When a chick says "we'll see, I will let you know, etc"

[Glassguy]

Let me start this thread by first saying that in the past if a woman gave me this response to a drink offer, I would either say "Ok", withdraw the offer or simply not respond. I was a firm believer that it always meant a soft "no". Some would reach back out when they saw that I wouldnt chase and others just vanished. No big deal either way.

However, 2 times in the past month I have used myself as a guinea pig and tried something different to see what type of results I could get based on different responses.

First realize that women are extremely emotional and what they decided today could be different tomorrow based on those emotions, how they feel about themselves, etc. I also am a firm believer that women also (and maybe instinctively) say these things if they are attractive and of higher value for different reasons. Reason #1 being they have many different options and reason #2 they want to see how the guy handles it. Its an easy way for them to screen out guys who are needy and insecure from the guys who really dont care and are outcome independent with an abundance mindset. Both reasons lead to the same result.

So I will throw out the latest scenario:

I have known this chick through social circles for a couple of years. We briefly messaged at the onset 2 years ago and I invited her out for a drink. She told me that she just was in and out of a relationship with a guy and wasnt really up for it at the time. My response was "no problem". I didnt pursue and things died off quickly. The second time she was super flirty on fb messenger and as soon as I made the drink offer she danced around it and I felt like I failed the availability trap.

She is the type of person that will like the stuff I put on Fb, IG, etc but I never reach out anymore. 31 yr old, never married, no kids and she has a grad degree and is currently pursuing her doctorate in the medical field. Smart and very attractive, likes to drink and have fun.

So anyhow I posted a pic of me doing something on IG last week. She likes the pic and sends me a DM:

Her: Nice pic.....looks like you had fun
Me: Yeah it was a blast. Cant wait to do it again
Her: Well keep me in mind. I would like to try it.
Me: I remember getting my hand burned on that stove twice and I dont think I want to touch it again
Her: For the record it was just always bad timing when you asked me out
Me: Maybe its best to keep that in the undetermined file. I did my best to get the princess off her throne but to no avail
Her: STFU it seriously was just bad timing
Me: I am not really looking for anything serious as I just got through dating someone and I am super busy. We could always meet up and grab a drink or two.
Her: Sounds good. I dont see any harm in grabbing some drinks and having a new friend
Me: I am free Friday evening but I cant stay out late because I have something going on Saturday morning
Her: Ok we'll see. I am supposed to study with my clinical partner Friday night but I;m not sure yet
Me: If you already have plans then lets not worry about it and I will hit you up later on and we can try again then
Her: Ok lmk
Me: Let you know what?
Her: When you are free
Me: I just told you this Friday at 8. Thats when I am free to meet up with you. If that doesnt work, I dont know when I will be free again. I have other things going on this coming weekend that I am not going to move around
Her: Can I let you know tomorrow after I talk to my study partner in class tomorrow morning?
Me (the next day): I changed my mind about Friday. I am definitely not interested in meeting up for drinks as friends but I am interested in meeting you, grabbing a few drinks and getting to know you better. We are both adults so lets cut through the bullshyte and either make a date Friday or not worry about it. I am free at 8. Let me know if you're in or out

So then this chick starts blowing me up.
Her: I want to meet up. I talked to my study partner and told her that I have plans and we would have to get together some other time this weekend.


We met up Friday, grabbed a few drinks and she brought up several times how most guys will blow her phone up for days if she tells them she will get back to them. She pointed out that she is extremely busy working in the medical field and also taking doctorate classes. One thing led to another, back to her place afterwards and she might end up being an extremely good plate with LTR potential down the road.

She clearly identified me as not one of the typical guys that asks her out because I got to the point, cut through the bs and gave her a take it or leave it offer. It put her on the spot to accept the offer or see my backside.

I argued alot with @guru1000 and @backseatjuan a while back about pursuing chicks who pull the friend card, we'll see, I will let you know, etc. I expanded beyond my typical structure that has yielded me good results in the past to see what would happen with this chick. I have know this chick for a little while so this wasnt a cold approach by any means and I am not sure this would ever be as effective on a cold approach. I figured if she showed up to grab drinks my personality and frame would take over and it seemed to do the trick.

Many times a woman is on the fence, busy, etc and for whatever reason things dont work out. I dont believe in talking someone into something because it leads to flakes and cancels. At the end of the day if she canceled on me the day of the date I would have not been shocked and would have simply made other plans.

But she wouldnt get an emotional spike out of me either way. I am the type of person that doesnt care to take chances but I also have no problem saying deuces and moving on. I dont think its bad that you take a chance on a chick that you're interested in but you have to be super careful how you go about it and how you frame it when they dance around the offer.

I hardly think this would work on every situation when a woman says "maybe, we'll see, I will let you know" but this time I was very direct and matter of fact that I dont have time for the BS and its a take it or leave it offer and it paid off. I made my intent clear and was fine with the outcome either way.

Women will give indirect shyte tests if you will like this to see how you handle it. Handled the wrong way (being butthurt, needy, get mad) and you sealed your fate. Handle it by being a man and being clear in what you are after and you have somewhat of chance on shifting the odds and gaining the imbalance of power.

Just food for thought.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

"Maybe"
"Probably"
"We will see"
"Ill try"
"Possibly"

Are all th3 same thing. A babe really feeling you values the connection alot and cannot wait for the next connection.

With those carrot dangles just withdraw the offer as glassguy says. Id back out of communication and leave the ball in her court going forward. Spend time on babes who are trying to get to you.

 

[backseatjuan]

 

[Robert28]

Let me add that this applies with women you’re dating or in relationships too! This doesn’t just mean when you first meet them and are getting to know them. I thought when I was dating a girl and she used these lines that it meant something else. I was very wrong. When you start getting these lines you know it’s the beginning of the end.

 

[Johnwic11]

I handle this super poorly. I handle the non "no" rejection whether poorly. usually cause I know I'm going to not talk to them again more than likely.

 

[Who Dares Win]

In 2019 anything which is not an enthusiastic YES sounds low interest to me.

Still there (both in real and online) is some poor dumbass who see a girl putting obstacles or creating hassles as a "serious girl" which is testing your intention.

An interested girl wouldnt do anything that could potentually p1ss off, confuse or push away from her the man she wants.

 

[AttackFormation]

In 2019 anything which is not an enthusiastic YES sounds low interest to me.

Still there (both in real and online) is some poor dumbass who see a girl putting obstacles or creating hassles as a "serious girl" which is testing your intention.

An interested girl wouldnt do anything that could potentually p1ss off, confuse or push away from her the man she wants.

I can't think of a single time a high interest girl has said or done things like "I'll let you know". Personally I would not have the patience to do what Glassguy did, I'm glad it worked out for him but I would rather miss out on potential sex (whatever really) than deal with this sh!t. My peace of mind is worth way more than some sex. Once you reach a certain amount of experience, it's just not worth it anymore to even bother because you know what a high interest girl behaves like ("Hi AF I know it's late but can we meet?" - sure sweetie/yea sure/all right a short time, where are you? - "I'm at X" - ok, meet me at Y/ok, I'll be there in so much time - "Okay ") and if you don't get that, you won't waste your energy.

 

[Alvafe]

my guess is he pulled it ok, since it was not a cold aproach and he already had tried before plus she is 31 single, her clock is yelling, she knows she don't meet and work on something now it will be ****ing hard later, even more with the doctor pursue

she already kown him and his status, with should be pretty good, then he called on her for blowing him off twice and then he pin her down on a certain time, like take it or leave it

same as most here I would have just ghost on her and made other plans, because serious i have little patience from people who can't decide, but then we also know woman are never be direct, balance is the key

 

[jaymbrs]

There's an obvious history between you two. So as you pointed out, the "we'll see" response is moot in this case, especially since she reached out to you. You gave her a "this is the last time we're doing this" type of response and she took you seriously this time. Either way you had to play the cat and mouse game to get to this point.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Rotations keep you good. You wont use alot of time on babes who arent putting out.

 

[Kotaix]

This is pretty interesting. I have to say the way her actions changed instantly when you told her you're interested in being more than just a friend tells me that the himming and hawing was (and is) just a **** test to see if you had balls to call her out on it. It's pretty good evidence of how much women want to find a manly man who will lead the way.

This has worked for me in the past. Women will feign an emotion, be it reluctance or anger, and will be live on as they never had the emotion the minute you pass their **** test.

 

[Epic Days]

I think the “no friends” did it. Before that she was just playing.

 

[Robert28]

Now, to throw another monkey wrench into the discussion, I have had “I’ll let you know” turn into a definite date. This is rare however. To me “we’ll see” is worse than I’ll let you know.

 

[guru1000]

“Only pursue high IL” —Antidump
“Protect your heart” — Antidump

I love the guy but it’s time these Sosuave axioms are buried.

Any action that originates from ego and not desire is not serving you —Guru1000

 

[RickTheToad]

Too much drama Glass Dude. I just say no problem and cut off contact. Some reach out later, others do not. Fine by me anyway. I cannot really handle more than two or three ladies at a time. It's come to a point, at least for me, sex is even becoming boring with the ladies. I am much happier doing my MMA and working than spending time with ladies these days. Maybe it's a phase. Doesn't matter how hot either. Very strange. All the pvssys feel the same to me these days. Though, some have amazing head skills. Jesus.

 

[jaymbrs]

Too much drama Glass Dude. I just say no problem and cut off contact. Some reach out later, others do not. Fine by me anyway. I cannot really handle more than two or three ladies at a time. It's come to a point, at least for me, sex is even becoming boring with the ladies. I am much happier doing my MMA and working than spending time with ladies these days. Maybe it's a phase. Doesn't matter how hot either. Very strange. All the pvssys feel the same to me these days. Though, some have amazing head skills. Jesus.

Agreed on all counts. My current gf even commented that she likes that I'm not sex-hungry and I can actually enjoy doing other things. I think it's a good thing to break free from that.

 

[Roober]

I learned this early and agree it's the right approach. I would always think to myself, "anything other than a yes is a no".

So, it typically went like this

Me: let's meet at xxx on Friday at 8.
Her: 'i'll let you know
Me: if you cant commit, we can try again some other time. (Or a similar variant)

It usually followed with a "I want to see you" or something similar. This also typically resulted in quality dates. I would usually try again the next week or week after if I was super busy. This method worked nearly every time I used it.

When a woman fails to commit completely, she is usually waiting for something better to come along. A man should make it clear that his time is valuable, and he has plenty of other things to do than wait around for a woman. If you appear to have value, she wont risk that you may be going on a date with another woman.

 

[Glassguy]

Too much drama Glass Dude. I just say no problem and cut off contact. Some reach out later, others do not. Fine by me anyway. I cannot really handle more than two or three ladies at a time. It's come to a point, at least for me, sex is even becoming boring with the ladies. I am much happier doing my MMA and working than spending time with ladies these days. Maybe it's a phase. Doesn't matter how hot either. Very strange. All the pvssys feel the same to me these days. Though, some have amazing head skills. Jesus.

2 is good 4 women is max for me. I understand the comment about too much drama, but keep in mind that it literally took me maybe 5 minutes of texting to extend the convo, cut through the bs and get to the point and then show up to the date. Surprisingly it was a very good date with great convo (well me keeping it going by asking questions to what she was saying) and then sex followed when I told her I would follow her back to her place for a night cap.

She has been blowing up my phone since and you know what I have done? Only responded to her texts when I get time.

Doesnt seem like such a huge investment in a world where finding one chick that is compatible for a rotation is not only tough but try lining up 4 good ones.

my guess is he pulled it ok, since it was not a cold aproach and he already had tried before plus she is 31 single, her clock is yelling, she knows she don't meet and work on something now it will be ****ing hard later, even more with the doctor pursue

she already kown him and his status, with should be pretty good, then he called on her for blowing him off twice and then he pin her down on a certain time, like take it or leave it

same as most here I would have just ghost on her and made other plans, because serious i have little patience from people who can't decide, but then we also know woman are never be direct, balance is the key

Typically I vanish on the spot to never be heard of again if a chick doesnt enthusiastically agree to drinks. This time I thought WTH and decided to go another route to see if an extra swing of the bat would lead to meeting up. It did this time, but I probably wouldnt make a habit of it. Due to me knowing her and spinning wheels before (and her reaching out) I figured why not. It panned out this time but I will only do this on a situation basis when my gut tells me to do so.....not all the time.

Calling her out was probably the "act now or go away" to her. Obviously I have met and had conversations with her while out with my social circle so it probably didnt come across as such a hard @ss as one would read it. Her knowing my fun and social personality transitioned that better but at the end of the day it was more or less me saying "agree or go away".

I think the “no friends” did it. Before that she was just playing.

She was feeling it out. Maybe I was a 6 in her eyes and being so blunt about it raised her interest. I never act butt hurt and I never have a scarcity mindset (both text and in person) so she probably realized that if she didnt jump on the offer, I would get fed up and not respond anymore.

It's pretty good evidence of how much women want to find a manly man who will lead the way.

True. Its a non conscious shyte test if you will. I dont think they even realize they do it sometimes. She understood quickly that I didnt really care about the shyte test and its either a yes or no.

Had she said "no thanks" and I would have just responded with "k" and trust me, that ship would have sailed. She could have texted me "I am drunk, come fvck me" in 2 weeks and I would not have responded because in the back of my mind I would feel as if I say "ok" she would instantly find a reason to pull back.

Now, to throw another monkey wrench into the discussion, I have had “I’ll let you know” turn into a definite date. This is rare however. To me “we’ll see” is worse than I’ll let you know.

It is rare. Thus I wont be doing it on a regular basis. I dont get "we'll see, I will let you know, maybe, etc" very often but if you approach enough women you wont be everyone's cup of tea. Thats ok, it is what it is.

With this one I also took into consideration our one on one interactions while seeing each other while out with our social circles. She has also been out with a group of friends and I boating several times, once on my boat.


Here is the real kicker: when we were out last week, I showed ZERO fvcking emotion over her. My goal was just to go out and have fun. Her showing up was just someone there to see how things went with. No expectations at all. It seemed like the more she saw that I wasnt going to start using kino, give her special treatment and treat her like a princess, the quicker she was to start touching my arm, then brushing our legs together, etc.

By the time we were leaving I said "You know its been fun but I shouldnt drink anymore. That being said we should probably definitely drink some more but I dont want to drive home from town. Lets go to your place and continue the conversation over another drink or two". No hug.....no kiss. She stood there dazed like she couldnt figure me out. I followed her back, we made a couple of drinks and I am not sure that we ever drank any of them before she was all over me.

Like I said, women are very emotional and there is no one size fits all when it comes to how to grab drink dates and close the deal. I would consider myself a higher value guy and I have certainly had plenty of dating experience and I would value myself at being very good with women. That being said, the better you get with women you realize that you have to treat each one the same yet different to achieve the results you want. There is no magic bullet and when you get very good with women, your game and attitude change with the conditions just like a good sales person can adjust to the customer on the fly.

 

[RickTheToad]

2 is good 4 women is max for me. I understand the comment about too much drama, but keep in mind that it literally took me maybe 5 minutes of texting to extend the convo, cut through the bs and get to the point and then show up to the date. Surprisingly it was a very good date with great convo (well me keeping it going by asking questions to what she was saying) and then sex followed when I told her I would follow her back to her place for a night cap.

She has been blowing up my phone since and you know what I have done? Only responded to her texts when I get time.

Doesnt seem like such a huge investment in a world where finding one chick that is compatible for a rotation is not only tough but try lining up 4 good ones.


Typically I vanish on the spot to never be heard of again if a chick doesnt enthusiastically agree to drinks. This time I thought WTH and decided to go another route to see if an extra swing of the bat would lead to meeting up. It did this time, but I probably wouldnt make a habit of it. Due to me knowing her and spinning wheels before (and her reaching out) I figured why not. It panned out this time but I will only do this on a situation basis when my gut tells me to do so.....not all the time.

Calling her out was probably the "act now or go away" to her. Obviously I have met and had conversations with her while out with my social circle so it probably didnt come across as such a hard @ss as one would read it. Her knowing my fun and social personality transitioned that better but at the end of the day it was more or less me saying "agree or go away".


She was feeling it out. Maybe I was a 6 in her eyes and being so blunt about it raised her interest. I never act butt hurt and I never have a scarcity mindset (both text and in person) so she probably realized that if she didnt jump on the offer, I would get fed up and not respond anymore.


True. Its a non conscious shyte test if you will. I dont think they even realize they do it sometimes. She understood quickly that I didnt really care about the shyte test and its either a yes or no.

Had she said "no thanks" and I would have just responded with "k" and trust me, that ship would have sailed. She could have texted me "I am drunk, come fvck me" in 2 weeks and I would not have responded because in the back of my mind I would feel as if I say "ok" she would instantly find a reason to pull back.


It is rare. Thus I wont be doing it on a regular basis. I dont get "we'll see, I will let you know, maybe, etc" very often but if you approach enough women you wont be everyone's cup of tea. Thats ok, it is what it is.

With this one I also took into consideration our one on one interactions while seeing each other while out with our social circles. She has also been out with a group of friends and I boating several times, once on my boat.


Here is the real kicker: when we were out last week, I showed ZERO fvcking emotion over her. My goal was just to go out and have fun. Her showing up was just someone there to see how things went with. No expectations at all. It seemed like the more she saw that I wasnt going to start using kino, give her special treatment and treat her like a princess, the quicker she was to start touching my arm, then brushing our legs together, etc.

By the time we were leaving I said "You know its been fun but I shouldnt drink anymore. That being said we should probably definitely drink some more but I dont want to drive home from town. Lets go to your place and continue the conversation over another drink or two". No hug.....no kiss. She stood there dazed like she couldnt figure me out. I followed her back, we made a couple of drinks and I am not sure that we ever drank any of them before she was all over me.

Like I said, women are very emotional and there is no one size fits all when it comes to how to grab drink dates and close the deal. I would consider myself a higher value guy and I have certainly had plenty of dating experience and I would value myself at being very good with women. That being said, the better you get with women you realize that you have to treat each one the same yet different to achieve the results you want. There is no magic bullet and when you get very good with women, your game and attitude change with the conditions just like a good sales person can adjust to the customer on the fly.

No doubt, but you have more patients than me. These NYC b!tches are a handful.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Great post. I've never had a girl reach back out who previously gave me the maybe treatment, but it's cool to see how your holding frame and never chasing paid off over a long period of time. I usually withdraw the offer as you did, but, one thing I know you tend to do is invite women along to things you're already going to. Isn't it difficult to do the take-away if you've framed the offer like this? By that I mean, if I say, "Let's meet for drinks at 8pm Friday" and she says I'll let you know or any variation, I'll do the take-away and it makes sense. But if I say, "I'm going to a friend's house party this Friday at 8om. You should come with me." If she says, "It sounds fun! Let me get back with you later in the week with a more solid answer," I can't really withdraw the offer smoothly in this case because I'm already going anyway, she knows this, and it would look/sound strange. I'm already going.... What's the difference if she goes or not?

I only bring it up because a month and a half ago I had that exact experience with a girl from the outer bands of my social circle (inviting to something I was already doing and told her that). All I said to her LMGBWY was, "Ok sounds good," and I never heard back from her nor did I reach out again. She still likes half my FB pics and I ran into her just last week while I was walking down a sidewalk holding hands with a tall hot blonde I've been seeing. I'd be lying if I said that didn't feel nice lol.