Dissect my text game please!

[RestUnknown]

Been texting this girl, today at around noon she texts me something. But I've been busy all afternoon and replied after about 4 hours. In all fairness this is only a bit longer than I normally reply (2-3 hours), because I tend to be always busy in the afternoon.

She replied immediately with "I thought you died, guess I was wrong". But might also be because our group work chat has been very active today and almost everyone said something in there.

I have to admit I'm a little bit in her frame and am trying to get out. Advice on how to proceed and what to say?

 

[lamath]

While it isnt the best stuff, I don’t really see anything cringeworthy here. IMO it’s just one dimensional and not compelling. It has a tinge of the kind of guy who is always trying to be happy and funny but never switches gears, never shows anything else. No depth, no connections, just jokes.

Look, there are no rules for texting. I never personally bought into the idea that a guy should never send 2 texts in a row or should only set up the date and disappear otherwise. These things are really only effective when a guy too often blows himself out in these ways because he has nothing else and needs to be reigned in.

A woman of high interest won’t give two sh*ts about these details. It’s almost willingly ignored, in fact.

The issue a lot of guys seem to have from my point of view is that when they choose to maintain contact, they don’t know how to develop certain connections that can increase a woman’s willingness to meet up. Instead, they just hang around spinning their wheels with no particular progress until eventually they blow themselves out.

Some guys say the best way to fix that is go silent. Less is more. And sometimes that’s true. But you can also learn how to communicate better too.

I’ve gotten so good at utilizing texting to build connections with women that they often were willing to do anything with me on the first date because they feel like they know me, feel like there is something unique about me, they feel like they HAVE to go on this date because it would kill them not to. It’s too compelling of an opportunity for them to ignore.

There is none of that in these text examples. It’s nonexistent.

So from here you have a choice:

1) Greatly minimize your communication to avoid blowing yourself out and see how that goes, or...

2) Become dynamic. Be funny. Be serious. Tease. Show a little humility. Tease some more. Show some depth. Be humorously shallow.
Give them the whole spectrum.

I promise you if you do that right, they will skip over those 10 other guys who just text to set up the date and go quiet.

Do it wrong and they will default to those very same guys.

The problem isnt too much communication. It’s the lack of charm when choosing to communicate.

Charm slays.

I agree with you there.

However i think ppl got to be careful with advices like this because if they cant pull it out, they will most likely dig themselves deeper.
And lets be honest not all ppl can correctly see how they come off in real life and even more with txts.

Not sure OP saw what we did in his txt. To me it seems like it was a bit needy and try hard.
Also communication with txt often cause misunderstanding.

 

[Wolfyu91]

This is complete BS. If you only text for dates these days unless she is totally head over heels about you, you'll find yourself completely single again pretty quick. The problem is most guys fail terribly at what they are texting.

I only told him to call her directly and stop wasting his time on unnecessary texts. Calling her directly will definitely set him apart from other guys who are commiting the same mistake like him.

Him texting her frequently when she is not showing any interest to meet is only weakening his frame.

He is looking like other desparate males which have no self respect and just messaging some girl to get her attention no matter how more or less frequent they are.
( Though in reality he is a desparate male here , he really needs to focus on inner game)

What he needs to do is just let her know what his intent is and pass the ball in her court to accept or reject it. That way even if she rejects him he will come out as a strong man to her who knows clearly what he wants in his life.

No amount or quality of texts can help here to change her mind.

 

[Visionist]

Amante's approach is high emotional and time investment, high risk of oneitis problems when rejection happens.

Years ago I used to indulge in long "deep" text marathons with women, sometimes lasting weeks. One, who I hadn't met in person yet but only on social media, ended up blowing me off anyway, if gently.

Another girl whom I added on social media displayed seemingly strong emotional maturity, and seemed a dead cert, but she inadvertently insulted me hours before we were to meet. I have never felt my attraction evaporate as instantly as it did in that moment. I called off the meeting. She was furious. I should have realised she was bad news when I told her my father died on my birthday and she replied with "lol". By contrast, the other girl who gently refused to meet had tried to comfort me when I posted the news on my social media feed, since abandoned.

These two examples each led to a crippling oneitis, and I vowed to never again entertain unknown women in a virtual realm with nothing to show for it. Never tried online dating.

I can't imagine having time to live a life of action and simultaneously form long haul virtual connections online with many different women. It sounds exhausting and exactly the sort of dark trap I willingly used to leap into.

As for the girl in the OP, one thing she most definitely wouldn't have felt when we first met is physical attraction, as I'm about sixty pounds overweight at the moment, and I dressed for comfort at school, not style. She also has a boyfriend I suspect, for what that's worth. Anyway she's out of the picture now.

Seems I was putting the cart before the horse trying the teasing/dominant approach without the looks, and by assumption the preselection, to back it up. With maxed looks, one can leave the cart behind and just ride the damn horse LMAO.

 

[Wolfyu91]

Amante's approach is high emotional and time investment, high risk of oneitis problems when rejection happens.

Years ago I used to indulge in long "deep" text marathons with women, sometimes lasting weeks. One, who I hadn't met in person yet but only on social media, ended up blowing me off anyway, if gently.

Another girl whom I added on social media displayed seemingly strong emotional maturity, and seemed a dead cert, but she inadvertently insulted me hours before we were to meet. I have never felt my attraction evaporate as instantly as it did in that moment. I called off the meeting. She was furious. I should have realised she was bad news when I told her my father died on my birthday and she replied with "lol". By contrast, the other girl who gently refused to meet had tried to comfort me when I posted the news on my social media feed, since abandoned.

These two examples each led to a crippling oneitis, and I vowed to never again entertain unknown women in a virtual realm with nothing to show for it. Never tried online dating.

I can't imagine having time to live a life of action and simultaneously form long haul virtual connections online with many different women. It sounds exhausting and exactly the sort of dark trap I willingly used to leap into.

As for the girl in the OP, one thing she most definitely wouldn't have felt when we first met is physical attraction, as I'm about sixty pounds overweight at the moment, and I dressed for comfort at school, not style. She also has a boyfriend I suspect, for what that's worth. Anyway she's out of the picture now.

Seems I was putting the cart before the horse trying the teasing/dominant approach without the looks, and by assumption the preselection, to back it up. With maxed looks, one can leave the cart behind and just ride the damn horse LMAO.

Looks don't matter that much for a man when attracting a women when they meet in person but in online dating it matters definitely.
Till now you have avoided wrong girls in your life. You will definitely find some good girl.

 

[Visionist]

What compels you to take your time texting them if you don't like them? I'd get bored.

 

[samspade]

And if you are bored, so is she.

My experience has been a little different from this. I get bored and it ups their interest. This is going to sound weird, but I'm tired of "high interest" girls. That's probably the most spoiled thing I've said in a long time, but there you have it. I don't know how else to say it though. Shyt, this coronavirus outbreak sucks but I'm happy for the isolation. I'm not saying I'm swimming in it - just that I really need the time to reflect and organize.

 

[RestUnknown]

And another thing I realized today, if you text her something which is based on two replies, one of which is kind of sexual, the other is a serious one. If she only replies on the serious one, move on.

I had it with this girl, I gave her a lot of the benefit of the doubt, but if in times like these, you can't even 'play' a bit, it's over. She double texted a lot, but looking back at it, she just wanted attention. And in all honesty, I also might have played it a bit too far, she knows I'm at home because of a lockdown, but I tend to not reply for a couple of hours. I had stuff to do around the house and garden nonetheless, but I think she simply had it with my low and slow reply rate.

But hell, even if she isn't interested in me, if you're stuck inside for a couple of weeks, just have some fun nonetheless. It kinda svcks though, but at least I won't have to see her for over a month. Still will hear from her in a mutual group chat, but I'll try to not be affected by that.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@Visionist To expand on @Amante Silvestre 's point, the texting is meant to be enjoyable for you. If you're not enjoying it and it feels like a chore, like work, then you're not talking to a compatible girl. And worse you're cultivating resentment internally.

It's not that texting isn't your thing, it's that this girl isn't that interested. If you're going to text her remove all expectations from your mind.
A simple exercise you can implement is to text in a way you could maintain indefinitely. I for one would not be able to maintain sending pics like that, I'm too busy. I rarely ask questions and I act as if my text will be the last one in the conversation. It's fun and easy to maintain that indefinitely for me because it's how I normally am and it allows me to talk to many girls at once with ease. It shows the opposite of thirst. If she reads my text and smiles then goes on with her day cool, I'm not left hanging and have given her no obligation to respond, so there's no excuse for either of us to be butthurt. I inspire absolute freedom from the conversation and as a result women are more comfortable with me. If she responds to try and keep the conversation going it's a sign of interest. I keep responding the same way and she works to draw out more attention. Eventually her texts become sexual in nature or she starts talking about meeting up and it all flows effortlessly.

It feels effortless because by inspiring absolute freedom the uninterested girls and the girls trying to play games naturally drop off.

 

[RestUnknown]

Is it btw still a good idea to reduce the time you reply to a text these days? Since everyone is in a lockdown, people know you're just sitting at home. During the day you could be busy with tasks, but in the evening?