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How can one avoid getting discouraged or apathetic, after getting stood up or blown off for no apparent reason?

Fer de Lance

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Occasionally, I've been stood up from women who have expressed explicit sexual and romantic intent, and rarely, women have engaged in emotional affairs and have become emotional and intimate, blushy, and jealous of other women, only to slam on the breaks and flee when I made a move toward dating. One girl told a couple male orbiters that I was the whole package, and she wasn't good enough (though in her case, she did me a favor by standing me up). I don't always get an answer or anything I feel like I can learn and improve from: just disappointment and confusion. How can one resist getting angry, discouraged or apathetic when stuff like that happens? I'm not in a place in my life that I feel much need to stroke my ego by hooking up with lots women or maintaining an active bullpen of women so "sleep with lots of women" isn't advice I'm too interested in.

If I have silly sarcastic thoughts like "and sometimes.... throwing every sign at you means I'll run for this hills if you try " isn't a very conducive mindset.
 
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Kotaix

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I think your problem is that you're setting expectations when you meet these women or make moves on them. Stop thinking about what might be and stop making up scenarios in your head. Trust that if things didn't work out then this is for the best, because anything that you have to force is not going to bring you joy. You still need to learn what you can from what you've done, but don't beat yourself over your failures because the only thing that will do is perpetuate the feelings you have.
 

GioWolf

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The only way I know is to have an abundance mentality. Otherwise you’re too invested and outcome dependent. If you have oneitis and it doesn’t work out, it’s going to hurt. That’s just the way it is.
 

biggoal

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the same way you deal with any other negative thing in life that happens to you.....

You suck it up and deal with it.
But you have to dwell on it some to think of ways to improve. It's just like losing a playoff series in the NHL or super bowl as a coach. You gotta see what went wrong. Was it on your end or hers? Then try and find ways to tweak some things and improve for the next time. Like that hot teacher when I told her what I sold at a flea market. Now on I'm not so quick to say exactly what I sell and type of business even though women are digging for gold.
 

espanish

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listen man, people suck. they don't keep their promises. I will give you an example. I am selling my car. I have it posted on cars.com
I haven't kept count but in my own estimate I have got 15 people who expressed interest in it.
one idiot came and after test driving said he needs to discuss with his girlfriend if they can afford it. shouldn't you discuss that with your stupid girlfriend BEFORE wasting my time with a test drive and not after?
some other idiot called and asked "how much?" even though the ad very clearly says the price.
some idiot texts "still available?" and when I said "yes, do you want to come tomorrow?" he disappeared
the other 12 provided their number by email and when I texted them, I never heard back. And I didn't take days to text, I texted minutes after receiving the emails.
take-home message: don't give people too much credit, don't expect so much out of them. don't expect them to act rationally, don't expect them to keep their promises. they are just idiots.
 

dude99

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But you have to dwell on it some to think of ways to improve. It's just like losing a playoff series in the NHL or super bowl as a coach. You gotta see what went wrong. Was it on your end or hers? Then try and find ways to tweak some things and improve for the next time. Like that hot teacher when I told her what I sold at a flea market. Now on I'm not so quick to say exactly what I sell and type of business even though women are digging for gold.
There is a huge difference in 'dwelling on it' and 'learning from it and improving.'

Focus on the 2nd. Not the first.
 

Soldier King

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If you don't feel pain from the loss than you weren't pursuing anything worthwhile.

That being said, maybe you're giving up too early. Assuming she is a woman of quality inside and not just beauty. If she pulled back maybe you need to show her you are actually serious, that you won't leave her even if it's difficult.

Let the pain motivate you to grow.
.

"Cultivate your hunger for your ideals,
motivate your anger, make them all realize."
 

Soldier King

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What if she's a woman of quality, you can't find those so easily good stuff, it's ok to be a little sad.
And the answer isn't always another woman, sometimes it's improving yourself and trying again, and getting that one you really wanted.

If she didn't show you anything special though inside of her, I agree with you, next :).
 

EyeOnThePrize

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How can one resist getting angry, discouraged or apathetic when stuff like that happens? I'm not in a place in my life that I feel much need to stroke my ego by hooking up with lots women or maintaining an active bullpen of women so "sleep with lots of women" isn't advice I'm too interested in.
it's all feedback isn't it? in the most literal sense, a chemical ****tail in your brain. your limbic system is trying to tell you something and your cortex is trying to figure out what that is. does it make sense to be upset when analyzing that? of course not. in any game of skill the calmer player or fighter is always the more graceful and focused one, winning almost always and coming up with the most original techniques.

my opinion is you overvalue what others think of you and undervalue yourself, which can stem from believing you deserve better but doubting that belief. i.e. deep down you don't believe you deserve a woman's full adoration so you only meet women that don't provide it, yet you keep hoping for different results.

your doubt will be reflected back at you in all the people you interact with, because they can sense it. it's like pretending to be nice to someone instead of genuinely being interested in their life. we can all tell when someone is or isn't really interested. practice being positive and genuinely interested in others, you'll be pleasantly surprised by people's reactions(and you'll get very good at probing and learning about others, a very valuable skill).

there's nothing wrong with feeling emotions, but when you analyze what those emotions might mean you need to remain rational and look over the data as a scientist/inventor/engineer with a positive attitude and innovate your way into a life that you think you'd enjoy more. so you received feedback that you didn't like, good, try something different. keep doing that until you enjoy the feedback you feel. be grateful that your limbic system is so sensitive, now leverage its full capacity to blossom your life!

it should go without saying but if you can't master your own mind and life trajectory how can a woman expect you to fulfill her emotional desires and stimulate her completely?

nexting women is an indicator for gauging your value in the sexual marketplace, it has nothing to do with your sense of self worth. if it does then you should only socialize on a platonic level until you feel comfortable enough to joke around and not take the changing social landscape personally.

remember that women are supposed to be fun, it's not supposed to be some rigid linear experience. it should feel effortless.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Occasionally, I've been stood up from women who have expressed explicit sexual and romantic intent, and rarely, women have engaged in emotional affairs and have become emotional and intimate, blushy, and jealous of other women, only to slam on the breaks and flee when I made a move toward dating. One girl told a couple male orbiters that I was the whole package, and she wasn't good enough (though in her case, she did me a favor by standing me up). I don't always get an answer or anything I feel like I can learn and improve from: just disappointment and confusion. How can one resist getting angry, discouraged or apathetic when stuff like that happens? I'm not in a place in my life that I feel much need to stroke my ego by hooking up with lots women or maintaining an active bullpen of women so "sleep with lots of women" isn't advice I'm too interested in.

If I have silly sarcastic thoughts like "and sometimes.... throwing every sign at you means I'll run for this hills if you try " isn't a very conducive mindset.
You are spending too much time texting and messaging before meeting. Stop wasting both of yours time and meet up.
 

Ohso-Phresh

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Occasionally, I've been stood up from women who have expressed explicit sexual and romantic intent, and rarely, women have engaged in emotional affairs and have become emotional and intimate, blushy, and jealous of other women, only to slam on the breaks and flee when I made a move toward dating. One girl told a couple male orbiters that I was the whole package, and she wasn't good enough (though in her case, she did me a favor by standing me up). I don't always get an answer or anything I feel like I can learn and improve from: just disappointment and confusion. How can one resist getting angry, discouraged or apathetic when stuff like that happens? I'm not in a place in my life that I feel much need to stroke my ego by hooking up with lots women or maintaining an active bullpen of women so "sleep with lots of women" isn't advice I'm too interested in.

If I have silly sarcastic thoughts like "and sometimes.... throwing every sign at you means I'll run for this hills if you try " isn't a very conducive mindset.
It’s not personal. Sounds like they wanted an experience not a relationship.
 
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