The Inner Struggle of the DJ Student

Discussion in 'Don Juan Tips' started by trickynick, Feb 7, 2002.

  1. trickynick

    trickynick Master Don Juan

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    AFC's are men who are fundamentally ignorant of both the mentality required to succeed with women and the attitude which their behaveior reflects. AFCs who begin to understand the defects in their attitudes (but do not yet completely) focus primarily on the behaviors that they think will get them where they need to be with women.

    They are told that they need not to look towards women for validation in their life yet they continue to be discouraged and sometimes even depressed over the failures of their early attempts at DJing and they allow rejections to strike them at the very core of their ego. They are told to be a challenge and to not put women on a pedastal and yet they break down to AFC behaviors after the first few interactions or dates with a woman allowing their prospects to be aware of their feelings and end up posting here telling us they have met the girl of their dreams with whom they want to have an LTR. Sometimes they will even go so far as to post questions like "how do I appear as a challege?" The fact that this question is even being asked implies that the person asking it is not a challenge at all otherwise they would not be asking, they are merely attempting unsuccessfully to mask their AFC attitudes with behaviors they've learned with the hopes that that will get them through a seduction.

    Attempts to hide attitudes behind behaviors will always fail because behavior in the end will always reflect true attitudes. An AFC who is on a date concerned about whether or not he's doing or saying the right thing, not able to stand to keep his eagerness from influencing his actions and scared to death that the woman might reject him and he'll be left lonely as he's always been is nervous and visibly so to the woman. Under these conditions, how can he possibly be expected to maintain his DJ composure as he throws off those slick little neg-hits he read in the tips forum earlier that afternoon?

    Little does this guy realize that the root cause of his problem is his attitude. All he knows are tips and techniques that come across horribly if the person using them is not confident, indecisive and has their self-worth and ego joined at the hip with the outcome of the evening.

    If the guy I just described is you, you don't have to tell us, but man be honest with yourself! You've been told not to be desparate. Are you desparate? Don't post your answer, just ask yourself.

    Becoming a DJ is a long process that develops with experiences over time. Rejection is a stepping stone to success but only if you understand the mistakes you are making and make up your mind not to make those mistakes again. With this attitude how could you not end up a great DJ? And that being the case, what excuse do you have for fear of rejection when you know you will be successful in long run for a fact? Success breeds success and as you have more and more positive experiences behind you, you'll be more and more unstoppable.

    It's not always easy. The question about life is never "is there going to be adversity in your endeavors?", but rather "what will you do when you run into it?" Are you going to be an AFC and give up? Are you going to post here about how much life sucks and how you're a pathetic loser who can't get chicks? You certainly can, but you're not going to like my reply. Or are you going to be honest with yourself about how you screwed up and what you need to change and go find another chick to not do the same thing with?

    Unfortunately, nobody on this board can post anything that is going to give you the true confidence that is going allow you to embrace wholeheartedly the attitude that you need to be successful with women, you have to find it in yourself. We can't go there, we can only point the way. Until you find it, you're not there yet, you're just another guy with "Master Don Juan" under his name.

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    You either own the game or it owns you!



    [This message has been edited by trickynick (edited 03-21-2002).]
     
  2. HitmanPT

    HitmanPT Don Juan

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    Good point trickynick!


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    LaDiEs CoMe, LaDiEs Go...
     
  3. BasicInstinct

    BasicInstinct Senior Don Juan

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    Wow, that is the best post I have read on this board in quite some time. Good post!

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    Always outnumbered, never outgunned.
     
  4. Survivor

    Survivor Master Don Juan

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    Neophyte, if you're still here, this could make a good *preface* or *forward* to the DJ Bible.
     
  5. Don the Legend

    Don the Legend Master Don Juan

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    Very Nice post Trickynick!!

    I agree with Survivor, this would be a great forward to the Bible.

    Legend

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    "As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

    "The key to happiness in your life is "Your Life",... Don the Legend
     
  6. Rebel Leader

    Rebel Leader Senior Don Juan

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    For a beginning student, neither behavior nor attitude is present, so one is faced with a chicken-and-egg dilemma. Does one start by adapting behavior, or by cultivating attitude?

    I've seen this often when tutoring.

    For a student who DOES have some initial familiarity with the concepts I'm presenting, I can guide him through the intuitive leap that takes him from his current knowledge to the deeper knowledge he wants to learn. That kind of guidance doesn't take long, and it's like watching a lightbulb turn on. The student does most of the work with the tools he already has. I just help him arrange the material a bit differently. Relating to the DJ behavior/attitude dichotomy, this is like already having a solid basis in attitude, and taking an intuitive leap to adjust behavior appropriately.

    But for the student who has NO clue where he is or where he is going, but only knows that he needs to learn something because he is confused and lost, a different approach is needed. Relating to the DJ behavior/attitude dichotomy, the student does not have the attitude, and so cannot integrate the behavior.

    Sometimes I have to help him dig back in his experiences until he finds one that he can point to and say, "Yes, there I understood what was going on." Then we have a basis to go forward from. These kinds of personal experiences can almost always be found if we have enough patience, but for strangers posting on boards it's very hard to do.

    Sometimes I use the approach that one does with a child who is learning a new skill for the very first time. I show them first how I do the task. Actually this would be the most effective way to pass along DJ ideas also, but we only have the poor substitute of words, and maybe some movies to emulate. But it is a start to cultivating the elusive thing we are aiming for -- transmitting knowledge.

    The next step is to take the child's hands in mine and move them through the motions they must make to do the task. This is only a behavioral approach -- I help his hands "behave" the way they are supposed to. This is like telling a student to wait a week before calling a phone number. It's only a behavior, but it's something that the student can *do*, it shows concrete progress. It helps establish a good habit, even if the theory isn't understood.

    At the same time I move his hands for the child, I also describe what the purpose of the movement is. "When you brush your teeth, do ten little circles on each tooth with your brush. That brushes the food away from your gums and cleans the scum off your teeth to keep your mouth healthy." He usually doesn't believe it at first and he think I'm just talking to myself, but with enough repetition, he can parrot back to me what the theory is. Then he starts asking why this and why that. That is when he really starts picking up the theory that brushing his teeth helps them stay healthy. Now it is more than a behavior, a mere motion, it is beginning to get structure as an attitude, a way of being healthy in this case. The child starts to believe that brushing teeth is an essential part of starting the day right.

    For the DJ student who starts out clueless, he is told to wait a week before calling, to make the decisions for the date, and to go for the kiss at the end. So he goes through the motions his teachers tell him -- the teachers are moving his hands. No attitude has been established yet, only actions are evident. In fact, the student may not even believe that any attitude change is necessary -- after all, if he just "behaves" right, that is, goes through the motions, then that's all he has to worry about.

    Yeah, his teachers keep yammering in his ear about "take charge, you don't NEED women, CONFIDENCE" but it goes in one ear and out the other.

    But a strange thing happens. One time while he is waiting for the prescribed week before calling, he finds other things to do with his life besides count down the minutes, because it just seemed like such a useless waste of time to sit around waiting. He uses that time to do something else, and when the right time comes, he discovers he hasn't been thinking about the girl for days. What a liberating feeling!

    Then he makes the connection with what his teachers have been yammering all along -- "you don't NEED women in order to have a life" -- and he feels a surge of confidence that he sends through the phone line. Voila. A behavior-come-attitude. The behavior of waiting created a void which needed to be filled by other activity --> other activity took his mind away from obsessing --> lack of obsession created emotional distance necessary for rationality --> rationality is the attitude he needed for success.

    Teachers, your students need your help to move them through the right behaviors until those behaviors create voids which need to be filled with the correct attitude. Meanwhile, keep yammering at them about CONFIDENCE and taking charge. You might think it's going in one ear and out the other, and it is, but when the voids become available, your words will easily slip into place, and new attitude will grow.

    And then your students will tell you all about this new discovery they made about self-confidence, and how it's all in the mindset. How it all clicks together naturally once you have the right attitude. They'll wonder why the teachers didn't stress that in the first place, because behavior naturally springs from attitude.

    And you can just smile and say, "Congratulations, Grasshopper. Glad to have you with us."

    [This message has been edited by Rebel Leader (edited 02-08-2002).]
     
  7. trickynick

    trickynick Master Don Juan

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    Thanks for the reply, RL. I was not suggesting that newbies should not attempt DJing until they're DJ attitude is fully formed, they just need to be aware of it's importance. And they certainly should not allow themselves to question the validity of the DJ principles when their real problem lies in their lack of the proper attitude.

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    You either own the game or it owns you!
     
  8. xniceguy

    xniceguy Senior Don Juan

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    Brava, Rebel Leader!

    Brilliance. Bible, anyone?
     
  9. Nannu

    Nannu Don Juan

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    Thanks Trickynick. This is a very motivating and true post. I think it belongs in The Bible. Well written.
     
  10. Survivor

    Survivor Master Don Juan

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    Rebel Leader - one of the very few females that actually gets it (the DJ concept).

    Excellent response.

    [This message has been edited by Survivor (edited 02-09-2002).]
     
  11. trickynick

    trickynick Master Don Juan

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    I agree, she's the only female poster worth listening to in my opinion.

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    You either own the game or it owns you!
     
  12. Rebel Leader

    Rebel Leader Senior Don Juan

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    [​IMG] Aww, shucks, you made me blush!

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    Live ... Love ... Laugh
     
  13. Amlothi

    Amlothi Master Don Juan

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    Thank you Tricky...Just what I needed tonight [​IMG]

    And RL, very insightful.

    Maybe one day I'll be posting such interesting ideas for young AFCs :p Some day.
     
  14. lordclem*

    lordclem* Master Don Juan

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    i dont know how you will take this but up till that post i had no idea the you were female.your posts were simply clear with varying levels of high insight. this is well cool
    anyway what i really whated to say is that i said sometime ago that the info on the broad needs to be inproved and we need to evolve.and low and behold.
    you three are testment that.the opening post hit me because i recently came out of that fase.so it was abit too familar
    if we keep this up in 50 yrs we will have the power to rule the world if we so choose.

    anyway thanx for the insight

    long live the djs

    backed by momster
     
  15. Rebel Leader

    Rebel Leader Senior Don Juan

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    I'll take that as a compliment, thank you! It means that my writing was unmarked, meaning that it is not marked as "female" writing, and is likely to be taken seriously when people read it. [​IMG]



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    Live ... Love ... Laugh
     
  16. cyclonus

    cyclonus Master Don Juan

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    Bravo RL, [​IMG].
     
  17. Jwheatly

    Jwheatly Senior Don Juan

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    Excellent Reply Rebel Leader... Beautiful..
     
  18. trickynick

    trickynick Master Don Juan

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    You ought to take it as a compliment considering that there are other people whose writing is being marked as female who deny that they are [​IMG].

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    You either own the game or it owns you!
     
  19. Blue Phoenix

    Blue Phoenix Master Don Juan

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    Great!

    Bump!
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2005
  20. Carnegie

    Carnegie Don Juan

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    Loving this man.
     

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