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Do you think marriage disproportionally benefits men because 70% of divorces are initiated by women?

In2theGame

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I know this is obvious. But Jesus. I have so many freaking stories of awesome dudes turning into miserable slobs after getting married, then getting divorced, turning back into awesome dudes.


Let me tell you about my 10-year marriage. First two years were great, really it was awesome. Year three she started getting lazy, putting on weight, not keeping the house clean, dinners turned into boxed cr@p of bvll****... I called her out on all that... it was a daily sh1t show. She eventually straightened out and everything was back to normal. Year four was good, not great, but I would have been fine staying married if we kept having year 4. Year 5.... well that's when the passive aggressive bvllsh1t started.... this resulted in a once a week argument about her inability to control my behavior.... but again, I dug in my heels, and she self-corrected. Year 6... we were back to year 4... normal... fine... Year 7 was more sh1t show... again I refused to change to accommodate her insecurities, wasted money in marriage counseling. Year 8, she started seeing shrinks... spending sh1t loads on money on that bullsh1t. Year 9, the kids are born... she descended into massive depression. Every effort on my part to get her to be a decent wife and mom, resulted in me being categorized as selfish and heartless. I actually had one of her shrinks tell me in a counseling session that I was being 'selfish' for not hiring a live in nanny to take care of the girls... Man... I'm not a guy that loses his temper easy, but fvck. I told this jack@ss is it fair that I have a wife that is mentally ill? That she has two infants she can't deal with? Or that I don't have $85,000 a year for a live-in nanny sitting around as disposable income. Later that year I get another call from one of her shrinks that my ex was having thoughts of drowning one of the girls in the tub. That is when I had her committed for a couple of months that cost me over $100k. During this time, my mom came in to take care of the kids while I worked... When the ex was released, mom stayed with us, because I got called back on active duty and sent to Afghanistan for 6 months. Year 10... mom, who didn't want to say anything while I was deployed (she is a smart women) when I got back told me she was going out with male 'friends' on a semi-regular basis. When I confronted the ex, she fessed up... and of course it was all my fault (it's always the man's fault). Any way she was fvcking a couple of dudes she met when she had been committed. Talk about feeling like a fool… paying $100,000 so your wife can get some side d1ck. I filed for divorce... Which was expensive as fvck, because I fought for custody. Meanwhile, she had all her legal expenses paid for by some foundation and group formed to support abused women, and when they didn't pay... the courts required me to pay for her lawyers. Anyway... that process is a long story, which I will skip... and when it was obvious that I was going to prevail they came back and negotiated a deal... we went back and forth, but eventually settling on everything I was asking for plus spousal support, which would be fixed at $1,800 a month, and not tied to my income level, until the girls were out of HS (1.5 more years) and she would not have to pay child support. Now we get along fine really, we do, I consider my ex a friend, we don't argue or fight and can co-parent without any problems.

Now why did I share this? Simple... I can completely understand why any man would just surrender to their wife's machinations. And just turn into a weak piece of sh1t. It is incredibly hard to stand your ground and fight for what you want, because at the end of the day... government has given her A LOT of power... she will be able to surround herself with friends and family and no matter what you do, most of the people in your life will call you a selfish pr1ck. It is emotionally exhausting, and until you are in that situation you have no idea what most married men have to go through. You start off compromising, it starts with little things... then there are more little things... then the little things become big... then the next thing you know is you are the frog in boiling water. I totally see how this can happen. You can be like me... I did not compromise ANYTHING unless I got something in return... when she started trying to control me, I pushed back. I did everything "Red Pill" says you have to do when you are in a LTR, and guess what... it still didn't work with me because I did not have a sane chick I was married to. "Red Pill" philosophy ONLY works with chicks that are not crazy... the problem is most women today are crazy. So, if you are a guy that wants to get married.... well you better learn how to screen out crazy @ss b1tchs and only try to make things work with chicks that REALLY love you. It can be done, but it takes a lot of hard work.

Anyway, sorry for the long tirade.... but every time I see some BS article about some over generalized statement that marriage is good for men I just can not allow that to stand unchallenged. Marriage can be great, but it takes a lot of work... and you have to be ready to raise your wife like she was a teenager that you can not punish.... because she will push your buttons. The only way a marriage is REALLY beneficial to a man is if he is married to a SANE woman that loves you.. never settle for anything less.
This is a horror story. This worries me to a high degree to "settle down". My GF right now is great however there is no crystal ball to show what she can turn into years ahead.
 

oldmanofthesea

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It is very difficult to know, and when it comes to red flags, hindsight is always 20/20 and you can't ALWAYS hold yourself accountable for missing certain things. It's really only through personal experience do you learn to recognize and identify and have the strength to know better than to accept them.

There weren't any red flags that I can even recall today with my ex-wife, until a year after we started dating. Things just got worse and went down hill from there. Fortunately, I didn't really lose anything in the divorce other than $800 or so in attorney fees. I was lucky.
 

BadBoy89

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I think marriage BENEFITS men if they have a mistress on the side.

To me, I think there is only ONE issue that SOLVE all aspects of marriage for man. It will make the woman behave accordingly and treat the man with respect. This issue prevented me from getting married.

The issue? Whatever happens, the woman is NOT allowed to CASH out. If the woman is forced to leave with a Diet Coke instead of houses and money, she will act accordingly. Marriage for women is not about love, trust and respect. It’s about power and an exit strategy.

Give a woman Power and a cash out option, she will absolutely destroy the man. Take away her power (have a mistress) and remove her cash out option, she will act accordingly.

Dr. Dre’s wife is 50, she wants $400,000,000 US cash to go sleep with younger guys. Thats $200,000,000 US per kid.

Come on men.
 

bat soup

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TheKid

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The problem is that the victim personality and passive aggression used correctly are the strongest power grabs ever created.
Both designed to make villians look like heroes and gaslight your entire reality untill you dont even recognise yourself.
And when some lil soft spoken girl is wielding these two swords correctly, you are as dead as her empathy towards you.

There is no other counter move that can oppose these plays with the outcome you would desire.
 

In2theGame

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Married men earn more because they settle down and focus on their career. Marriages tame a man and make him a better beta provider. But this is misleading - Men then stand to lose more when (not if) they are divorce-raped. I'd also posit that men spend more of their wages in a marriage by funding things their wife wants (house, kids, whatever). The only thing I can imagine you'd save money on is "Dates" - but let's face it, you shouldn't be spending much money on dates if you are single anyway. You should be doing coffee dates, or drinks dates only.

Men also, eventually, get less sex in marriage. Familiarity breeds contempt. Yes, there's Married RedPill and dreadgame, but it's widely agreed that getting into a marriage and trying to maintain a woman's sexual interest longterm is RedPill on hard-mode. What's the upside? You'll also eventually struggle to maintain sexual desire for your wife too in the longterm as she ages.

In a gynocentric world, of course they want the BluePills to think that marriage is a raw deal for women, thus duping more BluePills into a terrible marriage contract that essentially puts your nuts in a vice.

Side note - you don't just lose money in marriage, your testosterone drops massively and you eventually turn into a soft feminine gimp. This is almost inescapable because you're focused on ONE woman - cue oneitis, scarcity mindset, over-investment etc.
Solid post :up:
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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The problem is that the victim personality and passive aggression used correctly are the strongest power grabs ever created.
Both designed to make villians look like heroes and gaslight your entire reality untill you dont even recognise yourself.
And when some lil soft spoken girl is wielding these two swords correctly, you are as dead as her empathy towards you.

There is no other counter move that can oppose these plays with the outcome you would desire.
Agreed which is why men need sekf awareness. Also to be icy as ****. During pandemic, i put a plate on ice. My mates told me she was walking around London whimpering lulz. I swear they are children. Lulz had. She has been well ever since put in check.

Houdini disappearing act ftw
 

MatureDJ

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I had to click through a few pages to get to that study.
It was done over the years of 2009-2015. 2, 262 people aged 19-94. Of these, 371 people broke up or divorced. Of those that divorced(it doesn't state who just broke up and who just divorced)69%(not "nearly" 70%; it was interesting that percentage wasn't exactly quoted) was initiated by women.
Probably because the words "divorced" & "69" would be flagged as porn in some way. :rolleyes:
 

MatureDJ

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I know this is obvious. But Jesus. I have so many freaking stories of awesome dudes turning into miserable slobs after getting married, then getting divorced, turning back into awesome dudes.


Let me tell you about my 10-year marriage. First two years were great, really it was awesome. Year three she started getting lazy, putting on weight, not keeping the house clean, dinners turned into boxed cr@p of bvll****... I called her out on all that... it was a daily sh1t show. She eventually straightened out and everything was back to normal. Year four was good, not great, but I would have been fine staying married if we kept having year 4. Year 5.... well that's when the passive aggressive bvllsh1t started.... this resulted in a once a week argument about her inability to control my behavior.... but again, I dug in my heels, and she self-corrected. Year 6... we were back to year 4... normal... fine... Year 7 was more sh1t show... again I refused to change to accommodate her insecurities, wasted money in marriage counseling. Year 8, she started seeing shrinks... spending sh1t loads on money on that bullsh1t. Year 9, the kids are born... she descended into massive depression. Every effort on my part to get her to be a decent wife and mom, resulted in me being categorized as selfish and heartless. I actually had one of her shrinks tell me in a counseling session that I was being 'selfish' for not hiring a live in nanny to take care of the girls... Man... I'm not a guy that loses his temper easy, but fvck. I told this jack@ss is it fair that I have a wife that is mentally ill? That she has two infants she can't deal with? Or that I don't have $85,000 a year for a live-in nanny sitting around as disposable income. Later that year I get another call from one of her shrinks that my ex was having thoughts of drowning one of the girls in the tub. That is when I had her committed for a couple of months that cost me over $100k. During this time, my mom came in to take care of the kids while I worked... When the ex was released, mom stayed with us, because I got called back on active duty and sent to Afghanistan for 6 months. Year 10... mom, who didn't want to say anything while I was deployed (she is a smart women) when I got back told me she was going out with male 'friends' on a semi-regular basis. When I confronted the ex, she fessed up... and of course it was all my fault (it's always the man's fault). Any way she was fvcking a couple of dudes she met when she had been committed. Talk about feeling like a fool… paying $100,000 so your wife can get some side d1ck. I filed for divorce... Which was expensive as fvck, because I fought for custody. Meanwhile, she had all her legal expenses paid for by some foundation and group formed to support abused women, and when they didn't pay... the courts required me to pay for her lawyers. Anyway... that process is a long story, which I will skip... and when it was obvious that I was going to prevail they came back and negotiated a deal... we went back and forth, but eventually settling on everything I was asking for plus spousal support, which would be fixed at $1,800 a month, and not tied to my income level, until the girls were out of HS (1.5 more years) and she would not have to pay child support. Now we get along fine really, we do, I consider my ex a friend, we don't argue or fight and can co-parent without any problems.

Now why did I share this? Simple... I can completely understand why any man would just surrender to their wife's machinations. And just turn into a weak piece of sh1t. It is incredibly hard to stand your ground and fight for what you want, because at the end of the day... government has given her A LOT of power... she will be able to surround herself with friends and family and no matter what you do, most of the people in your life will call you a selfish pr1ck. It is emotionally exhausting, and until you are in that situation you have no idea what most married men have to go through. You start off compromising, it starts with little things... then there are more little things... then the little things become big... then the next thing you know is you are the frog in boiling water. I totally see how this can happen. You can be like me... I did not compromise ANYTHING unless I got something in return... when she started trying to control me, I pushed back. I did everything "Red Pill" says you have to do when you are in a LTR, and guess what... it still didn't work with me because I did not have a sane chick I was married to. "Red Pill" philosophy ONLY works with chicks that are not crazy... the problem is most women today are crazy. So, if you are a guy that wants to get married.... well you better learn how to screen out crazy @ss b1tchs and only try to make things work with chicks that REALLY love you. It can be done, but it takes a lot of hard work.

Anyway, sorry for the long tirade.... but every time I see some BS article about some over generalized statement that marriage is good for men I just can not allow that to stand unchallenged. Marriage can be great, but it takes a lot of work... and you have to be ready to raise your wife like she was a teenager that you can not punish.... because she will push your buttons. The only way a marriage is REALLY beneficial to a man is if he is married to a SANE woman that loves you.. never settle for anything less.
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
 

MatureDJ

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well you better learn how to screen out crazy @ss b1tchs and only try to make things work with chicks that REALLY love you. It can be done, but it takes a lot of hard work.
My problem is that only the crazy ones love me. :mad:
 

RangerMIke

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My problem is that only the crazy ones love me. :mad:
Yeah... this happens to me quite a bit as well... but soon as you learn she's nuts you have to let her go. I'm guessing over 75% the chicks I've dated over the last 10 years have have some level of emotional damage. The key to sniffing them out is to not care if she's around or not, and never allow yourself to manipulated. And stay selfish. A great example is when you make a date, have and activity/place/day/time planned and stick to it. When she starts trying to change plans or flaking... don't go along with that... tell her "Hey, if you was to do XYZ, great! You invite me and pay for it and I'll come along." And when she flakes... just tell her to call you when she's free and if she never calls back, forget about her.

A sane chick, that aren't broke, that likes you, will start asking you out. Crazy @ss b1tches will get p1ssed off at you, call YOU a narcissist or will just leave you alone. SANE chicks will put in effort to be with you. My ex was just like this during dating, but like I mentioned in a earlier post, I failed to evaluate her past relationships with her family and friends.... only that will tell you if she has long term potential.

The simple truth is there is a reason a chick is unattached... your job as a man is to sniff this sh1t out before you are emotionally attached.
 

RangerMIke

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Wow, that makes my previous marriage to a crazy woman with BPD seem trivial. I have no idea how you manage to get along with her after all that - but I mean that as a compliment to you.
I figured we had the 2 girls we had to raise, and get along for their sake. But really, the key to making this work is to live in the present... dragging the past in just stirs up negativity. But I suppose I'm lucky that the ex is going along with this. A man can be willing to put the past behind and move forward.... but if the chick is hell bent on making you miserable she can. Every now and then my ex will float out some drama... you just don't respond to that... treat he like a good friend.... let her vent be sympathetic, but never offer to help... she has problems, she has to work through them.

Another thing that I believe is helpful is that I do not rub my dating or life in her face. I know a few men that are divorced that post all kinds of 'look at me! I'm great, look at my guns from working out at the gym! Look at the new chick I'm fvcking!!!" bvllsh1t on social media. That's kicking the hornets nest. Keep your private life private. Posting that kind of stuff is not only unnecessary, but it is honestly counter productive. I learned this in the first year we were divorced... one woman I was seeing started posting stuff about us on her Facebook and was tagging me in pictures... I had a FB page, but only post stuff for family and friends and VERY seldom... never dating. What I didn't realize at the time was when I get tagged in a photo... that sh1t shows up on my feed, and since I only look at that, MAYBE one every couple of weeks, I didn't know what was showing up. That sent my ex over the deep end, and she was starting to torture the kids... Since then I've set my profile that no one can tag me without permission... no more problems.
 

Dash Riprock

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I know this is obvious. But Jesus. I have so many freaking stories of awesome dudes turning into miserable slobs after getting married, then getting divorced, turning back into awesome dudes.


Let me tell you about my 10-year marriage. First two years were great, really it was awesome. Year three she started getting lazy, putting on weight, not keeping the house clean, dinners turned into boxed cr@p of bvll****... I called her out on all that... it was a daily sh1t show. She eventually straightened out and everything was back to normal. Year four was good, not great, but I would have been fine staying married if we kept having year 4. Year 5.... well that's when the passive aggressive bvllsh1t started.... this resulted in a once a week argument about her inability to control my behavior.... but again, I dug in my heels, and she self-corrected. Year 6... we were back to year 4... normal... fine... Year 7 was more sh1t show... again I refused to change to accommodate her insecurities, wasted money in marriage counseling. Year 8, she started seeing shrinks... spending sh1t loads on money on that bullsh1t. Year 9, the kids are born... she descended into massive depression. Every effort on my part to get her to be a decent wife and mom, resulted in me being categorized as selfish and heartless. I actually had one of her shrinks tell me in a counseling session that I was being 'selfish' for not hiring a live in nanny to take care of the girls... Man... I'm not a guy that loses his temper easy, but fvck. I told this jack@ss is it fair that I have a wife that is mentally ill? That she has two infants she can't deal with? Or that I don't have $85,000 a year for a live-in nanny sitting around as disposable income. Later that year I get another call from one of her shrinks that my ex was having thoughts of drowning one of the girls in the tub. That is when I had her committed for a couple of months that cost me over $100k. During this time, my mom came in to take care of the kids while I worked... When the ex was released, mom stayed with us, because I got called back on active duty and sent to Afghanistan for 6 months. Year 10... mom, who didn't want to say anything while I was deployed (she is a smart women) when I got back told me she was going out with male 'friends' on a semi-regular basis. When I confronted the ex, she fessed up... and of course it was all my fault (it's always the man's fault). Any way she was fvcking a couple of dudes she met when she had been committed. Talk about feeling like a fool… paying $100,000 so your wife can get some side d1ck. I filed for divorce... Which was expensive as fvck, because I fought for custody. Meanwhile, she had all her legal expenses paid for by some foundation and group formed to support abused women, and when they didn't pay... the courts required me to pay for her lawyers. Anyway... that process is a long story, which I will skip... and when it was obvious that I was going to prevail they came back and negotiated a deal... we went back and forth, but eventually settling on everything I was asking for plus spousal support, which would be fixed at $1,800 a month, and not tied to my income level, until the girls were out of HS (1.5 more years) and she would not have to pay child support. Now we get along fine really, we do, I consider my ex a friend, we don't argue or fight and can co-parent without any problems.

Now why did I share this? Simple... I can completely understand why any man would just surrender to their wife's machinations. And just turn into a weak piece of sh1t. It is incredibly hard to stand your ground and fight for what you want, because at the end of the day... government has given her A LOT of power... she will be able to surround herself with friends and family and no matter what you do, most of the people in your life will call you a selfish pr1ck. It is emotionally exhausting, and until you are in that situation you have no idea what most married men have to go through. You start off compromising, it starts with little things... then there are more little things... then the little things become big... then the next thing you know is you are the frog in boiling water. I totally see how this can happen. You can be like me... I did not compromise ANYTHING unless I got something in return... when she started trying to control me, I pushed back. I did everything "Red Pill" says you have to do when you are in a LTR, and guess what... it still didn't work with me because I did not have a sane chick I was married to. "Red Pill" philosophy ONLY works with chicks that are not crazy... the problem is most women today are crazy. So, if you are a guy that wants to get married.... well you better learn how to screen out crazy @ss b1tchs and only try to make things work with chicks that REALLY love you. It can be done, but it takes a lot of hard work.

Anyway, sorry for the long tirade.... but every time I see some BS article about some over generalized statement that marriage is good for men I just can not allow that to stand unchallenged. Marriage can be great, but it takes a lot of work... and you have to be ready to raise your wife like she was a teenager that you can not punish.... because she will push your buttons. The only way a marriage is REALLY beneficial to a man is if he is married to a SANE woman that loves you.. never settle for anything less.
Thanks for sharing this. Good read. Glad there was an ammicable resolution and understanding in the end. I was preparing to read something worse.

If you're looking to start a family, as a man, you're going to have to roll the dice. And just know the odds of:

- a long-term supportive wife
- a supportive set of in-laws
- kids that turn out well
-ability to maintain your mental and physical health
-ability to build wealth
-ability to have time to dedicate to your interests and passions

Are EXTREMELY stacked against you. Know this going in.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Thanks for sharing this. Good read. Glad there was an ammicable resolution and understanding in the end. I was preparing to read something worse.

If you're looking to start a family, as a man, you're going to have to roll the dice. And just know the odds of:

- a long-term supportive wife
- a supportive set of in-laws
- kids that turn out well
-ability to maintain your mental and physical health
-ability to build wealth
-ability to have time to dedicate to your interests and passions

Are EXTREMELY stacked against you. Know this going in.
You can determine if she's supportive and the parents getting along with you well before marriage.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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You need to live a certain lifestyle, minimal, in order to avoid predatory child support and have a prenup, then the playing field is even.

We also have common law where I live, which is problematic for a guy who doesn't understand the implication of living with a woman. Also, if a call of domestic abuse is made where I live, the police MUST take you to jail as a man, no exception, because so many women were getting killed in domestic abuse cases.

Definitely important to know not just marriage laws, but the nuances of those laws where you live.
 

RangerMIke

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You can determine if she's supportive and the parents getting along with you well before marriage.
Yes. She has to be a functioning woman. Can she keep her commitments? Is her house, car, purse a mess? Does she have a decent job and can live within her means? Do you like her friends, and do her friends like you? No to any of this and she is not LTR material. Yes to all of this is still not enough.... at that point (which I learned from experience) you have to do a deep dive into her family and past long term relationships.

The problem with too many men is their evaluation of partners begins and ends with 'is she hot'.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Yes. She has to be a functioning woman. Can she keep her commitments? Is her house, car, purse a mess? Does she have a decent job and can live within her means? Do you like her friends, and do her friends like you? No to any of this and she is not LTR material. Yes to all of this is still not enough.... at that point (which I learned from experience) you have to do a deep dive into her family and past long term relationships.

The problem with too many men is their evaluation of partners begins and ends with 'is she hot'.
How does she treat you? How does she treat your information? How does she potray you to others? A clean house or a clean car are not necessarily a good sign, because I know people that run really clean and tight businesses and their house is not the cleanest.
 

Alvafe

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You need to live a certain lifestyle, minimal, in order to avoid predatory child support and have a prenup, then the playing field is even.

We also have common law where I live, which is problematic for a guy who doesn't understand the implication of living with a woman. Also, if a call of domestic abuse is made where I live, the police MUST take you to jail as a man, no exception, because so many women were getting killed in domestic abuse cases.

Definitely important to know not just marriage laws, but the nuances of those laws where you live.
fun fact study shows most woman killed on domestic abuse was lesbians killed by other woman
 
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