The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Rxnxg]

1 Day NC - It's not really my first day, since I've been not talking to her or answering shortly since around 1 week ago, so far she messaged me everyday. But yesterday she didn't say a word.

I guess she replaced my attention with another guy's, kinda feels bad and sad that she took such little time to replace me, but so far I feel OK. I guess after all I deserve better than a person that can replace you in 1 week or just wants attention.

 

[dustmuffin]

ex texts me "im not ghosting you"

thats it.. nothing else in the text.

and why should you care? You are done with her. Move along.

 

[dustmuffin]

1 Day NC - It's not really my first day, since I've been not talking to her or answering shortly since around 1 week ago, so far she messaged me everyday. But yesterday she didn't say a word.

I guess she replaced my attention with another guy's, kinda feels bad and sad that she took such little time to replace me, but so far I feel OK. I guess after all I deserve better than a person that can replace you in 1 week or just wants attention.

I know how you feel. It happened to me. Move along. Find other girls. Don't fixate on your ex.

 

[Tecton]

Broke 43 days of NC
Want her back!

I need some advice asap guys.. My gf left me 50 days ago, and ignored my texts after that and even blocked me. So I've gone no contact for 43 days. I want her back though...

So when I saw that she has unblocked me on Facebook, I wrote to her today... Actually I was just going to see if she would respond..... Since she totally ignored me for some days before I stopped contacting her and going NC.

I said
"Hey there *name*"
And then 1h later I sent "there's something important, can we take a walk on Monday 16:00?"
Me trying to say something that she's too curious to ignore. But it was not smart enough hahah

4h later she said "what's important? I've moved on"
How do I go from here? I only said that to see if she would respond lol... Now I'm stuck.
Idk, I think I am overthinking it.. But why would she unblock in 1st place and then later respond , if she "moved on"?

I'm thinking about letting some time pass before responding, to make her more curious and hopefully maybe she says something more.. If not, I was thinking about covering up the lie with something like "that's not what I meant. It's something important that I can't take on text"

Help a lost bro out lol

 

[Rxnxg]

Broke 43 days of NC
Want her back!

I need some advice asap guys.. My gf left me 50 days ago, and ignored my texts after that and even blocked me. So I've gone no contact for 43 days. I want her back though...

So when I saw that she has unblocked me on Facebook, I wrote to her today... Actually I was just going to see if she would respond..... Since she totally ignored me for some days before I stopped contacting her and going NC.

I said
"Hey there *name*"
And then 1h later I sent "there's something important, can we take a walk on Monday 16:00?"
Me trying to say something that she's too curious to ignore. But it was not smart enough hahah

4h later she said "what's important? I've moved on"
How do I go from here? I only said that to see if she would respond lol... Now I'm stuck.
Idk, I think I am overthinking it.. But why would she unblock in 1st place and then later respond , if she "moved on"?

I'm thinking about letting some time pass before responding, to make her more curious and hopefully maybe she says something more.. If not, I was thinking about covering up the lie with something like "that's not what I meant. It's something important that I can't take on text"

Help a lost bro out lol

"what's important? I've moved on"
Even if she's lying you should respect her and respect yourself, just take time away from her (being close to her or talking with her you will not be able to close the wounds.)
That's my opinion, I think you should focus on being happy, not being dependent, cause that's what you are right know.

 

[finality]

Reached out one last time. Tried making plans tonight and she said maybe tomorrow. Then I tried making plans for tomorrow and she said she might be going out of town and will let me know lol.

I dunno.. last week we were making plans to get a dog together and what we would do on here birthday and her interest level now is less than 50%.

Obviously another guy popped in the equation for her to go cold this fast. Probably she was flirting for weeks with him and then when we had a fight she monkey branched. I didn't talk to her for 3 days after the fight and then when I did everything was different.

I won't reach out again, lesson learned. I've already embarrassed myself enough but the mind plays tricks on you and you make up things that are simply not there.

I think part of the problem is my last gf before my current ex was a borderline. So a lot of break ups, manipulations and then back together like nothing happened.

My current ex also broke up 3 times only to get back together a few days later. I honestly thought this would happen again this time. Normally if I reached out she wanted to be with me and would say it. This time it's just radio silence and me chasing.

Maybe part of the issue is me? I always break up with women early in the relationship only to get back a few days later. It's kind of about control I guess.. or I need to drama of the highs and lows.

Unfortunately there wasn't enough emotional roller coasters in this relationship for her to have a huge attachment to the relationship. I didn't bang her the last 3 weeks I was with her because I was flatlining from nofap. I told her we needed to talk and told her that I don't like that she is so closed sexually... I mean she is a pleaser.. lots of head, loved giving rim jobs ect... but she had to **** with the lights out... wouldn't walk around naked, was very self conscious of her body.. when I broke up those issues in regards to things I don't like about her she just walked out and that was that.

i believe i touched on one of her insecurities and hit her at a profound level. I believed this likely caused her to lose trust in me as she now associates that breach of intimate protection with me.

Or maybe the other guy just fuks her a lot better.

As doc love says .. look at the actions. Literally zero indication that she wants to be with me st this point. I would like to get back together with her.. she was a good women and I cheated on her..she didn't know but I was sleeping with someone the past 2 months. I regret it very much. Her guy was probably going off like crazy durning these times as I likely had a change in my patterns and wasn't totally present with her when we spent time together.

I'm not going to lie, this women I feel like I love her, would like to have kids with ect. She did a lot of really nice things for me, the only thing I didn't love was the sex with her.. when you date a borderline it's hard to compete but I'm a man that wants a family one day and I will no doubt look at this one as the one that got away.

All I can do now is NC. It's what she wants and it's what I need to get over here. Her birthday is on Friday. I'll want to wish her a happy birthday but she would just send it to the trash bin anyways.

day 1

 

[Charmaine]

4h later she said "what's important? I've moved on"
How do I go from here? I only said that to see if she would respond lol... Now I'm stuck.
Idk, I think I am overthinking it.. But why would she unblock in 1st place and then later respond , if she "moved on"?

I'm thinking about letting some time pass before responding, to make her more curious and hopefully maybe she says something more.. If not, I was thinking about covering up the lie with something like "that's not what I meant. It's something important that I can't take on text"

Help a lost bro out lol

She said she had moved on, which means whatever you thought was important might not be important to her any more. She probably unblocked you because she had moved on therefore no longer had the need to have you blocked.

 

[Tecton]

Thanks for your advice. Appreciate it, even though I already know that..

But now that I already put myself in this situation, I want to do my best for last attempt.
What would you do in this situation?
Say if you absolutely HAD to get this girl back, say u would win $1B.

I know you'll say "I would move on" but let's skip that advice for a minute

 

[Charmaine]

But now that I already put myself in this situation, I want to do my best for last attempt.
What would you do in this situation?
Say if you absolutely HAD to get this girl back, say u would win $1B.

I know you'll say "I would move on" but let's skip that advice for a minute

If I were the girl and I had not moved on and still wanted to get back together, I would have accepted your invitation to take a walk, but instead, she told you she had moved on and tried to get you to tell her what was important in text so she didn't need to go out with you again.

If you still want to try one more time, perhaps you could reply to her something along the line of "Please come to <location> on Monday 16:00 and you will find out."

 

[Tecton]

text

Thanks mate

 

[Carpathian]

If you want to talk to her, call her and tell her that and have a time and location in mind. No more texts.

If you are overly anxious thinking about this, then you are not in a position to dominate her in the face to face.

Were I you, I would give it 60 days of NC, and I would block her during this time. What will happen when you block her is you will allow yourself to focus on you and improve yourself.


She said she feels lost. Only you can decide if she's worth suffering for, but it will cause you real pain if you hang on with this girl.

^^^This.
People always ignore this because somehow, they feel that their relationship is somehow different to mere ordinary relationships. It hardly ever works second time round. Anyone who thinks differently is fooling themselves.

 

[Carpathian]

Deleted her from social media and then sent one last text that I thought I deserved better than a ghosting. Bye.

No contact day 1 boys

Dude, that was a major mistake. Your last correspondence will leave her thinking of you negatively, like she was the main focus of your life and you had no other options. You do not want her thinking that, even if she was. Bad move. You want her thinking positively of you during your absence and NC, whilst she is alone with her thoughts, even if you have no contact again for another year or two. You should have left her thinking of you in a positive light, not like someone who felt jilted. You would have done that by telling her you want to work at things but if she doesn't then to call you if she changes her mind. Then go NC straight away, like a man with value, a man who is not going to take being treated like a second class option. That would have got her thinking about you after a few weeks and potentially reaching out with the correct intentions. Even if she didn't, had you met her in the mall or store in a year you would have been on much stronger ground with her.

What's done is done. Do not reach out to her again man.

 

[resilient]

60 days NC complete!

Feels awesome to make it this far without once caving in. No drunk text, no whiny "I miss you, blah, blah, blah" text. I deleted the Instagram app. I allowed myself to look online once but that was it. It's been a solid two months of moving on. I had a weird incident that happened to me the other day. I was leaving this massage place at dusk when I walked by this wax beauty store. I looked through the window and saw this woman standing in a white summer dress with her back faced towards me at the check out counter. She had the same hair style, color, and skin color as my ex with tattoos on her shoulders as well. I had to do a double take to realize it wasn't her, but it was a weird gestalt perceptual experience. Very strong and on the eve of 60 days NC.

I still have zero plates, but I have two HBs that are interested. One of them texts me often and has been trying to get me to meet her places. I've been busy like hell hitting the gym. I've gained 15 pounds of muscle. I don't look depressed anymore and my face doesn't look boney the way I was at 136 pounds.

I bought an electric and acoustic guitar that I practice daily on and attend weekly lessons. When I'm stressed about life, school, work, dating, etc. I pick up the guitar, read tabs, and let go to relax. It's an amazing feeling.

I started/joined the NoFap June challenge to rebuild self-control and goals. As I said in the thread, NoFap isn't giving me mystical wizard powers and could be a "placebo" effect, yet I think the process does help me overall.

So for the guys above or maybe lurking and not posting, do yourself the favor and commit to the 60 day NC challenge. Resist the temptation to reach out and bug her on social media or texting. Let the ex go, heal, move on, and meet new women.

You will never know how your life can move forward and better yourself if you continue to ponder "what if" or pining over the ex.

You never know, you may just find someone better.

Stay NC.

 

[Rxnxg]

@Everyone.

After not answering to all the stuff about games or random stuff that she send me trough skype, she just messaged me right now "Hey <name>", do you think I should answer?

Seems like the only honest attemp of talking to me that she had in the last days

 

[attic]

@Everyone.

After not answering to all the stuff about games or random stuff that she send me trough skype, she just messaged me right now "Hey <name>", do you think I should answer?

Seems like the only honest attemp of talking to me that she had in the last days

I wouldn't.

Give it a few days, not to respond, but to see how you feel.


There is nothing worth responding to that I see.

 

[MrAddiction]

That would have got her thinking about you after a few weeks and potentially reaching out with the correct intentions.

...why care in which way she is thinking about you and with which Intentionen she is going to reach out? That just brings false Hope to the posters here. A second round will get even worse and let you even more fcuked up after the inevitable next breakup.
Do not use NC to get here back. @Carpathian This is not pointed at you, i know we are on the same page here, but the newbies might get things wrong and have false hope.
60 Days NC does also not means that at day 61 you can start texting her again. The goal is that after 60 days you don't even feel the Need to contact her.

 

[BurningSkies]

This hurts to write.

After a few months of obsessing over her and trying desperately to move on with my life, I deleted her from the last of the social media I still had. I was so in love with her. She has a new boyfriend and they look so happy and perfect together, doing everything we never did. I just knew I could never heal if I kept checking so I told myself to suck it up and push the button.

But I didn't expect to react like this. It's like a full-on panic attack. I'll never see her perfect, beautiful face again. When I think of her, I still see her as my other half, someone I should have been with forever. And I'll never know what's going on in her life again. She's still so much of a part of me and now I have nothing but memories. All I want to do is see her face and I can't even do that. And I'll never be able to again. It feels like a part of me has been ripped out. I feel pathetic, unlovable, and most of all, alone.

 

[resilient]

When I think of her, I still see her as my other half, someone I should have been with forever.

It takes time to re-develop yourself, especially if much of your identity was wrapped up in hers in a co-dependent state of mind. What you both did, where you ate, what movies you watched, who your mutual friends were, vacations your took, the dreams you made. You got the idea.

Now that she has moved onto someone else. Ask yourself what you're going to do with yourself going forward. I don't know how old you are since this is your first post to SS.

Take this time to invest in yourself 100%. Get so wrapped in self-development that you don't have time to focus 100% on one woman. Take up some hobbies, hit the gym, and hang with the bros.

Surprise yourself. Breakups can be the best time to discover strengths in yourself that you may not have known were there. You may have needed a catalyst like her moving on to wake yourself up and get life rolling.

You're not pathetic, you're not unlovable -- you just need some time to heal and move on.

Read my post above today as I just completed 60 day NC. This process works and I'm thankful for going through it and this forum.

Take the 60 day challenge to improve yourself and create a better life for yourself moving forward. You got this.

 

[Rxnxg]

I wouldn't.

Give it a few days, not to respond, but to see how you feel.


There is nothing worth responding to that I see.

How I feel, huh? I guess I'm curious to see what she is trying and feeling, deep inside me there is a small amount of desire of wanting to go back with her. (SADLY)
Also I'm pretty sure that the theory of the "anxiety glass" theory it's not gonna work in that case. Probably not replying her will end in she not messaging me or trying to contact me anymore, and that's good and bad at the same time.

 

[finality]

Day 2. Patience.