This is a very interesting post. IMHO, I think it’s IL that starts the spark in the relationship and desire that motivates the couple to be together. However, continuing to desire for a new TV will not keep you wanting to have that TV. At one point, a new better TV will eventually come along. Personally, I think it’s experience and maturity that maintain it. For both people to go through all the different variety, knowing full well she is the right one to settle with and committing to her knowing she will also do the same. Or is my dream too far-fetched? True, having commitment is equivalent to trying to own someone. Every time you try to own something, it always end up owning you. But what if, you have added in the mix of desire, commitment, and choice? Choice as in knowing you’ve both gone through the variety, genuinely knowing who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with and content with, and choosing to stay friends with this one partner. But this can only happen if both people agree to it. I had this friend of mine who’s married for 15 years and they look like they really love each other. But underneath it all, she told one of her friends one day how she really want to be able to have sex with another because she wanted to have something different. Not the “same meal every night” she said… It’s in human nature to be selfish. We may or may not be consciously looking for the greener grass across the fence but when opportunities present itself, will our desire prevent us from going for someone else? And to the question of whether a widow should remarry… I think it’s only right for her to be because it’s her happiness too. We can’t stand in the way of someone who is seeking for happiness. Just as we are seeking for our own happiness.