’m not doing everything I should be. I want to get back to a spot where I can stay in on a weekend night and do nothing and have it feel completely alright.

That's a big thing coming out of an LTR. I'm sure it's an evolutionary trigger, but your rational mind knows that women are like buses, one goes, another comes along. And that time alone is often its own reward.

The important thing is that you maintain the right mindset and self positivity. I moved to a foreign country 2 years ago, and I didn't know anyone at first. So I felt that "pressure" too. But wouldn't you know it, within a couple of weeks of meeting new friends, most had me pegged as a ladies' man, just by how I talked to girls and carried myself. This was before I'd fukked anyone new. Perception is a powerful ally (or a terrible enemy if you have no game). It does a lot of the heavy lifting, and it only requires that you be you in the best way possible, without explaining much, and let others piece it together.

 

[SW15]

I think a lot of the reasons guys get so worked up over a date flaking is that it often takes a lot of effort just to get a date. Both swiping & texting on apps and in-person approaching tend to be inefficient and involve a massive amount of time.

 

[Barrister]

That's a big thing coming out of an LTR. I'm sure it's an evolutionary trigger, but your rational mind knows that women are like buses, one goes, another comes along. And that time alone is often its own reward.

The important thing is that you maintain the right mindset and self positivity. I moved to a foreign country 2 years ago, and I didn't know anyone at first. So I felt that "pressure" too. But wouldn't you know it, within a couple of weeks of meeting new friends, most had me pegged as a ladies' man, just by how I talked to girls and carried myself. This was before I'd fukked anyone new. Perception is a powerful ally (or a terrible enemy if you have no game). It does a lot of the heavy lifting, and it only requires that you be you in the best way possible, without explaining much, and let others piece it together.

Yes - this post LTR phase, while difficult from the standpoint of no longer having something I was very used to (routine pVssy and a woman to always go places with), has been otherwise a major time of self-reflection for me away from women. I’ve paid off loans, rekindled old friendships that I let go dormant during the LTR, made a few new friends, and am getting ready to move to a new place in a better part of town. It’s overall been a very positive time of change that honestly I should have done a long time ago. It’s so easy to become fixated on women whether it’s an LTR or plate spinning and forget about doing things for yourself to make your own life better.

 

[Travel memoir21]

Yes - this post LTR phase, while difficult from the standpoint of no longer having something I was very used to (routine pVssy and a woman to always go places with), has been otherwise a major time of self-reflection for me away from women. I’ve paid off loans, rekindled old friendships that I let go dormant during the LTR, made a few new friends, and am getting ready to move to a new place in a better part of town. It’s overall been a very positive time of change that honestly I should have done a long time ago. It’s so easy to become fixated on women whether it’s an LTR or plate spinning and forget about doing things for yourself to make your own life better.

Are you a lawyer?

 

[Barrister]

Are you a lawyer?

Yes

 

[Travel memoir21]

Yes

Oh, both my brother and sister are lawyers. Much props to ya man, I know it can be a demanding profession.

 

[Barrister]

Oh, both my brother and sister are lawyers. Much props to ya man, I know it can be a demanding profession.

Thanks, brother. Appreciate it.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

A lot of you guys get way too worked up to get a date with a chick, if a chick responds back to your text, she answers the phone, etc.

Just chill.

Women that havent earned your trust, commitment and loyalty owe you nothing and you owe them nothing in return. The main reason guys get so salty when a chick flakes, cancels or reschedules is because:
1.) They have no other options
2.) They were way too invested over what? A date?

Having no other options is obvious. I just dont understand why some dudes get so invested so quickly. Then to be let down when a woman pulls female behavior.

What are you really out? One evening of you life? Spending a little extra time getting ready for the date? You should still go grab that drink you invited her to and see what happens. At least she only potentially wasted a few hours of your time and you didnt date this chick for months or YEARS before she started her crap.
Not to mention that women have a 6th sense when it comes to noticing guys who get so interested and invested so quickly. If a chick would act like that with me before I met her, I would be weirded out too.

Set the date. If something happens, remain calm. Just say "OK". Leave it at that. Even if you have no other female options on standby you should have something else that you like doing. Shooting pool, joining up with some friends that are out, anything.
I often think isolation is man's worst friend. If you get flaked on, go out. Find new friends, hit up chicks in person.

One final thought, since we are talking about being chill- remember that you inviting her for a drink shows your intent. You dont have to keep stating it through texting. Be indifferent in your texts. Yes you'd like to hang out with her, but its ok if you dont. That is the approach you should be taking. Its mysterious and challenging in a world full of beta simps who are begging for her attention. Thats how you should be and you should not be investing in some random chick that you dont even know as you would a life long friend that is in need of help.

Think about that.

Happy hunting

+1

It's less than 1% of the population that's worth the time suck. Fellas need to keep the fire.

KISS = KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID.

Fellas make it too complicated. Way of the Superior Man by David Deida emphasize the importance of masculinity, living at your edge, true to yourself yet, not overreaching. I'm convinced that too much puss and money are the absolute Bane of a man's existence.

Lads, keep the fire. Always be sourcing but purpose is bullseye and it changes. it runs it's course. be process oriented. acknowledge that there's a savage elements of the Game. a man needs to be a mercenary in approach. absolutely cut throat @ anything time vampire, noncompliance, flakey or ghost.

Unless she is ride or die, she belongs to the street. treat as such. I have never met a woman who doesn't belong to the street in my approaching , pulling and swiping. it's less than 1%.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think a lot of the reasons guys get so worked up over a date flaking is that it often takes a lot of effort just to get a date. Both swiping & texting on apps and in-person approaching tend to be inefficient and involve a massive amount of time.

It honestly really doesn't. If this is the case you are doing something wrong.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Oh, both my brother and sister are lawyers. Much props to ya man, I know it can be a demanding profession.

Can be a strange one as well. How do defense attorneys legitimately feel OK defending clients they know are guilty and help to put them back on the street?