Why wives are the dominant paretner in American culture today

[evan12]

I live in Canada but it seem in north America a lot of husbands live under their wives instructions , they do what their wives want and they let their wives control the financing (big mistake in my opinion ) and they dont mind to get some direct or indirect insults from their wives
so why what ?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

evan12,

This broken backbone, type of matrimonial experience doesn't start with marriage. It actually just ENDS in marriage. The slippery slope of LOSS of masculine leadership begins during the dating/relationship period as men allow their spines to be removed from them----one disk at a time------by being to SCARED to let the word "No" be heard coming from out of their mouths.

Now, this is not to say that all men are in this weakened condition or that all marriages fit this description. There are segments of the male population that enjoy great marriages with very sensible, feminine women who are willing and able to allow their husbands to assume their proper positions in the relationship.

Notice I used the word "allow" because no man can be a leader in ANY type of relationship unless that woman he's with "agrees" that he SHOULD be the one to lead.

Anything short of that is not leadership-----it's DICTATORSHIP. And dictatorships tend to generate more enemies than allies. Divorce courts and GRAVES are full of men who chose the dictatorship style of relationship leadership as opposed to the "free will" kind of leadership with the women they were in relationships with.

Men are more happy in relationships and marriages that are actual COALITIONS of the willing.

It can be a very unhappy, unsettling, DANGEROUS thing to marry someone-----or STAY married to someone who doesn't respect your leadership.

To do so is indeed tantamount to SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY.


V.U.

 

[Colossus]

Notice I used the word "allow" because no man can be a leader in ANY type of relationship unless that woman he's within "agrees" that he SHOULD be the one to lead...

Men are more happy in relationships and marriages that are actual COALITIONS of the willing.

Great take on leadership, and the TRUTH. I just had a discussion with my gf this morning about leadership and "pants-wearing", which didn't go over as well as I had hoped because she saw it as being bossed around by the other person (the man).

I tried to explain to her that it is not a dictatorship where one person gets their way all the time, rather an agreement between two people on where to delegate decision-making. Perhaps I need to stress more that it is a team agreement rather than an executive crackdown.


On the subject though, I find a lot of relationships have what I would call "delegated leadership". In other words, the husband may have lead on finances while the wife may have lead on household matters, and this works for many people. For example my grandparents, married 30-some years, have it worked out where my grandfather manages finances and has final say on such matters, and my grandmother has near-total control over the house and day-to-day activities; i.e. what goes where and where they go each day.

Now I'm not saying this is ideal, but most relationships have some variation of this. To simplify it even further, I would say that 99% of ALL relationships---married or not---have a dominant and submissive partner. That whole "50/50" thing is an illusion. Any couple that tries to operate under this premise will find themselves in a constant power struggle.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Colossus,

I agree. The illusion of the PURE "50/50" relationship is shattered the moment SOMEONE has to make a command decision to break a stalemate over something that pertains to the relationship.

I've found that women who respond BADLY to men assuming the leadership role in the relationship are those who either are too brainwashed by feminism gone OVERBOARD--------Or, they've seen too many examples of some men who marginalize their women by treating them disrespectfully under "the guise" of trying too hard to be "The MAN" in the relationship.

True masculinity RARELY has to blatantly throw it's weight around to impress women who really do RECOGNIZE and RESPECT positive masculinity.

 

[evan12]

That whole "50/50" thing is an illusion

I think so, usually couples that say 50/50 are the woman in charge but just cant say that

 

[samspade]

Great take on leadership, and the TRUTH. I just had a discussion with my gf this morning about leadership and "pants-wearing", which didn't go over as well as I had hoped because she saw it as being bossed around by the other person (the man).

I tried to explain to her that it is not a dictatorship where one person gets their way all the time, rather an agreement between two people on where to delegate decision-making. Perhaps I need to stress more that it is a team agreement rather than an executive crackdown.


On the subject though, I find a lot of relationships have what I would call "delegated leadership". In other words, the husband may have lead on finances while the wife may have lead on household matters, and this works for many people. For example my grandparents, married 30-some years, have it worked out where my grandfather manages finances and has final say on such matters, and my grandmother has near-total control over the house and day-to-day activities; i.e. what goes where and where they go each day.

Now I'm not saying this is ideal, but most relationships have some variation of this. To simplify it even further, I would say that 99% of ALL relationships---married or not---have a dominant and submissive partner. That whole "50/50" thing is an illusion. Any couple that tries to operate under this premise will find themselves in a constant power struggle.

This is one of those dynamics where women will agree in practice but not always verbally. That is, a woman might say she sees a relationship as 50-50, but of course she prefers you to be in control most of the time. This is societal though - today's American woman doesn't want to appear "weak" in front of her friends lest she be shamed as old fashioned or worse.

But just like a good manager delegates decisions and gives credit to subordinates where due, a man in charge should give his woman some domain. Your grandparents are a good example, and I'd bet most housewives have domain over the day to day household stuff - because they take care of it and know best what to do. If my wife ever asked me if we should switch to a new laundry detergent, I'd tell her to buy the one she wants because I trust her judgment there. That's because she does the laundry 80% of the time. If you're confident in your own decision-making and leadership, you can share it without relinquishing the pole position in your marriage/LTR.

 

[speed dawg]

I think so, usually couples that say 50/50 are the woman in charge but just cant say that

I like to think of it as 100/100 instead of 50/50.

 

[Colossus]

This is one of those dynamics where women will agree in practice but not always verbally....If you're confident in your own decision-making and leadership, you can share it without relinquishing the pole position in your marriage/LTR.

Yeah and this is the conclusion I'm coming to, and it has been this way with almost all the women I have dated. They want you to decide for them---where to go at night, what to do today, where the relationship is headed, etc. They WANT to be led; just not TOLD they are being led. This is the societal schema that permeates almost every North American woman. They associate male leadership with domineering, unfair, unilateral decision-making....but their actions say they want to be led. Ever dated a woman who didn't reply with "whatever you want to do" to almost all activity queries? I haven't.

I think the tougher nut to crack is explaining to them the concept of male leadership, and it may just be better to act with confidence and forget the verbal definitions in most cases.

 

[Burroughs]

Yeah and this is the conclusion I'm coming to, and it has been this way with almost all the women I have dated. They want you to decide for them---where to go at night, what to do today, where the relationship is headed, etc. They WANT to be led; just not TOLD they are being led. This is the societal schema that permeates almost every North American woman. They associate male leadership with domineering, unfair, unilateral decision-making....but their actions say they want to be led. Ever dated a woman who didn't reply with "whatever you want to do" to almost all activity queries? I haven't.

I think the tougher nut to crack is explaining to them the concept of male leadership, and it may just be better to act with confidence and forget the verbal definitions in most cases.

100% agree

lol unfortunately this schema is a recipe for disaster starting with the most insidious of western women personality traits....PASSIVE AGGRESSION..

women deep down want to be lead but consciously fight men tooth and nail till the day they die because of feminist/government implanted lies...honestly this is a non starter....women simply need to do as they are told by men and shut up, simple...another reason why my Indian scientists do so well, they are nerdy and dorky but their wives (some of them 8-9s) obey the indian potbelied dork PHD scientist with complete obedience...so the marriage works...in the west our constant push pull females lead to fractures that cannot be mended and never should have existed to begin with

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

Although I miss being single some days I guess this reenforces why I stay with my significant other. She is the small percentage of the female population in the USA that follows a man's lead without question. Whatever I say is what we are doing. She is submissive in public and private. At times she offers her opinion but it's only ever a suggestion that I either accept or reject. I could never live with the average American female attitude of entitlement and superiority.

 

[5string]

Not true in my marriage. I have control. Always will. Not that she is a slave or anything, but it's understood that I have the final say. It's a traditional marriage and we both understand this. It works as a result.

 

[Colossus]

100% agree

lol unfortunately this schema is a recipe for disaster starting with the most insidious of western women personality traits....PASSIVE AGGRESSION..

women deep down want to be lead but consciously fight men tooth and nail till the day they die because of feminist/government implanted lies...honestly this is a non starter....women simply need to do as they are told by men and shut up, simple...another reason why my Indian scientists do so well, they are nerdy and dorky but their wives (some of them 8-9s) obey the indian potbelied dork PHD scientist with complete obedience...so the marriage works...in the west our constant push pull females lead to fractures that cannot be mended and never should have existed to begin with

The Indians really have a lot figured out with their gender dynamics. I actually love Indian people for this reason; that and they are usually very peaceful and respectful. I did my pediatrics rotation in an Indian clinic here in Delaware and there was SUCH a contrast between the Indian kids and the American (white) kids. They were so smart and well-behaved. The non-Indian kids tended to be brats, but it may also be a socioeconomic thing. Most Indians here are employed in IT, and the 'locals' tend to be marginally educated and poor.

 

[Lexington]

The Indians really have a lot figured out with their gender dynamics. I actually love Indian people for this reason; that and they are usually very peaceful and respectful. I did my pediatrics rotation in an Indian clinic here in Delaware and there was SUCH a contrast between the Indian kids and the American (white) kids. They were so smart and well-behaved. The non-Indian kids tended to be brats, but it may also be a socioeconomic thing. Most Indians here are employed in IT, and the 'locals' tend to be marginally educated and poor.

It used to be that way in our own society as well even as recently as a few decades ago. Give it a generation and I'll be that a lot of Indian marriages will begin to resemble American ones.

 

[ebracer05]

This is one of those dynamics where women will agree in practice but not always verbally. That is, a woman might say she sees a relationship as 50-50, but of course she prefers you to be in control most of the time. This is societal though - today's American woman doesn't want to appear "weak" in front of her friends lest she be shamed as old fashioned or worse.

That's awesome advice. Pook made allusions to this sort of dynamic, particularly in his "********" essays. He was also very adamant that women do not respond well to logic as it is more of a masculine concept, but rater respond to feeling. To that point I'll say this - I've never logically reasoned a girl in to having sex or becoming involved with me... but I have made many feel like doing so. If you want to be the leader in a relationship, I think it's much better just to be the leader than to have some sort of conversation establishing it. Even when you look at great leaders in history... Napoleon, Bismark, Washington, and even evil leaders like Hitler and Stalin... these guys didn't ask the military permission to start issuing orders or have the public vote them in to a position of power (at least at first). They just led.

Despite feminism's grip on society, I still really believe that at heart, women are still women and men are still men, regardless of how they act. I also believe it takes a man for a woman to fully reach her feminine potential. Women say all sorts of things they don't mean for so many different reasons that don't matter we could waste our lives trying to figure it out and never arrive at a meaningful conclusion. We've also established that in general, what a woman says is irrelevant compared to how she acts. And if you assert positive masculinity in her life, unless she more of a tyrannosaurus than a woman, she will respond.

But just like a good manager delegates decisions and gives credit to subordinates where due, a man in charge should give his woman some domain. Your grandparents are a good example, and I'd bet most housewives have domain over the day to day household stuff - because they take care of it and know best what to do.

More great words! Too many guys give a woman too much a domain. Fewer guys don't give the woman any domain. In a way, it's almost like dealing with a child. My grandmother had a nephew who had some mental handicap, mild autism maybe. And she spent a lot of time watching him because she was the only one he would behave for... and why did he? She had a game she let him play called post office, and what she would do is keep all of her junk mail for a week or 2, give it to him, and have him organize it. He felt important and thought it was great... and most of all, he behaved and she got the very best out of him.

I don't think women are mentally retarded or anything like that, but I think there is a valuable lesson to be learned here. There are reasons why women have traditionally taken care of the household while men worked, and they aren't evil. If you consider Plato's forms, they just happen to fit the form of a "man" and "woman" best.

A good leader knows they're subordinates and if he is good, knows where they will function best. Learn your woman, if you care about her, and find where her sphere should be. Give her a certain amount of responsibility and give her plenty of positive reinforcement when she does a good job.

Things like that - that's acting as a leader. If you can do that, the need for conversation is irrelevant.

 

[The Duke]

Thats some good advice ebracer.

It makes me wonder what women do to make relationships better?

 

[Colossus]

It's not about me asserting dominance. It's not about her need to feel like an equal. It's not about the 50/50. It's just a mixture of responsibility, trust, consideration for one another and space that has worked out well for the both of us so far.

Good post and well said.

 

[Boilermaker]

I like to think of it as 100/100 instead of 50/50.

I don't know what that means.


Do you?