Stability in marriage vs Variety outside of it

[Pandora]

Me and my ex gf always have this recurring debate. She does not understand why marriage does not appeal to me. I tell her that i still have not been with enough hot women in my life. I explain to her that i do not want to get married and then regret not having crazy se*ual experiences with many women. She does not understand how sexual variety is a thrilling experience for men.

She argues that stability is key in life. She believes that men should put aside their desire for sexual variety and try to spice up the relationship with their wife. I try to explain to her that all men get bored sexually in a marriage and it leads to problems. Every young couple i know stop having regular s** about 1 year into the marriage. Surprisingly, its not the girl who does not want to do it. Its the guys who stop wanting it. These wives are very attractive girls (8/10 no lie) that have not gained weight. It leave the young wives feeling undesired or like the guy might be cheating.

I am starting to get pressure for my dad to settle down eventually and have kids in order to carry on the family "name". I respect his desires but i just cant shake that fact that i have not been with enough smoking hot chicks yet. I will not value the stability of a wife if i am always wondering about that hotter piece of a**. How do you married guys handle this.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You might as well be arguing with a Honda salesman, trying to convince him that Toyota makes better cars. Stability is the only real benefit that a man gets out of a marriage (if all goes well), so of course your GF will try to sell you on it, while playing dumb when you speak of the appeal of variety (believe me, she understand this appeal very well).

 

[JoeMarron]

Solution: Open marriage. Have the white picket fence, the kids, the dog, the legacy, companionship, etc. etc. yet still be able to indulge your variety and smash all the smoking hot chicks you want. Of course finding a decent woman to agree to this will be a challenge. I doubt many of the men here are about that life but the guys on this forum delve into the poly relationship lifestyle a lot more

http://www.pua-zone.com/

Like I said in your other thread I feel as if my desire for variety isn't as strong as other men (maybe bullsh!tting myself since I actually haven't had a taste of variety yet). Anyways unless we go the poly route we can't have both. I doubt the desire to fvck other women ever really goes away. Its just a matter of choosing which lifestyle is more beneficial for you.

 

[Epimanes]

Stability is where its at. But you have to find ways to keep the marriage in good condition. Meet eachothers needs. Don't be disrespectful, have angry outbursts, etc to keep yourselves from losing love. People often drift apart and often focus on the kids. So instead of growing together you grow apart and when the kids get older there's nothing left. Find mutually enjoyable activities where you spend quality time with your spouse. Your time with your spouse should be the most enjoyable time. Not saying other stuff you do alone is not enjoyable just saying the MOST enjoyable time should be spent with your spouse so you both associate the joy and experience with eachother.

I could go on but I will stop there. There is just far too many risks these days to be messing around with multiple partners. Not to mention a general lack of care and empathy society has and their focus on instant gratification.

Epi

 

[Colossus]

A few thoughts:

Security (stability) and comfort and pretty much every female's primary life imperatives. Why do you think marriage is a win-win for them? They get the security and stability they crave, with a no-fault clause built in there so they can bounce whenever their needs are no longer met. See, as much as women love to give you the platitudes about their strong, independent nature, and how they don't "need a man", they do. Women are constitutionally weaker, and they NEED some semblance of stability and belonging in their life to feel ok. That's why they hang on to deadbeats, bad boys, and beta herbs all the same---and that's why they often branch swing rather than make a clean break.

Believe me they GET the variety issue, it's just not at the forefront of their minds like it is ours.


Let me tell you a little secret Pandora. Even if you slept with 100 HB 9's, you are STILL going to look at other women after you've been married for a while. It's just male nature. It's not a thirst you can really quench, I think you just learn to focus on your wife. If you are looking at porn every other day and ogling every hot skirt that walks by, of course you will feel unsatisfied. But one ***** is no more magical than another. When I think of the hottest, most pristine female I have ever been with, it still doesn't break the top 10 experiences of my life.

 

[DonGorgon]

modern marriage is no more that a higher risk relationship at the end of which the man loses much more than he would at the end of a regular relationship ... the divorce rate is now around 85% and the infidelity rate is around 99%..

for women marriage is a very lucrative investment that can pay out big at divorce time but for men it just a dismal trap that can kill him

 

[Pandora]

Let me tell you a little secret Pandora. Even if you slept with 100 HB 9's, you are STILL going to look at other women after you've been married for a while. It's just male nature. It's not a thirst you can really quench, I think you just learn to focus on your wife. If you are looking at porn every other day and ogling every hot skirt that walks by, of course you will feel unsatisfied. But one ***** is no more magical than another. When I think of the hottest, most pristine female I have ever been with, it still doesn't break the top 10 experiences of my life.

This is heavy Colossus. Interesting

 

[Pandora]

You might as well be arguing with a Honda salesman, trying to convince him that Toyota makes better cars. Stability is the only real benefit that a man gets out of a marriage (if all goes well), so of course your GF will try to sell you on it, while playing dumb when you speak of the appeal of variety (believe me, she understand this appeal very well).

Yeh bro my ex plays sooo dumb when i try to explain to her the allure of variety. Its annoying man. They tell you that if you want variety that you need to "grow up" or that you are going to be that "creepy older guy chasing 20 yr olds". Or she tries to say that your wife should be able to spice it up in the bedroom instead of you having variety. I told her that there is only so many ways to spice something up after a while.

 

[LiveFreeX]

I'm on of those creepy older guys married to a 20 yearold haha. Yeah thats sort of true that the excitement for sex dies but I feel thats a bit of a strength actually. I was nearly a sex addict when I was in my 20s, hopelessly addicted to PORN/PUA, I realized that I wouldn't get anything meaningful done in my life if all I did was try and fvck new girls every weekend.

The stability, safety and security allow me to concentrate my energy on other things.I found that in a relationship, my sexual needs only arise maybe once a week and I can get them taken care of immedealtely. Old hobbies and interests have re-appeared and I find now that I can focus on engineering and subjects like math and physics, which use to be very difficult for me, with relative ease. I would like to work on the warp drive, space technologies and hopefully give a little back to society. I find that my days are much more productive and I'm earning a lot more money. Infact things that were never important to me before, have suddenly become imperative ie: real-estate, a good place for children to grow up, a better, more stable world. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, dress however I want and women's opinions and feminism don't phase me at all... at least not like they used to. I find that women are constantly looking over in my direction when we are together and I'm getting more attention from women NOW than I ever have before. Probably not a good thing.

Everything in life comes with sacrifice, there is no one right answer, you've just got to figure out what YOU really want out of life and make those choices. As the old saying goes, "you can't have your cake and eat it too".

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Pandora,
From this post and the one about Wives straying,you are certainly not at a stage where you should consider marriage...Your Dad is completely out of order putting pressure on you...There was some truth fifty years ago,that marriage stabilises a young Man...certainly much less true today than then...You are hungry for experience,in my seventieth year so am I...Some people like me should never marry...to talk of open Marriage with a Woman is counter intuitive to them...The best you can hope for is plates on the side,and a wife who turns the other eye...usually that won't happen until there are kids on the scene...Don't involve the state in your affairs by marrying,should you ever receive a mauling from the Family Law Court you will know..It is the most humiliating and painful experience a Man can endure!