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Subcommunication: Girlfriend's guy friends

Nordic_identity

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I am currently in a 10 month LTR. Everything has been going swell besides a few minor bumps and the relationship affection slowing down after exiting the honeymoon stage.

My gf has always had various guy friends but never really hung out with them outside of work/school. However, suddenly a few weeks ago started to hang out with her guy friends while I've been at work. I have no reason to believe she's cheating or doing sketchy things with these friends but I do wonder if this could be a subcommunication that her initial spark of attraction for me could have faded and she's trying to use these hang outs as a way to persuade my attention.

I can add more details if need be but could anyone reference ways in which I can reignite the spark between us despite the complacency and monotony that comes eventually in a LTR?
 

BackInTheGame78

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Perhaps she is getting comfortable in the relationship and no longer thinks it is an issue if she does? Or maybe she is waiting until you put your foot down
 

Black Widow Void

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Depends on the environment.

Gay guys = acceptable behavior
Orbiters = emotional cheating behavior

Never demand more that you're willing to offer.
Would you feel morally just (if in a relationship) hanging out with other women that fawned over you?
If the above answer is "no" then you are every bit within your rights.
 

FlexpertHamilton

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If a girl in a relationship is hanging out with exclusively guy friends, 99% of the time that means she's up to no good. She either wants more attention from orbiters for validation or is prospecting for potential monkey branches. I would do the opposite of trying to "reignite" the passion, since that would be rewarding her for ****ty behavior. I would suggest you try employing some dread game, and actually be willing to walk away if she continued doing this.
 

Lookatu

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Is she ok with you hanging out with female friends? Have you guys discussed that before?
 

Nordic_identity

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Perhaps she is getting comfortable in the relationship and no longer thinks it is an issue if she does? Or maybe she is waiting until you put your foot down
There's some more details I probably need to provide but I actually did put my "foot down" so to speak. However, this resulted in me coming off as insecure and jealous.

Basically, the gist is there's a 10 year age difference in her and I. She's 18 and has some friends left over from high school. I briefly met the group of guys one day as they were visiting her at her coffee shop job. When I walked in they acted as though they couldn't talk much to me and seemed a bit intimidated with me being much older and dating a girl within their peer group.

My girlfriend went over to a get together at one of the guy's parents house while I was at work on a Saturday recently which I had no problem with but when I got off I was heading back home and told her I had just off. She told me she had been drinking and needed to sober up for a bit. I asked if I could swing by and hang out, have a few beers, and chill. She said that the guy whose house they were at didn't like people swinging by. I said "but I'm your boyfriend" and she immediately texted back that I never let her hang out with her friends and that it's only "one Saturday". I knew I had probably shown some jealousy with the boyfriend comment so I just said "oh no, it's no worries, just sober up and be safe". She then said it was really more to do with his parents. I didn't text her for the rest of the time and when she was coming home she gave me a call. This is where I should some insecurity and pressed her on why I couldn't have just come to hang out especially with my girlfriend drunk around a bunch of dudes. She said she wasn't the only girl there and that she doesn't understand why I'd be so worried. She said that the real reason the guy didn't come by was because I was "too old" and would be hard for all the younger friends to relate to. I asked if she vouched for me and she said yes. We continued to argue about it and I finally calmed down and said for her to forget about it, and that I was just a little concerned not because I don't trust her but that I can't trust a bunch of guys I haven't gotten to know to be around my drunk girlfriend.

However, since this event she has been bringing up the guys a lot and specifically the guy whose house they were at. She says nothing but positive things about him.

Yesterday, I was driving home from work and gave her a call. I was telling her I was gonna go for a walk and asked what she was up to. She said she was hanging out and I asked where and she paused and then said the guys house with the other guys. She asked if I wanted her to come walk with me and I said that she'd be welcomed to but that there was no pressure. She said it was too far to drive and that maybe tomorrow she'd walk with me. I said that's fine and hung up.

After that conversation I felt I really might be about to get dumped by her so I felt the only thing I could do was employ some dread game and not text, call, or snap chat her until she does.

I went on my walk. Didn't look at my phone for two hours and saw 3 texts, a snapchat, and a phone call from her. In these messages initially she said that she was just too tired to walk tonight and was just going to go home after she left the guys house. However, since I didn't reply for an hour she called me when she was leaving. When I didn't answer and hadn't opened her snap I think she got nervous I was pissed so she tried calling me. When I didn't answer she sent me a text that she was just trying to call me and see if everything was alright. When I finally called her I said sorry I left my phone in my truck I had just got done with my walk. She proceeded to ask me where I went for my walk and where I was at the moment. She seemed worried and then asked if I'd be willing to meet up for a late dinner. I said sure and she was extremely nice to me the whole time.

Sorry for the ramble but those are the rest of needed details to better understand the premise.
 

Nordic_identity

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If a girl in a relationship is hanging out with exclusively guy friends, 99% of the time that means she's up to no good. She either wants more attention from orbiters for validation or is prospecting for potential monkey branches. I would do the opposite of trying to "reignite" the passion, since that would be rewarding her for ****ty behavior. I would suggest you try employing some dread game, and actually be willing to walk away if she continued doing this.
Check out my previous reply. I actually did employ a bit a dread game yesterday with success.
 

Glassguy

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I actually did put my "foot down" so to speak
No you really didnt. Silence and distance is the way to put your foot down, along with having orbiters of your own to start hanging out with at a moments notice. You dont seem to have any women in your orbit, and you didnt use silence and distance

I briefly met the group of guys one day as they were visiting her at her coffee shop job.
She said that the guy whose house they were at didn't like people swinging by. I said "but I'm your boyfriend" and she immediately texted back that I never let her hang out with her friends and that it's only "one Saturday".
So even though you met them, you are a stranger to them according to your gf?
At the 10 month mark I would be damned if I kept seeing someone that was allowed to go somewhere that I wasnt welcomed and it was her that was prohibiting it.

She doesnt want you there. Period.

She has struck interest in a guy her own age and you are on your way out. She is probably already fvcking the guy tbh, but if she isnt, no matter how you react to her actions, she will find a reason to break up with you and will be fvcking him soon enough.

Happy Hunting
 

Glassguy

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Let me add that her not making you welcome to hang out with her and her "friends" was totally disrespectful. And you allowed it by acting like it didnt happen. Weak @ss frame you are showing.

When you allow disrespect it is because of a scarcity mindset. Scarcity mindset means that its basically already over so you might as well start finding new chicks to hang out with yourself.
 

HyenaPrince

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I am currently in a 10 month LTR. Everything has been going swell besides a few minor bumps and the relationship affection slowing down after exiting the honeymoon stage.

My gf has always had various guy friends but never really hung out with them outside of work/school. However, suddenly a few weeks ago started to hang out with her guy friends while I've been at work. I have no reason to believe she's cheating or doing sketchy things with these friends but I do wonder if this could be a subcommunication that her initial spark of attraction for me could have faded and she's trying to use these hang outs as a way to persuade my attention.

I can add more details if need be but could anyone reference ways in which I can reignite the spark between us despite the complacency and monotony that comes eventually in a LTR?
I've seen sh*t like this. If the status quo changes, you're in trouble. You say "suddenly"; that means something changed in her and led her to believe that it's "suddenly" okay to do stuff like that. Trust me, level changes don't happen for no reason. If she didn't hang out with guys before but does so now, she sees you different now.

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't even hint at it. I would immediately leave and only explain why I did so after she asked. Obviously she will say some bullsh*t like "Why are you overreacting?", "you are insecure" or "I promise you there's nothing going on. Come here so I can explain in person". If(!) you pull a move like I just suggested, you have to go through with it 100%! If you come back from that, she will lose any respect for you she had, if she had any.
 

Glassguy

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I've seen sh*t like this. If the status quo changes, you're in trouble. You say "suddenly"; that means something changed in her and led her to believe that it's "suddenly" okay to do stuff like that. Trust me, level changes don't happen for no reason. If she didn't hang out with guys before but does so now, she sees you different now.

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't even hint at it. I would immediately leave and only explain why I did so after she asked. Obviously she will say some bullsh*t like "Why are you overreacting?", "you are insecure" or "I promise you there's nothing going on. Come here so I can explain in person". If(!) you pull a move like I just suggested, you have to go through with it 100%! If you come back from that, she will lose any respect for you she had, if she had any.
She will certainly play the victim no matter how he handles it (which should have been calling up new chicks and hang out with them) from this point forward.

Weak @ss men deal with a victim when the break up happens. Strong framed men dont deal with this. Instead we deal with a woman that we silenced and distanced begging us back.

Big difference.
 

Glassguy

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At the end of the day OP is 28 and she is 18. Did he really think this was going to last a long time? Im surprised it lasted 10 months.

Pvssy is only rented, never owned. Especially in a case like this. Of course this chick is ready to pounce on this guy that is her own age. I would just bounce her @ss.
 

HyenaPrince

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At the end of the day OP is 28 and she is 18. Did he really think this was going to last a long time? Im surprised it lasted 10 months.

Pvssy is only rented, never owned. Especially in a case like this. Of course this chick is ready to pounce on this guy that is her own age. I would just bounce her @ss.
Men are like islands, women are like boats. We build our own sh*t and grow our island in quantity and quality. Women move from island to island to use up the resources and move on to the next one after they're done. Guys, you need to f*cking fence your island and install a high security system, so no ho* can infiltrate your valuable fortress!
 

HyenaPrince

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Or those same strong men ("Winky winky" (not naming no names due to sensativities....)
Come on SS and make butthurt threads about the old flames that hurt them lol
And are still thinking about them. Fake fcking ppl.

OP break up with this girl and tell her you want some time for yourself and refocus. She will be back and then plate her.
Well, the problem with those typa guys is not that they're butthurt, but that they're completely unresponsive to advice and attempts to help. Sad, truly.
 

Nordic_identity

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Everything y'all have said I completely agree with and I was already in acknowledgement of but just needed the validation and affirmation of it.

I feel if I want it to continue I do need to be very careful, show no insecurities, and operate dread with radical independence from her.

However, I do understand she may have already cheated or in the very least got very close to it. Just for curiosity sake, say she did cheat, I regain her desire and attraction and I notice this by her not hanging with these dudes as much or at all. Is it common that women would feel enough guilt to notify me of the the cheating. Like would she let a relationship continue forward with us and never admit to it?
 

FlexpertHamilton

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Is it common that women would feel enough guilt to notify me of the the cheating. Like would she let a relationship continue forward with us and never admit to it?
Women are not righteous. There might be the 1/100 woman who admits to cheating out of guilt, but most of them will do it without feeling any guilt at all and won't think they've done anything wrong.

I'd look for other girls and get them in your rotation. Of course, by doing this she might come crawling back to you again anyway, up to you how to proceed from there.
 

Lookatu

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Everything y'all have said I completely agree with and I was already in acknowledgement of but just needed the validation and affirmation of it.

I feel if I want it to continue I do need to be very careful, show no insecurities, and operate dread with radical independence from her.

However, I do understand she may have already cheated or in the very least got very close to it. Just for curiosity sake, say she did cheat, I regain her desire and attraction and I notice this by her not hanging with these dudes as much or at all. Is it common that women would feel enough guilt to notify me of the the cheating. Like would she let a relationship continue forward with us and never admit to it?
Dude, just bang the hell out of her while it's still your turn and treat every bang as your last. In the mean while, start looking for other prospects. It's really that simple at this point. No need to hamster it to death like a girl.
 

Nordic_identity

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Dude, just bang the hell out of her while it's still your turn and treat every bang as your last. In the mean while, start looking for other prospects. It's really that simple at this point. No need to hamster it to death like a girl.
I agree. And that's what I plan to do. I don't think she's cheated just yet but I don't think I'd really know. I don't know if there would be signs?

But my objective going forward is to hard **** her as much as possible, get all the kinks I want to have with her out and start cold approaching girls while hitting up some old flings.
 

HyenaPrince

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Everything y'all have said I completely agree with and I was already in acknowledgement of but just needed the validation and affirmation of it.

I feel if I want it to continue I do need to be very careful, show no insecurities, and operate dread with radical independence from her.

However, I do understand she may have already cheated or in the very least got very close to it. Just for curiosity sake, say she did cheat, I regain her desire and attraction and I notice this by her not hanging with these dudes as much or at all. Is it common that women would feel enough guilt to notify me of the the cheating. Like would she let a relationship continue forward with us and never admit to it?
Those types of thoughts shouldn't even flow in the realm of your mind. What?! What did you say?! "Just for curiosity sake, say she did cheat"?! and "I regain her desire and attraction"?! Are you serious?! For the sake of my love for cracking a case and crime stories I chose to crack this (sad) one.

When a woman cheats, she does so because she's not attracted to you anymore, because she doesn't fear/respect you anymore and because she doesn't see you as the man anymore. If we ignore nymphos for now, it is safe to say that women solely cheat for emotional reasons. This means that she might stay with you afterwards for a short period of time, but it won't even be worth the effort because you won't enjoy this sh*tshow of the remains of a relationship.

She might never admit it, so she remains holy in her opinion. Women have a weird way of seeing right and wrong.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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There's some more details I probably need to provide but I actually did put my "foot down" so to speak. However, this resulted in me coming off as insecure and jealous.

Basically, the gist is there's a 10 year age difference in her and I. She's 18 and has some friends left over from high school. I briefly met the group of guys one day as they were visiting her at her coffee shop job. When I walked in they acted as though they couldn't talk much to me and seemed a bit intimidated with me being much older and dating a girl within their peer group.

My girlfriend went over to a get together at one of the guy's parents house while I was at work on a Saturday recently which I had no problem with but when I got off I was heading back home and told her I had just off. She told me she had been drinking and needed to sober up for a bit. I asked if I could swing by and hang out, have a few beers, and chill. She said that the guy whose house they were at didn't like people swinging by. I said "but I'm your boyfriend" and she immediately texted back that I never let her hang out with her friends and that it's only "one Saturday". I knew I had probably shown some jealousy with the boyfriend comment so I just said "oh no, it's no worries, just sober up and be safe". She then said it was really more to do with his parents. I didn't text her for the rest of the time and when she was coming home she gave me a call. This is where I should some insecurity and pressed her on why I couldn't have just come to hang out especially with my girlfriend drunk around a bunch of dudes. She said she wasn't the only girl there and that she doesn't understand why I'd be so worried. She said that the real reason the guy didn't come by was because I was "too old" and would be hard for all the younger friends to relate to. I asked if she vouched for me and she said yes. We continued to argue about it and I finally calmed down and said for her to forget about it, and that I was just a little concerned not because I don't trust her but that I can't trust a bunch of guys I haven't gotten to know to be around my drunk girlfriend.

However, since this event she has been bringing up the guys a lot and specifically the guy whose house they were at. She says nothing but positive things about him.

Yesterday, I was driving home from work and gave her a call. I was telling her I was gonna go for a walk and asked what she was up to. She said she was hanging out and I asked where and she paused and then said the guys house with the other guys. She asked if I wanted her to come walk with me and I said that she'd be welcomed to but that there was no pressure. She said it was too far to drive and that maybe tomorrow she'd walk with me. I said that's fine and hung up.

After that conversation I felt I really might be about to get dumped by her so I felt the only thing I could do was employ some dread game and not text, call, or snap chat her until she does.

I went on my walk. Didn't look at my phone for two hours and saw 3 texts, a snapchat, and a phone call from her. In these messages initially she said that she was just too tired to walk tonight and was just going to go home after she left the guys house. However, since I didn't reply for an hour she called me when she was leaving. When I didn't answer and hadn't opened her snap I think she got nervous I was pissed so she tried calling me. When I didn't answer she sent me a text that she was just trying to call me and see if everything was alright. When I finally called her I said sorry I left my phone in my truck I had just got done with my walk. She proceeded to ask me where I went for my walk and where I was at the moment. She seemed worried and then asked if I'd be willing to meet up for a late dinner. I said sure and she was extremely nice to me the whole time.

Sorry for the ramble but those are the rest of needed details to better understand the premise.

This is good detail. I think some of the people shiitting on you in this thread didn't read it. Your dread game worked to an extent since she was all of a sudden 'worried' about what you did when you were unavailable and where you were at that exact moment. Then wanting to meet up for a late dinner was to check to see if you smelled like a girl or showed any other signs of having been around one.

She's trying to have her cake and eat it too. I think it's a mistake to hit up old flings and cold approach while you're still technically in a relationship. Just foster social circles that allow you to talk to hot women easily. Be friendly but platonic with these new girls. Network, socialize, but only fuuck your girl while you two are together. This will keep the intimacy intact and give you some confidence in putting your foot down even more so with her, since you'll have backup plans pretty much lined up.

Work out, charm her effortlessly, and charm new girls(platonically but flirty to keep them online). Your girl needs to understand that if she doesn't start acting right that you're gone. The best way to say this is with your actions not your words. Get her worried by growing in your personal social life and see how she responds. Does she want to spend more time together or does she push you further away? Polarize her.

Whatever you do focus on making your decisions and actions appear effortless. This gives off a very powerful vibe, like you're untouchable, like nothing bothers you. Appearing effortless and being ruthless at the same time is what makes men appear like gods to women.
 
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