Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Falling in love with the woman I've been seeing

mrgoodstuff

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Are you talking about the OP being "in pain," or you? I didn't see him say that.

It's true, staying busy helps minimize over-indulging in feelings. I think it's a great solution. I don't think it's useful to sit around thinking about feelings all day.

But that doesn't mean you can't accept whatever it is you're feeling in the moment. Accept it, be grateful, and move on. Or if it's a net positive (e.g., I like this girl), just enjoy it, but be prudent. I don't think liking a girl justifies self-flagellation.
Im not in pain but I've been in that situation. If he's dying to "lock her down" it gets annoying and painful. It means your not thinking right as a man.
 

metalwater

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Been seeing her a few months now. Chemistry is off the charts in every way. Legit one of the only women I've ever dated who I legitimately enjoy hanging out with beyond sex. Problem is, I'm falling for her. Big time. Like it's difficult for me to talk to other women because I have such strong feelings for her and only want to see her. I don't know if she's talking to anyone else, but I want her to myself at this point--I want to be exclusive. Is there any way for me to tell her I want us to be exclusive without losing "frame" or whatever?
that is a good problem to have.. many guys would love to have that problem... it means you have already done a lot of things that worked out.

looks like the advice so far is consistent on some points and not consistent on others. the guys telling to not push for relationship are trying to protect you from the possible future when the girl feels she has the power and lowers her perception of you because of that. this will likely result in her either cheating or leaving or both. can be many other painful steps along the way but that is the gist of it. this one is safe as it sets a frame and all you have to do is maintain it. the risk is that someone else does the other method first...

the other side is telling that she might need your help to decide and it can be that the first one who takes action can take control and own it. if that is true then you do push to the relationship, but all the time still be aware and strong and do not let her have the power of you coming to her. this one is tricky to get right and depends a lot on the girl. for this one, I would suggest that you take an inventory of yourself before doing it and make sure you have an iron will and ability to walk if you must later. doing this means that she did not drop the other guy(s) and they did not want to be dropped.. you wanted her to do it and she does it for you, for you, not for her... so if her interest in you drops then it is back to them. if she keeps contact with them, then they are not dropped...

if you did not already have a rotation or whatever, and this one is the first and only girl for some time then probably better to wait for her to want the relationship tighter as its hard to judge our own feelings.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Possibly yes but i can only speak from experience, Women are extremely covert with who they're banging. I'm willing to bet she's at the minimum banging 2 guys. OP and another dude. At what frequency? we cant be sure but again, im willing to bet she's getting at least 2 pipes in there.
What would long term married or blue pilled men think of your assessment? Would they think your exaggerating or being misogynistic?
 

Henry Schweiss

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In a technical view: We are Void. We want what we don't have and, when we have it, we don't want it anymore. The effort for this pseudo-fulfillment is what makes us want, love, fill, catch fire. If you give what the Other wants, right away, you kill the desire.
 

Henry Schweiss

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Wanting is the issue itself
I disagree. Desiring is sine qua non of human existence, from the physiological to the psychological level. It is the way of having contact with the Other. We must understand the roots of desire, whether it comes from a search for genuine pleasure or a need to fill a personal void (which will never be filled by Others, only by ourselves).

If we don't know what and why we want, we will always try to kill hunger by eating air. As a contextual example, take a look at "Don Juanism"
 
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Focal core

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Man, you've been here 10 years and ask beginner questions, with all due respect. It's a beautiful thing to feel this strongly for someone, but as others have said:
Your job is to have fun dates and have sex with her.
Her job is to suggest an exclusive relationship.
You don't want her to see other dudes? She will and there's nothing you can do to stop it, women are natural plate spinners. That's just how it works. Your job is to be her best option so she will voluntarily drop all other options to be with you. You don't remove women out of the sexual market, they remove themselves from the market because they want to be with you. Go against this and you'll eventually fail.
It sounds easy in theory but be her best option and you won't have to worry about that anymore.
This ultimatum thing is just weak and comes from neediness, this is not a good basis for a relationship and sets up for unhealthy codependence. You'll probably end up as the very jealous type.
In my past my ex wife lock me down ask for exclusivity way all down to marriage, then abruptly left.. Shes genuine bpd anyways.
 

Focal core

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Hey, anyone can end up asking questions he knows the answers to. Once you start to really like/love a girl, you get crazy ideas. (But this is Sosuave, where nobody catches feelings...)

Anyway -

Enjoy the moment(s) with this girl and stop worrying about the future.

She wants it to be a movie, and it won't be much of a story if you spoil the ending.

Not only that, but she wants to think she's corralled you with her guile.

It's human nature to resent being patronized, which is usually how the other party feels when you start making plain your ideas about love and lust.
Agree with this, admire each other be playfully with her and gauges the reciprocity between you, if theres growth in intimacy there should be nothing to worried about much. Dont be needy ask for exclusivity.
 

soulforge

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Bruv firstly you need to ignore the advice given to you by the vast majority on here!

This is now a matter of some urgency.. If you do not lock her down ASAP then there is a big chance she will bang someone else..

If the other guy bangs her better than you, then it's game over.. She will settle for the bigger D

Tell her you are not happy about her talking to other dudes, as it makes you feel insecure & jealous.. Tell her here on, you need to know exactly where she is going and who she is talking to.

I would also advise you to make random calls to her phone late at night, to make sure she is home alone.

If you make it clear to her, that you love her more than anything and could not bare her sleeping with another guy.. I promise she will fall madly in love with you.

Have you thought about making her wear something like this when she goes out? young-woman-paper-bag-over-her-head-empty-42267872.jpg

I know it's not ideal.. But it will definitely reduce the chance of her seeing other guys.

Also write her some poetry man. Good luck
 

Lynx nkaf

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(.....) I don't know if she's talking to anyone else, (....)
great thread for reminding me how fast I fall for the other person in dating.

Sosuave has helped me remain calm and rational in making emotional decisions.

.Paradox. , you don't have all the facts to make an emotional decision from a calm and rational standpoint.

How do you want to get all the facts?

Sosuave has helped me to decide to put down the money to hire a private investigator to get the facts one needs to make a calm and rational decision.

You don't know enough about her personally - see your partial quote above - and its not legally recommended to go following her around yourself(hire the P.I.)and it isn't Sosuave recommended to show weak frame by revealing your emotions when in this incomplete position lacking all the facts and options in the relationship.
 

Korrupt

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Bruv firstly you need to ignore the advice given to you by the vast majority on here!

This is now a matter of some urgency.. If you do not lock her down ASAP then there is a big chance she will bang someone else..

If the other guy bangs her better than you, then it's game over.. She will settle for the bigger D

Tell her you are not happy about her talking to other dudes, as it makes you feel insecure & jealous.. Tell her here on, you need to know exactly where she is going and who she is talking to.

I would also advise you to make random calls to her phone late at night, to make sure she is home alone.

If you make it clear to her, that you love her more than anything and could not bare her sleeping with another guy.. I promise she will fall madly in love with you.

Have you thought about making her wear something like this when she goes out? View attachment 4450

I know it's not ideal.. But it will definitely reduce the chance of her seeing other guys.

Also write her some poetry man. Good luck
Bruv you just took several minutes to write up a sarcastic troll post with a gd paragraph AND a pic. And on top of that you have an AVI of your 15" arm on a website with only dudes. Lmfao. This forum is pure comedy.

great thread for reminding me how fast I fall for the other person in dating.

Sosuave has helped me remain calm and rational in making emotional decisions.

.Paradox. , you don't have all the facts to make an emotional decision from a calm and rational standpoint.

How do you want to get all the facts?

Sosuave has helped me to decide to put down the money to hire a private investigator to get the facts one needs to make a calm and rational decision.

You don't know enough about her personally - see your partial quote above - and its not legally recommended to go following her around yourself(hire the P.I.)and it isn't Sosuave recommended to show weak frame by revealing your emotions when in this incomplete position lacking all the facts and options in the relationship.
LOL more comedy gold from more keyboard warriors. This dude has 1322 posts in 8 months GOT DAYUM
 

Clamslammer

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This guy gets it. A couple other posters were around the nail, but this guy hits it on the head. Perfect response.

Also, if after 3 months someone doesn't want to be exclusive with you, it's a massive red flag and they likely will never want to be exclusive with you. So to reiterate, why should OP waste his time?



Good example of not "getting it" and being a blackpiller. Speaking in absolutes. By this guy's logic, every guy who's ever confessed feelings to a woman has been rejected--100% of the time. That's just not true. Is confessing your feelings the answer? No, not necessarily. But don't speak in absolutes like this. It's fvcking ridiculous.
Ohh trust me I get it. When you are in the early stages of dating which he is in you do not want to throw up your feelings on her or she will get turned off and you will come off as feminine. You want to maintain some mystery with a girl and you throwing up your feelings this early loses that.

Once you are in a relationship then you can display some of your emotions but even then keep it limited as you want to be her rock and that is what is attractive to a girl.
 

samspade

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Whatever your ""feeling"" in the moment can deceive you and lead you down a shyty path.
How is she treating OP?
OP needs to be on his game
I'm not saying he should act on it. I'm just saying to relax and enjoy it. There's no need to freak out if he stays cool and enjoys the ride.
 

Mbuckets82

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Wouldn’t he want to test her, see where she is about him by going a bit by not contacting her, being busy with his bro’s little by little?
Hard to believe but she knows how he feels already through actions. It’s tough I bet. But OP supposed to be in his masculine and stay there while she comes to him to be exclusive.
Is it 80/20 contact by her? I see nothing wrong with your feelings towards what you see as a 10 but she has gotta come to you. Hope it works out.
 

Henry Schweiss

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Even Buddha said it best. Root of all suffering is desire/wanting/needing.
Don't confuse what i said with personal growth and fulfillment.
Different mindsets. I'm not referring to renouncing all possessions and sitting on a mountain somewhere.

It basically don't put your personal value in the game we play.
You are seeing things ontological, me, epistemological.

But, using the hook: trying not to desire is already desire. We "control" our desires only after we put in our conscious the whys.

Sorry for my English.
Thank you for your time. Adieu.
 

mrgoodstuff

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What would long term married or blue pilled men think of your assessment? Would they think your exaggerating or being misogynistic?
Wouldn't long term married or blue pill men think we are "wrong" and exaggerating and come to defend the ladies honor?
 

mrgoodstuff

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Its not normal for women to spin plates although some do it but i dont think that number is very high.
I think they move quicker from LTR to LTR.
Some of us thought with Facebook and Instagram that the "ho" mindset flourished and multiplied.
 

BackInTheGame78

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great thread for reminding me how fast I fall for the other person in dating.

Sosuave has helped me remain calm and rational in making emotional decisions.

.Paradox. , you don't have all the facts to make an emotional decision from a calm and rational standpoint.

How do you want to get all the facts?

Sosuave has helped me to decide to put down the money to hire a private investigator to get the facts one needs to make a calm and rational decision.

You don't know enough about her personally - see your partial quote above - and its not legally recommended to go following her around yourself(hire the P.I.)and it isn't Sosuave recommended to show weak frame by revealing your emotions when in this incomplete position lacking all the facts and options in the relationship.
This must be a troll post. Honestly if I ever found out a woman hired a PI when we started dating I would dump her immediately. This comes off as psycho behavior.

I mean who the hell hires a PI to learn about someone instead of just spending some time getting to know the person??
 
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