When is an appropriate time to start a conversation?

[squirrels]

I'm thinking the DJ answer would be, "Any time you feel like it." But then I've heard all this crap like, "Wait until she makes eye contact before you start a convo" and such. You know, that's great for the average girl, but some women just don't make eye contact, don't smile, i.e. they're NOT LOOKING for a man at that moment. Especially the hotties.

So if I see a girl I want to get to know, as long as she isn't too enormously preoccupied with something, I should just go say "Hi," right?

I dunno. Somehow waiting for eye contact or a smile before I speak seems like waiting for permission...I don't need to wait for permission, do I?

 

[aguynamedwill]

when its not rude

i don't think you should wait for eye contact. I often practice saying hi to women who clearly are not looking at me at all. The response ratio is 50/50.

I think its best just to be aware of the situation and not do it at a time when she will feel rudely interrupted. Like if you're in a bar, and she just got there. Give her some time to get comfortable.

But other than that, yeah I'd say whenever you want. If you don't, she might be gone forever.

 

[Bonhomme]

Just as Will says

When it's not rude.

But if you can find a good "opener," e.g., something going on at the time that's a good conversation starter, all the better.

There's one guy on fastseduction whose main technique involves looking for good openers, and making the most of them.

 

[drZaius09]

I have always felt that it is downright INAPPROPRIATE to walk up to a strange woman you've never met and start a conversation, unless you have some legitimate business that requires attention. And just to clarify, getting a piece of ass is NOT considered legitimate business. Flame me all you like, but society has conditioned you to pay no attention to the comfort of others, making this kind of behavior acceptable and even encouraged. That doesn't make it any less discourteous.

 

[suavedave]

eye contact

just go and do it, dont want for anything in particular ... if u like her, approach her.... ask some questions, etc. try it.

 

[Walden]

Zaius WTF?!?!?!?!? Multiple exclamation marks to you!

In our society people are trained to be shy. It sucks. genuinely friendly people who are able to start conversations make the world a friendlier and more pleasant place for all of us to live in.

If you want to meet a girl, go up and make polite , friendly conversation (there's about a billion threads on how to do it).

If you wait for eye contact you will wait a very long time. Every sexual and romantic relationship I ever had , required me to go talk to a chock without getting eye contact. And this was with chicks who liked me !!!

I start conversations with beautiful women without any 'business' literally every day . I also start conversations with anyone else around me and it makes the world that much more pleasant a place to be in.

Squirrels the appropriate time is "any time you feel like it" I'd go further and say that if you are near someone for longer than 30 seconds it is good manners to start a conversation.

 

[Knicknack]

what exactly are you doing on this forum drZaius09? i've never heard something so illogical on a dating forum of all places.

 

[drZaius09]

You people can do whatever you like. I merely pointed out that it is rude to approach someone (male or female) and start talking to them with some quasi-familiarity that only exists inside your own head. You can never know whether a woman is receptive to your sexual advances, and it's not your place to just assume that she is. The way I see it, if I'm making someone uncomfortable then I feel uncomfortable. Have you ever thought that some of your approaches make the woman feel uncomfortable? I've seen it hundreds of times-- the woman squirms in her seat, desperately grasping for a reason to leave your presence, but you continue to run your mouth off, oblivious to her uneasiness. Excuse me for respecting the space and boundaries of others, just as I would expect others to do for me.

This isn't about being a "DJ" or an "AFC," this is about basic civility.

 

[am4591]

drZaius,
How do you meet people? The whole idea is to strike up a conversation with her while at the same time making her comfortable around you.

 

[The Professional]

If you are a good conversationist you should be able to make the people you talk to feel comfortable. Unless they're the kind who just don't like talking to people, then it's not your problem anymore, but theirs.

For example the other day at work, a customer(young punky looking guy) came to my register to purchase some items, and addresses me by my name. I was a little surprised, even though he probably just read it off my name tag, he pronounced it correctly(I have a somewhat unique name). He then started a conversation with me, asking about how I like my job and etc. Then when he left, he used my name again bidding farewell. It was just small talk, but the guy was so confident that it seemed like he was someone I knew well. An old friend I've forgotten? It was pretty strange, because I don't think it was anyone I knew, but his total comfortability while talking made me doubt my own memory.

Conversing is more than just running your mouth off. Aren't you suppose to be trying to get the other person to talk more anyway? And if they're not reciprocating to your attempts, maybe it's because they just don't like your ugly mug.

Seriously though it never hurts to start conversations with people. If it doesn't go well, so be it. But if it does, who knows what it can lead to?

 

[Walden]

Yeah exactly Pro, if the girl is uncomfortable it's because you're f***ing it up.

In which case you leave (or in my case , smile , turn around and trip over the nearest peice of gym equipment).

HOnest;y DZ I used to think like you until I got out of my shell and actually got talking with people...

 

[matius]

drZaius09- how about some methods that have worked for you then? Why are you leaving everyone high and dry here when they're learning how to meet new women?

 

[Doppler4000]

Approach someone- say more than "Hi". Have a plan. Make an observation and know how you're gonna follow it up (this all comes with practice). See what sort of response you get, if they're receptive then you're in a conversation. If not, wish them a good day and make your exit. It is not rude, by any means, to be friendly and social- as long as you're respecting the person that you're approaching. If you do that, you're never gonna be in a situation where you're making someone "squirm in her seat". You might even make their day!!

 

[Bonhomme]

Signals and openers

It's not just a matter of going up to someone and talking with them "out of the blue," so to speak.

If there's an "opener," make the most of it. Saturday I was out at a club, and a gal walked in wearing a Catholic schoolgirl's uniform. A bit later, I saw her, but she didn't have on the uniform. So, I just said "weren't you wearing a Catholic schoolgirl's uniform earlier?" She confirmed that, I razzed her a bit for not keeping it on, and we chatted a bit. Nothing came out of it, but this illustrates a good opener.

Often when a gal's dressed in a sharp or unusual way, I'll use that as an opener.

If there are no good openers, I'll just smile at any gal who interests me. If she smiles back, I'm in.

Obviously, if a gal signals you first, you're in. Keeping up a sharp, distinctive appearance and being a good dancer are 2 things that can get a lot of gals signalling, or even out-and-out hitting on you.

 

[suavedave]

quaqsi familiarity

Originally posted by drZaius09
You people can do whatever you like. I merely pointed out that

So how do you approach...? By the sounds of things, you only go out with chicks you are introduced to, etc.

 

[syncronic]

Originally posted by drZaius09
You people can do whatever you like. I merely pointed out that it is rude to approach someone (male or female) and start talking to them with some quasi-familiarity that only exists inside your own head.

How do you know? its only rude if you're being rude or asking rude querstions. If you talk about something they're interested in and you're polite most people will not think its rude.

Originally posted by drZaius09
You can never know whether a woman is receptive to your sexual advances,

Wrong again. I've known time and time again that a woman was receptive to my advances. If you really pay enough attention and look for the right signs then you will know shes interested.

Originally posted by drZaius09
and it's not your place to just assume that she is.

Well its not your place to assume she isnt then is it? Just like its not your place to assume that someone thinks its rude of you to just have a conversation with them.

Originally posted by drZaius09
The way I see it, if I'm making someone uncomfortable then I feel uncomfortable. Have you ever thought that some of your approaches make the woman feel uncomfortable? I've seen it hundreds of times-- the woman squirms in her seat, desperately grasping for a reason to leave your presence, but you continue to run your mouth off, oblivious to her uneasiness. Excuse me for respecting the space and boundaries of others, just as I would expect others to do for me.

This isn't about being a "DJ" or an "AFC," this is about basic civility.

you must be a bad conversationalist for your experienced to give you this conclusion. You also must not be very good at paying attention to the little subtle details females give when they're interested. I've never thought my approaches make woman uncomfortable because i almost always know they're interested before i even engage in a conversation. If you're a good DJ then the woman will not squirm out of the conversation because you're smooth and creative enough to keep it interesting. If just talking to people is so rude how do you even have a social life?

 

[Zebedee]

If a woman doesnt reciprocate eye contact with you then she probably aint interested, eye contact is a good way of narrowing down who you are likely to succeed with. Get good eye contact and if she smiles walk over it is as simple as that.

 

[mrRuckus]

I have always felt that it is downright INAPPROPRIATE to walk up to a strange woman you've never met and start a conversation, unless you have some legitimate business that requires attention. And just to clarify, getting a piece of ass is NOT considered legitimate business. Flame me all you like, but society has conditioned you to pay no attention to the comfort of others, making this kind of behavior acceptable and even encouraged. That doesn't make it any less discourteous.

If you can't handle talking to people in public do not go into public. You are a member of society and you damn well better act like it.

Society hasn't conditioned me for sh1t. I always think of people's comfort often at cost to myself. I'm so damn worried about others being comfortable that it becomes shyness where I'm so dang worried about other people being happy or unannoyed at me that I don't want to open my mouth and "bug them."

Let this sort of thing be women's problem. I wish I could just sit there and have women just walk up and talk to me and immediately know they're attracted to me on some level. It'd be grand to have the problem to have to tell women i'm not interested in them. Geez of all things to ***** about for a woman... boo hoo!

"walk up to strange woman you've never met."

Oh yeah? How do you meet a person if you don't talk to anyone who is a stranger?

 

[mrRuckus]

I've seen it hundreds of times-- the woman squirms in her seat, desperately grasping for a reason to leave your presence, but you continue to run your mouth off, oblivious to her uneasiness.

She can do like the rest of us.

1. Some equivalent of "Please go away." "sorry i'm not interested."
2. Walk away.


Squirm around and do nothing... only women get away with that crap and people think of them as victims but they LET themselves be victims. If you don't do anything to help yourself you get what's comin to you. What goes through a woman's mind? "i think i'll squirm and act uncomfortable and he'll go away!" How many other times has she done this same thing and have it not work? Probably lots. Definition of insanity.